“It seems sad to consider what their marriage actually is.”
“It’s up to them what they choose to do with it. Celia decides who she wants to sleep with. I’m here at her invite.”
“Here?” She raised her eyebrows at him.
He answered with a cocky grin. “Okay, I’m next door to you at her invite. Now? I’m just seeing how my nephew’s teacher’s day went. How was Charlie? Any of that hard work paying off?”
Her eyebrows rose and a glimmer appeared in her eyes at Charlie’s name. Distraction. He needed to distract her from how he ended up being there.
“He said he’s been doing it each night. I’m kind of shocked you actually implemented it. I assumed you’d wait and hand it all over to Jack. I mean, I knew Jack would do it, but you? No. Never guessed.”
“I’m not totally an asshole. I get it; my nephew has to pass the fifth grade. I want it to go the best it can for him. So of course, I implemented it.” Shane crossed his arms over his chest in mock offense.
Her eyebrows lowered and she nodded. “I’m sorry. That was judgmental of me.”
“And don’t forget Charlie told Jack about it; and Jack instructed me to get on it,” he finally admitted before nearly smacking his own ass. Why was he confessing to her? Who cared what he did or did not do?
She grinned. “Yes, that sounds more like the scenario I pictured.”
He felt captivated by her smile. It stretched deeply into her cheeks and made her blue eyes crinkle and shine. She went from appearing stern, serious, cool and sophisticated, to almost looking girlish. In reality, there was nothing girlish about Allison Gray’s looks or the way she presented herself.
“So, teacher, you never answered; how was educating your students today?”
She snorted. “As if you cared for a minute how my day was, or if I educated anyone.”
“What about me indicates that I would ever bother with mundane silence fillers? I only ask what I truly wish to know.”
She stared hard at him, then a slow smile blossomed. “No. I don’t suppose you would bother. Okay, my day was pleasant. Nice. One of the better ones. No silly stunts. Or students being particularly aggravating, or downright disturbing. It was just… a regular day. No great revelations or accomplishments, but a solid day for instructing fifth graders.”
Her refined voice and the air of self-confidence she had in her own opinions made her strangely sexy to Shane. It overpowered her looks and kind of called to him. She still wore the red fingernail polish.
“Why be a teacher? What made you choose that as a profession?”
“It just fit.”
“It fit what?” He frowned. Her short, confident answer only puzzled him more.
“Me. My lifestyle, and what I wanted out of life.”
“Wanted? Doesn’t it still?”
She shrugged and her gaze drifted out to her small yard. “At one time, it did. But things always change eventually, right?”
Her voice and thoughts seemed miles away from the little deck they were sitting on. He had no idea where her mind was, or what it meant. “Yeah, I suppose. You seem almost passionate about it. But you’re not?”
She shook her head and faced him. “Oh, I am. Believe me, I really love the kids. You asked why I chose it. At one time, the hours and work fit into what I wanted to study and pursue. It was more of a calling when I first started. Now? Now, it’s just a job. It keeps me busy and mentally productive. But as we expand the curriculum some of the kids get hurt by it. That’s hard to accept. I prefer not to be the one employing methods that might alienate entire groups of kids from doing well in schools. But the ones who can succeed, need the boost, and our entire educational system needs to be more comprehensive. I just wish the funding were there to increase their opportunities while supporting more effectively those that are hindered in any way.”
Shane blinked. She explained her subject and spoke in a rapid exhalation of words. “What the Sam-hell does that mean?”
She laughed as she combed her fingers through her hair and tidied up the stray hairs that escaped her thick ponytail. “It means globally speaking, our students rate far below most other students in public schools for industrialized countries. So pushing them farther gets even harder and is all the more needed for that reason. But in our efforts to achieve that, a fairly large minority of students fail to grasp the work or keep up, which makes their lives a living hell. Those are the things that keep me awake at night. On a larger scale? Many kids tend to fall through the cracks. And once they fall further behind, there is no longer any safety net to rescue them.”
“People like Erin?” he said quietly.
She nodded. “I thought you’d say like yourself.”
“No. I could have done the work if I wanted to. I sometimes did, so I did the assignments. When I didn’t…”
“You didn’t,” she finished with a small smile of understanding.
He shrugged and smiled back. “Exactly. But Erin could not physically do the work.”
Erin had confessed she could not read a few months after she showed up at the ranch. That was three years ago and she still did nothing to change it. Why she refused to learn to read completely puzzled Shane. Why the hell wouldn’t she? Jack often tried to encourage her, but she always refused. It was hard for anyone to understand.
“Erin’s the kind of student I sometimes hate my job over.”
He stretched his legs out and crossed them. “I would have never guessed you could hate anything.”
“Just because I don’t always mention it, doesn’t mean my negative opinions of things don’t exist.”
Chagrinned, he nodded. “Yeah, I might have stereotyped you.”
“No? Really? I never assumed that. Just because one teacher bugged you, that makes us all stupid.” She snorted as she blew out a breath and admitted, “But I stereotyped you too.”
“And… I’m not what you thought?” he asked as he peeked at her from the corners of his eyes.
She smiled. “Oh, yes. You’re exactly what I thought. But there’s also something, kind of, I don’t know, something very likeable about you.”
A grin spread over his face. “Likeable? I’ve had worse accusations to work with.”
She shook her head as a little smile flirted on her lips. She had nice lips. Kind of bow-shaped with a soft, pearly-pink shine on them. He liked it much better than the fuck-me red of her nails. Pink fit her. Soft, sophisticated, subtle, and pretty. He shook his head. A little lip gloss now had him romanticizing Allison Gray?
“So how was your day? I’m sorry. I guess I don’t know what you actually do.”
“I got a shop,” he said squirming around until he found his wallet, which he flipped open. Removing one of his business cards, he handed it to her just to prove he wasn’t lying.
She took it and read, “Rydell Rides” before setting it on the glass table. “Really? I had no idea you did anything.” Then she clapped a hand over her mouth as she shut her eyes and dropped her face down. A blush covered her entire face and neck. He imagined her warm blush and freckles beneath all those pretty buttons of her blouse and sweater… and no! He had to stop fantasizing about her. Back to the present where she was busy insulting him.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
He shrugged. “I fix cars, tractors, and bikes, anything that has an engine, or uses electricity. Sometimes I even build a new ride. I work my own hours, ‘cause it’s my own shop.”
“Still, I had no right to assume anything about you, or not.”
She was really sorry and he sensed her regret. He held her gaze across the small glass table. There was something different about her. Maybe it was her sincerity in how she accepted her life: her job, her neighbors, herself, and now him. She was always genuine and honest in anything she said or did. He had to respect that because honestly, he lacked sincerity in almost everything he did.
“Hell, you aren’t too far off. I’m not even a fifth of how successful I cou
ld be. I half ass my shop. I could do a lot more and a lot better. So… it’s okay, really.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Why don’t I what?”
“Do a lot better if you can? Why wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t—” He almost said know. He truly didn’t know why he chose not to do more, or even try to make it better. Jack and Ian had been hounding him for a decade to do more, and make other improvements. Put in a full five days of work every week. Get more clients. Hire some workers. Run the damn business! Shane didn’t do anything but the bare minimum. “I just don’t. I prefer traveling. I don’t stay around town much.”
“But you always come back? You still have a business?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, sure.”
“Why own a business if you don’t want it? Why not make it a hobby? Or pay people under the table? Why pretend that it’s official if you’re not really interested in pursuing it?”
He had no damn answer. He never really thought it out in such a context before. “Just so Jack will stay off my ass.”
She stared him right in the eye, something not many people did. He shifted around and almost asked her, What? What did she see?
“You don’t kowtow to Jack. Or anyone else. I clearly know that about you. So that can’t be it.”
“Why would you say that?”
Her gaze leveled him and nearly had him squirming around in discomfort. No wonder she was a teacher. If she could make Shane fidget and twist while searching for lame excuses, imagine what she could do to little kids.
“Because you don’t give even an inch of yourself to anyone. Not to Celia. Or Jack. Or even Charlie. No one really gets past your charming, macho swagger. It’s a good cover, Shane. Really, it is. But it fails to mask your insistence on avoiding any lasting connections. Your shop being half-assed is probably just an extension of that. Live free or die trying. That seems to be your motto in life.”
He snorted. “Live free or die trying? Fuck, yeah, teacher. Who’d have guessed you could so clearly get me?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s too much danger in that. I’m not the person who gets you. Nor you me. I mean, look at us. We’re like—” Her forehead wrinkled as she tried to pick a comparison.
He knew what she meant. “We’re like a kitten and a jaguar. Or a puppy and a wolf; or a teddy bear and a grizzly bear, or…”
She picked up her glass and swirled the contents before smiling. “Yes, like any of those. Me being the kitten, puppy, or teddy bear, of course.”
He grinned. “Of course. I’m too damn tough to be anything less than a grizzly.” He didn’t allow his hesitation to give him away. There was something about her cool tone of voice and her obvious intelligence that he found intimidating as hell. Somehow, he knew none of his usual tricks or lines would dupe her. Even if he tried to convince her, which he most definitely did not want to do. No. No way. He wasn’t interested in a carrot-topped, prim, school teacher who had more academic smarts in her little pinky than he had in his entire body.
“Yes, well, I think it clearly shows we’re about as opposite as nature allows. But you know, despite being opposites, you’re kind of freaking interesting.”
She nodded her head and sort of acquiesced. “Well, thank you, and the same to you.”
Even simple statements of normal conversation sounded like royal decrees from her mouth. She was just so damn cool and smooth. He was hot-tempered, mouthy, dramatic, and sometimes, even crass. Yet her even tones and subtle intelligence both intimidated and called out to him. In a way, perhaps a real long stretch of a way, he saw something attractive about Allison Gray. Was it her poise? Or her confidence? Or the kind of closed off way she looked at him? He really had no clue what she thought about, either in general, or about him.
“There’s Celia,” Allison said suddenly after glancing back at the house. He sighed. Yes, there was Celia clad in a thin robe that she clutched around her middle. She was scowling at them. “You should probably get back to her.”
“I should,” he said, still sitting. Slowly, he lifted the beer bottle to his lips and took a long, cool drink showing no signs to get up and leave. All the while, Celia scowled at him before turning on her bare foot and stomping back inside.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Depends? Is it in reference to my lacking a moral compass again?”
“No. Well, kind of. Are you happy?”
He lowered the drink to the table and started rubbing off the paper label. “Am I happy about what?”
“This situation. I mean, I gather she isn’t your only…”
He raised his eyebrows, waiting to see what term she would use to describe his ladies, or his fuck-bunnies, or his pussy palaces, or his… well, on and on went all the entertaining names for his women. Now he was perched on the edge of the seat, waiting to hear what teacher called it.
“…Partner. Celia seems to be one of many. Does being intimate with her in another man’s house do something special for you? Does it make it more of a thrill? Or make you feel like you’re living on the edge since you might get caught? And because it’s illicit? I mean, there must be some kind of gratification you derive from it.”
No. Actually, it didn’t. He stared at Allison, but had no answer off the top of his head. It really didn’t do much of anything for him. He didn’t enjoy the illicit nature of it, because he didn’t try hard to keep it a secret. Celia was decent in the sack, but he’d been with far more experienced women, and younger girls, who were all kinkier, and offered much hotter sex. He never even thought about why he did it; but Celia asked him to, so he did.
She shook her head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business. Really though, she looked pissed off, maybe you should go now.”
He stood up, and his legs pushed the chair backwards on her deck. He held her gaze as he stood to his full height. “I don’t have to go anywhere; and for no other reason except that I feel like it. Celia doesn’t influence a single minute of my life. No one does. No one ever will. If I want to talk to you, I will.”
She nodded, and her gaze seemed cooler. “Fair enough. But your actions affect others. She was upset by your being out here. You should care even if it’s just a little. Human decency, Shane. It’s something you get by showing it to others.”
His gaze held hers. “You have a tough code of ethics.”
“And you don’t,” she countered, retaining his full attention. He didn’t turn and leave, but kept staring at her. Her eyes widened slightly until they became huge. Blue rings framed in dark lashes. She wore a subtle, neutral brown and beige eye shadow that just barely enhanced their color. He saw her long, delicate, freckled covered throat vibrate, as if she just swallowed, and he could almost feel her accelerated pulse. He was crowding her, and she didn’t like it; but she’d be damned before allowing him to see her discomfiture.
He finally smiled a crooked grin and said, “No, I don’t. So quit judging me.”
“If I did that, you’d stop coming over here. Did it ever occur to you, that my challenges to your status quo are what you want from me? Your ethics suck. You know it and you seem to like it. That’s what offends me so much. I’m not sure if it’s because you enjoy being so freaking ornery, or you feel the need to rebel against everything and everyone, or if it’s just to shock and outrage me.”
He blinked in surprise. She really never backed down from him. Even when he gave her his most lecherous stare and got right in her space. He could not intimidate her so he finally backed off. He could have sworn he saw her shoulders bend just a smidgeon as if in relief. And she might have been right. When was the last time anyone asked him to account for his actions? Jack used to, but even he gave up trying to make Shane into anything other than what Shane wanted to be. No one commented or questioned anything he did anymore. He had complete freedom. It was awesome. Who wouldn’t want to live his life? Even women gladly let him get away with the crap he did. He didn’t commit to them, or
call, or even take them out on dates, and still, he had a full stable of tail that he could tap any moment he wanted it. Including Allison Gray’s neighbor. He tilted his head. “Challenge. I’m always up for any new challenge.”
He wondered if she’d catch his double meaning. She shook her head as a small smile crossed her big, pink lips. “Goodbye, Shane.”
He grinned and saluted as he turned to leave. “See ya, teacher.”
When he returned to Celia’s house, he noticed Allison still sat there on the deck. She was not staring at him, or watching him leave, but gazing out towards the river and ranch that filled the horizon. Something dark and contemplative occupied her mind. He was surprised when she so quickly dismissed him. She was kind of an enigma.
He shook his head and entered Celia’s kitchen, deciding it was time to go home. He gunned his bike, despite Celia’s pleas and pathetic bribes to make him stay longer. He had an overwhelming urge to get out of there. Too much clinging and neediness. He wasn’t into that from anybody, for any reason. Even sitting for his nephews, who needed him this past week, almost made him bolt south on the highway and never look back.
Was teacher right? Had he… grown bored with his predictable patterns? Sure, he planned to take off as soon as Jack and Erin returned, although that didn’t excite him too much. It seemed… almost like drudgery. Like the same old-same old. Sure, another bike trip with more adventure and no destination, no plan, and no timeline. Great. Right?
Why then wasn’t the open road calling to him? Home wasn’t calling either. He felt ambivalent about the ranch. It represented everything he could never be. It was a physical representation of all the disappointment he doled out to his old man. And later, to Jack, who took the place in his heart of his old man. Jack was more than an older brother, no doubt, but not quite his father. It confused him.
The questions that Allison posed about his life, his attitude, and ethics, (or lack thereof) kind of stuck in his head. Why did he ever start Rydell Rides, if not to build it up and make it a profitable business? Why couldn’t he just keep doing it as he had been? Now that she pointed it out to him, he saw how ridiculous it was; it didn’t totally make sense.
River's Return (River's End Series, #3) Page 5
