by Sharon Sala
Jade froze, looking wildly from Luke to Raphael and back again; then suddenly she grabbed Raphael’s shirtsleeves, clinging tightly as she cried out, “This is about you, too. We’re family! You and me! Me and you. That’s the way it’s always been, and it’s never going to change! I don’t care if there are a dozen people trying to claim me, I go nowhere without you, is that understood?”
There was an underlying hysteria to what Jade was saying that told Luke her transition back into Sam Cochrane’s household would be impossible without Raphael. He spoke quickly, anxious to reassure her before her panic became full-blown.
“Please, Miss Cochrane…it won’t be a problem with Sam, I can promise you that.”
But Jade didn’t believe him. It wasn’t in her to trust. When Luke moved forward, she immediately moved backward until she felt the edge of her cot behind her knees. She sat down with a thump, then shoved her hands forward, as if warding him off.
Unaware of the panic that fed her fears, Luke followed her, then squatted down until they were staring eye to eye.
“Miss Cochrane…Jade?”
“What?”
“You’ve been without a mother for years. It had to be difficult. But you have another parent who is yearning to reconnect with you. Don’t you want to see your father again? I can’t believe that your life has been easy…that you don’t want to give it up. Help me understand.”
“I don’t remember having a father,” Jade said, and then stared off into space. “I don’t remember anything before Solomon.”
Luke frowned. “Is he the man your mother ran away with?”
“I don’t know about that, but he was the man who—”
Then she stopped. Luke watched Raphael grip her shoulder, then give it a squeeze. When Jade looked up, her face was expressionless.
Without thinking, Luke slid his hand up the length of her arm. It was meant to be a friendly, calming gesture, but it backfired. Jade flinched and then paled. The look on her face so startled him that he stood up and yanked his hand back before she could speak.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”
Jade grabbed at the place on her arm where Luke’s hand had been and then scooted back on the cot until her back was to the wall. She knew she was acting crazy, but she didn’t have the wherewithal to explain. She was too busy trying not to scream to make herself talk.
Raphael panicked. He needed this to work more than either of these people could ever know. Making peace between them without giving away any of Jade’s secrets was imperative. He put his hand on Luke’s shoulder.
“It’s okay, she just doesn’t like to be touched,” Raphael said.
Luke exhaled slowly, watching the fading terror on her face. He wouldn’t ask why. Not now. Maybe never.
Jade shuddered lightly, then tried to smile. In her heart, she knew he’d meant nothing by it. It had only been a simple gesture that ordinary people pass off as part of the conversation. But Jade wasn’t ordinary, and neither was her life. She was flawed—so horribly flawed. If they knew…If this Sam Cochrane knew, he wouldn’t want her back. No one but Raphael could love her, because only he could understand.
Luke didn’t know what was going through her head. Her reticence was obvious, but he owed it to Sam to push the issue.
“Sam Cochrane is a good man. He’s also a very gentle man,” Luke said. “Please give yourself, and him, a chance.” He shoved a hand through his hair in frustration, afraid that he was going to lose her before Sam had a chance to make amends. “God…lady…I don’t know what else to say other than you owe this reunion to yourself…and to him.”
Raphael knew Jade. She was incapable of making a decision like this. Her gut reaction to everything was to run, and this was something she should run toward, not away from.
“She’ll go,” Raphael said, and when he felt her shoulders tense, he added, “we’ll both go with you.”
Luke breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
Jade’s chin jutted. “I can’t go without my things.”
“We’ll get them,” Raphael promised.
“What if they got wet?”
“If it’s clothes you’re concerned about, we can easily replace those for you,” Luke said.
Jade shook her head. “It’s not the clothes. It’s the faces. I can’t lose the faces.”
Luke started to ask what she meant but caught the look Raphael gave him and shifted mental gears.
“Whatever it is you need, I will get,” Luke said gently. “And that’s a promise…from me to you.”
Jade was staring at him now. He had no way of knowing how many times men had promised great things to the child that she’d been, or how many times she’d been disappointed and hurt. All he knew was that if it took the rest of his life, he was going to gain her trust and see her smile.
“So who do I need to see to get your things?” Luke asked.
Raphael dug the piece of paper from his pocket with Clarence’s phone number on it.
“We were staying at a place called The Forsythia Inn. The owner’s name is Clarice. She’s staying with her brother, Clarence. He took us out of the flood in a motorboat, so if the water hasn’t gone down there yet, the only way to get back there is still by boat.”
“Give me the number. I’ll contact him and see that your things are retrieved. What room were you in?”
“No,” Jade said. “We’ll do it.”
“Why?” Luke asked.
Jade looked taken aback. “What do you mean, why? Because it’s our stuff, that’s why.”
Luke threw up his hands in frustration, then stifled a glare.
“That’s all well and good, but if you will pardon me for saying this, you both look like hell, so I suggest you take the help that’s offered.”
Jade’s lips parted in shock. Raphael stifled a grin.
“You might not get it all,” Jade muttered. “It might not all fit in Clarence’s little boat.”
Luke sighed, then softened the tone of his voice.
“Lady, if it will make you happy, I’ll commandeer the damned Coast Guard. Just let me do what I was hired to do.”
“Fine,” Jade said.
“Hallelujah,” Luke muttered.
“Now, may I have the phone number?”
Raphael handed it to him. Luke punched in the numbers on his cell phone, then walked a short distance away to make the call.
The moment he was out of hearing distance, Jade grabbed Raphael’s arm.
“I’m scared,” she muttered. “I don’t want to do this.”
Raphael put his arms around her and pulled her close. “I know you don’t,” he said gently. “But you have to. Think about it, honey. You have a father, and a home, and obviously people who cared about you greatly. If the situation was reversed, trust me, I wouldn’t hesitate.”
Jade looked at him, feeling oddly betrayed by what he’d said.
“Why? Aren’t I enough?”
Raphael’s stomach knotted. “Oh, honey, you’re everything to me, but family is something different. They’re people with whom you share the same blood, even the same genetic history, for God’s sake. Someday, when I’m gone, no one will even remember that I lived. My picture will not be in someone’s old photo album. There will be no one to say, ‘I think Raphael looks like his grandfather,’ or ‘he has his mother’s eyes,’ because I don’t know who the hell they are. No one does. When I die, it will be as if I never existed.”
Jade cried out, unable to bear his pain. Tears welled in her eyes, then started to spill down her face. “Don’t talk about dying. Ever! I love you. You’re my brother and my friend and the only person I could ever trust. I will remember you. I will. I will!”
Raphael wouldn’t let himself dwell on the ugly truth of what he’d admitted. Right now, convincing Jade to reunite with her father was the most important thing he could do.
“I know. I didn’t mean to sound all sorry for myself,” he said,
and made himself smile when he wanted to cry, too. He wiped away her tears with the palms of his hands and then teasingly pinched the end of her nose. “Your nose is all red.”
“That’s your fault,” she muttered. “You made me cry.”
“Then I’m sorry,” Raphael said. “But you have to go back to your father, and if you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for me.”
Said like that, Jade felt ashamed. In her heart, she knew it was the right thing to do, but she wasn’t certain that her father would want her back once he knew the truth about her.
“Yes, I’ll go,” she said. “We’ll both go, but if this Sam Cochrane doesn’t like us, you have to promise me that we’ll leave.”
“Honey, there’s no way he won’t like you.”
Jade’s eyes glittered angrily. “You’re not listening to me. I said us. If he doesn’t like us.”
Raphael’s heartbeat stuttered. Us. The luxury of that word no longer applied within his world, and he didn’t know how he was going to bear it.
“It’s going to be okay,” Raphael said, and then noticed that Luke Kelly was coming back their way. “Here comes Luke.”
Jade wouldn’t look.
Raphael tipped her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“I want you to give him a chance. He seems like a man we can trust.”
“You trust him for me,” she said.
Raphael’s voice suddenly deepened, and for one of the few times in their lives, he spoke harshly, almost angrily.
“Damn it, Jade! Try not to be so unforgiving, okay? Every man walking this planet is not out to hurt you, and you cannot live your life in denial of that fact.”
Jade was stunned by his anger. It was so unlike Raphael that she was momentarily speechless. When Raphael shoved his hands through his hair and started to walk away, she grabbed him by the arm.
“Raphael.”
He stopped; then his head dropped forward and his shoulders slumped. Immediately he turned, his expression filled with regret.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“I’ll do what you say,” Jade said, talking quickly before he could say anything more. “Just don’t be mad at me, Rafie. I can’t bear it when you’re mad.”
He wanted to crawl in a bed, pull the covers up over his head and wait for it all to be over, but he couldn’t. There were things that had yet to be done before he could focus on himself.
“I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m never mad at you. Only at the situation. I understand why you feel like you do, but you’ve got to get past it.” When she started to speak, he held up his hand. “Wait. Let me get this said. I’m not asking you to forget what happened to you…what happened to us…but I’m telling you that we’ve got to get past it. If we don’t, the bastards that fucked with our lives will have won. Do you understand that? Just because we left Solomon all those years ago, doesn’t mean we’ve escaped. As long as you keep that hell alive in your mind, then we’re still there.”
“Oh, Rafie…why haven’t we talked like this before?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because before, we didn’t have any other options.”
“Okay. Okay. I promise we’ll go back to St. Louis. If Sam Cochrane is a good man, then we’ll stay. We’ll have a new life…a good life. I’m sure you’re right.”
Raphael sighed. He wasn’t sure if she was doing it just to make him happy or if she really got what he’d been trying to say, but either way, she was going, and that was all that could matter. Time would take care of the rest.
“That’s good, honey. You won’t be sorry.” Then he turned around to await Luke’s arrival.
“I got through,” Luke said, as he dropped his cell phone in his pocket. “Strange thing was, his sister said he was already on his way over here with your things. That’s pretty lucky, huh?”
“Knowing Clarence, I doubt if it was luck,” Raphael mumbled.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Luke asked.
Jade tried to laugh it off. “Raphael thinks the old man is psychic or something. I think he’s just crazy…nice, but crazy.”
Raphael smiled and poked Jade in the arm in a gentle, teasing fashion. She responded by giving his long, black hair a quick tug, then ducked before he could grab her again.
Their laughter and their joy in each other reminded Luke that he was the odd man out. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes from Jade’s face. Rarely did she leave her expression unguarded as she was doing now. When she smiled, there was an indentation at the right-hand corner of her lips that just missed being a dimple. Remembering her reaction to his touch earlier, he took a deep breath, then turned around, not wanting her to know that he was attracted to her in any way.
“Hey, here comes Clarence,” Raphael said.
Luke turned around just as an old, dark-skinned man entered the sleeping area and began weaving his way through the aisles of cots, carrying two large duffel bags in his hands.
“It’s Clarence with our things,” Jade said, and bolted toward him.
Luke started to follow, when Raphael stopped him with a touch.
“Let her go,” he said. “I need to talk to you a minute.”
Luke shrugged. “Yeah, sure,” he said, and then took a seat on an empty cot next to Raphael.
“I’m sick,” Raphael said.
Luke frowned. “Hey, man, why didn’t you say something sooner? I think I saw a doctor on duty when I came in the door.”
“Not like that,” Raphael said. “I’ve been sick for a long time.”
Luke’s frown deepened as he took another, longer look at the man’s face. It occurred to him then that from the way Raphael was behaving, there was the possibility that Jade didn’t know.
“Are you seeing a doctor?”
Raphael grinned wryly. “I’ve been to local health departments from time to time, but the way we live…the lack of money…no.”
Luke put a hand on Raphael’s knee. It was a brief, friendly gesture meant to reassure, yet the sudden tension in the muscles beneath his hand told him that Raphael didn’t like to be touched any more than Jade did. He moved his hand without comment, making a mental note to tell Sam to keep a hands-off attitude until they made the first moves.
“Don’t worry about doctor bills,” Luke said. “Jade’s father is a very wealthy man. He’ll see that you have the best doctors available.”
Raphael inhaled slowly, judging the man against what he was about to say. Luke Kelly had an open, honest face. He seemed very much his own man without being easy to sway, hence his gentleness with Jade without being a pushover. Then he exhaled on a short, angry grunt.
“Doctors can’t fix what’s wrong with me,” he said. “I have full-blown AIDS and a cancer that’s eating me alive from the inside out.”
“Oh Jesus,” Luke said softly, then suddenly he got the message. He looked up, watching Jade as she ran to meet Clarence. “And she doesn’t know, does she?”
Raphael swallowed past a knot in his throat. “No, she doesn’t, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t—”
“It’s okay, man,” Luke said. “I understand.” Then another thought occurred. One even more frightening than what he’d already been told. “Have you been practicing safe sex? I mean, if she’s been exposed without her knowledge, you—”
Raphael blanched. “We don’t have sex. Our relationship isn’t like that. She’s like my sister…my best friend. Besides, even if I wanted it different, I would never…” He stopped suddenly, then just shook his head, as if the very thought of doing anything to harm Jade was beyond his comprehension.
Luke was surprised. Their relationship with each other was so close, so tender, he would have bet his life that they were in love.
“Okay, it’s just that I had to ask, you understand? I didn’t mean that there was anything wrong with you two being in love. You just seem so, I don’t know…so together.”
A muscle jumped in Raphael’s jaw. “Yeah, we’re together. We’ve always
been together, but not like that. You coming into our lives like this is an answer to a prayer. I’ve been scared out of my mind, wondering what was going to happen to her when I died. You see how she is. She can’t function in the normal world…at least not yet. She needs help…so much help. I’ve tried for years to get her past what happened in our childhood, but I don’t know how. I need to know that she’ll be okay. I need to know if I can trust the man who claims to be her father, and I need to know if I can trust you.”
Luke didn’t quite know what to say. How did you reassure a dying man that strangers would take care of his family?
“Sam is a good man and has accepted the fact that his daughter’s life might not have been perfect. As long as he gets her back in his life, I can guarantee he won’t give a damn about her past. As for trusting me, I give you my word that I will always make sure Jade is happy and safe.”
Raphael sighed. He could tell that Luke Kelly was taken with Jade. Most men were. But he had to know to be careful. He also needed to know that his feelings might never be returned. But there was a limit to what Raphael could say without betraying Jade, which was something he could never do.
“Yeah, okay,” he said. “But I’ll judge that for myself. I think I have that much time.”
Meanwhile, Jade had come face-to-face with Clarence. He nodded at her and then smiled.
“Hello there, Missy,” he said, and handed Jade her bag.
She eyed him suspiciously and then knelt on the floor and unzipped the carryall.
“It’s all there,” Clarence said. “Your box of pictures and paints is up by the office.”
It wasn’t the paintings that Jade was concerned with. She thrust her hand into the bag, digging past the jumble of clothes and her other pair of shoes. She was just starting to panic when her fingers brushed across the cool, smooth surface of the old shirt box at the bottom of her bag. After that, she relaxed and stood up. She eyed him curiously, considering the coincidence of Clarence’s arrival just when she had committed herself to leaving.
“I’m sort of surprised to see you,” she said.
Clarence looked at her, then past her. “You goin’ on a trip. You’ll be needin’ your things.”
“How do you know about that?” Jade asked.
