“That’s where I want you.” His dark eyes held me captive. “But that’s not all I’ve thought about while you were lying here.” Something about the way he was behaving—his actions and words had my stomach in knots—the kind that was sure to go up in flames. His hand was on my shoulder, tugging down my shirt until the X was in view. “Actually, that’s not the truth. I’ve been thinking about the mark for a while now, but it wasn’t until I could do nothing while you were facing Fear on your own, that I stopped hesitating and gave into the idea.” I waited for him to go on. “I wonder… what would Heaven think if I were to place my own mark on your skin? I wonder if it will be enough to keep you away from Fear even after you die.”
My face must have mirrored my emotion—conflicted. The first thing I thought about every time the mark was mentioned was pain—agonizing, brutal, and wrong on so many levels. Fear gave me his mark when I was only a child and with it came the trauma and years of seeing ghosts and wondering if I was crazy or different than everyone else. It meant ownership in the Underworld of my very soul.
Then there was Killian—my protective, gentle, dark, loving Grim Reaper who wanted to turn something horrible into a way of saving me. I also hadn’t overlooked the storm in his eyes or his voice when he brought it up. It stirred something in him more than protectiveness. Something primal—dark and it made me wonder if it stemmed from his incubi traits or me alone. And if I was right about it, then I didn’t know how I should feel. The idea was tempting and heating my body right now, that I wouldn’t deny, yet the idea of going through what Fear already put me through again…
“I haven’t seen you look at me that way since we first met,” he told me. “Cautious and afraid,” he murmured as he pulled my shirt back up and leaned away. I could see him backpedaling with his actions as he tried to give me some distance. “I would never do something you wouldn’t want me to do, but I can’t lie to you and say that I’m not willing to do anything to keep you from him—and to keep you with me.” Butterflies weren’t just in my stomach but my heart.
I scooted over to him and I saw the flicker in his eyes. “So, this is what’s been on your mind lately? Every time you were gazing at Fear’s mark, you were wanting to add your own to my skin?”
“Yeah,” I hoped he wouldn’t avoid the question and smiled when he didn’t. “I never thought that I’d want to put a mark on someone… until now.” I didn’t say anything. “The choice will always be yours to make, I won’t ever stop looking for a way to protect you from Fear’s mark if killing Marcus doesn’t work… but you will stay here until this is over.”
Anticipation rolled over my skin more than nerves. I looked around the room—it was the one I stayed in during my last stay here. The hidden room behind the piano that sat in the ballroom. “So… will I be sleeping here?” I asked because I wanted to know what he really felt, whether he wanted me here or with him.
“You know exactly where I want you, but that is entirely up to you as well.” The intensity of his gaze felt smothering, but it wasn’t just his gaze, my body was feverish and suddenly all this built-up desire between us was close to igniting—there was no incubus voodoo, no doubts, no unspoken words left—we were heading for the inevitable.
How could he not know my answer? I’ve wanted him long before I wanted to accept my feelings for him. Since the night I took his hand behind Deb’s Diner—in every way, physically, mentally. My feelings were so strong that sometimes it scared me—the need to just exist with him.
I must have been lost in thought and before I could give him my answer, he said, “I’m going to go check the woods out with Lincoln. I won’t ask you to come to my room, though you know that’s where I want you. You can stay here.” He brought his hand to my cheek. “Later, if you decide to come to me, all you have to do is say my name.” He had to make everything sound sensual and sexy, which caused an ache to spread between my thighs and I squeezed them together. “Or get Ralph to take you to my room.”
Did he know what his words were doing to me? With his incubus traits coursing through him, how could he not? He stood from the bed and leaned over me—all dark and mesmerizing and lifted my chin up. I met his eyes—that smirk, he knew there was no resisting him. “Just know that if you come to my room, we won’t only be sleeping.”
He left me there without me being able to get one word out. He was giving me time, but I didn’t need it. With him, I was always sure.
As I walked past the full-length mirror, I had to do a double-take. I looked horrible. Not horrible, horrible, I supposed just… rough, and a shower would do me good right now. I made a mental note to do that before I made my way to Killian’s room—heat spiraled through my stomach again at the thought of being with him. I was in a permanent state of arousal, thanks to him.
I left the room and went to find Ryan. My stomach growled in protest and I placed my hand over it. Okay, I hoped he would be agreeable with eating and talking. Luckily, Ralph was present in the hallway, and he told me Ryan went outside a few minutes ago. It didn’t take me long to find him with Sky and that alone made me smile. I arched my brows at her, the dragon who didn’t trust him at first was now rolled over on her back across the steps as he rubbed her stomach like she was some sort of dog.
“She came around a lot more than I figured she would with you,” I said, interrupting them both.
Sky rolled her head around to look at me before she got up and came to me. Ryan sat on the steps as he grinned at her then me. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
I rubbed my hand across Sky’s scales as I sat down next to him. “I’m okay, I just need a good soak.”
He looked me over and nodded. “That you do,” he agreed.
I snorted. “You weren’t supposed to say that.” We both laughed and I watched Sky make her way back over to him. “Seriously, I’m kind of jealous, you’ve already got to spend a lot more time with Sky than I have. I mean, look at her.” I squinted my eyes at her. “I feel betrayed, somehow.” She tipped her snout up at me and looked away.
“Are you really okay?” he asked again.
“Yes, why?”
He sighed. “Because Melanie you were stuck in that dream—or whatever— for a day with Fear. You didn’t see the way we saw you lying there, it was messed up.”
“Ryan, I’m perfectly fine. Maybe I’m just used to almost dying all the time.” There was that word again. Almost. My world revolved around it.
“You shouldn’t have to be.”
“Maybe once Marcus is gone, Fear will let us both go,” I said it like it was an actual possibility when I really couldn’t imagine Fear doing that. He was Marcus and I doubted his thoughts were any different—or would be any different once he was separated from him.
“Yeah,” he said like he had the same thoughts as me.
The charred skin was spreading up his neck and slowly running onto his face. “It’s spread even more,” I told him.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay with whatever happens to me.” I could tell that he genuinely meant it. “Just more than anything, I want to see for myself that our family and town is gonna be okay.”
“You’ve given up on you, but I’m still holding out for a miracle.”
He looked at me and shook his head with a smile. “I think we’re too far down in Hell to get one of those miracles you’re hoping for.”
I shoved him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into him and sighed. “I think I’m okay with you being with him now,” he said out of nowhere.
“Huh?” I tilted my head to the side.
“He really cares for you, I don’t know how deep that goes, but it was strong enough for him to fall to his knees and lose himself when you weren’t waking up. Because of that, it’s easier to accept why you can’t love me like I want you to.”
“Thank you for finding me that day in the classroom. Thank you for being my best friend ever since.” I felt like I should tell him that.
“I really wish Tess
could have heard you say that.” And we both laughed.
My stomach growled. “Want to go with me to raid the fridge?” I asked.
Fifteen minutes later, we were propped up on the kitchen counter as I devoured two ham and cheese sandwiches and a bag of Doritos I found in the cabinet. Killian had the kitchen stocked with food. Ryan only took a water.
“Do you not have to eat anymore?” I asked him.
“I didn’t when I was a ghost but now I do. I feel alive, only I’m not—I’m just part monster.” Me and my stupid mouth.
“I’d rather you be part demon than nothing at all,” I blurted out, and his eyes went wide. “Don’t look at me like that. I accepted the fact that I can’t save you myself, but you’re still here right now.” I grabbed his hand. “And until there’s no sign of you left, I won’t stop holding out for that miracle.” I made him smile.
“I saw that he found out your love for ice cream cake,” Ryan brought up.
“Huh?”
He motioned with his head to the fridge. “One’s in the freezer.”
My mouth did a giant O as I nodded. I glanced at the door. “Who are you waiting for?”
“What?” I said nervously.
“You’ve been eyeballing the door every few seconds.” So, he noticed, did he?
I sighed. “Have I?” I feigned not knowing.
He looked me in the eyes. “Go. It’s written all over your face that you’re waiting on him.”
His words made my heart speed up because I was waiting. I was getting anxious and the longer I sat here thinking about it, the more nervous it made me. Ralph still hadn’t come for me but then he told me all I had to do was say his name and he’d be there. Only wouldn’t it better if I bathed before I saw him again?
I didn’t know. My mind was back and forth with all the things I wanted Killian to do to me and all the insecure little things that came with having my first time with him. Would it hurt? What if it was bad for him or me? What if I did something weird? Then I’d go right back to the pain, I hated pain and I was pretty sure the first time for anyone was a disaster, right?
Why did I start thinking?
I knew what my heart wanted—it screamed for Killian in every way, with each beat, and with every conversation, every touch we shared, it only reached for him more. I knew what my body wanted. The sweet, torturous ache between my legs was a constant reminder of how bad I wanted him.
“Is everything all right? You’re shaking,” Ryan couldn’t help but ask me. I could only nod in reply. My body had a will of its own, and my mind was slowly cracking under the pressure. It was insane, how much I felt with just thought alone.
“Melanie,” Ralph’s voice drifted from the doorway and the relief I felt when he finally came for me made me weak in the knees.
I slid off the counter and looked to Ryan. “I’m going—”
“You’re nervous about something, relax.” Embarrassment crept against my cheek and I wondered if Ryan sensed what I was nervous about. I didn’t know what to say and thankfully if he knew, he pretended not to. “I’ll see you later.” He walked out the door and left me with Ralph.
“Do you wish for me to show you to Grim’s room?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said within a heartbeat.
Chapter Fifteen
Melanie
Killian’s room was on the first floor and in the same hallway as the kitchen. When Ralph stopped in front of the door, it looked no different than most of the doors in the castle, yet it was the place Killian slept when he did sleep. A few weeks ago, he invaded my privacy by barging in my bedroom unannounced all the time and now… I was finally invading his. Not invading, he wanted me here.
“Go ahead,” Ralph told me as his feline tail swayed behind him. It took me a few seconds before I nodded and he smirked. “You can use his bathroom to bathe,” he added, and I felt the scarlet wash over my cheeks. Oh, God. Of course, he knew and it wasn’t that I was ashamed. I just preferred privacy.
He left, and I opened the door to Kilian’s room and shut myself in. One look around his room and I could tell it was his. It was simple and not at all grand. I’ve never seen him wear colors that weren’t dark—he was plain in that way. He never tried to impress anyone because he didn’t have to, he was impressive as is.
The light in the room was coming from a few floor lamps. The colors in his room consisted of multiple shades of gray. The walls were stone as well as the floor—like most of the castle itself. The floor was almost a black color, though. His bed was huge with black and gray covers. A dark blue, circular mat poked out around the bed, it looked soft to touch.
The wall in front of me was nothing but shelves covered with all kinds of trinkets and things that looked valuable. I walked over to look at them. There was some sort of white globe that rested in a hand, a few necklaces in closed displays, a set of knives, a pair of claws (I had no clue), and even more that I couldn’t put a name to. The curiosity of it all was killing me. Did he have a certain taste for weird things or did each of these tell a story from his past? I clutched my necklace with a smile. He had this necklace made from the pearl he took from the demon in the lake, so maybe these were all no different.
I spotted the second door in the room and figured it had to be his bathroom. Before he decided to show up, I hurried inside to bathe. I slid my hand across the wall until I found the light switch. The room was bright and clean. The tub sat in the middle of the floor. It was huge, and I was going to enjoy cleaning off. My hair felt icky and my body needed a good scrub down after today.
I let the water run while I took off my clothes and sighed in contentment when my body sunk into the water. I took my time dipping my head in the water and washing my hair. Killian must have been anticipating this because I found a new razor, so I shaved next and with each stroke I slid up my leg, I was reminded of what I was about to do. I was already warm from the water, but now I was scorching.
Once I got out of the bath, I dripped water across the floor as I grabbed a towel. It wasn’t until I dried off that I realized I had nothing to wear. The black robe materialized in front of me as soon as the thought came to mind. I looked around the room expecting to see Killian, but I was alone. I smiled and took the robe knowing that he must be on the other side of the door.
And holy crap, my own thoughts were killing me. I was going to exhaust myself before anything even happened between us.
I placed my wet, tangled hair against the robe and didn’t care that it needed to be brushed. With no second thoughts, I opened the door. The room was empty and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed as I stepped into the room. Once I was halfway in, two muscular arms enveloped me from behind. It was unexpected and my body lit up for him just like that. He dropped his chin over my shoulder and his nose pressed against my hair as he breathed me in. I closed my eyes and tilted my head to the side.
“I should treasure you,” he whispered. “But first I must ruin you.” He trailed a finger down my cheek. “Ruin me.”
“Why is that?”
Then before I knew it, I was facing him, being pulled in by his eyes. They were warped with desire or maybe it was the reflection of my own. “Because there’ll be no escaping each other after that.” Somehow, I knew his words were the truth. “I told myself I’d wait, but lately, I’m only desperate to get you beneath me.”
I was overcome with emotion. My chest was close to bursting and I couldn’t keep the words to myself. “I love you.” I kissed him and he kissed me.
“I love you,” he replied.
With our pleasantries out of the way, his eyes shifted from desire to longing, from want to need. I knew it was finally time for us to collide—our emotions, our bodies—our souls.
I stepped back. He came forth. I took another step back, he took a step forward again… and again. We waited several breathless seconds before he snatched me by the wrist and pulled my arm over my head. His lips smashed into mine. A throaty moan fell from my lips onto his—tongue
s collided and my desire became a throb to the point that it hurt.
My free hand sought out his skin and I raked my nails across his shirt, I was so desperate to feel him. Only he took hold of it and placed it with my other hand above my head. He gripped them both with one hand as he continued to kiss me. His other hand was already at the opening of my robe and soon it was covering one of my breasts. That small amount of contact was enough to make me fall into him.
“Killian,” I cried out.
He released me and I was so bent out of shape, I stumbled backward. He didn’t smirk, he relished in what he did to me. I started walking backward quickly in the direction of the bed. I wanted him there and he knew it. I stopped once I felt the presence of the bed against the back of my legs. This time he did smirk and with the wave of his hand, my robe fell off my body as black feathers. They floated to the floor until they made a puddle around my feet.
I was butt-naked and instinctively my hands flew up to cover myself and his jaw tightened. “Don’t,” he warned me. “No shying away from me, not when I’ve already seen everything,” he told me as he came for me. “By the time we’re finished, your cheeks will be stained crimson and you’ll no longer have a reason to hide yourself from me.”
It was a natural habit to cover oneself when naked in front of a guy like Killian. I was a tad nervous was all, but more excited than anything. I dropped my hands and waited for him. “Fuck,” he muttered, sending ripples of pleasure where I was already throbbing. “You’re beautiful. No wonder I’m a lost cause when it comes to you.”
“Take off your clothes,” I told him just as he stopped inches in front of me. He grabbed his shirt from the back and pulled it up over his head. I practically drooled as I admired his abs. He was a big guy and right now, I loved feeling small next to him.
“Want me to keep going?” He met my eyes with a smoldering look and I nodded silently, mouth still hung open. He tore at his zipper and my heart soared, I was about to see what I wouldn’t dare look at when we were in the pond together. He kept his eyes on my face as he tugged his jeans down—nothing underneath and his erection stood for attention like it was begging for me to look, touch. I felt myself get hot and a little bit of fear crept up my spine at the size of him. Nothing about him was average, and I suddenly wondered if maybe we weren’t compatible down below. What did I expect with Killian? He was big in general and especially down there. I swallowed hard.
'Til Death We Meet Again (A Grim Awakening Book 3) Page 13
