by Lee Piper
I shrug, refusing to bite. “Maybe he thought Bradley Reading was going to drop in?”
“No, I don’t think that was it.”
Internally, I groan. I’d rather tear back three layers of skin with tweezers than continue this conversation. Why I let Reid control me like he did is one of life’s greatest mysteries. Normal people don’t stand in empty rooms with their pants around their knees, begging for a slight breeze. Hell no. They enjoy their vanilla with a healthy side serving of mutual kindness. They don’t attack each other with their teeth and then part ways.
I need to focus on something else.
Sadly, Willow won’t let me. “Any reason why Reid was hitting his drums like he had a personal vendetta against them?”
“PMS?”
“Huh.”
My gaze darts to hers. “What?”
“Well, you’re renowned for speaking your mind. Yet whenever the name Reid Tate comes up, you shut your mouth tighter than a ziplock bag.”
“You’re comparing me with plastic food protection?”
Willow grimaces. “Not my best simile. So are you going to tell me or what?”
“What.”
“Shiloh.”
“Willow.”
“Come on,” she wheedles. “We used to be tight.”
I face her. “We are tight.”
“I meant you, me, Reid, Tobias, and Jasper.” Her voice softens. “It always used to be the five of us. I get that we drifted apart as we got older, but come on. You never mention Reid, and the moment someone brings you up in conversation, he does this weird thing with his jaw.”
“Is he still grinding his teeth?”
She nods, and I shake my head. Clutching my bicep with her small hands, Willow gives me a gentle shake. “Please.”
I groan. “Fine.” It’s only after I throw my hands in the air that I realize I had a handful of sand in each. Grit rains down on us. “Fucking hell.”
Giggling, Willow brushes it off her head and shoulders while I focus on my face, chest, and legs.
Once done, I take a deep breath. “Look, it’s a long story, so I’ll give you the abridged version. Like you said, we were close. But I ruined it, and now he hates me. The end.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
I snort, thinking back to his punishing lips, his demanding hands, his filthy words. Sand falls from my hair as I shake my head. “The guy I once knew is gone.”
Willow gives me a look.
“What?”
Her expression is so serious, I’m half inclined to resume sifting sand, consequences be damned. “After rehearsal, the band went back to my place. We do that most nights since I record each episode of Rising Star.”
I nibble my bottom lip.
“Reid never took his eyes off you. Not once. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was…” She exhales, her bangs shifting from her eyes. “Really intense.”
My heart breaks all over again.
“Come to think of it,” Willow muses, “the only other time I’ve seen that level of concentration is when a guy is inside me.”
I hold up my hands, thankfully empty. “Whoa. A bit of overshare, don’t you think?”
But Willow is adamant. “I’m speaking the truth. Reid still wants you. Question is, what are you going to do about it?”
Stealing one of her moves, I stare at the ocean. It’s a lot to take in. Even though Gwendolyn is frantically searching for her celebratory pom poms, my brain is pumping the brakes. I have no idea why Reid is helping me, but it sure as shit isn’t because he cares. Who knows? This could be his way of sabotaging my band’s chances at winning the contract. It would be the perfect revenge for what I did to him three years ago.
I sigh.
If I could go back in time to meet my eighteen-year-old self, I would totally punch her in the boob.
Willow and I spend the remainder of the day at the beach. We talk, we laugh, we dive into the water and lay on the warm sand to dry.
Thinking back on her previous comment, I ask, “Want me to call Tobias?”
Willow nods, her jade eyes lighting up. “Sure. Invite your brother too, and I’ll message Reid. It’ll be like old times.”
Tension forms in my stomach. “Great.”
The bitch laughs. She messages Reid, and a minute later, her notification screen lights up. “He’s buying some beer on the way. Won’t be too long.”
I grunt.
“Have you contacted the boys yet?”
I message them. Tobias is the first to respond. “Tobias is bringing food.” My phone buzzes again. I roll my eyes. “And Jasper’s bringing hookers.”
Willow is quiet. When she speaks, her voice is soft. “He hasn’t changed, has he?”
I take in her profile. She’s gazing at the sky, the freckles on her nose contrasting against her pale skin. “No.”
She exhales. “Didn’t think so.”
We sit in silence for a long time. Finally, approaching footsteps rouse us from our thoughts.
Glancing over my shoulder, I smirk. “Did you boys synchronize your watches or something?”
Jasper kicks sand on my legs before collapsing next to me. Thankfully, he’s hooker-free.
Tobias ignores my sass, placing his cooler nearby as he grins. “Well, isn’t this like the old days?” He rubs his hands together. “All we need is Reid and…” His gaze shifts. “Speak of the devil.”
I want to hurl.
No, I want to junk-punch someone.
Wait, definitely hurl.
Reid ambles toward us, his tattooed biceps demanding their own theme song. I gulp. His dark board shorts hang loosely off narrow hips, the black elastic of his boxer briefs peeking through the waistband. The man isn’t wearing a shirt. Even from where I’m sitting, I can see his nipple ring. It’s like he wants me dead.
Clenching my fists, I look away.
“Hey.” He places his cooler next to Tobias’s.
Jasper stands. “Reid, good to see you again.”
They man-hug it out. I grit my teeth. Tobias and Willow murmur greetings while beers are passed around. I try not to glare at Tobias when he settles two cans in the sand beside him.
“Why are you ignoring Reid?” Willow whispers in my ear.
I shrug.
“You’re making it weird.”
“I am not.” I exhale. “Look, as far as I’m concerned, Reid is non-existent. He is empty space. He is a warped, pixelated hologram where a goddamn man-bun used to be.” Maybe if I say it often enough, I’ll actually believe it. “It’s either that or I deck him.”
“But why? If you’re the one who ruined it, why are you playing the victim?”
Air is squeezed from my lungs.
“Shiloh?”
Fuck, my heart hurts.
“I loved him too much.” I blink back tears. “Please, Wil. Can we drop it?”
Willow stares at me, confused. Not that I blame her—I am too. Eventually, she takes my hand and squeezes it before returning to the conversation.
As the hours pass, we eat our fill and lounge in a semi-circle, admiring the evening sky transforming from dark pink to deep purple. This part of the world is so beautiful. I breathe in the sight, my body slowly relaxing.
And then it happens.
Reid reaches for his Djembe.
“Holy shit, man. Have you still got that thing?” Jasper’s eyebrows almost launch off his face. He turns to me. “When did we buy that for him, sis? Five, six years ago?”
“Five. Just after…” My traitorous gaze finds Reid. He’s staring at me, his eyes dark. “Just after you tore your ACL.”
The African drum is small in his hands, probably because his fingers are so damn long. He caresses the frayed ropes on the sides. Blinking, I look away.
“That’s right.” My brother nods. “We wanted to get you something to keep you busy while you were resting up after surgery.” He chuckles. “It wiped out our savings, didn’t it, sis?”
My smile is bi
ttersweet.
Jasper pauses. “Hang on, isn’t that how you started drumming?”
Reid grins, one corner of his mouth quirking higher than the other. I think I just ovulated. “Sure was.”
“I remember now.” Tobias gestures to the Djembe. “You used to take it with you everywhere.”
Willow grimaces at the worn skin. “By the looks of it, you still do.”
“How does it sound?” Jasper asks.
“Like a motherfucking dream.” He plays.
Somehow, I sip my beer. Somehow, I school my features and don’t let on that my heart is shattering into millions of tiny pieces. Only, it’s impossible. Glancing at my white knuckles, I exhale. “Jesus.”
The bastard remembers my song. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or throw myself into the ocean and hope a riptide drags me out to sea. I try to feign nonchalance. I try to ignore the rhythmic beat casting its hypnotic spell, but it’s impossible. Sound flows through me.
I hum the accompanying tune. Damn it.
Beside me, words are whispered. “Kids,” “always arguing,” and “apology,” filter through my subconscious, but I’m too lost in the music to care. For some reason, this rhythm always comforted me. When Reid played it, a sense of calm inevitability warmed my insides. It reminded me that no matter how childish my reaction or how jerk-like his attitude, we would always find our way back to one another. Through music.
So I sing.
For the first time since hearing this beat, I put words to my emotions. And they fall one after the other, a river of memories spilling from a previously locked vault. I sing of laughter, grazed knees, and sweet kisses. I sing of awkward smiles, petty fights, and shared ice cream. I sing of promises made, tears shed, and tomorrows lost.
I sing of first love.
I sing of blind trust, holding hands, and inflicting hurt. I sing of endless summers, starry nights, and wailing cries. I sing of trembling caresses, stifled giggles, and cold silence.
I sing of heartbreak.
The absorbing beat continues and still the words tumble. Hurt upon hurt bleeds from me until my body is hollow, empty, aching. And it’s not until the final bars fade that I realize Reid and I are staring at one another. Even in the growing darkness, I register a softness to his gaze. It reminds me of everything I’ve lost.
Tears build.
In the silence surrounding the end of the song, no one moves. I blink, suddenly remembering the others gathered around us. Willow is slack-jawed, Jasper is shell-shocked. Hell, even Tobias’s phone is nowhere to be seen.
Willow is the first to speak. “Wow. That was…” She shakes her head. “Wow.”
Extricate, extricate, my head screams.
Standing, I brush sand from my shorts, coating a disgruntled Jasper in the process. “Tired. I need to go.” Hastily, I collect my beach towel and bag. “It’s been a long day with the sun and the sky and…” I swallow. “Everything.” Spinning on my heel, I yell over one shoulder, “Later.”
Stumbling through the soft sand, I berate myself over and over. What a fucking idiot. Willow is delusional if she thinks Reid wants me. He doesn’t. He wants me to suffer. And the warmth in his gaze? It wasn’t warmth at all—it was mirth at my stupidity. Holy saints and all the seraphs.
I showed weakness.
I crumbled like a fool.
I told Reid I missed him.
“Get your ass out of bed.”
Throwing the blanket over my head, I curse.
“Shiloh?”
I burrow under my pillow, adopting the notion that if I can’t see him, then he can’t see me. It’s flawed logic, but I’m rolling with it.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m becoming a hermit.”
“You’re hiding.”
Throwing back the covers, I glare at Tobias. “I’m not hiding. I’m tired.” With a groan, I shift my forearm over my eyes. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Your brother called. He said he tried to wake you but you yelled at him.” I can sense him raising an eyebrow. “Something about not leaving your room until you’ve grown dreadlocks down to your ass.”
“Like I said, I’m becoming a hermit.”
When I peek out from behind my arm, Tobias is shaking his head. “Anyway, Jasper is already at Rising Star. We need to practice, so come on, let’s go.” The bedcovers are ripped from my body.
“What the hell?”
He smirks. “Nice PJs.”
“You got a problem with Little Miss Dotty?” I glance at my briefs, complete with an image of said Little Miss on the front. The matching tank is fitted, though it lacks built-in support. Meaning my girls often end up sucked into the vortex of my armpits whenever I roll over in bed.
“None at all.” He grins. “Suits you perfectly.”
“Glad you approve. Now give me back my blanket. Hibernation awaits.”
“Nah, I prefer pissing you off more.”
Groaning, I flop back onto the bed. After extricating one of my breasts from the juncture of my elbow, I cover my face with the pillow. Happily, “Fuck off,” is still distinguishable despite my mouthful of cotton.
“Don’t make me do it.”
Throwing the pillow to one side, I glower at him. “Don’t even think about it.”
But it’s too late. Tobias is already mid-air as the words leave my mouth. He looks uncannily similar to a deviant cat pouncing on a decrepit rodent.
“Stop!” I squeal. The high-pitched sound pierces my own eardrums, let alone those of beluga whales thousands of miles away.
He doesn’t. He lands on me and his crazy-assed fingers tickle my entire mid-section. Evil. The man is pure evil. I attempt to swipe his hands away, only the movement is futile since I’m too busy screaming and laughing.
“I hate you,” I gasp.
“You love me.”
“No. I. Don’t.”
More tickling-slash-snorting.
“Okay, all right. I give up. Mercy, damn it. Mercy.”
Finally, he stops. I throw up a quick prayer of thanks to the pelvic floor gods.
“You know I can’t resist it when you beg.”
I wipe away the tears streaming down my face. “Creepy and sleazy. Remind me why we’re friends again?”
“I’m a freak on the drums.”
“You got the freak part right.” Straightening my tank, I raise an eyebrow at Tobias. He rolls off me, sprawling over my mattress. “Comfortable?”
“Very. Come here.” He pulls me to his side, drawing me close.
Despite being peeved, I can’t resist snuggling against his warm chest. Damn the man, but he’s the best cuddler I know.
“Are you in a better mood yet?” he asks.
“Are you gonna let me go back to sleep?”
“No.”
“Then no.”
Chuckling, he kisses the top of my head. “You’re such a pain.”
“Me? You stole my freaking blanket.”
“Love you.”
Propping my chin on his chest, I gaze into Tobias’s soulful green eyes. “Right back at you.”
My best friend stares at me, his features soft. After a moment, he blinks and clears his throat. “Why are you hiding under the blankets anyway? It’s fucking hot in here.”
A fair question. I haven’t yet checked the weather app on my phone, but I’m pretty sure we’ve surpassed scorching and are well on the way to molten brimstone levels. “I’m not hiding.”
He snorts. “You’re running away from what happened last night, aren’t you?”
“Nothing happened last night.”
He coughs. “Bullshit.”
I pinch his nipple, but he swats my hand away.
“There was a vibe between you and Reid. You know it, he knows it, everyone fucking knows it.” He rolls his eyes. “I’m shocked you didn’t throw in synchronized dance moves and shit.”
“It’s not like that. Reid hates me.”
Tobias stares at me incredu
lously. “You don’t actually believe the words coming out of your mouth, do you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“The man couldn’t keep his eyes off you. I’d bet fifty bucks he was imagining you naked the entire time.”
I sigh. “You’re as bad as Willow. She was trying to spout the same brand of crap yesterday.”
“Well, she’s not wrong.” He’s silent for a moment. “I’m gonna tell you something, and I want you to listen to me carefully.”
I swallow, then nod.
“Reid isn’t good for you, Shiloh. You need to stay away from him.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Tobias rolls onto his side. “I’m serious. Don’t get too close to him, okay?”
I search his face, trying to find the meaning behind his words. Nothing. “What are you talking about?”
“You fucked him over.” My chest constricts, but his gaze gentles as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Since you’ve never told me why, I’m guessing you did what you thought was best at the time.”
Silence.
Tobias takes a deep breath. “He’s got every reason to hurt you, to hurt our band.” His expression intensifies. “You need to be smart about this. Don’t give him the chance to get inside your head.”
I sit up. After staring at my hands for a while, I glance over one shoulder. “I know you’re looking out for me, but it’s not as easy as you think.”
“Yeah, it is. Steer clear of him. Simple.”
Scrubbing one hand down the side of my face, I sigh. “Reid is helping me with something, with an issue.”
“What issue?”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
Tobias jumps to his feet, eyes flashing. “What the fuck? I’m your best friend. Why do you keep hiding shit from me?”
“Tobias.”
He growls, striding to the other side of the room. “That was months ago. Stop treating me like I’m fucking fragile.”
“I’m just looking out for you.”
“No, you’re not. You’re using my mistake as an excuse not to trust me.”
Clambering off the bed, I march toward him. “Mistake?” Grabbing his shoulders, I whirl him around to face me. “Tobias, you almost drank yourself to death! You turned into a goddamn shadow, you refused to speak to us, you started selling your musical equipment. You tried to fucking kill yourself!”
