“I promise I’ll be careful.” That’s the best I can do.
Gideon nods, accepting my altered promise. Raising his hand, he flexes his fingers in front of my face. “Be safe, child.” His hand jolts and with a flash of light I’m back in my living room. I bolt upright, taking a deep breath to steady my heart. I fumble my way to the bathroom mirror. I should look different. I should feel different. If this isn’t my real body, something should be different.
I flip off the bathroom switch and return to the darkness of my living room. My hand slides across the coffee table searching for my cell phone. The small screen lights up the entire room, and my eyes flutter trying to adjust. 2:30 in the morning, It felt like I was in Dream Haven much longer. I dismiss the notifications for five missed calls and 10 texts from Hanna. All of them about the same thing. She wanted to hang out and was worried when I didn’t answer. I want to talk to her about all this, but first I need to see my dad. He’ll be asleep, but this can’t wait. I still have his number memorized, even though it’s been a few years since I’ve used it. I take a deep breath and dial the numbers. He answers after the fifth ring.
“Nadia? What’s wrong?” His voice is groggy with sleep. How do I even begin to answer that?
“I need to talk to you. Can you come over?”
My father groans the way he used to when I tested his patience. “Nadia, can’t this wait until morning?”
I brush aside the urge to tell him it is morning. “No, it can’t.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
The words catch in my throat. “Gideon told me the truth about mom.” With my father being my mother’s guardian, he has to know who Gideon is. Unless it was actually a dream. Then he’ll just think I’m insane. Silence hums between us. “Dad?”
“I’m on my way.” The receiver clicks before I can say another word. There’s no denying it now. It’s real. My whole life has been a lie.
He’s holding two coffees when I open the door. The last three years haven’t been kind to him. His hair is beginning to gray, and the scar above his left eye almost seems deeper. “You still like all that fancy mocha stuff right?” I can’t help but smile. As a coffee purist, he used to say if you can’t drink it straight, you shouldn’t drink it at all.
“Yeah, thanks.” I grab the coffee and shut the door behind him. My hands warm as I grip the small cup, inhaling the fresh aroma of chocolate and java.
“You get that sugary coffee craze from your mom, that’s for sure.” The casual mention of my mother stops me cold. The coffee shakes in my hands as I bite my lower lip. How dare he speak about her now so casually when he wouldn’t even say her name for 17 years. A fire lights in my stomach and I see red.
He makes his way to the kitchen and takes a seat at the bar. The same seat I found him in every morning when I was a child. I round on him, ready to explode, then I look in his eyes. I can see all the pain and regret hiding in there, and the anger melts away. “Why didn’t you tell me about all of this? Why wouldn’t you say anything about mom and who she was?”
“I wanted to protect you. I promised I would keep you safe.”
“Promised who?”
“Your mother. She made me promise if she were ever in danger, I would take you far away.”
“But she wasn’t here when she died, how did you know she was in danger?”
“I assume Gideon also told you I was your mother’s guardian?”
“No, Aeryn did.”
“Aeryn?”
“Yes, he’s my mentor.” My father considers this with a scowl. Does he know Aeryn too?
“Guardians just know. We have a feeling or intuition whenever our stalkers are in danger or cross worlds. That’s usually our sign to get to them as quick as we can. We have to protect their shell.”
“But you took me somewhere instead of protecting mom’s shell?”
“Yes.” He picks at the sleeve on his coffee.
“Why didn’t you just tell me this?”
“How could I tell you it was my fault your mother was gone? I thought if I kept you in the dark about all of this, you could live a normal life. I should have known they would get to you anyway, that they would never give up.”
“Dad, it wasn’t your fault. You kept your promise, and there wasn’t anything you could have done anyway. You couldn’t have gone to where she was.” This is the first time in years I can remember feeling compassion for my father. I’ve spent so much of my life being angry with him, it seems odd to be defending him.
“I tried telling myself that, but I could have saved her by keeping my feelings to myself. We’re not supposed to be involved with our stalkers. We broke that rule, and your mother paid the price. I live with that every day. But thinking you could have a normal life, a human life made it all worth it. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, for you to have a long, happy, and safe life. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant, I didn’t trust myself to keep it from you anymore, and god you look so much like her. But it was all pointless, they still got to you.”
I grip his hand, the sleeve on his coffee cup barely holding on. “I can still have a normal life. Mom’s death doesn’t have to be for nothing.”
“Now that they know where you are, they’ll trap you there, they want your power to help their fight.”
“No, they told me I can choose. I can choose to stay here like mom did.”
“No! Dividing yourself like that will make you too vulnerable.”
“I won’t be divided, they’ll dim my light, and it’ll be as if I’m human.”
“How?”
“I’m not sure exactly, he didn’t explain it, but it’s the Elder’s powers. They can make me forget about it all.”
“Why would they do that for you?”
“Because they said they would.” At least Aeryn said they would.
“Nadia, you can’t believe everything they tell you. Aeryn came to me three years ago asking if he could take you back there, and here he is again. He won’t just let you go.”
“How well do you know them?”
“I’ve spoken with Gideon a few brief times, but Aeryn is the only one I’ve met in person.”
“Well, I may not know him or any of them any better than you do, but I believe them. I trust Aeryn. If they wanted to trap me there, why did they let come home? Why didn’t they just keep me there when they had the chance?”
“I don’t know.” He slams his cup down on the counter and sighs, rubbing at his temples. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe they will let you choose, but I won’t believe it until I see it.” I’m not sure where all of his distrust is coming from, and I don’t want to know. I want to believe they’ll leave me alone if that’s what I decide.
My father and I spend the next few hours talking about my mother. He shares memories of her from before I was born, how brave and fierce she was, how they fell in love and were so happy when they found out she was pregnant. He tells me how much alike we are and shows me the photo album he kept hidden under the mattress in their room. I really do look just like her. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed him the last three years. Before my father leaves to catch up on the sleep I interrupted, we make plans to see each other again, and he leaves the photo album with me. I send Hanna a quick text to let her know I’m fine and just spent the day with my father. It isn’t a complete lie, I did spend several hours with him.
The next morning Hanna shows up with donuts. I’ve been contemplating what to tell her since my father left. I don’t want to lie to her, but maybe it’s for the best. If I choose to stay here, she’ll never need to know, and Gideon won’t have to mess with her memory. She barely sits down before berating me with questions about my father. I grab a plain glazed donut and take a couple bites. I need the sugar before I start this conversation. “We just talked about our lives. It’s been three years, we had a lot to say.”
“How can you be so casual about it? What made him all of a
sudden come see you?”
“I asked him to.”
Her eyebrows jump. “What? Why?”
“Why do you sound like he’s this horrible person I shouldn’t want any contact with? He had trouble dealing with my mom’s death and handled it wrong. That’s all. He’s my father. You’re close to yours, you should understand why I want to see him.”
“That’s different. My father didn’t abandon his kid.” She crosses her arms as if she’s just proved her point.
“He didn’t abandon me. And I wasn’t a kid.”
“You’ll always be his kid, but okay, I don’t want to argue about this again. I’ll drop the abandonment issue. Did he finally talk about your mom?”
“A little.”
“What did he say?”
“That’s kind of private Hanna. Why are you giving me the third degree?”
“I’m just worried about you. You’re already having those weird dreams, I’m concerned about what more stress might do to you. But since when do you not tell me everything?”
“Some things are just private Hanna.”
She pinches off a small bite of a donut. “Like what?”
“Just drop it, ok?”
“Did something happen?”
“Yes, something happened. My father and I spent time together.”
“No, did something happen that you don’t want to tell me?”
I groan, stuffing the last bite of donut in my mouth. “Hanna, it’s too early for this. I haven’t even had my coffee yet.” I can almost see a little hamster wheel turning in her brain. “Can you just go, I need some alone time.”
“Fine.” She snaps the lid closed on the donuts.
I sigh. “Hanna, I’m exhausted, and I just don’t feel like getting into this with you right now. I’ll call you later.” She seems upset, but I need time to figure out a better lie. She walks to the door, but instead of opening it, she locks it.
“Hanna, what are you doing? I told you, I don’t feel like talking about this. It’s not the time for one of your forced conversations.”
“Maybe I’m the one who needs to talk.”
“If what you need to talk about has anything to do with me, it can wait.” I grab the box of donuts and move them to the kitchen counter.
“I’ve been having Nightmares lately.” My stomach somersaults at the way she says Nightmares.
“What did you say?” I ask hoping I heard her wrong.
“Nightmares. I can’t seem to make them stop.” No, she can’t be, I’ve known her for too long, she’s my best friend. Not a Nightmare, it can’t be. She slowly walks towards me a smirk lighting up her face.
“Hanna, what are you doing?” I plead with her as she stalks towards me.
“The nightmares won’t stop, Nadia. They never stop.” I take a step back as she takes another step forward.
“Hanna, what’s going on?” She smirks and takes another step towards me. Without thinking, I grab the closest object to me, a sci-fi novel, and chuck it at her while I run for the back door.
“Ouch!” The book clatters to the floor and heavy footsteps race behind me. I fight with the sliding glass door trying to unlock it. Why do they put so many locks on a glass door? If someone wanted in that bad, they would just break it.
“Nadia, stop! I’m not a Nightmare.” I stop fighting with the door, but before I turn around to look at her, I grab a knife from the kitchen counter beside me. She laughs. “What are you going to do Nadia, are you going to stab me?”
I grip the knife harder. “If I have to.”
“How great would it be if my last words were What are you going to do, stab me?”
“Move any closer, and you may get your wish.”
“Whoa, just calm down. I knew you knew. I knew that’s why you were gone so long.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nadia, I’m your guardian.” I try to form words, but my mind is blank. “Gideon assigned me as your guardian. I’m assuming you met Gideon while you were there.”
“This doesn’t make any sense. I met you when I was six, and I’m not here hunting down Nightmares, I don’t need a guardian.”
“You were a special case since your mom wasn’t around to protect you.” I’m tired of hearing how special my case is.
“You expect me to believe they sent a six-year-old to protect me?” I hold the knife firmly in front of me.
“No, I wasn’t supposed to protect you then, just be there for you. Help you through that tough time.” She glances at the knife.
“So, being my friend is your job?”
“It’s not like that.” Her gaze follows the knife I’m waving about.
“You knew this whole time, why I was having the dream. This whole time I felt like I was going crazy and you knew why.”
“I couldn’t tell you, not until you were ready.”
“Not until I was ready? You’ve been lying to me since day one.”
“Ok, can we put the knife down already?” She nods toward the large knife I have positioned towards her.
“You let me think I was losing my mind.” I wave the knife around ignoring her previous request.
“Nadia, listen to me, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t.”
“If one more person tells me that, I’m going to explode. It’s my life, I had a right to know!” Heat flushes my cheeks.
“Please Nadia, just try to understand.”
“Understand? Understand what? Why everyone believed they had more right to decide what I could handle than I did?”
“Nadia...” She pleads with me as I stab the knife down into the counter and take a deep breath, collecting myself.
“You should leave.”
“Nadia, please.”
I can’t look at her any longer. “Leave!” She dodges the clump of dish towels I hurl towards her face, then leaves without another word. I follow slamming the door behind her with a growl. Walking past the box of uneaten donuts, I push them to the ground. Sprinkles and sugar dance across the tile.
I need to clear my head. I need to talk to Aeryn, climb that hill and for a moment, forget that the one person I truly counted on in this world has lied to me from day one. I should have asked Dr. Delaney to prescribe sleeping pills. Staring at the knife sticking into my kitchen counter, Will’s voice pops into the back of my mind telling me how dangerous it is. I place the knife in a safer place, the kitchen sink, and decide to go by the Corner Brew and talk to Will, the only friend I have left. He’s busy cleaning a couple tables, so I order a tea and muffin and take my usual spot. Once the tables are pristine, he joins me. “Hey, Nadia, what brings you in today?”
I let out a long sigh “I just needed to get out. You?”
“Oh, that would be the giant check they grease my palms with here.”
I feel a tug at my lips. “Want half of my muffin?” I break the blueberry muffin in two and hand the larger piece to him. He devours it in two bites. “Don’t forget to breathe.”
“It looks like you need to talk.” Small crumbs fly from his mouth as he speaks. He’s right, I just can’t speak to him about this yet. Ignorance is bliss, if he’s another guardian sent by Gideon, my heart couldn’t handle it.
“No, I just.” I pause for a moment to think. “Honestly, I don’t know what I need.” I run my fingers through my hair detangling the small kinks.
“You know you can tell me anything Nadia, I mean it. I’m here for you.” I still can’t bring myself to tell him, not yet.
“Thanks, Will. What time are you able to escape? I need a distraction.”
“Distraction from what?”
“The gaping nothingness that has become my life. I’m bored.”
He laughs. “My shift ends in a few hours. Do you want to meet me at the beach?”
“Sounds good, but this time try not to spill anything on me.”
“Ha ha. You know, I might start doing it on purpose now.”
“And you know I’ll never believe it’s on
purpose.” I hold out my muffin wrapper for him to take.
He looks at it, then shifts his gaze to my face with scrunched eyebrows. “Do I look like a garbage man to you?”
I look him up and down noting the dirty apron around his waist and the dish towel he slung over his left shoulder. “Yes actually, you kind of do.” I laugh at his overly dramatic feign of offense before he grabs the wrapper from me.
“Looks like I have more garbage to tend to,” He nods towards a table that just emptied. “I’ll see you tonight.” He shouts back at me over his shoulder as he saunters to the dirty table.
…
Will is already there when I make it to the beach, sitting on a blanket with a cooler at the edge of the sand where the waves come just up to his feet. When I walk around, I can see he’s eating a burger. “Sorry, I couldn’t wait, but I did bring you one.” He points toward the cooler where a small brown bag sits next to it.
“A man after my own heart.” I make the joke before thinking it through. I’ll need to remove my foot before eating the burger.
“I was going to prepare something, but I know you prefer take out, and my cooking skills haven’t been tested by anyone but myself.”
“You know me so well.” I take a seat on the beach beside him. “It’s pretty unsanitary to be eating a burger in the ocean.”
“Yeah? Well, I like to live on the edge.”
“First staying after hours at the park, and now eating in the ocean; my God, you’re so dangerous.” I laugh at my own joke. “What’s in the cooler?”
He leans over the cooler whispering. “It’s a surprise.”
“It’s beer?”
“It’s beer. You didn’t have to ruin the surprise, though.” The waves crash onto the beach causing the sand to shift under our feet, slowly making them sink. While we finish eating our burgers in silence, I contemplate what my life would be like if I choose to stay here. I may not have Hanna, but I’ll have Will. He’s become such an integral part of my life, and maybe one day I can return the feelings he has for me. And my father, we’re finally talking, how could I go back to not speaking to him?
Before yesterday, I never would have questioned where my life was headed. But ever since Aeryn showed me around Dream Haven, a sliver of doubt has taken root. How can I not consider it? I used to think this beach was the most beautiful place in the world, but it is nothing compared to the scenery there. And if I choose to stay there, I can help more people. I can help stop the nightmares from taking over the human world. And Aeryn. If I pick this life, I will never see him again, not even in my dreams. I’ve always felt this strong connection with him, and now that I’ve met him, it’s only gotten stronger. Maybe it’s just the mentor bond, but I feel a pull towards him. Even now, I feel weird being here with Will. Like sitting and appreciating nature is something I should only do with Aeryn. Life would be much easier, safer even, if I choose to stay here, but I can’t deny the lure of Dream Haven.
The Other Side of Dreams (Nighstalker Novels Book 1) Page 10
