by K L Finalley
"It's something," Alex said as she turned around and rested against the sink.
Assuming that Alex was as moved as she was, Jacqueline agreed, "Yeah, it is."
Alex hit her arm. "Have you gone soft? They're probably out there talking about us."
"No," Jacqueline denied.
"Definitely," Paige chimed in.
"I'm gonna go find out," Jacqueline responded. She could care less if they were or they weren't talking about them. She just wanted to run away from the conversations that suspected the worst.
"You can't do that. They'll stop talking when you come outside." Paige warned.
As she walked out of the kitchen towards the sliding glass doors in the dining room, Jacqueline responded, "Nope, you guys forget I get to live in both worlds."
~~~~~~~~
Florida weather can be stifling. The summer humidity can leave newcomers panting for air, or worse, suffering from heat related illnesses. But, an evening in September is better in Florida than in any other state. Jacqueline exited a climate-controlled seventy-eight-degree house to enter a warm breezy evening cookout. The crackle of charcoal mixed with the sounds of children's laughter and men's voices. It wasn't just the sixty-eight-degree weather. It wasn't just the sound of children gleefully playing tag around the yard. It wasn't just the voices of old friends recollecting stories with revelry; nor was it the clamor made about her presence that made her feel wonderful. All of these moments were running simultaneously. All of them were speaking to her heart and, rather than answer or reply, she stood still and allowed a space in herself for them all.
After moments of standing in front of a closed glass door with a smile etched on her face, she spoke, "So, these are the men of my life." And, they answered with a roar. Their words jumbled together in unison with the clanking of beers and the sizzling of meat. She approached Brett and patted him on the back as flames tried to escape from the grill.
Beating back the gift of Prometheus, he responded, "Well, how are ya, Jacqueline?"
"Things're great, Brett. How 'bout you?"
"Can't complain. Can't complain." He wouldn't complain even if there had been a complaint. She patted him on the shoulder once more and turned to the guys who had scattered resin chairs around the fire show.
"Gentleman, how are we tonight?"
Elet arose from his plastic throne and gave her a hug. "We're all great. I'm glad you came."
"Where else would I be?"
Teasing, Reese responded, "Never can tell with you. Mexico? Italy? France?" As he chuckled, his shoulders heaved up and down. She thought of how odd it was that he was the second born Walden child but he had received a much larger physique than his older brother, Elet. Reese was thickset with a strong neck and wide chest. He sat in his teal colored resin chair in a plaid button up and khaki shorts.
Before she could mount a witty reply to Reese's jab, Brett chimed, "Those days are long over. She has a family, now." Tapping the top of the grill with this spatula, he went on, "This is where she's gonna be from now on."
As Elet passed her a red plastic cup of some dark liquor that smelled of shoe polish, she said, "Seems like this is where I am supposed to be."
~~~~~~~~
From the sliding glass doors, Mallory watched the animals in their natural habitat. "Do you hear them? They're giving her a hard time about not being somewhere better."
Sitting at the whitewashed farmhouse dining room table overlooking the living room where Olive, Drew, and Alex were interrogating Pam, Paige said, "Sounds to me like she's fine being in my backyard."
"You think your backyard is better than some tropical vacation spot? Come on, get real."
"Heck yeah, it is. Elet and Reese helped Brett with all the pavers and the raised flower beds. They made an outdoor kitchen with that grill he wanted. Oh, it's nicer than wasabi flavored almonds."
Mallory was stunned by the last part of Paige's statement. Rethinking what had been said, she stuttered, "Paige, you know what I mean. I wish they'd all shut up before she realized that she might be happier somewhere other than taking my kid to a sleepover."
Drew overheard the conversation. He was sitting in the living room attempting to be a good boyfriend, but wished that he could go out and play with the other beasts. "You know, Mallory, I don't know you guys too well, but I've really enjoyed being with Olive and the kids."
Olive hadn't expected that admission. She squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes.
Quick to respond, Mallory said, "That's because you aren't always around. You're easing into dating a woman with kids."
"Ouch," Drew said. "I'm there as much as she'll let me." Olive looked at him with confusion.
"I get what Mallory is saying," Pam stood up and pulled her ponytail tight. She entered the dining room with her wine glass in her hand. "When Reese and I started dating I wondered how he would react to a woman with a child. At first, he backed off a little bit. But, little by little, I think he got swept up in how good I was for him."
Alex rolled her eyes. Looking at Pam, she extended her hand and rotated her wrist in a skeptical circle as she said, "Yeah, I don't know about all of that. But, I have known Jacqueline for years and if she was unhappy, we'd all know." Alex and Olive joined the rest of the party in the dining room. "Look at her. She's sitting in those horrible cheap chairs drinking Elet's disgusting homemade beer laughing and joking."
"Homemade beer?" Drew perked up.
"Yeah, one of Elet Walden's great many talents." Alex reiterated.
"Actually, all the Walden boys," Pam corrected.
"What the fuck ever."
Drew saw this as his perfect opportunity to exit the ice shelf that had formed inside the house. He kissed Olive on the top of her head and proceeded in the direction of alcohol and smiles.
~~~~~~~~
After hours of food and revelry, the night began to draw to its natural end. Olive and Drew were the first to exit. Cheerfully, Olive kissed everyone good night as Drew stood at the open door admiring her. When it appeared that she was coming to the end of her farewell wishes, he extended his hand. As she neared him, she slid her thin fingers into his open hand and squeezed. He said good night on their behalf and closed the door behind them.
Peering outside, Alex said, "I didn't think he was gonna stick around." Paige swatted her with a dish towel. "I'm just saying. She met a man at a club while we were on vacation."
Looking out the other side of the blinds, Mallory agreed. "Yeah, it's great. I think things are getting serious. She says she's supposed to meet the rest of his family."
"Our little Olive Juice," Alex sighed.
Outside, Drew walked her to the passenger's side of his car. He opened the door and closed it after she was inside. As he walked around the back of the car to the driver's door, he smiled and nodded to himself. He grasped the door with confidence and folded his long torso into the car. Before he cranked it, he turned and looked into her brown eyes and said words he had never told a soul. "I love you," he said slowly, making certain that she heard him.
A smile grew wider and wider across her face. Rather than immediately replying, she bounced up and down in the seat. While he took this reaction as a confirmation of her love, he waited hoping to hear an actual affirmation. With her arms reaching for him, she said, "I love you, too." As she kissed him, her elbow beeped the horn.
To which, Alex replied, "Well, I guess that's my sign." She left the living room only to locate Elet in the kitchen. She walked behind him and tugged at his t-shirt. He knew what it meant. In mid-sentence, he stopped speaking and followed her out the front door. Unlike Olive, she didn't say good night or farewell to anyone. Without conversation, the two walked to the driver's side of her yellow Mustang. She opened her door and flung her purse into the passenger seat. He waited for her to turn to face him. Once she did, he kissed her.
"I can't wait until we're heading home together," he said.
"You're the one who doesn't want to move into the apart
ment with me," she said.
"You're the one who doesn't want to live in the house yet."
She groaned. The night had been far too wonderful to rekindle that battle. "Elet," she said, defeated.
"I know. I know." He would live to fight another day.
She leaned towards him and placed her head on his chest. She knew that it would calm him. "Don't stay at Reese's tonight. Drop them off at his place and come and stay with me."
"Will you be awake?" he asked as she turned to get into her car.
As she turned the key, the Mustang roared and she looked up at him and said, "Wake me." Then, she winked and backed away.
He stood outside and followed her every turn. He would stand there until he could no longer see her tail lights. He thought of how she was his fiancé and yet, she wasn't quite his. He shared her with everyone and everything else, but he never knew exactly who or what. He slid his paint-stained fingernails into his pockets and walked back to the house.
When he re-entered, Pam was standing at the door. He overheard her say, "It doesn't make any sense to me."
To which, he asked, "What? What doesn't make any sense to you?"
Quickly, his brother, Reese, interjected, "Nothing, Elet."
"No, let's hear it. Pam, what doesn't make any sense to you?" Elet asked again.
She didn't dare look at Reese. She knew his face would be disproving, but she felt that someone had to tell Elet the truth. She straightened her blond hair back into its tight ponytail and said, "It just doesn't make sense to me why you two aren't living in that house yet. Why you are living with me and your brother? And, why is she still living in her apartment? My God, you're getting married in a few months."
For a second, Elet didn't respond. He heaved his chest out and folded his arms, then he rocked his trim frame on the balls of his feet and said, "Well, I guess you don't have to understand, Pam." Before Reese could apologize or defend his girlfriend, Elet held his hand into the air. His callused fingers brought an end to the conversation. He walked over to Paige and hugged her. In her ear, he said, "Thanks for having us." He shook Brett's hand and patted him on the back. He hugged Mallory. When he approached Jacqueline, he didn't move. He stared into her face.
She lowered her head and looked up at him over the rim of her eyeglasses, then she drew him into an embrace. Before he could speak, she said to him, "Haters gonna hate." She could feel his chuckle. Without any further discussion, he, Reese, and Pam were gone.
~~~~~~~~
The house grew calm. Only Jacqueline, Mallory, Paige, Brett, and the kids remained. Mallory began helping Paige clean the kitchen. Brett carried his sleeping children to their beds. With no assignment, Jacqueline stood at the sliding door and stared into the backyard. Mallory walked up behind her and ran her hand over her shoulder, "Whatcha thinkin' about over here?"
"Nothing. Just wondering where everyone goes from here."
Mallory withdrew within herself. "I guess we'll have to wait and see."
"It'll be fine," Paige said. "It'll all come together. Just wait for it."
Jacqueline sighed and said, "I'm glad you think so." As she waved farewell to Brett who had toys and books in his hands, she headed out into the warm night. Leaning on the Mercedes, she stared up at the moon. When Malory joined her at the car, she didn't notice her.
"Are you still thinking about them?" Mallory questioned.
Startled, Jacqueline jumped, "Oh, sorry." Then, she opened Mallory's door. Before she walked to the driver's side, she leaned into the car and kissed Mallory a sweet and simple kiss that always felt like the perfect end to an evening out. As she got inside the car and pressed the button to start it, she said, "I'm glad that we're going wherever we're going together." As they pulled away, she turned to her and said, "Wait, where are we going?"
Chapter 5
Mallory emerged from the bathroom engulfed by a cloud of steam. Her hair was twirled inside of a towel that rested precariously atop her head. Her skin was luminous from her fresh steam bath as she glided towards the bed. Jacqueline failed to look up from the screen of her tablet. Instead, she felt the sudden heat from the bathroom and began to speak. "I had a great idea for a wedding gift."
Sensing her excitement, Mallory did not deter the conversation, "Oh yeah. What?"
"An arch."
"An arch?"
Still, typing away on the tablet that rested on her lap, Jacqueline explained, "Yes, an arch. I was lying here in bed thinking that as best person that we should really get them something great. Then, I thought about all the things that I loved the most and I couldn't decide between the doors and the bed. Buying them a bed is too personal and the doors on that house are the originals, so Elet would replace them. But, I thought that I could probably have an arch made. That'd be cool."
"This seems like a lot of trouble for a little thing that they are only gonna stand in for a few minutes," Mallory replied.
"That's what I thought at first. Then, I checked out some arches that other people had. There's ones out there that are big enough to keep. I mean they are so big that after the wedding they could put it in the backyard." She continued to type. "They could go out there and sit under it."
Mallory lowered her head and let the towel unravel itself from her hair. As it unwound and slid into her waiting hands, her waves of red were abound. It was a routine that Jacqueline had enjoyed watching. The secret highlight of every evening. Sitting in the room bright with the fluorescent lighting, Jacqueline admired the contrast of her crimson red locks resting on her ivory shoulders. As usual, she was rendered speechless. Her face beamed. Mallory hadn't noticed that she had stopped typing. Feeling amorous, Jacqueline said, "Come here."
Having heard Jacqueline's whispered plea, Mallory responded, "No, honey. I'm tired."
"You're too tired to come over here?" Jacqueline placed the tablet on her nightstand and swung upright on the edge of the bed.
Mallory's arms and head went limp as she trudged to Jacqueline's side of the bed. "It was a really, long day. I took a nice long shower and was looking forward to curling up beside you in bed and dozing off to sleep."
With her hands on Mallory's waist, Jacqueline looked up into Mallory's pleading eyes and coyly responded, "Who said that's not what I wanted, too?"
As Jacqueline began to kiss her stomach, Mallory wiggled free, "All right!"
Defeated, Jacqueline moaned and returned her blown legs back under the covers. Smirking, she recovered her tablet from the nightstand.
Mallory eased into bed and nuzzled against her arm until Jacqueline lifted it and held her close. Lifting her head to look at the screen, she said, "That's not an arch. It's a damn gazebo."
"Well, I guess. Kinda."
"How much is that gonna cost?"
"I'm not sure. I bet it would be less than the bed. I sent an email to Noah, the guy who helped me with the doors and the bed, to get the all the info, but I need him to hurry. It's only a few weeks until the wedding."
Mallory sat up. "You made this entire decision in the last twenty minutes? Price unknown?"
Realizing that she was traveling down uncertain waters, Jacqueline responded cautiously, "Well, I've been thinking a lot about what to get."
"No, I understand that. But, it sounds to me like you've decided."
"Don't you think that it would be really nice?" Jacqueline faced her. "Do you have a better idea?"
"No, I think it's an awesome gift. I'm sure they'd love it, but don't you think that we should've talked about it?"
"That's why I mentioned it when you got out of the shower," Jacqueline retorted. Then, she feared that she should not have spoken with such haste. She could tell that something about this had upset Mallory. And, while she was not completely sure what she had said wrong, she knew that she should clarify this misunderstanding. "If you thought it was a bad idea or a bad gift, then that would've been the end of it."
"I don't think you understand." Mallory retracted to her side of the bed. "You were
alone for twenty minutes. And, in that time, you decided to spend a few thousand dollars on a wedding arch for our friends and all you wanted to ask me was, is this a nice gift?"
Jacqueline stared as Mallory said that. She had no response. Mallory had explained what had occurred. She didn't disagree, so she sat still waiting on Mallory to continue. But, Mallory didn't continue. Instead, she looked into Jacqueline's dark brown eyes and blinked away her tears. As Mallory turned her head and began to roll onto her side, Jacqueline said, "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I was just thinking about a gift. I just wanted it to be something special."
"You don't have to spend thousands for them to feel special."
Jacqueline leaned against Mallory's back. "I didn't think I had to. I just wanted them to have something nice. Something that I thought would be nice."
"But, don't you see? Don't you see why I'm upset?" Mallory began to cry. The tears that rolled down her cheeks were filled with a concoction of emotions.
Jacqueline no longer cared about the arch. She had forgotten about the nature of the argument. Instead, she wanted the tears to stop. She wanted to end whatever was so deeply troubling Mallory. She placed the tablet on the floor hoping that if it was out of sight that it couldn't cause any more harm. Then, she rolled onto her side and curled her body closer to Mallory. Stroking her arm, she pleaded, "Tell me what's wrong. Please."
Mallory shook her head against the pillow as Jacqueline continued begging to be told what had caused this outpouring. After a few moments, Mallory rolled towards Jacqueline and turned her head into Jacqueline's chest. Fearing that she might smother, Jacqueline rolled onto her back. Through her sniffles, Jacqueline understood little of what Mallory was mumbling, but she did understand, "I don't know what we're doing. I don't understand what's happening. Just when I think I know what's going on, something new happens."
"What does that mean? What we are doing is being together. We're just living."
The crying stopped. Mallory lifted her head. Her eyes were blank. Her emotions had been stilled. Jacqueline thought she'd made things better until Mallory spoke. "Just living? Just living? What does that, even, mean? Is that what you want from your life?" Then, the crying returned. This time, the tears seemed heavier, stronger. Somehow, they contained more anguish than they had before. As the emotions raged like a brush fire, Jacqueline was not searching for the source. She was putting out the fire. She rubbed Mallory's back and made quiet sounds that she hoped would soothe her. As it started to work, Mallory returned to talking. "I love you," Mallory continued. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else. It's almost instinctive, but at the same time, I'm so scared. I never know what you're thinking or feeling or planning. You won't let me in." Then, there was no more. Those were the final words she spoke for a long while. Her head rested gently upon Jacqueline's chest, but her eyes continued to unleash a flood.
