Starting this day, until the very last day, I’d write to him what I couldn’t say. Even though he wouldn’t get them now, he would someday, but it wasn’t only for that reason. I needed to get the words out, I needed to find peace in this storm.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Killian
My hands rested on the desk from where I sat and slid my fingers across the chest that held a part of Melanie inside. I hated that she had to live without it. I knew how it felt to be ripped apart. I felt my anger rising just thinking about it.
I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do… she was safe and that meant everything to me, but I still wanted her by my side.
My necklace warmed and I lifted my head from my palms. An idea came to me and I hurried to get the necklace off my neck. Our necklaces were connected. What if… my skin was feverish as I sent some of my power through the necklace. It opened a view for me in the center of the necklace. I recognized Melanie’s room right away.
My face was hot, even my palms were clammy. I caught myself looking over my shoulder. Bloody hell, I was nervous as hell at the idea of one of the angels coming in and taking the only thing I had left to feel connected to her. I turned my attention back to the view the necklace was giving me. It wasn’t Melanie—there was no way I could see her, but it didn’t take me long to figure out what the necklace was showing me. It was showing me what her necklace saw, what she was doing. I could tell she was on her bed, probably sitting Indian style. I smiled at the idea of her sitting there. A notebook was open and the pencil was moving—she was moving it, but all I saw was it moving on its own.
I read the words she was writing:
Killian: My Grim Reaper,
I’m calling you “mine” because I feel like that’s what you are. If fate led me to be yours then that must make you mine. (listen to how possessive I sound)
I don’t want to believe that any of this is happening. One minute, I’m in your arms losing myself to you then the next, we killed Marcus… and Ryan became Fear. I don’t want to accept what Fear chose to do to Ryan. How could he? Ryan’s strong, though, right? He’ll still be the boy I knew, won’t he?
A lifetime without you. I won’t see you again until death? How do I live a normal life now that I can’t see ghosts anymore? What is normal? I’ve not been normal for a very long time. I don’t wish to be normal anymore. The only thing I want is you. We are the only thing that makes sense in my life and now I don’t even have you.
I know you won’t see this letter, at least not for a very long time, but it’s something I must do, even if it’s only a piece of paper, these words are for you. I’ll keep writing you so I can learn to live without you.
The scariest part of the wait is the thought of you not waiting. I believe in you: us, but this first day has been dark and I’m afraid of future doubts.
I guess this is enough for the first night, surprisingly, I feel better.
Oh, and my mom might sort of… okay, be entirely convinced that you hurt me. Sorry, it’s my fault. I cried, a lot and she mistook the reason.
Love, Melanie
And Melanie had just given me the way I’d survive the centuries to come without her.
Killian,
I went to your house today, only it’s not yours anymore… A “For Sale” sign was hung up in the window and there was also one on your Corvette. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t gone, but I’m drawn to everything that will lead me to you. I guess I was still holding onto the hope that there was a loophole, but there isn’t…
Because you would have already come to me if there was.
I’m overwhelmed today as well, maybe it will always feel like this. In time, will I breathe easier?
Love, Melanie
I opened a blank diary up and started writing words that would never reach her after her second letter the next day.
Love,
Melanie: My Light; My Love,
You are so many things to me. From the moment I met you, I was terrified of breathing the same air you breathe, yet I also wanted your acceptance and I wanted your blue eyes pointed in my direction. You have no idea how much you consume me.
I haven’t messed with the house, which means the angels took it out of my hands regardless of what I decided. Not that it matters, I can’t see you and you don’t need to be protected anymore. If there’s one thing good that came out of this mess, it’s that I know you’re safe. You’re free of the mark and you no longer have to worry about demons or ghosts. I’ll keep the part of you that you lost with me until you can return to me whole.
I feel bad that I can peek through your necklace and see everything you’re doing, yet you see nothing of me, but not bad enough for me to ever stop.
Our time isn’t now, Melanie, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it to be. The angels may be slightly sadistic despite their halo. Who cloaks two lovers from each other? I hate the fact that I can walk the same street as you and every single person can see me, but you.
I’ll come for you, just wait. Wait, even though we shouldn’t have to.
’til death,
Killian, Your Grim Reaper.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Killian,
I graduated today. I can’t believe it’s been seven months since I last saw you—seven months of letters that I’ve written you. I’m left with a complete notebook and a new diary that gets fuller every day.
My mood is ugly today. While everyone is celebrating with their friends and families, I’m huddled up on a toilet hiding from mine. There’s been a distance between Mom and me that I can’t break. She thinks my pining over you is pointless and wants me to move on, and I can’t make her understand.
So, I’m hiding from her and the stuffy looks she keeps giving me and the pictures she wants to take like the other families in the hall.
I miss you.
Truthfully, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life. I’ll go to a community college and then what? I don’t know. I’m lost. I never let myself think of a future while I saw ghosts, which now seemed rather stupid and pathetic… I just ignored it. I guess it’s easy to say I still haven’t figured out how to be normal.
Ryan… they reserved a spot for him at graduation today. The seat he would have sat in today was left empty. It was out of respect for him, but it tore my heart right back open. I think about him and where he might be and what he’s doing. I’m afraid for him.
I should have asked you at what age was I meant to die, but something tells me you wouldn’t have told me anyway.
Sky’s been on my mind lately, too. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her, either.
Love, Melanie
Melanie,
I used to think your time was short, but now it feels like too many when that time is what’s keeping us apart. What’s been months for you has already been years here, but I keep myself busy in the human world as much as I can to shorten the time for me. It helps that I always have death to deal with, but here lately, I’m in the Underworld more than I want to be. Demons have been an issue lately and I’ve been descending more than ever before.
I’ve been looking for Ryan, but when I get close, he disappears. I get the feeling that he doesn’t want to be found, but I also have that sense that he will come on his own soon. I know you’d ask me how I knew and that’s why the word “vain” pops up in my head more than I care to admit. I have you to thank for that.
As for what you’re going through, I know you’ll do fine. You will find your own way. I want to tell you to be strong, but sometimes I don’t know even know how. When it gets to be too much, I just remember that I’ll have you in my arms again. I keep reminding myself that this is a small price to pay to have you to myself for eternities to come.
Killian
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Melanie
“You,” I pointed to Tess, “Tessa Jones, the girl who is terrified of needles, wan
t to become a nurse?” I asked for the billionth time as we sat on soft, comfy sofas and filled out applications for the fall at a community college.
She lifted her gaze from the paper and sighed. “That’s completely different. I will be the one with the needle.”
I snorted. “I still can’t imagine it.” I shook my head and thought about it again. “I still can’t. Why can’t I?” I laughed.
She huffed and glared at me. “At least I have an idea. You have no clue.”
She had me there. “Sor-ry,” I sang the word out nice and slow for a full effect and she smiled.
Something caught Tess’s eye. “That dude is totally checking one of us out.” She started waving at someone and I froze, not wanting to turn around. She added a whistling sound, and I shushed her quickly. “What? He’s hot.”
I groaned. “Go talk to him, just don’t try any funny business that involves me,” I said, squinting my eyes together. She batted her eyes innocently. She was trying too hard to hook me up with someone lately. I stood and walked to the counter, placing my application next to the computer while the administrator spoke to the guy Tess had been whistling at. Tess followed right behind me and the moment we were out the door, she started, “Come on, Melanie. When are you going to get over Killian? He was hot, I’ll admit, but he’s gone and he’s not coming back. The asshole left you. You have to move on.”
I turned around and she almost collided into me we were walking so fast. “I don’t want to date, Tess. I like myself just fine the way I am.” I brought my index finger to my mouth and tilted my head before looking at her again. “Wait, maybe I’ll date myself.”
She rolled her eyes at me and we continued walking. She was quiet for a while in the car while I drove her home. “Really, though.” I sighed, and she went on, “You can’t see them anymore. You’ve finally gotten what you’ve always wanted, to be normal, and now you don’t even want to accept it.” I knew I would regret telling her I couldn’t see ghosts anymore. “It’s almost like you hate that you can’t anymore.” Her words were close to the truth. Only, it wasn’t the ghosts I missed, it was the one they hid from me when he came around.
“It’s a lot worse to know they’re there and you can’t see them. Every time I get a cold chill I think I’m walking through a ghost.”
Tess threw her hands in the air. “Now you can imagine how I’ve felt all these years. You’re always saying there’s a ghost around and me not seeing anything. I swear, I thought I was going to break out into hives every time.” She grabbed her arms and started rubbing them. I couldn’t help but smile. “But seriously, what are we going to do with the rest of our lives?”
Wait to die.
“I have no clue.”
________
Killian,
Mom got Alex a puppy for his eighth birthday. A solid white Siberian with blue eyes, and now all I can think about is Sky. I wonder how she’s doing and if she finally gave into Rixen?
I really miss you. I miss your home, your world, the colors and sky. What I wouldn’t give to be on Sky’s back and be there right now… What I wouldn’t give to be in your arms.
This fate and destiny thing between us, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. When we were destined like this to fall in love, it made me question whether we would have fallen for one another without it, but then again, is every relationship, good or bad, decided by fate the same as ours?
We met before we were supposed to, so we kind of made our own fate, right? I can’t imagine my feelings being anything but what I decide… I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t love you because I’m supposed to, I love you because I want to.
Love, Melanie
Melanie,
Waiting for you—missing you—is hard, but the thought of not knowing you is much worse. It’s unbearable to think that I might not have known you already. You’re not with me now, but the fact that we’re together doesn’t change.
You don’t know that I’m writing to you every time you write me. I’ve even tried getting my letters to you. I’ve placed them in your room before, but the angels have them sent right back to me.
Don’t worry, I haven’t given up on the idea. I’ll find a way to let you know you’re not alone—I’m right here, waiting with you, for you.
Sky misses you a lot, but she’s a leader now like Rixen. Yes, she finally took her place by his side and you know exactly what that means, Love, the dragons that once made her an outcast, treat her like a queen.
Killian
Killian,
Something life changing happened to me today, well not entirely, but I think I discovered what career I want to do.
I went to the grocery store for Mom today and on the way home, I witnessed a wreck right in front of me. Scared the life out of me! I’d forgotten what it felt like, my heart hadn’t pounded against my ribcage in almost a year… I kind of missed the rush of the adrenaline pulsing through my veins.
I pulled off the side of the two-lane road and quickly got out to check on the vehicles. One of the vehicles was an Explorer and I could see the man checking on his family inside. I dialed 9-1-1 as I walked to the other vehicle—small S10 truck. The driver was a woman and she was crying. The first thing I did was asked if she was okay. She was alert and talking to me as she held her stomach. It was easy for me to tell her nose was broken, but I didn’t know what else might be wrong.
She was crying, and I couldn’t help her. The family in the Explorer were all okay, except for the mom being a little bruised up. The ambulance arrived and I stood there and watched as they took over, reassuring the family and calming the hurt woman as they placed her on a stretcher. Even when they told me to leave, I stayed and even after the police and ambulance left, I was still standing there.
The adrenaline was gone, but the feeling it created in me was there to stay. I had a life moment, Killian. I was standing there on that creepy road and letting the food ruin in the car, but all I could think was, “That’s what I want to do. I want to be that person who helped someone, maybe even save a life.”
I didn’t feel like Melanie; I didn’t feel like the girl who feared ghosts all her life. I felt a craving for life and maybe, this was me—the real me, the one that Fear took from me so long ago.
Even as I’m writing this letter hours after it happened, it’s all I can think about. I’m excited for something. This feeling… I wish I could tell you in person.
It doesn’t matter, though. I’m making the first step in trying to live a life without you, and I know you’d approve.
Love, Melanie
Melanie,
That doesn’t surprise me at all. You probably haven’t realized it yet, but those feelings probably come naturally for the Angel of Light. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have that part of yourself right now, you are one and the same.
I find it amazing that you’re just like me, only so much more. You were born, unlike me who was created from demon bones. We both possess healing powers, yet yours far surpasses mine… and the way you pulled Marcus out of Fear, unbelievable.
I’m going to have to improve somehow before we meet again. I’d hate to get shown up by you when your powers at full capacity. I can already hear my Reapers laughing now…
I’m lying, I can’t wait for you to put me in place because we both know what I plan to do to you once I get my hands on you.
Bloody hell, now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Killian
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Killian
I had only just returned to the castle from descending demons when Ryan fell to his knees in front of me. He gripped the portal chip in his hand he must have used to get himself here as he balled himself up. I bent down to him and yelled for Lincoln.
Physically, nothing looked wrong with the boy, but becoming something as wicked as the Devil himself wasn’t something any normal human should have been able to handle. But here he was—in bad shape, though—defying all odds that a human ghost shouldn
’t have survived the merge.
It had been years in the Underworld already since it happened—that was enough time for someone to change. Or no longer be himself at all.
“Ryan?” I said his name, to see if he had control or Fear. Or if he even still existed beneath the surface. “Are you okay?” I asked.
His eyes lifted to meet mine, his tremors stopped only just enough for him to get some words out. “Please, help me. I can hear him. I can’t—”
His words gave me everything I needed to know.
Chapter Thirty
Killian
Killian,
I did it, I passed my state exam! I’m a certified paramedic. All that’s left for me to do is find a job, but lucky me, a spot opened the very same day I viewed my score. I’m starting to think it’s not luck but fate. I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be in this life and it makes me happy.
The only thing I’m missing is you.
It’s beautiful out today. I’m writing this letter sitting on a bench by the lake at Barley Drive… I used to come here a lot with my dad when I was little and we would sit here for hours and fish… you know, before ghosts took over my life. Ducks are currently swarming at my feet, I wish I had something to feed them, but I came empty-handed.
It’s been over three years… I want to see your handsome face and I really want to kiss you and
I sat underneath a tree at Barley Drive, the very place Melanie was right now. There was an empty bench several feet in front of me, and I was positive that was where she was sitting. The view from her necklace matched the view from that spot… the ducks she wrote about in her letter, I could see them.
She was still writing the letter now and I waited patiently to devour the words she gave me. It was a risk being here, but I was desperate.
'Til Death We Meet Again (A Grim Awakening Book 3) Page 21
