by K L Finalley
"Well, I guess that's settled. We will look for something more...beachy," Jacqueline exclaimed.
"Why?" Zoe asked.
Jacqueline hesitated. She was not sure how to answer. She and Mallory had many conversations about Zoe's adjustment to a life in which her mother had a girlfriend, rather than a boyfriend. On the surface, Zoe had seemed very well adapted, but, often, Jacqueline felt that she was waiting for signs of upheaval. Nervous that this may be the moment, she proceeded with caution, "I guess I just wanted you to feel at home when you're here."
"I do," Zoe said without hesitation.
Calmed, Jacqueline went on, "Well, good. So, we should make this room look more like the room of a soon to be eight-year-old than a soon to be eighty-year-old."
"I don't wanna have three rooms."
"Huh," Jacqueline was perplexed again.
"I have a room at my dad's house and my mom's house and one with you."
Trying to be considerate of the reality of divorced children, Jacqueline said, "I guess a lot of people have that when their parents are divorced."
She explained, "I'm fine with them being divorced. I just don't want to decorate this room. I don't want to have to pick what to throw away when we move in."
That moment had caught Jacqueline off guard. She thought, How'd we get here? When did I mention moving in? Attempting to be cool, Jacqueline said, "When are you moving in?"
"I hope soon,” Zoe said as she yawned again.
"Your mom and I have tried to be honest with you. So, I have to let you know that she and I haven't talked about moving in."
"You should," Zoe suggested.
"Oh, I should?"
"Yeah, you're either with us at our house or we're here with you. We should just all stay together here."
Hesitant, Jacqueline said, "I don't know if your mom wants that."
"Of course, she does. Don't you want us to be together all the time?"
Jacqueline had never been asked that. While she had thoughts about moving in together, Mallory had never mentioned it. Honestly, she was unsure about the future, but there was a tiny cherub pressing her to answer questions that she had only mulled over when she was alone. Realizing that she was thinking rather than responding, hurriedly, she began to explain, "Of course, I do. Of course, I want you and your mom around all the time, but your mom may still want things to be just the two of you. She may like to have a place where she can go and it be all her own. A place to entertain her friends, visit with your family, or just be with you."
"That doesn't happen. When you aren't there, she just talks to you on the phone or texts you. We should all just move in here together and be a family all of the time."
Jacqueline's heart warmed. Her mind repeated Zoe's words over and over again 'be a family all the time.' She liked the sound of that. She leaned down and kissed the top of Zoe's head. When she did, her nose filled with the smell of citrus shampoo. She readjusted the covers over their bodies and caught a glimpse of them in matching white t-shirts in the dresser's mirror. She smiled knowing that Mallory would be upset that neither were wearing the pajamas that she had purchased them. In a soft voice, Jacqueline said, "Get some rest or you can't go to Abbie's cousin's birthday party this afternoon."
Zoe nodded her head against Jacqueline's chest.
Talking to herself more than expecting to be heard, Jacqueline said, "I love you, little one."
In a whisper, Zoe said, "I love you too, Jax." Jacqueline smiled and they both dozed off.
Chapter 2
Slightly after eight, Mallory's eyes fluttered open. Lying on her side of the massive koa-carved bed, she rubbed her face, hoping to separate her eyelashes. She stretched her arms and legs out from under the covers and yawned the kind of yawn that she did only when she was alone. With her mouth open and her fingers and toes stretched separate from one another, she was at ease. The world was quiet. Lying beneath the bed's canopy, she imagined herself under a real tree. She turned sideways in the bed and allowed her long, red waves of curls to drape over the mattress. As the curtains strained to hold the outside world at bay, a beautiful day seeped into the room and rays of sunlight danced in her hair.
Abandoning the notion of leaving this cocoon, she returned to a vertical position and settled back under the white duvet. She wasn't quite certain that she was ready to leave the comfort of a quiet room with an empty king size bed. Repositioning the bed covers, she rolled onto her other side to avoid the beckoning day. As she laid there, she thought of how Jacqueline's bedroom had become their bedroom. Originally, she had thought Jacqueline's penthouse was classically decorated but felt cold and uninviting. While she had not moved in officially, she had added a sense of color, a sense of life to the place. The window shades had been replaced with blush colored curtains. The bed linens had been updated. With changes here and changes there, the room started to feel more like a home.
With her back to the window, she closed her eyes and released a long, slow sigh when she realized that sleep would not return. Instead, her mind filled with its own conversations. Where's Jax? I wonder if she's working in the office. Why don't I hear Zoe talking? Hmm, maybe they went to pick-up donuts or croissants. I bet that's it. I bet there's a note out there telling me that they'd be right back with breakfast. Maybe, I should get up and start a pot of coffee to go with whatever they bring back.
Convinced that she had determined why she was all alone in an empty bed in a quiet penthouse on a Saturday morning, she sat upright in the bed. With a grumble, her ivory shoulders went slack and she allowed her head to hang low. She began to rotate it around from one side to the other as though she was a boxer preparing for a fight. In a final huff, she committed herself to getting out of bed. She threw back the covers on her side and slid her thin body to the floor. Still rotating her head, she walked into the master bathroom. The sensor on the vanity light was triggered by her presence and, instantly, her face was illuminated in the mirror. She leaned forward into the reflection and inspected herself. Recognizing that there were no new changes to her face since last night, she began to brush her teeth. She hated to see her face in the mirror while she brushed. To her, she seemed transfigured by all the little facial muscles activated by the violent motions inside her skull. Rather than watch, she turned from the mirror and leaned against the sink. She stared at the phenomenal size of the bathroom. It was larger than her bedroom at home. With two sinks, two medicine cabinets, a whirlpool tub, a double shower stall, and a small room for the toilet, the room was huge - almost too big; yet, she admired her decorative skills. The rugs and towels had been bought to match other embellishments that had been added to the bedroom. Working to add color to the penthouse without alienating Jacqueline, the bathroom complimented the bedroom with a blush color overload. She had added bright printed teal and blush towels to the bathroom. From washcloths to rugs to vanity accessories, Mallory had achieved a mini redecoration that was far better and far cheaper than Jacqueline's interior designer. After rinsing her mouth and drying her face and hands, she smiled to herself and left the room that darkened upon her exit.
Outside the master bedroom, things were untouched. The curtains were still drawn. The living room, kitchen, and dining room sat still and dark. She was perplexed. Jacqueline was an early riser. Most mornings, she slipped out of bed and into the penthouse while Mallory slept. However, once up, Jacqueline would open the curtains. She would start the household around sleeping Mallory. If she had decided to leave, there'd have been evidence of her having been up and a note. Walking into all the rooms where notes would be left, Mallory was confused that there was not one. She scurried back to the bedroom hoping to discover that she had overlooked it. Standing at the doorway to the master bedroom, she glanced around. She looked on the dresser, on the nightstands, and in front of the television. There was no note. Fear set in. This wasn't like Jacqueline. No longer did she want to understand, now she just wanted to know where Jacqueline was.
She hurried back across
the penthouse. This time, anxiety drove her to the opposite end of the penthouse. She passed through the living room and headed to the other bedrooms. As she entered the hallway, she knew that Jacqueline hadn't been in her office. The office door was open and the light was off. Unable to resist looking in, Mallory stopped in front of the dark room and turned on the light. Like everywhere else, the room sat cold and quiet. It was obvious that it had not been entered this morning. Her stomach fell; she felt light-headed. She had no idea where Jacqueline was, but she noticed that Zoe's door was still closed. Fearing she might wake her, she hesitated to open it, but she was desperate to be comforted by normalcy. She needed to see someone where she was supposed to be. She stood in front of Zoe's door and gently placed her hand on the knob. Turning it slowly, she did not open it until she heard the latch retract into the door. Gently, she pushed the barrier away and slipped inside.
As she peered towards the bed, her nausea was quelled at the sight of Jacqueline's boundless brown body cradling her pocket-sized daughter. The sight of them lying safe and at peace rendered her thoughtless. She stood staring at them and became overcome with emotion. Her eyes began to tear up; she felt flush as a smile etched over her face. In the five months that she and Jacqueline had been dating, she loved most how Jacqueline loved Zoe. Standing in the room at that moment seeing the two of them sleeping soundly, she couldn't love anyone or anything more. She glided out the door and back to the living room to locate her purse.
Desperate to savor the moment, she snatched her phone from her purse and dashed back to the room. Easing around the room, she thought of many angles. She stood beside the bed, she stood at the foot of the bed. She placed the camera over them. She placed it at their feet. Finally, when she had selected the optimum pose, she engaged the shutter. It was quick, but not quiet. The shutter sound, coupled with the burst of light created by the flash, disrupted the moment, but not before the scene had been frozen in time. Zoe squinted her eyes and rolled away; but, Jacqueline opened hers.
Looking down into her confused face, Mallory whispered, "Did we have an argument I forgot?"
Jacqueline smiled. Slowly, she crept out of the bed. She stood up, reached for Mallory's hand, and led her out of the room. Once they were in the hallway, she spoke, "What time is it?"
"Eight, eight-thirty. When'd you go in there? Did she have a dream or something?"
Jacqueline was rubbing her hand over her face as she led Mallory through the penthouse. When they arrived back at the master bedroom, Jacqueline climbed back into bed. Mallory stood beside her waiting on the story, but all Jacqueline said was, "Come lie next to me."
"I just got out of bed."
"Come on, just for a few minutes," Jacqueline pleaded and patted Mallory's side of the bed. Mallory complied. As Mallory slid down beside her, Jacqueline explained, "Zoe came in here in the middle of the night with a stomach ache."
"Why didn't she wake me up?"
Jacqueline scooted up beside her and placed her arm around her. "I don't know. She came to my side. She told me that her stomach hurt."
"Did she have to poop?"
"Nope. The other one."
Mallory chuckled. "Well, you've been fully initiated, then."
"No joke. Puke came spewing out of her. I cleaned her up and took her back to her bed, but she didn't want me to leave. We talked for a little bit, then she started to doze off. I told myself that I was just gonna lie there until she was asleep. But, I guess I fell asleep, too."
"I woke up all alone and I thought you'd gone for donuts or croissants or something. But, things didn't look right. I went looking for you. Oh my God, I was freaking out. I had no idea where you went."
Jacqueline interrupted, "Without my keys?" and pointed to them sitting on her nightstand. "Besides, who runs off from her own place in the middle of the night?"
Mallory was silent. She didn't care for Jacqueline's teasing. In truth, it wasn't the sarcasm in her voice that stung. She could handle sarcasm. What unsettled her was how easily Jacqueline said her own place. They had been together for the past five months. They had keys to one another's homes. They had alternated sleeping in one place or the other, but they hadn't talked about next steps. Mallory was ready to talk about it. She wasn't sure that she was ready to make the transition to a unified life, but she was anxious to know if Jacqueline ever saw it as a possibility.
Jacqueline noticed Mallory's silence. Her eyes had opened as she thought of how best to get out of the hole she had dug. In the end, she thought a simple apology was the best course of action, "I'm sorry. That was rude." Mallory smiled. "I shouldn't have been sarcastic. You were obviously scared when you couldn't find me."
Mallory stopped smiling when she realized that Jacqueline had missed the point of her silence. She thought against discussing it today. Things were going great between them. She and Zoe were happy with Jacqueline in their life. She thought that was what mattered most. "It's okay. Anyhow, I found you lying in bed with Zoe." Mallory rolled over inside Jacqueline's arms. Face to face, she went on, "It was so sweet to see the two of you lying there together. See, I'm crying, again, just talking about it." And, she was. There were tears in her eyes. Jacqueline smiled at her, but didn't speak. "So, I had to run and get my phone and take a picture."
Jacqueline yawned. "You know what I realized last night?"
"What?"
"There's no kid medicine or kid stuff here. I need kid stuff here."
"Kid stuff?"
"Yeah, a thermometer or medicine or a humidifier?"
Mallory laughed, "A humidifier? She'll be eight in two months, honey. We're past the age of a humidifier."
"Well, the other stuff. I couldn't even take her temperature last night," Jacqueline was serious.
"I'm sure that she didn't have a fever," Mallory countered.
"Yeah, well, why'd she throw up?"
"Kids throw up. I'm sure she's fine." Mallory dismissed the entire event, but Jacqueline laid there still making a mental list of all the supplies she would purchase by afternoon. Again, Mallory rolled inside of Jacqueline's arms. She faced the window and waited for Jacqueline to scoot closer.
Jacqueline was in heaven with Mallory lying in bed with her. The sun was trying hard to steal this moment, but the curtains were holding it bay. With just enough light for things to be aglow, she was warm both inside and out. She thought it was very close to perfect, so she said, "You know that room isn't great for a kid."
Mallory's eyes opened. "What's wrong with it?"
"It's all wrong. You know, it's too...grown-up. I asked Zoe if she would rather have something more for little girls..."
Mallory interrupted, "What'd she say?"
Jacqueline laughed, "That she wasn't a little girl. I tried to explain what I meant, but she told me that she didn't really want a third room."
"A third room?"
"Yeah, one here, one at her dad's, and one at your place. I was bummed out."
Mallory said, "I guess that does suck to have so many bedrooms. I didn't want that for her."
Mallory seemed to deflate a little bit. Jacqueline regretted bringing up this topic. In an attempt to lighten the moment, she said, "Better than one bad room, though."
"Yeah, I would've loved a bedroom in a penthouse overlooking Tampa Bay when I was growing up." Mallory regretted saying that as soon as it came from her lips. The last thing she wanted to do was pressure Jacqueline into thinking that she wanted she and Zoe to move in. Hoping the comment would float away into the place where poorly chosen phrases go, she laid still waiting on Jacqueline to speak.
"You and me both," was the extent to which Jacqueline responded. She wanted to discuss moving in together, but she feared that Mallory was not ready. When Abbie spent the night, Mallory required that the sleepover be at her house. Jacqueline complied with the request despite the girls wanting to be in the penthouse. Since that weekend, Jacqueline wasn't sure if Mallory wanted to be in her home, because it was more conducive to children or if sh
e wanted to be in her home because it was their life and should be in her place.
The silence was broken by the sound of Mallory's rumbling belly. Jacqueline said, "Sounds like you really would like some croissants."
"Oooh, that would be nice." Excited by the idea, Mallory flipped over and pushed Jacqueline onto her back. "I will trade you a kiss for a croissant." Then, she leaned down and pecked Jacqueline several times on her lips.
Almost cooing, Jacqueline announced, "Don't start this. There's no time to finish it before Zoe gets up. And, croissants are calling your name."
In the midst of her shower of kisses, Mallory said, "Rain check?"
"Definitely!" Jacqueline reciprocated with one long passionate kiss and, then, hopped out of bed. She closed the room door and began to undress. As she did, she continued, "So, let's recap today's events. You're leaving me and Zoe to go dress shopping with Alex. I am taking Zoe to Abbie's house for the sleepover. Right?"
"Right."
"What time are you leaving?"
"About eleven."
"About eleven? It's almost nine now."
"That's why you have to hurry up and feed me," Mallory teased.
Jacqueline headed for the bathroom. With the water running, she asked, "When does Zoe need to be at Abbie's?" She heard Mallory's response, but she still re-entered the room to talk. Toothbrush in mouth, she said, "I drop Zoe off at one, but then what do I do?"
