He caught the can and then squirted a blob the size of a golf ball into his palm. His brows shot skyward. ‘It’s green.’
Tilly grinned and lifted her left leg to reveal faint green smudges.
‘Don’t worry, Kade, you won’t resemble a Martian all morning,’ Mia said and rubbed at the blotches on Tilly’s leg until they disappeared into her pale skin.
He placed the can on the tray-back and began applying the green lotion to his chest. ‘Do you know what this stuff looks like? That Pirate Peppermint gelato we just ate.’
Tilly grabbed at the sunscreen. ‘I tan help you.’
Her old reliance on ‘t’ for ‘k’ snapped Mia out of whatever trance the hypnotic sweep of Kade’s hand over his skin had sent her into.
‘I c–an help you,’ Mia repeated. ‘I think your uncle has everything under control. If he needs help putting his sunscreen on, I’m sure he’ll ask.’
Tilly frowned and took her time to hand Kade the can. Mia smothered a smile. She could understand Tilly’s ire. With Tilly seated on the tray-back Kade’s torso was at her eye-level. To the four-year-old, Kade was a living canvas waiting to be decorated.
He squirted more sunscreen into his hand and then reached over his shoulder to rub it in.
‘You missed a bit,’ Tilly said, pointing between his shoulder blades. He rubbed at his back again. Tilly shook her head. ‘That way.’ She pointed to the right. He followed her directions. Tilly then pointed to the left.
Kade sighed. ‘At this rate we’ll never get into the water, let alone home by lunch. Okay Tilly, maybe you can help.’
Before he’d even finished his sentence, Tilly scooped up the can and aimed it at his back. A large spurt of sunscreen shot out. Mia’s lips parted in horror. Kade’s back sported enough sunscreen for a school swimming team. Even as she watched, a large green blob succumbed to gravity and slid to rest at his waist.
He winced. ‘Everything okay?’
‘All’s fine,’ she said and rescued the can from Tilly’s trigger-happy grasp. ‘Just a slight technical hitch.’
‘Technical hitch…I’m not turning green am I?’
‘Ah…no you’re not turning green but remember how I warned you the sunscreen can come out fast, well…’
He flexed his shoulders. Another glob of sunscreen plummeted down his back. Goose-bumps littered his skin. ‘Feels more than just a slight technical hitch.’
Mia lifted her hand. Then lowered it. The line between personal and professional was written in blood. She wasn’t crossing it to rub in Kade’s sunscreen. ‘I think it’s safe to guarantee you won’t get sunburnt.’
He reached over his shoulder. Sunscreen oozed between his fingers. He pulled his hand away to examine his green-slicked palm.
‘Look lite Martian,’ Tilly said, in between her giggles.
‘Yes, I do, don’t I.’ He waved his green fingers toward Tilly with a grin, making her squeal.
‘Mia,’ he angled his back toward her, ‘can you please deal with the technical problem? I would like to take Tilly swimming before her eighteenth-birthday.’
Mia bit the inside of her cheek. What could she say? Sorry, I can’t touch you because my professional hat refuses to stay in place.
‘Okay. I won’t rub all the lotion in though, it’ll take too long.’
‘The quicker the better.’
‘No worries.’ She mentally slapped a Post-it note in place that read, He is just another client, and raised her right hand.
She smeared a green arc across his wide shoulders. She tried to keep her touch light, swift, business-like, but as the sunscreen slid like silk between the pads of her fingers and his skin, her movements took on a life of their own. Back and forth, up and down, to his nape, to his waistband, to the supple strength of each shoulder. A gathering tension replaced the fluidity of his muscles until every spot she touched felt locked and rock-hard.
‘Almost finished?’ His husky voice emerged from deep within his chest.
She lifted her hand as if her skin had been scorched. The vibrations of his words had shot from her finger tips to her weak knees.
‘Yes, all done,’ she said in what she hoped passed as a nonchalant tone. ‘Your Martian days are over.’
She so shouldn’t have come.
Kade dived into the waterhole. He’d already checked the river for submerged objects but right now he didn’t care what lurked on the bottom. He had to escape and blank out how Mia’s touch had made him feel. It wasn’t only his senses she’d brought to life, it was as though she’d prised open his emotional floodgates.
Never had a woman’s caress been anything but a fleeting physical connection. Never had it been accompanied by such a need for more than just a convenient liaison and a brief morning-after good-bye. When Mia’s hand had massaged in the sunscreen, he’d forgotten about getting his old life back. All he could focus on was how right it felt for her to invade his personal space and to breach his no-go zone. And how he didn’t want her to leave.
His lungs protested. He shot up to the surface and dragged in a ragged breath. Tilly called his name from where she stood hand-in-hand with Mia on the river bank. Breathing laboured, he swiped water off his face. He had to not feel. He had to survive. Money and work were the only things that mattered and that he could control. He had to slam his emotional floodgates shut and plug every minute crack, every hairline fracture, to ensure they didn’t come ajar again.
He waded toward the shore, shoulders braced.
Tilly bounced up and down. ‘Come on, Untle Kade.’
He barely registered her almost clear speech. His steps slowed. He’d no idea about how to take Tilly swimming. With the speed of a sprinter she closed the gap between them and grabbed his fingers. He stared down at the four-year-old in her bright pink swimmers who’d taken ownership of his hands as well as his life.
‘Mia, any tips?’
Her dark glasses masked her eyes. ‘You’ll be fine. Just don’t let her go.’
‘You make it sound so easy.’
‘It is. And when Tilly’s had enough of swimming I’ve a bucket and net she can use to catch water bugs.’
‘Right then, off we go.’ Not quite sure how to carry Tilly, he placed two hands around her waist and hoisted her onto his hip. She attached her arms around his neck with a grip any octopus would be proud of. Slowly he walked into deeper water.
This wasn’t so bad.
Tilly giggled, and then wriggled so much he almost lost his hold and dropped her. His shoulders locked.
It was worse.
What seemed like an eternity, but in reality couldn’t have been longer than fifteen minutes later, Kade set a wet, squirming Tilly onto the solid, safe ground. She might have the hold of an octopus but she was as slippery and as quick as an eel. But, while taxing on his blood pressure, their swim had also proved oddly enjoyable. Tilly’s trust in him to keep her safe, her cheeky smile as she splashed water at him and her delight when he splashed her back, all left him feeling almost…content. Memories stirred of a rare, happy time when he and a young Brad too had once splashed water at each other with the garden hose.
’Thanks, Tilly.’ He smiled. ‘That was…fun.’
She returned his smile before racing across to where Mia sat on a large rock. Mia opened her arms and hugged her. ‘How was your swim?’
Tilly’s excited reply tumbled from her mouth. He only caught a word or two but Mia had no problem understanding. She tucked a dripping lock of hair behind Tilly’s ear and laughed. ‘That good, was it?’
He knew he should turn away but something about the sight of Tilly and Mia smiling at each other with such affection held him motionless. It was when Tilly smiled her full, wide smile that he caught a glimpse of Brad. He glanced toward the ute. He looked back at Tilly who, in between giggles, continued to tell Mia about their swim. They should head back but what harm would staying a little longer at the waterhole cause? Tilly was having so much fun and maybe he could take her for
another swim. Soon, they’d both be in the city and whoever he employed as Tilly’s primary care-giver would be responsible for taking her to the indoor aquatic centre.
Mia handed Tilly a small purple bucket and fishing net from the bag that rested at her feet. ‘Here you go. Let’s see if you can find some water bugs. There should be plenty in the warmer water over near those rocks.’
He followed Tilly, ready to take hold of her hand if she ventured too far out in the river. But, after sending him a quick smile, she appeared content trailing her net in the shallows. Still keeping an eye on her, he sat on the ground next to Mia. He rested his elbows on his knees and tried to ignore the shapely length of her legs and the caution tensing her face.
It was as though she too had decided a line needed to be drawn between them that would guarantee no more personal revelations, no more contact outside of dealing with his niece and definitely no more sunscreen smoothing in. And it was a line that suited him fine.
He concentrated on watching Tilly. The sun warmed his bare shoulders. Sunlight sparkled on moving water. A hint of eucalyptus drifted to him on the breeze. Lethargy stole through his veins. His thoughts slowed and untangled.
For the first time in a long while, his world stopped spinning around him. He released a deep sigh. Who’d have thought? It wasn’t a trip to the city that he’d needed to win the war with himself, just the natural beauty of his grandmother’s favourite place and a chance to sit quietly.
Tilly waved to him. He waved back.
‘How long do you think before she wanders in too far?’ he said into the silence, secure his self-control would now hold.
’I think you have at least a whole five minutes before you’ll need to play life-guard.’
‘That long?’
A small smile relaxed Mia’s mouth. ‘If you’re lucky.’
‘You’re not going in?’
‘No. We need to get back.’
‘We do, but a little more time here won’t hurt if you wanted to cool off. Tilly doesn’t look ready to leave.’
Mia shook her head. Her heavy pony-tail swung across her shoulders. ‘Thanks but I’m fine.’ She pushed her sunglasses onto her head, then turned to him. ‘Thanks too for the picnic and for bringing Tilly out here. She really is having a ball.’
The kick in his pulses told him it’d been a bad idea to look into Mia’s amber eyes without the barrier of sunglasses.
He picked up a small pebble and rolled the stone between his fingers. ‘Don’t mention it. But this morning’s just a one-off thing. I meant what I said in the kitchen. Tilly and I will lead separate lives.’
Mia took a moment to reply. ‘You made your plans for Tilly perfectly clear last night.’
An uncomfortable silence again settled around them.
This time it was Mia who spoke into the strain. ‘Did Tilly’s father like the water as much as she does?’
The pebble dropped out of his hand with a clatter. He carefully chose another one, giving himself time to smother the loss that sped through him.
‘I think so. Brad might have been my younger brother but we led separate lives.’
‘That must have been hard?’
He concentrated on the pebble and not on the softness of Mia’s voice. ‘No. It was fair enough. Brad’s mother didn’t want to share my father with anyone but her own flesh and blood.’
‘He was your father too. Didn’t you go away on family holidays together?’
His hand fisted around the pebble. He could almost hear the rattle of the chains securing his feelings. He was on dangerous ground. He couldn’t let Mia’s empathy prise open his self-control again. His emotional floodgates had to remain locked.
’No. Holidays were when I took extra courses at school or travelled abroad. It was either be away or live with my step-mother.’ He tossed the rock into the water. Concentric circles rippled and then faded. ‘But enough about me.’ He swivelled to look at her. ‘I’m sure having Langford as a father meant that you didn’t have the traditional white-picket-fence childhood either?’
‘Yes, you could say that.’ Memories shadowed her face like clouds blotting out the summer sun.
‘I’m sorry.’ He’d been too busy saving himself to think that his question may open old wounds for Mia.
‘No. It’s okay. While my mother was alive everything was bearable. Even if Langford did make his disappointment clear that his ‘longed for son’ had turned out to be a girl, a girl with a…’ she darted him a quick look, ‘stammer.’
Kade made sure his expression didn’t change. He’d suspected Mia stammered when her words had tripped in her office over Dr. Sheldon’s name. As if reassured by what she glimpsed in his face, she continued speaking. ‘It was when I lost my mother to breast cancer I knew that things needed to change.’
He shouldn’t keep talking about a topic that didn’t involve Tilly but it didn’t matter how loud his self-preservation shouted, his need to get to know Mia better shouted louder. ‘So what did you do?’
‘I left. The day my mother died marked the end of one life and the beginning of a new one for me. I walked out the front door of the house I’d always lived in and never returned.’
Kade studied Mia’s profile as she turned to watch Tilly.
‘How old were you?’
‘Fourteen. I boarded with a widowed friend of my mother’s, got my first job and put myself through school. I also entered speech therapy.’
‘And Langford?’ Kade had to ask.
She gave a hollow laugh. ‘You’ve obviously met him, what do you think? He abandoned us a long time ago. I’ve moved on with my life. Just like he did.’
Kade searched her face. The glimmer in her eyes told him that the hurt of a little girl rejected by her father wasn’t as far behind her as she would like to believe. So much for changing the topic to avoid feeling, here he sat with a lump of unwelcome emotion lodged in his throat. He felt Mia’s pain. He knew the ache of abandonment and understood the anguish of being cut out of the life of someone you loved.
He cleared his throat. ‘Yes, I do know him and should have known better than to ask about your childhood.’
‘Don’t worry about it. This is my life now. I wouldn’t be here in the outback helping children with their speech if it hadn’t been for Langford.’ Her voice gentled as she again looked across at Tilly. ‘I wouldn’t be here helping your adorable niece.’
Kade didn’t answer. There were no words. He had to leave Mia’s side and break the connection he felt with her. He had to get away from the contentment of Tilly’s smile and leave the place where he’d been happy such a long time ago. He had to return to the predictable, controllable adult world where only money and order mattered.
Mia listened to the sound of Kade’s footsteps on the river pebbles as he went to pack the ute to head home. She took a much-needed sip from the water bottle beside her. She had a bad habit of choking if she didn’t concentrate while drinking. And talking about her childhood, as well as sitting beside a smiling, shirtless Kade, was enough reason to avoid quenching her thirst.
She replaced the water bottle cap and watched Tilly play in the shallows with her net. The little girl looked up and smiled. Mia smiled back. The gelato picnic was almost over. Everything would be okay. Last night in the darkened kitchen her professionalism might have hung in tatters but today she’d managed to stitch her self-control together enough to hold.
She’d remained composed when she’d smeared sunscreen over Kade’s bare back. Even though her heart had thumped with such force she was sure the sound echoed in the tops of the river gums like a cockatoo’s screech. She’d even talked about losing her mother and revealed her stammer, without a single word tripping.
Sure a cold sweat, that couldn’t be blamed on the sun’s heat, might cover her skin. Sure she’d skirted so close to the personal line her throat had dried. And sure, if she held up her hands she knew her fingers would shake. But all in all, the morning hadn’t been an abysmal failur
e. Her boundaries, however fragile, were holding firm.
Chapter Eight
WHO WAS he trying to kid?
Kade tossed the pen he’d been tapping on the desk into the open drawer. He wasn’t winning the war. He wasn’t back under control. He might have stayed in his office after the river picnic, through dinner and now the entire morning, but he’d been as productive as a hibernating bear.
He dragged a hand over his face. Since when did he even think in terms of grizzly bears? Only since Tilly and her love for all things on the nature channel had interrupted his structured world. To think Mia’s advice for dealing with the chaos surrounding him had been to allow Tilly into his life. Tilly was the very reason his world had tilted in the first place. She was also the reason a distracting speech pathologist had then further spun his universe out of control.
He ground his teeth. He couldn’t catch a break. Days ago he couldn’t work because of Tilly’s and Mia’s laughter and now…now he couldn’t concentrate because it was too quiet. His ears strained for a giggle, a word, anything to let him know where Tilly and Mia were. But just like it’d been all morning, the homestead was quiet.
He gave into the unease elbowing his conscience and stood. What if they were in the garden and found a snake? It wasn’t only birds or kangaroos that took refuge in the shade of the native gum trees and old jacarandas. On an infrequent visit to meet with Patrick, the farm manager, he’d seen what the bite of a western brown snake could do to a workman’s kelpie dog. Tilly and Mia wouldn’t stand a chance.
He headed downstairs. Silence pressed all around him, suffocating and thick. He’d check the summer-house. As he turned the front door handle, he caught the faint strains of Tilly’s laughter. He expelled a tense breath. It felt as though he hadn’t heard the sound for days instead of a few hours. He retraced his steps and pushed open the kitchen door. He frowned. It was empty.
Tilly’s laughter sounded again. A little louder. Mia and Tilly had to be in the conservatory. No wonder he hadn’t heard them. His office was upstairs at the other end of the house. He crossed the kitchen and through the glass doors he saw an auburn head bent close to a blonde one.
What Love Sounds Like Page 8
