The trellis belonged to their mom and had previously stood at the entrance of the Rydells’ private cemetery. They carefully removed it and put it on one of the small trailers behind the tractor before dragging it up there. Erin spent many hours embellishing it with fresh flowers that she wove in a blinding rainbow of colors. The wonderful scent imbued the air with a natural perfume that was exquisite. The pastor who married Shane’s parents, as well as Jack and Lily, and later, Jack and Erin, stood under it. Shane and all his brothers stood in a line at his left, looking back towards the aisle they had made from nothing. It was pretty spectacular what his family managed to make happen.
He and Allison left the same spot that day and went to her house. Days passed before she could even tell anyone. It was an odd line Shane walked. He was getting everything he wanted and every dream from his whole life was coming true; while Allison’s heart was nearly breaking all over again at the thought of enduring another pregnancy. He held her a lot and she cried a lot. She napped a lot too, which seemed to soothe her nerves. She also napped often because she was plain, old fashioned pregnant.
They finally told his family they intended to marry in two weeks. The ensuing shock that rippled through the ranks was almost comical. Jack and Erin’s mouths dropped open and all words failed them. Allison was too embarrassed and let Shane do the talking while she gripped his hand in a claw-like grasp. He sensed how hard each moment was for her; but still, for him, she was willing to do it. His pride in her nearly made his heart burst.
There were many nights when she could not sleep. On the nights when she could sleep, he sometimes just watched her. It was the only time she looked at peace, and utterly content. He often studied her features while thinking about the things she had confided to him. The pain of what happened inside her body. He couldn’t disagree with her that it was the most horrific fucking thing he ever heard. He was stunned and ached for her. He meant what he said about not expecting Allison to endure another pregnancy again. Not after her body betrayed her and the precious casualty that she lost as a result.
And now, here they were. She was pregnant with his baby by nothing less than a miracle. They religiously used birth control because of her history. Shane was truly incredulous when that happened. He didn’t voice it to Allison, knowing she could not handle his belief, but he felt sure there was something higher at work here. He didn’t know why the first baby died; but he knew the second was a miracle for her, and consequently for him too, one he would cherish forever. He loved the baby now, more than his own life. More than even Allison. So he finally did get the pain Allison described. He finally knew how all-encompassing it was to love a child. It started already. The spark of life was his miracle.
He believed it would become Allison’s too. She just needed more proof. A viable pregnancy, and imminent birth of a healthy baby.
They told Jack and Erin most of Allison’s story as well as their own. He waited for Jack’s banalities: it was all too soon, they should wait, Shane should have been more careful. Instead, much to Shane’s surprise, Jack walked forward and shook his hand while placing his other hand on his shoulder. “You don’t need it, I know, but as your much older brother, I have to admit I’m really proud of you. And happy. I can’t tell you how happy I am about this.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon? Or for the wrong reasons?” he asked Jack quietly so Allison didn’t hear. Shane was still unconvinced that Jack would agree with his choices.
“What better reason is there than love? And a baby on the way? You’ll make sure she is okay. I can’t imagine, after what she’s been through…. Shit. It’s a cruel world. But the way you’re handling this? Stepping up? And the way you love her? I could not have advised you any better.”
Shane never felt like he had Jack’s approval, and used to think he disdained it, and didn’t want it anyway. Jack was so much like his father that Shane subconsciously projected all of those unresolved issues he had with his father onto Jack. A strange thing happened, however, when Shane heard Jack’s words. His entire body relaxed, and a sense of peace filled his heart. “Thank you, Jack. That means a lot to me.” Somehow, Shane felt they had finally solved a lifelong problem that plagued them incessantly in the past, and kept them from being as close as they should have been.
“I always thought it would be you and Ian running this place. Not…”
“You and me? But it is.” Jack slapped his shoulder. Shane and he had been running it for the last few months. “And I really like it, Shane. I never thought I could count on working with you so well. And I’m not sure how I’d manage now without you.”
Shane’s heart burst. He practically felt it. Heat filled his cheeks and undeniable happiness brightened his face and eyes at earning his grown brother’s approval. He nodded. “I’m here now, Jack. And for good.”
Jack nodded back and something deep and private passed between them. There was no need for words; it just was.
Allison witnessed it as she came to Shane’s side. She held his hand and kissed the back of his neck, releasing the tension in his shoulders. He had never felt such a moment of love, and acceptance, and belonging. He was home.
Jack practically moved mountains for him to make the wedding happen as soon as it did. Right there, in the same place that would soon become Shane and Allison’s backyard. It was exquisite in its simplicity, yet breathtaking in its beauty.
For today, however, it was their holy cathedral.
His brothers stood up for him. Kailynn’s two brothers, whom he’d grown up with and were still his best friends, attended the wedding as well. Erin and Kailynn stood up for Allison. Charlie and Ben were there, front and center, although there were only a handful of guests: Allison’s parents, a few colleagues from River’s End, and Patrick and his pregnant wife, Sandy. Shane had already shaken his hand and politely inquired how Sandy’s health was after meeting her. It wasn’t even awkward for him. Shane marveled at Patrick and Allison’s relationship as exes. Perhaps their shared tragedy was why they harbored no hatred, tension, or animosity. Maybe Sandy felt as heartsick for them as Shane did. That would have explained why she was so okay with Patrick and Allison’s ongoing communication and unashamed concern for each other.
Allison was driven to the wedding venue in an SUV with tinted windows. Music came from a portable iPod and speaker. It worked better than expected. The wedding march started and the small congregation turned back to look towards Allison. She wore a knee-length, white dress with some kind of lacy sheath that covered it. Her red hair stood out, bold and brash, against it. Half of the thick mass was pulled back, and the rest hung in long, spiral curls. A perfect white rose was clipped to the side of her head. Her curves looked luscious and lovely in the form-fitted dress, and Shane was pretty sure his grin might actually have split his face in half.
His bride.
Never. There was never a moment before he met Allison when he felt the urge to get married. He never knew then, however, that women like Allison existed. She was the first woman with whom he could have an honest, direct, and sincere relationship. Having that made it so there was simply nowhere else he’d rather be.
Her eyes were only on his and her face was serious and pale. The freckles stood out and the makeup she wore added drama to her features. As soon as she was close enough, he stepped forward and took her arms. She did not want to be walked down the aisle again. Shane had trouble coaxing her this far. No wedding dress. No huge crowd. Just close, intimate family and best friends. She had already done all of that… It was the same argument she used with everything.
Still, he convinced her right there, at their spot now, that this was the place to make it legal. And a few family members deserved to see him married. She didn’t want him to feel that she denied him the right to be a first time groom.
When her hands touched his, her face melted into a smile. He stepped closer to her and ignored all conventions. Touching his knuckles to the side of her face, he kissed her lips in a so
ft, lingering kiss. He wanted his kiss to reassure her of his love and attraction, and remind her why she was doing this with him. She nodded and a small smile crossed her trembling lips. She was so scared yet, he knew she wanted it too, simply because she was there standing beside him.
They turned while holding hands and faced the pastor, who started with a small prayer. Bowing their heads, they both glanced over at each other discreetly. At the same moment, they squeezed each other’s hands.
As they listened to the pastor’s words of love and commitment, they stared out over the ranch. For all his life, the ranch had been Shane’s home, and yet, he never felt like he had any place that he belonged. Standing there, with Allison’s hand in his, their child growing inside her, for now, safe, Shane finally felt like he fit in somewhere and it was a place that he liked. He was home. He was here.
These were the most perfect moments of his life to date. For Allison, he knew it was a whole lot more complicated. She had memories of her first love and marriage to compare it to. She knew all the pretty words could go wrong, and the most terrible kicker: that it could happen with neither of them being at fault. It could be fate, destiny, God… whatever one wanted to call it, but tragedy could tear people apart, no matter how ideally they started out.
The magnitude of that and what he could now lose suddenly tightened Shane’s stomach with nerves. He was no longer solely living for his own goals and enjoyment. The thought was sobering and he gripped her hand tighter. A hell of a lot more was riding on his decisions than ever before in his life. She glanced at him when she felt his panicked squeeze. Nearly reading his thoughts, a tremulous smile crossed her lips. For now. Today. That’s all anyone could live for.
Doing stupid shit was no longer okay. He realized that the instant he made the formal commitment to Allison and their unborn child. He could no longer just take off on his bike with no thought to possibly bashing his brains on the cement. No longer could he take the attitude of oh well, I am living as I choose to live, or going out in a blaze of glory. Not anymore.
He had a family now.
The moment they were proclaimed husband and wife, Shane stood taller as he stiffened his spine. Allison seemed to notice the subtle adjustment. She leaned her shoulder towards him and her gesture made him believe she finally accepted that they were together forever.
Chapter Nineteen
ALLISON WAS A WIFE again. She lay in bed at her house, where she and Shane spent their wedding night after a lovely reception hosted by Erin in the main house of the ranch. The amount of work the Rydells tackled to make it all happen in such a ridiculously short amount of time was nothing short of phenomenal. The only sour note was her parents’ lack of enthusiasm towards the whole event. But they didn’t know about her pregnancy yet. Allison understood. It was a rather fast courtship. And judging strictly from appearances, Shane… well, old issues. But they didn’t know his true character.
On the other hand, the Rydells had accepted Allison eagerly and with open arms, like she was forever a part of them now. It was a little humbling.
Since she needed to get back to work, there was no long honeymoon. Allison had teaching to do. Allison now stressed over and worried about all the kids who were never identified or treated as dyslexic readers. It depressed her to think about moving forward without doing anything to prevent the most vulnerable of readers from getting lost and passed by until they eventually just dropped out of the system. Like Erin did. It’s all she talked about to Shane.
“Why don’t you set up a tutoring service? Start doing it on your own? It’s not perfect, but it’s a hell of a decent start,” Shane suggested. They were sitting out on their back deck after dinner and watching the sun as it set over the river and ranch.
“You mean, like privately freelance? Stop teaching classes?”
“Yeah. Or just try it on the side to start. You seem to need something more challenging in your life.”
She glanced down and motioned with her eyes, without saying out loud. “I will be dealing with something more challenging, and maybe soon.”
He pressed his lips together to hide his grin. She persisted in not acknowledging it, and so far to date, he allowed her that, and even participated with all of her suggestions. “You will be, yes, but it’s just a thought. You seem to get really worked up about this stuff.”
“Worked up?” She frowned. He made her sound like a crying toddler, mad because something didn’t go her way.
He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Wife, I meant that in a good way. Worked up, you know, like you have a lot of energy to do something about it, and you want to change it.”
He called her wife a lot. She did not doubt he liked being her husband.
“How do I get set up?”
“Start with this area. You know a lot of staff at the district. Offer up evaluations for any of the kids who are falling behind. See if you find any who are currently in need.”
“I’d have to get certified as a tutor of this particular program.”
“So do it.”
“But it costs a lot and it takes time. The classes are master-level classes.”
His lips quirked up. “Luckily, you already have two master degrees. I’m pretty sure we can trust you to handle that. Now is a good time to do it. Help keep that over-analytical mind of yours stimulated.”
She glared at him, even though she was pretty convinced he was right. It was good thing to keep her active brain busy. She thought about it constantly, and the more she worked with Erin, the more intriguing the idea became.
“I’m going to do it,” she finally told Shane a few days later.
He grabbed her and put her in his lap. Nuzzling her neck, he said, “Good.”
“I won’t have a lot of time. Between teaching, Erin, and taking these classes…”
“I think it’s good for you to stay occupied and busy, Allison,” he said quietly. She nodded, snuggling into his embrace, knowing how right he was. How did she manage to live all this time without his arms and advice to keep the world and all of her scary thoughts at bay?
Shane escorted her to the doctor. He drove and held her hand during the exam while they waited. He was right there when she told her history to the woman doctor. She was a woman of around forty with dark hair and eyes. The doctor listened politely to the whole story before replying, “I’m very sorry, Allison. It was a traumatic, terrible accident. But the chances of it happening again—”
“Aren’t zero. Not you, or anyone else in your profession, can guarantee it won’t happen again.”
The doctor hesitated and then nodded slightly with a ghost of a smile. “Technically, no. But it won’t. Your exam went like clockwork. There is nothing about you or wrong with you that would indicate this to be anything less than a normal, healthy pregnancy.”
“So was my first one; until it wasn’t.”
The doctor nodded. “You’re right. I see that. You’re very brave.”
Allison snorted. “Not particularly. This was an accident.”
She nodded and shrugged. “Or another blessed opportunity. It all depends on how you choose to view it.”
The doctor’s steady reassurance helped Shane; Allison could tell by the relieved expression on his face. She wanted to scream at Shane “So was Gabrielle!” Gabrielle was a healthy baby too. There were no indicators… no complicating factors… and no warning. Gabrielle was alive, and then, she was dead.
When Allison decided to go to bed for the rest of the day and sleep, Shane didn’t try to persuade her to get up. Instead, he followed her there and rubbed her back before bringing her dinner. As they agreed, the only conversation topics were his shop and what he was building. They didn’t discuss the baby.
During the second appointment, the doctor suggested Allison take anxiety medicine for the duration of the pregnancy. Owing to her history, Allison regularly became upset and her nerves were already on edge as it was. There were plenty of safe anti-anxiety drugs she could t
ake without reservation until the baby was born. It might have been better for the baby too, than anything else.
She resisted at first, not being a big believer in unnecessary drugs. But when she got so bad, she was afraid to drive the car over the bumpy ranch road because of the jarring to her stomach, she decided she’d better do something proactive about it.
The medication took weeks before it worked and it only made her feel tired. Or maybe that was the pregnancy and her raw nerves. Eventually, however, things did start becoming more manageable. They weren’t good or great, but her previous overwhelming, debilitating fear shrunk to something she could at least categorize and overcome long enough to go to work and accomplish minor things like buying groceries.
****
Allison’s hand was shaking after she hung up the phone with her doctor. It was a personal call from her doctor to explain the test results. She had asked her to come in to discuss them. She was supposed to be leaving for school, but instead, she curled up into a ball on the couch. Holding her now pouchy stomach, she cradled it. She was ready to fall into Shane’s repetitive chant that things would be okay. But look what happened. As soon as she allowed herself to be lulled into success, everything shattered.
She called the school and explained she had another emergency and wouldn’t be in; then she called Shane.
“Shane?” she whispered. Her voice sounded like someone was pressing on her vocal chords to silence her.
There was a slight pause before he replied crisply, “I’ll be right there.” He didn’t wait to hear why she was calling. Was it the tone of her voice? Or the time? She should have been driving to work, and not calling him.
Barging in the front door, Shane pushed it hard enough against the wall to dent the plaster. He didn’t take off his boots, but immediately rushed to her side, where she sat numb on the couch.
He was on his knees before her, reeking of oil fumes mixed with gas. His clothes were dingy and stained and his hands were nearly black. Neither she, nor he cared. He wrapped her in his arms and touched her stomach and face before asking, “What happened?”
River's Return (River's End Series, #3) Page 26
