‘Only if you don’t co-operate,’ he said in his best pirate growl and loosened his grip as if preparing to throw her.
She stifled a gasp, wound her hands around his neck and settled into his arms.
Mia eased her clasp around Kade’s neck but didn’t completely relinquish her hold. Being cradled in Kade’s arms led to far more disorientation and vulnerability than being blindfolded. With her eyes covered it was as though her other senses compensated for her lack of sight. Every sensation, every scent, every sound appeared magnified until the only thing she could feel and hear was Kade. The pulse of his heart beneath her arm. The wash of his breath past his lips. The rhythmic sound of his footsteps.
Where was he taking her? She dared not ask. She couldn’t be confident her voice wouldn’t emerge breathless and incoherent. What were they doing? Surely if Tilly was involved she could relax? A breeze washed over her, carrying the scent of jasmine. They had to be out in the garden walking alongside the tennis court where the white-flowered vine bloomed on the wire fence.
To her left, a child’s giggle sounded. Relief warred with a strange sense of loss. She needed to stand on solid ground, as far away as possible from Kade. But without his warm strength surrounding her the world wouldn’t seem such a secure place.
‘Okay, m’lady, we’re here.’
Her hands slid from around his neck as Kade lowered her to the ground.
‘Where exactly is here?’ she asked, battling to ignore the way his palm lingered in the small of her back.
He tugged at the knot of her blindfold and it dropped away from her eyes.
In the shade of an old red river gum, Tilly waited standing on a picnic rug, a pirate patch over one eye and a plastic hook brandished in her right hand. At her feet lay a roly-poly Callie chewing on what had once been a plastic sword.
‘Surprise!’ Tilly shouted, her grey eyes alight with glee.
She crossed to the rug and hugged Tilly. ‘Thank you,’ she said past the lump lodged in her throat. ‘A pirate picnic for afternoon tea. How wonderful.’
‘Thanks to Uncle Kade too,’ Tilly said as Mia released her.
She turned to him and smiled. ‘Thank you, Pirate Kade.’
Kade tipped his dark head. ‘You’re welcome.’
Tilly grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the plates of pirate-faced cupcakes, small sausage ships complete with flags and iced skull-and-crossbones biscuits.
‘Delicious,’ Mia said. ‘A feast fit for a pirate crew.’
Kade came to stand beside her. ‘Yes, Tilly has a new favourite thing beside fairytales, food and all things pink.’
Tilly passed her a bandana and Mia tied the red and white cloth over her hair. ‘Let me guess, searching the internet?’
Kade nodded and accepted the eye-patch Tilly handed to him. ‘My lap-top won’t ever be the same again.’
‘Just wait until she discovers all the fairytale and now puppy games she can play on there as well.’
He groaned. ‘In my crystal ball I predict us becoming a two lap-top family.’
‘Have fun shopping for a pink computer.’
His gaze touched hers. ‘You know, I might just need some help with that.’
Before Mia could respond, Tilly tugged at her hand to gain her attention and held up a plate. ‘Uncle Kade and I cooked these pirate cupcakes just for you.’
The lump in Mia’s throat returned. All of Tilly’s ‘k’ sounds had been clear and with some more work, her ‘g’ sounds soon would be too. Tilly could look forward to a childhood no longer blighted by her speech delay.
Mia selected a cupcake. ‘So this is what you were doing when I couldn’t find you after lunch. And here I was thinking you were outside playing with Callie.’
Tilly’s smile shone brighter than any number of gold pirate doubloons.
Mia bit into the sweet cake. ‘They taste as good as they look.’
Kade reached for a cupcake but Tilly moved the plate out of his reach. ‘No, you’re not ready yet.’
He spoke through the side of his mouth to Mia. ‘See I told you my captain was very scary.’
’And adorable,’ Mia added as they watched Tilly rummage through the picnic basket, her little face a picture of concentration. She pulled out a box of what looked like face paint, prised open the lid, selected a black crayon and looked across at Kade.
‘Tilly,’ Kade groaned, ‘don’t even think about coming near me with that thing…’
Tilly’s only reply was a grin as she waved the black crayon and marched toward him, the red-heeler puppy following close behind.
‘I believe you’re just the hired help and have to do what you’re told,’ Mia managed through her laughter.
With a sigh, Kade sat crossed-legged on the picnic rug, Callie on his lap, and allowed Tilly to draw a lop-sided moustache on his upper lip. Tilly added a final line and then straightened.
‘How do I look?’ he asked, but his question went unanswered. Mia was too busy joining in with Tilly’s giggles to speak.
Another cupcake later Mia sat on the rug watching two skull-and-crossbones kites float in the blue summer sky. She stroked Callie’s soft, thick coat as the pup slept in her arms. Kade and Tilly held onto the kite strings, their smiling faces upturned. Just like in the library, a longing to share in their world flashed through her, quickly followed by deep-seated fear. There was no silver bullet for abandonment. No leave pass. No happy endings. No matter how much she wished that there were. She couldn’t meet Kade on the bridge like he’d asked her to. Could she?
Tilly waved at her and blew her a kiss. Mia lifted a heavy hand and returned her gesture. How was she going to cope without having precious Tilly in her life? Let alone Kade.
A lone voice sounded through her torment. A lone voice that had once told her she could overcome her stammer. A voice that had told her she could create a life away from her father and that she could survive Jack’s duplicity. That same voice now murmured over and over again until she listened.
She looked across at Kade. Could she take a risk and give their relationship a chance? He’d been able to shed the constraints of his childhood and allow himself to feel. Could she too leave her past behind?
When her shin had cannoned into the hard chair, Kade’s arms had been there to protect her. If she knew Kade would catch her, could she take a leap off her personal precipice? Could she trust him with more than the task of guiding her through a room of furniture?
Love for Tilly, love for Kade, squeezed at her heart. She knew what she had to do. She had to try. Just like Kade relinquishing control of his emotions, and of his life, she had to break the behaviour that once protected her but now harmed her. She had to trust.
Kade’s kite dipped and then plummeted from the sky. He jogged to where it fell, and rewinding the string, retraced his steps to Mia.
‘Would you like a turn?’ His grin dazzled her more than the pure outback light.
‘No thanks. I’m on puppy-sitting duty. Besides, you’re doing a great job.’
His grin widened. ‘I do make a better kite-flyer than pirate. How’s your leg?’
‘I’m sure I’ll end up with a pretty impressive bruise but it’s fine. The next time you kidnap me, please forewarn me so I can at least wear jeans.’
‘Deal.’ Deep emotion sparked in the depths of his eyes. ‘Does that mean there will be a next time?’
She breathed and took a small step toward the precipice. ‘That all depends on your small and scary pirate captain. She calls the shots doesn’t she?’
‘I can guarantee there will be a next time with or without her consent.’
Mia’s heart raced. She took another mental step forward. ‘Well, when it happens, I’ll be prepared.’
Kade’s eyes searched hers with a fixed intensity that caused her toes to curl. ‘You’ve done some thinking?’
She nodded slowly. ‘I can’t make any promises but I will try and do what you asked.’ Her nerves quivered as an unfamiliar sh
yness stole her words. ‘I’ll try and trust. A little.’
Kade smiled his heart-melting smile. ‘Even just a little is good.’ He bent and caressed her cheek with tender fingers. ‘Come,’ his voice deepened as he reached for her hand, ‘and start by flying a kite with me?’
She stared at his hand that possessed the strength to catch her should she fall. A strength that was so much more than sinews and bones. The word ‘yes’ formed in her head but at the last minute stalled on her tongue. The precipice yawned cavernous and wide before her. ‘I will. S–soon. I’ll let Callie sleep for a little longer.’
Kade’s hand hovered a second more and then lowered. ‘Okay,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll be waiting for you whenever you’re ready.’
She nodded. She just needed a moment to marshall her courage and to quell her nerves.
Kade looked at her for what seemed like a lifetime before he stepped away. He then lengthened his reel of string and sent the kite soaring into the mid-morning sky.
Her heart fluttered like the black and white tail dancing in the wind. She could do this. She could take that final leap.
The kite climbed higher. And higher. The clear lines of the skull and crossbones disappeared. And higher.
Something inside Mia tore.
Higher.
Truth shattered her heart into infinite, tiny pieces.
Her love for Kade and for Tilly wasn’t ever going to be enough. Her dreams would always be out of reach, just like the kite that was now nothing more than a blur in the sky.
Even with Kade’s strong arms to catch her she couldn’t step off the precipice and couldn’t trust. Fear sat like a spectre on her shoulder. Forever there. Forever cruel and malignant.
What if she were nothing but a temporary distraction? Kade himself said he didn’t know what he was doing and that he didn’t usually go off-plan. What if she’d read too much into his words and their kiss? She’d just assumed that his request to trust him didn’t have a use-by date. She couldn’t face being abandoned again. She couldn’t again survive the unpredictability, the broken promises and the loss. And she wasn’t subjecting Tilly to the same anguish. She couldn’t risk being a part of Tilly’s life only for things to not work out between her and Kade. Tilly had already suffered enough.
Callie stirred. The pup yawned and jumped off her lap to pounce on a nearby cupcake. Mia came to her unsteady feet. She couldn’t stay at Berrilea where every wave from Tilly, every smile from Kade, would deepen the abyss where her heart used to lie. And she couldn’t keep providing Kade, or darling Tilly, with any false hope that one day Kade’s Play-Doh cat story might come true.
She had to leave. Now.
Chapter Thirteen
KADE’S KITE dropped to the ground. He barely noticed its fall, his attention on the now empty picnic rug.
Where was Mia? What had happened? He hadn’t imagined the jewel-brightness of her eyes as she’d gazed into his with a shy promise. Neither had he imagined his indescribable happiness. She was prepared to trust him, to step onto the bridge and to give their relationship a chance.
He’d only looked away from her for what could only have been minutes but it’d been long enough for his hope to crash to earth like his kite. He swung around to find Tilly. He’d been so close. He wasn’t losing Mia now.
‘Ready to head inside, sweetheart?’ he asked his niece. ‘Maybe you could help Mrs. Shepherd for a little while?’
Tilly looked at the rug and back at him. She ran over, passed him her kite string and picked up Callie who now chewed on the pirate hook. Hand in hand, he and Tilly crossed the lawn.
‘It will be okay,’ he said at the kitchen door. ‘I’ll think of another way to keep Mia here.’
She nodded, her lips quivering. ‘I will too, Uncle Kade.’
He hugged her, not trusting himself to speak. Tilly disappeared into the kitchen with the red-heeler pup and he headed for the stairs that led to Mia’s room. He stripped off his eye-patch and rubbed at his moustache. Instinct told him now would not be the time for fun and games. No matter if Mia had been the one to teach him their value. He pushed back his emotions and ignored their disorder. He couldn’t waste time by trying to control his feelings. Surely, they’d prove to be the least of his worries? His first priority was to not lose the woman he loved.
Movement sounded to his right in the music room. Even as he slowed, Mia stepped into the hallway, a toy-filled crate in hand, the bright pink colour a direct contrast to her pale face.
He stopped before her, panic making breathing almost impossible. The only place she could be heading with the crate was her car.
He said the first thing that came to mind. ‘Finally using the music room are you?’
‘No.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m leaving.’
‘Why?’ Never had one word been so difficult to say.
’I can’t take a risk and give us a chance.’ Gold failed to shimmer in her amber eyes. It was as if a light inside her had died. ‘I’m so sorry, I just can’t.’
‘Even a little?’
She shook her head. A pulse beat at the base of her throat. Suddenly she turned and headed into the music room. He followed.
‘Don’t do this.’
‘I have to.’ She placed the full pink tub on the ground and crossed the room to collect toys from the shelves. ‘I’ve left Tilly’s home programme on the kitchen bench,’ she said as she tossed toys into a nearby empty green tub. ‘You and Martha will have no problem working through the ‘g’ ladders with her. I’ve already made sure she knows how to make a clear ‘g’ sound.’
He strode over and stood between her and the crate. Tilly’s speech programme was the last thing he wanted to hear about right now.
Mia straightened, her hands full of more toys. She hugged them to her chest. ‘Kade. Please. Don’t make this any harder than it already is.’
He took a step toward her. ‘You once told me change takes time. And you were right. Learning to trust will just take time too.’
A plastic mouse squeaked a protest in her tight grip. ‘Time won’t make any difference.’
‘How do you know?’ As he spoke he closed the distance between them.
Mia was quicker, she ducked around him, shot the toys into the tub like they were balls through a hoop, and moved to the opposite side of the room to collect the final scattering of toys.
He ground his teeth and followed her. She was like an elusive fairy, flittering around the room. If he wasn’t careful she’d take flight. Somehow he had to find a way to keep her here in his and Tilly’s lives. He picked up the final crate, scooped up every toy between him and Mia and deposited them in the tub. He held the crate out toward her. She hesitated and then placed the last of the toys inside. He set the tub on the ground and then caught her empty hands.
‘Now can I have your undivided attention?’
‘Sure.’ Her eyes flashed but she didn’t pull her fingers free. The shaking of her hands transferred to his. He clenched his jaw to hold himself still.
‘Mia, I’m not like Jack. Not like your father. Things will be different.’
’How? And don’t just tell me things won’t be the same.’ Bitterness grated in her voice. ‘I stopped believing what I hear a long time ago.’
He let go of her left hand and touched her cold cheek. ‘This is where the trust part comes in. Just trust that the last thing I’d ever do is to hurt you.’
She pulled her hand from his hold and stepped away. ‘See. I have heard that before. And do you know what? I ended up being hurt.’
She picked up the green crate and held it to her as if it were a shield. ‘I’m not just doing this for me. I’m thinking of Tilly too. I won’t put her though any more pain. She’s already been through so much.’
‘Just have faith that we will work.’ Desperation deepened his tone. ‘That Tilly won’t ever lose you. One of the many things you’ve taught me is that anything is possible…’
‘Well, life has taught me that
not everything is possible. And nothing you can say or do will convince me otherwise.’ Her eyes were so large they appeared to fill her face.
She was wrong. There was one thing he could say. A sacred, true thing. He could tell her he loved her.
He went to speak. And couldn’t. Uncertainty, self-doubt, fear wrapped fingers around his throat and pressed. He choked.
He’d banished and ignored his feelings for too long and now they extracted their vengeance. Raucous and rebellious, they rejected any attempt for order. He’d always maintained control of his life and himself to stay safe but never had the stakes been so sky-high or the consequences been so terrifying. Saying ‘I love you’ to Tilly and to his grandmother and brother had been difficult but possible. He knew they all loved him. To say ‘I love you’ to Mia, when there was no way to guarantee that she’d say the words in return, was…impossible.
His soul splintered.
It didn’t matter how many corporate opponents he’d faced, or how many cut-throat deals he’d secured. At the end of the day he was just a man. A man brought to his knees by his powerlessness and inability to grapple with his emotions. A man unable to tell the woman he loved what his heart told him with its every beat.
His hands fisted as Mia swung away and carried the green crate toward the door.
Helplessness pooled in his gut. Darkness, heavy and suffocating, closed in around him. No amount of emotional numbing would save him now. He’d failed Tilly. Failed himself. He couldn’t say the one thing that might keep Mia in their lives.
He had to let her go.
Without a word, and without looking at her, Kade took the crate from her numb grasp and strode from the music room. Shock weakened her knees. She’d won. He wasn’t going to stop her leaving. But relief failed to flow though her. Each beat of her heart seemed to take forever. The sound of Kade’s retreating footsteps tolled like death knells. He was walking out of more than just the room. He was walking out of her life.
Sorrow banked behind her eyelids. She’d never seen him look so desolate, so almost defeated. But she couldn’t lie or risk Tilly’s happiness. She couldn’t pretend a happily-ever-after was possible and that she could bring herself to trust, even a little.
What Love Sounds Like Page 14
