by Savannah May
“A donation to a sex club?”
“No you goof, for some charity that takes care of abused women and their children in foreign countries where they don't have any other rights. I don't know any more about it, I wish Ram was here to ask.”
“Are you sure? It wasn't some euphemism for Ram's subscription to the club or some, I don’t know, magazine or web site that he didn't want you to know about?”
“No Harl it wasn’t like that,” Lily looked as pissed at me as I've ever seen. “And Ram isn't like that and I didn't get the feeling your Cole was either. It was all very up front and he was worried stupid about you. He really cares. Do you think you're maybe biased because of this sex club as you call it and judging him too hard?”
My immediate reaction was to shoot that idea down, she didn't know everything about the situation. But part of me knew, unadmitted and buried deep, that I was being Judge Judy about his business. I knew nothing about that lifestyle choice or why very normal people enjoyed it but somewhere I'd filed it under 'Weird' and only by learning more would I form a more unbiased view. I was not going to let my friend assume I was uptight and sanctimonious.
“No, I don't think so,” I countered. “If you saw it for yourself then tell me I'm being judgmental.”
I told Cole I was staying the night at Lil's for some girl time and next day pressed her to hit the stores so we could get off the subject of men and their fantasies. The subject of going to Illicit was left hanging. I had Cole's credit cards and he told me to go to town, get whatever I needed and wanted, without scrimping.
We had a lot of fun cruising through the designer rooms at Saks, Barneys and Henri Bendel, ignoring the sales clerks who ignored us back while keeping a firm eye glued in case we stuffed some five thousand dollar sweater in my purse. But I could not get over price tag heart failure and felt guilty spending money that wasn't mine and I hadn't earned. Cole didn't have to support me. It wasn't like we were really related – just enough to make our lust immoral.
At Bendel's ground floor beauty counters I let an excitable guy with strawberry blonde curls make up my face and did not recognize the girl looking back in the mirror.
“Am I ready for my extra stint on Twilight?” I asked, apologizing when I saw the hurt look on his face.
“Er, no. Except as a better-looking Bella. I've never seen eyes that color except in a photo of young Elizabeth Taylor.”
“I'm sorry, it's really beautiful. I've just never worn black, lilac and silver shadow and I'm not used to it.”
Lily declared it amazing and not to be outdone for our night, insisted on having herself made up to match.
I bought a beautifully cut short, not too short, dress, loose with square shoulders. I felt like a girl form the 1960s
“It's gorgeous but it's not what you'd call sexy,” Lily said. “How about you dress it up with some killer heels?”
We spent an age in the shoe salon with a different display platform dedicated to each top designer.
“God, I love shoes so much,” she said, trailing her fingers across some crystal-studded seven inch Louboutins.
“Me too, what is it about them that gets us so hot?”
“Foot fetish jewelry.”
Lil wanted me to buy a pair of towering black satin pumps but my eye lighted on a square heeled open toed shoe that was actually a boot with strapped closures creating cut outs all the way up to the knee.
“Sexy Roman gladiator- perfect,” she said.
“Eighteen hundred dollars,” I said. “I can't.”
“Gucci,” the clerk whispered as though that changed everything.
“She'll take them. Ring them up,” Lily told the hovering clerk and after almost two hours trying on every pair in the store I didn't have the cheek to contradict her. I hoped Cole wouldn't be livid when I told him.
“I shouldn't spend so much money that isn't mine,” I moaned. “After all I've put him through, having to look after me living in his apartment making his life a misery.”
“He looked tough enough to handle anything to me,” Lily said. “You aren't the only girl in the world with love trouble you know.”
“I'm so sorry Lil, I'm going on and on about my shit and haven't asked you a single thing about your new thang. What a narcissist, I'm really sorry- forgive?”
Lily nodded and now her eyes were watering up. What was with that? I thought they were all lovely and dovely- a mismatch from Seventh Heaven. I dragged her out of the store to a groovy little Italian bar for lunch and a Campari with fresh orange juice.
“He went to India to visit his family,” she spluttered.
“He's coming back though right?”
She nodded.
“He's not serving holy cows and other brats on the beach?” I tried to get a smile but it was lame as she shook her head no.
“So what's the problem?”
“He's been taking me everywhere with him, house on the Island, swanky business dinners, the whole shebang.”
“You got in too deep?”
“You know it and he did too. The sex has been so unbelievable Harl, like nothing I've ever experienced before. In tantra, they believe the woman has to come first and her flood of orgasmic juice is like a life-giving elixir. I feel like a friggin Goddess with him and it's addictive. I can't think of anyone else.”
I kinda knew how that went, the addiction to one man and no one else would ever take his pace.
“Oh crap, did he take fright and vanish?”
“No nothing like that. Ram's always really honest with me and I felt safe to be upfront about what I wanted. So I asked if I could come to India, even for you know, a weekend.”
“I don't think you can go to India for the weekend. It's the other side of the planet.”
“I know, it was just meant to be light, like, I'm not trying to bust in on your trip but I'd like to join for a little bit just to see who you are.”
“And...?”
“He said I could never come there, not even for one day. His parents would freak out.”
“Oh that stinks like cow dung. But parents don't control us unless we allow them to and his are far away at least.”
It occurred to me that I should follow my own advice and not allow Michael to control my life through his intimidation of me.
“His are very controlling, it's normal there to follow what your parents want – career, love, family. When they get married the girl has to go live in his parent's house. Imagine having monsters-in-law peeping at you while you're trying to have honeymoon sex ten times a day.”
“What are screwed up pair we are – struggling with people trying to gain control over our lives. And you're right about me being screwed up about Illicit. Maybe I am being judgmental about what Cole does.”
“I am so intrigued by this club he owns- what's it called, Illicit? Tell me what goes on there.”
“If I told you, I'd have to tie you up and whip you. Seriously, you have to experience it in the flesh. So if you wanna go, I'm all in.”
“Really? Can you bring a same sex guest?”
“Anything goes at Illicit, no one judges. Except me apparently.”
“Was it really that over the top? Now I'm really psyched to go. Don't you want to delve into the soul of what makes this man you've been obsessed with for six years tick?”
“I do and I don't. Perhaps I'm afraid it's more than I can handle.”
“You can't say you love a man unless you're willing to get into his fantasies with him.”
I couldn't admit to my friend that it was impossible to love the man at all and I definitely couldn't indulge any fantasies no matter how much I ached to do so.
“I so want to experience the concept of surrendering control. Maybe it would help me get closer to Ram. Please Harley, let's just have a look, check it out.”
“We'll go tonight- you can see for yourself but you aren't allowed to talk about what goes on there.”
“Oh dang, and there was me wanting to let al
l my followers know I'd gone kinky.”
“I just mean total non-disclosure is the Club's strictest rule and there are a lot of famous faces that demand privacy.”
“Promise I won't start blogging about the sex lives of the rich and famous.” She held up her hand in tandem with a face like the raunchiest little girl scout, making me giggle.
Chapter SIX
We took a cab to Illicit even though Cole had insisted I call one of his guys to drive me. I was bucking to have my independence back. I could not imagine how these millionaire types endure people doing everything for them and never being able to walk through the streets or take the subway alone with their thoughts.
I was starting to feel like a kid again, waiting for my mom to take me somewhere, telling her where I was going, what time I'd be back. I knew he was feeling completely responsible because his father had found me in his club but it wasn't his fault that my mom had married a bad seed.
There was already a row of town car limos parked outside Illicit and the cabbie had to pull up down the block. As we hurried back to the discreet entrance, voices from the small alley in back of the building drew my gaze.
Unmistakable Rowan was talking, almost shouting at a man who looked like, no, my heart fired off my chest like a racquetball wall- the scrubble of hair on his chin, the concave chest as though he'd been punched in the gut- it was definitely Michael.
I froze right there in the street, not to watch their encounter but because my legs gave out and refused to carry me further. To lift one high heel and take another step would see me wipe out on the sidewalk.
“Come on Harl, what's up?” Lily had turned impatiently, her eagerness had been building all the way downtown. “Crap, you're as white as my auntie's fat thighs. What happened? Not another blast from your past?”
“No its nothing?” I said, taking her hand and forcing myself to keep walking. I wasn't sure whether Rowan had heard voices at the end of the alley and seen us. Would she have recognized me in my new grown-up dress? Pass.
Strike wasn't at the front entrance but the instant I pulled out my diamond VIP pass, the doors flew back to admit us and we climbed the elegant staircase. In the alcoves, the usual slave girl living sculptures, so far unencumbered with a partner. Perhaps it was still early.
“I pictured something much less chic, more medieval,” Lily whispered.
“Believe me it's coming,” I said. “This is just getting you all relaxed.”
We passed through the heavy velvet drapes, at least thirty feet drops of rich fabric and I watched Lily's eyes and mouth saucer at the scenes of Ancient Rome all around us.
Cole
I could not believe how fucking empty I felt inside when Harlow called and said she was staying the night with that girlfriend. I told Bronson to go straight to that walk-up building and not take his eyes off her for a second, not trusting that my bastard father wouldn't come for her again if she was out of my sight. I'm completely without a doubt that this is not over and I didn't even want her going to lunch with her mother, for sure he's gonna be lurking behind that somewhere.
It was all I could do not to call Bron every ten minutes and check she was okay because of what happened with the other girl, the one I should never have turned a blind eye toward when my father's sickness started coming out.
All my fault. I was old enough at seventeen to know what he was doing but ran away like a wimp out instead of stepping up to the challenge. I called Harlow twice that evening, on the pretext of checking how it went with her mom.
“If you mean did I tell her what happened with Michael, no. I didn't have the heart Cole, she was so afraid.”
I didn't doubt it. She had every fucking reason to be afraid living in the same house with that asshole although I didn't warn Harley about that because I was certain her mother's personal safety was not at risk. That old douche didn't much care for older flesh, not at all.
“She's only just turned fifty, is that how it is for women? We get old and tossed on a scrap heap like used tires?”
“It totally depends on the woman and how she feels about herself. That's not gonna happen to you and fifty is a lifetime away. By the time you get there they'll have invented a pill that can make you look twenty again so stop worrying about stuff you can't control and get back to living the now.”
“I just wish I could make it alright for her. She said he's all she's got in the whole world now I've gone and I just couldn't be the one to wreck her life more.”
I couldda said that woman's life was already toasted the second she said yes to the bastard but leave it alone, I thought. She's an adult and can make her own choices. My concern is Harl and her life now.
“Please leave it alone Cole, for now at least. Promise me you won't ruin things.”
I promised because I couldn't refuse her anything, although something told me it was all wrong. Then she said she was going shopping with her friend and I told her to buy what she wanted, knowing it was the very least I could give her after she had to leave her stuff at my old man's place.
Then she gave me a load of grief about money that she wasn't entitled to. Shit, does she think she can only spend my money if she puts out her body in return, or does she think that's what I expect, that using my credit card for stuff she needs because my father abused her entitles me to use her sex. What kind of douchebags has she been hanging with since I basically ran out on her six years ago?
And how is it she's never mentioned that small technical detail, of my promising the world and vanishing? Just sweetly accepting my faults while any other woman would have to point them out to me at every convenient moment as though that is somehow gonna encourage me to stick around. Seriously, I do not get where women's brains are at when it comes to guys.
It was so freakin weird how empty the condo felt in the morning without Harlow there giving me a hard time about money or family shit, or just anything. Her hard time was any other woman's best behavior. I intended to send Rowan to Burberry to pick up some stuff for Harlow's closet but then decided I'd go myself. I wanted to choose what I wanted to see her wearing and make it personal, not chosen by some secretary.
I stopped the car right on fifth and went in, the salesgirl taking me straight to the new season line. I bought a baby pink calfskin trench coat and a bag that looked like it was for carrying bowling balls that the flirty girl said was “the one” with a look like I knew what the hell she was talking about.
Some funky dresses, pants, business shirts for her job hunt, but sexy as shit. On the way out, the girl flicking her eyelids like she was in a dust storm, I spotted the over the knee nude suede boots and they went on the charge without another thought. I wanted Harlow crawling across the floor in those and nothing else.
I hate shopping but I came out of that store with a ton of bags, flying on such a high I tossed the parking ticket littering up my windscreen into the trash. Is this why people get off on shopping? For a while the emptiness of her being gone was overtaken by acquiring pretty stuff I knew she was gonna freak out over.
Strike interrupted my reverie, coming in to tell me that the final auction had to be canceled because the prize was stuck in traffic on the way in from the Hamptons. He started in with a tease about me mooning around but one look from me silenced that shit and he said Rowan had ordered a public auction – where any of the guests can put themselves forward to the highest bidder as a slave for the night I went right out onto the floor.
We had agreed, or I had told her, not to pull that stunt again because women with a couple of vodkatinis in them tended to think it would be fun, with no clue about being a real sub. I'd stepped up the vetting process on members after the last time, when a girl had tried to run out of here screaming after being shackled and blindfold for hours by a corporate magnate from Utah.
Women wanting membership and claiming to be sub now had to submit a psychological questionnaire I'd constructed with a professional that weeded out the day trippers.
I flip
ped the sound on the closed circuit in time to see Rowan speaking into a mike.
“So if anyone from the congregation would like to step up in her place to be bid on as a one night submissive, now is the moment to be bold.”
Congregation? Did she think she was a fucking cult leader?
The girl that stepped forward was very familiar. A lot of them are to me and I couldn't place exactly how I knew this one, but I was not convinced she was ready for submission or had even considered the choice. And there behind her, no, yes but she looked so different I would never have recognized her apart from the body that never leaves my mind. Her friend, Harlow came dolled up with her friend to play. Jesus fucking christ.
I was out the door on my way to the club floor in seconds and rammed headlong into one of my most zealous members. The Senator from Houston came to the club almost every weekend to enjoy a full range of pleasures. I greeted him with a hearty handshake and told him I was glad he was there after his cryptic phone call.
“Please have a seat and I'll be right back. There's one thing I have to take care of,” I told him, not liking the venom in his eyes.
He virtually knocked me to the floor with the unexpected force of the shove back into the office. Two of my guys came running and were blocked in the hall by a wall of Senatorial security beef before the door was slammed on their chest butting.
“I don't sit and wait for scummy club owners,” he growled in a low voice that rolled over me like slime.
“Senator, something's upset you so why don't you tell me what it is.”
“You're damn fucking right something's upset me,” he spat, his rage building. “I pay you a fortune for membership to this piece of shit club assured of anonymity and total privacy.”
“That's correct. Has that been compromised? Did someone speak to you outta turn?”
“Yes someone spoke out of turn and now I have some fucking jackass dickwad demanding a hundred kay by Wednesday or he's going to the papers. This in a fucking election year is-not-funny.”
“It's very unlikely that the leak came from our staff or the members members. Hacking isn't possible with the multi-layered encryption and encoding of all personal details but I'm going to triple check every possible angle, you have my word I'll take care of it.”
