“ I never want to let go of you.” Her eyes were fixed on his and hazy. The words were breathless and sincere. She’d never wanted to hold someone so close to her, always afraid she’d be disappointed in the end. But suddenly it didn’t matter, except that his eyes changed and he rolled onto his back.
She turned on her elbow and looked down at him. “And that just scared the hell out of you.”
“Maybe this was a mistake.”
“We’ve been at each other since the minute you walked into this house.” She rolled up and found the boxers and tank top she’d had on. “The sexual tension was there.”
“So that’s all this was? Sexual tension?” Now he sounded annoyed and that had her stewing in confusion.
She yanked the tank top over her head. “What the hell am I suppose to think? Did you or did you not want to sleep with me?”
He clamped his jaw and looked away.
Carissa rose and slid into her boxers. She turned to walk out but he grabbed her wrist.
“Carissa, don’t leave. Stay with me.” He rose up as she turned to him. “Sleep in my arms. I was wrong. This wasn’t a mistake.” He reached his other hand up her arm and pulled her toward the bed. “I want to hold you. I want to wake with you.”
Carissa sat on the edge of the bed. She looked into his eyes in the moonlit room. They seemed lost. She put her hand on his cheek and held it there. “What scared you? That wasn’t the first time you’ve had that dream.”
He shook it away. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to be with you right now. I want you in my arms.” He ran his hands up her arms to her shoulders and pulled her back down to the bed with him.
“I want to know you, Thomas.” She leaned in to kiss him. “I want there to be more between us than just sexual tension.”
His lips had lost the softness she’d felt as they’d roamed over her. The sincerity in his eyes had gone dark and she wondered if he’d ever open up and share his life with her.
The sun was peeking through the curtains. He breathed in her silence as she slept in his arms. He’d made sure they were around her all night long. He didn’t want her to escape him. Never had he wanted to hold so tightly to anyone.
She stirred and opened her eyes. “Good morning.” Her lips curled into a sleepy, seductive smile.
“Good morning.” He brushed her mouth with a gentle kiss. “I didn’t think it was possible for you to be more beautiful than you usually are. I was wrong.”
“Thank you.” She shifted to get out of bed but he held her in place.
“Not yet. I want to look at you some more.”
“We need to get to the school and clean up before the electrical contractor shows up tomorrow. I also have students and so do you.”
He lifted his head and looked at her with a cocked brow. “I have students?”
“One.” She nipped at his lip. “Let’s take a shower.”
Carissa stood and walked toward the bathroom. He propped up on his elbow watched her walk away. The very fine tone of her body was only more beautiful now that he had touched and tasted every inch of it. Her sleep-tangled hair swayed down her sculpted back, accentuating the perfect roundness of her bottom, which was barely covered by the boxers she wore. When she turned her head back to him he smiled.
Her eyes became playful as she pulled the tank top over her head and arms and let it drop to the floor.
He sat up. When she crooked her finger to say come he flew from the bed and gathered her in his arms. Her laugher filled his ears and his heart. Even as he swept her from her feet, reached into the shower to start the water, and felt her lips on his skin, he knew he’d have to give a little of himself to her to keep her. That’s what he wanted. He wanted to keep her. He just wasn’t sure he could.
As a man, he could hold his own against other men. As a musician, there wasn’t an instrument or piece of music he couldn’t master. As a lover, however, he lacked the knowledge of how to care for and love a woman the way he felt Carissa should be cared and loved.
It amazed Thomas that Carissa could dress and have coffee brewed before he was dressed and ready. Her hair was still wet and her clothing was casual. He assumed she’d change before her first student once they returned from the school.
She was staring out the window into the backyard when he walked up behind her and laced his arms around her waist. He settled his hands on her stomach and felt her tighten. “There is something about the morning,” she said softly, leaning into him.
“Promise of a new day with new things to come.” The scent of her shampoo lingered in the air around her, a clean start to a new day, he thought.
She sighed in agreement. Slowly she turned in his arms and lifted hers around his neck.
“It’s been an eventful few days.”
“It has. I’m not sure what to think of it.”
“Let’s do ourselves a favor and not think about it. Let’s enjoy it. Let’s enjoy each other for as long as we can.”
The words, he realized, were spoken by someone who took her days one at a time. When the sun rose, she would start and when it would set, she would finish. Because of it there was pain in her eyes, he knew it. He was familiar with how it looked in his own eyes every morning.
“How about I make breakfast? Nothing fancy, but I can fry up an egg and make toast.”
“I think that sounds nice.” She touched his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m going to go practice. Do you mind?”
“I think that would be a wonderful idea.”
Carissa turned to leave the room and he caught her arm. “Carissa.” She turned back to him. “Sleep in my arms again tonight.” He lifted his hands to her hair. The damp strands slid beneath his fingers as he stroked his hand down its length. Those long, dark strands gave her a power, he thought. She seemed invincible and he wished he knew how that felt. “Share my bed from now on.”
“Thomas, I need to tell you something.” She rubbed her hand across her lips. “I’ve never . . .”
“Never?” He raised his eyebrows at her.
She huffed out a laugh. “What I mean is I’ve never slept with someone mere days after meeting him. I know I told you I wasn’t going to take my time, but . . .”
“Carissa, what happened happened. I don’t think any less of you because we moved things along much faster than either of us would have normally.”
“So you’ve never done this? I mean, you’ve always taken more than four days to know the person you took to bed?” Her eyes opened wide and he knew the answer she was fishing for. He’d have liked to have more time before he had the chance to even put a crack in her heart before breaking it completely. But he wasn’t going to lie to her.
Thomas diverted his eyes and stood up taller.
Carissa stepped back from him.
“I guess not.”
“Carissa, I won’t lie to you. That’s not a way to start a relationship either.” Her eyes opened even wider when he said relationship. “Pablo was—is—a very popular man. He’s sexy and talented and comes across as the perfect citizen of the world. Women and men want him.”
“That’s Pablo. Tell me what that has to do with Thomas.”
He took a moment then looked her in the eye. “There are . . . leftovers.” He hated how he said it the moment it came out.
“Leftovers?”
“What I mean is . . .”
“I know what you mean. You slept with those who couldn’t get to the top.”
“Carissa, I was young. I wasn’t looking—”
“Stop.” She held her hand up between them. “We’re not married. We’re not even together really.” He shifted uncomfortably. “If that’s who you are . . .”
“It’s not.” He reached for her. He felt her stiffen beneath his touch. “I don’t use people for sex or advancement. Maybe, in the past,” he admitted to her and himself. “I did indulge when a woman wanted to share the evening with me, but I didn’t actively seek out women to use
.”
“But they were there.”
“Dammit, Carissa. I’m trying to open up to you.” He stepped away from her and walked around the kitchen. “I’m not that kind of person. Usually well-to-do women came on to me and I was young and impressionable. I did it. I’m being honest with you.”
Carissa nodded. There were tears in her eyes and the silence between them was deafening. He hated that everything about him was bound to drive her away.
“I am telling you this now so you’ll understand.” He walked back to her and wrapped his hands around her arms. “I have never slept in the same bed with a lover before. I’ve never awoken to see someone there next to me. I have never held anyone else like I held you last night.”
He watched her process what he had told her.
“Go practice.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll make breakfast for us.” He forced a smile toward her and she returned one equally as forced.
Carissa shut the door to the study and leaned against it. She was in over her head now. She never should have gotten into bed with him. She batted back tears that wanted to fall. She believed him, even though she didn’t want to. At that moment, it would be easier to just walk away and pretend none of it meant anything. But that would be a lie.
Oh, who was she kidding? She had wanted to sleep with him since the moment their eyes locked that first time.
She took out her cello and arranged herself in the chair. She closed her eyes and began to play and drown the world and its truths away for a while.
When she emerged from the study she could smell breakfast, but he hadn’t come to get her. She felt the anger brewing in her belly again.
He’d probably left, just like he had when they’d fought at her parents’ house. He wasn’t up to the battle, or the confrontation. It would be his loss. She wasn’t stewing anymore. She could handle what he had to say now. Wasn’t it just like him to . . .
When she turned the corner into the kitchen, her mother was sitting with Thomas at the table. Each held a mug of coffee with one hand, and their other hands grasped together in the center of the table. Smiles permeated their lips. They were so comfortable together. Wouldn’t that be nice? To fall in love with a man her mother was so fond of.
She shook the thought from her head. Fall in love— that wasn’t even an option at the moment.
Thomas gazed up at her.
“That was beautiful.”
“Thank you. I thought you were going to come get me.” She moved toward the coffeepot and poured a cup.
“I was too busy listening.” His eyes were soft, like they’d been when she’d lain in his arms.
Sophia laughed. “He was so busy listening to you, he burned breakfast.”
Thomas shrugged. “Sophia saved me.” He lifted his coffee mug to toast her.
“I’ll make you some breakfast.” She stood and began to busy herself making breakfast for Carissa. “I was talking to Principal Parsons the other day. They’ve just replaced the piano in the school and I asked him if there was anything wrong with the other. His answer was, ‘Mrs. Murphy.’” She looked over at Thomas. “She’s the music teacher and she’s horrible. But he said he’d sell us the piano for a good price.”
Carissa’s mouth gaped open.
“Mom, that would be great. I was afraid we’d have to take the one from the study.”
“No. That’s Millie’s and it stays here.” Sophia added sternly and Carissa nodded.
“I’d be happy to have a look at it if you’d like.” Thomas offered.
Sophia set the eggs on the counter. “I think that would be wonderful.” She cracked an egg into the skillet and let it sizzle a moment before cracking another. “Thomas, I was thinking it would be really nice if you could go with Carissa to Chicago too.”
Carissa watched him think about the proposition too hard. He bit his lip and his eyes shifted to his coffee. The anger from before reappeared and she set her jaw.
“Really, if there’s a problem . . .”
“No.” He looked up at her. “No problem.” He lifted his mug to his lips, but it didn't hide his eyes. Carissa knew Chicago had something to do with the nightmare he’d had last night.
Whatever had happened to Thomas, it had happened in Chicago.
Carissa backed the car out of the driveway and started down the street toward the school.
Thomas adjusted in his seat and turned toward her. “Does your mother come around like that often?”
With a smile, Carissa nodded. “Yes, on Monday mornings she usually stops by and has coffee with Katie and me.” The words began to catch in her throat when she realized Katie hadn’t been there to be part of it this morning.
Thomas laid his hand on hers as it rested on the gearshift.
“She’s going to be okay.”
“I know.” She sniffed back her tears. “It’s just not the same without her in the house. My whole life has been taking care of her and Millie.”
The tears weren’t stopping. She pulled the car to the side of the road with a jerking stop.
Thomas lifted her hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.
“Why did you choose that?”
“What?” She wiped at her eyes.
“Why would a young woman choose to stay and take care of two elderly women instead of auditioning for the symphony or touring or recording?”
“You sound like you’re accusing me.” Though she wasn’t sure of what exactly.
“Well, maybe I am. Why didn’t you do more with your life?”
“I do plenty with my life.” The tears were beginning to dry up and anger was beginning to stir in her.
“What have you done?”
“Who are you to ask me?”
“I’m the man whose arms you woke up in this morning,” he said as if she needed reminding.
She gasped. Was that enough to make demands on her? He seemed to think so.
“I’ll have you know I went to college.”
“Okay, where did you live when you went to college?” He’d crossed his arms over his chest, and the smug look on his face pissed her off.
“I went to Missouri State.”
“That wasn’t my question. Where did you live, Carissa?”
“What does it matter?”
“It’s the question at hand.”
“Fine. I lived on campus for one semester then I lived with Millie and Katie.”
His lips thinned into a smile and she felt hers tighten.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You are afraid of moving on.” His smile widened.
“Go to hell, Thomas.”
“Whatever, but you are so afraid of letting go of what you have here it’s only held you back.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” She shifted in her seat, checked her mirrors, and shifted the car into drive.
“Oh, I know plenty.” He leaned back against the seat, his arms still crossed over his chest.
He’d run away when it had all gotten too hard for him. She, on the other hand, chose the comforts of home and it had probably cost her what could have been a very nice career as a professional musician. He didn’t belittle what she did. Teaching others music was wonderful and he himself would be doing that same thing come four o’clock. But he’d been a professional musician playing to sold-out crowds and he knew talent. Carissa Kendal had more talent than most of the performers he knew. He’d almost venture to say she rivaled Sophia and with the right venue would surpass her.
There wasn’t another word until they stopped in front of the school. Carissa took the keys from the ignition and turned to him.
“What about this?” She pointed out the window. “What about the school? Do you think that’s doing nothing?”
“No.”
“After all, big, professional musician, where are you working? Why did you move halfway across the world to come here and work?”
“I’ve made a name for myself, Cari
ssa.”
“Sure, then why aren’t you in Europe now?” She watched him shift his gaze out the window and his tongue skimmed over his teeth. He was uncomfortable talking about it. It was painfully obvious. “There’s something there. Don’t sit here and accuse me when you have a secret you’re holding on to.”
“Why do you think that?” He turned his head back to her with a snap.
“You wouldn’t talk about your dream. You haven’t told me why you were so anxious to move back to the States, giving up all that professionalism. And this morning when my mother mentioned you going to Chicago with me, I thought you were going to run.”
“Well, you’ve done a lot of observation in the past few days too, haven’t you?”
“You said you wanted to get to know me. I guess I want to get to know you too.”
“Fair enough.” He let the air simmer between them. “Let’s take it one day at a time. You give me a little and I’ll give you a little.” Which was a lot, he decided.
How long could he remain in her good graces before she kicked him to the curb when she found out about his father, his sister, and his nearly killing Pierre?
CHAPTER SEVEN The drive home from visiting Katie at the hospital was silent. Katie hadn’t been too talkative and Thomas knew that Katie’s weakened state was wearing on Carissa. Katie was nervous about moving into an assisted living home, though she thought by being so damn pleasant about it all she wasn’t letting on. Katie wasn’t the only one pretending. He’d spent almost twenty minutes alone with her when Carissa had gone to find the restroom; when she’d returned, Thomas was sure she’d been crying.
Carissa laid her purse by the stairs when they walked through the front door of the house.
“I’m going to take a shower. My first student will be here at three thirty and yours at three forty-five.” She sucked in a ragged breath and rubbed her eyes, tired and red from the crying she’d eminently denied. “I can teach in the living room and you can use the study. Tomorrow we’ll move the piano.”
She turned and walked up the stairs, leaving him alone watching her disappear down the hall. Sophia had said Carissa was afraid of losing people. Millie had died and that had done its part of scaring her away from doing more adventurous things than teaching out of the study of her house. He knew what it was to lose someone so important to you. If he could only tap into his own feelings, he could share with her what he knew of living for the moment and then moving on. But that was the coward in him that had him running to Italy in the first place. He’d never dealt with the loss of his sister, or his family. How could he help prepare Carissa and give her any kind of emotional support when he couldn’t even face talking about his family?
ENCORE PERFORMANCE (THE MATCHMAKER TRILOGY) Page 9
