by R. A. Boyd
Emma already made her feelings clear. She didn’t want him. And that was just fine by him. He’d wounded her when they broke up, and even though she gave him back his beast, she wasn’t ready to forgive him.
Besides, this was his punishment. He knew it would come one day. He’d kept this secret for millennia, but the Creator knew his heart. And now he was paying for it. Not wanting to kill his fellow angels wasn’t the only reason he didn’t want to fight. Jace grew envious when the Creator decreed that humans would be loved, regarded above all, and have free will to choose how they lived their lives. He wasn’t jealous of the declaration. No. That would have been too easy. He wanted to love and live and make the choices that crafted his life.
What would his family think if they knew the truth? Knew that the real reason he gave up being an angel was to live life as a human? Well, he got a lot more than he bargained for. Spending a few hundred thousand years as a saber-tooth was never part of the plan. And now the one he chose left him like he was expendable.
“She doesn’t want me. That’s all there is to it.”
Audra’s eyes softened. Pity replaced the anger in her gaze. It made Jace want to put his fist through the wall. He didn’t need her sympathy or her sorrow. He’d gone this long without Emma, and he could do it again. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have a choice. She rejected him.
With a gentle shake of her head, Audra untwisted her middle fingers and put her hands on his shoulders. “Emma loves you, Jace. She wouldn’t do what you think she did. You need to talk.”
Damn-it, he wished they would leave him alone about it. The knowledge that Emma, his mate, didn’t want him hollowed him out every waking moment. He tried to shove it down deep, but it never worked. “She doesn’t want me, Audra. I don’t blame her.” Crossing one leg in front of the other, he leaned against the chrome refrigerator in his kitchen and knocked the back of his head against it two times. It did nothing to dull the pain. “I pushed her away when we broke up, what, five years ago?”
Yep. Five years ago this May was when he told her he didn’t see a future for them. Oh, he loved the hell out of Emma. She wanted a family. A big one. And he couldn’t give it to her. One of the worse parts of the curse the Creator put on them was not being able to have children until they found and claimed their mate. It made sense. It hadn’t back then when Emma told him she wanted two children and a rabbit.
“Just tell her,” Audra whined, still holding on to his shoulders. “Tell her everything.”
“I did,” he gritted out. He detested this. Detested feeling the rejection and the loss that had been his constant companions for years. Those putrid emotions had been with him long before a few weeks ago when he’d gone looking for Emma to find out if she was his mate. Telling her everything, he spilled his guts as she sat watching him. Hell, he’d told her that none of the Ghost shifters could find their mates until Jax and Damon, the Alpha and Omega of the Ghost clan, found theirs first. And now that they’d found their mate Cass, Jace wanted to know if Emma was his. He told her how she could give him his beast back.
“You told her about the curse?” his sister asked.
“Yep.”
“You told her how she could heal you. Give you back your beast and your grace since she was your mate?”
Jace nodded. He’d loved Emma since the day they met, but he wasn’t sure she was his mate until he touched her hand as they ate lunch a few weeks ago.
“You told her you pushed her away because she wanted kids and you couldn’t give them to her.” Audra stepped back and grabbed an apple from the fruit tray on the island in his kitchen.
He started to speak but couldn’t form the words. He’d left that out. “No.”
Confusion took over Audra’s face as she buffed the apple on the sleeve of her yellow shirt. “Did you tell her that you would stay young and she would grow old and that’s why you let her go five years ago? That now since you were bonded as mates, there was a good chance you would either grow old with her or her aging would slow down?”
Jace cleared his throat and looked around the room, trying his best not to meet his sister’s curious glare. “No. No, I did not.”
A muscle twitched under Audra’s left eye. She took a bite of the red apple and watched him, crunching the fruit between her teeth as her pretty brown eyes lightened to a glowing amber. She swallowed and nodded her head once. “What, dear brother, did you tell her?” Her voice was level but her posture was growing defensive.
He crossed his arms over his chest and widened his stance. Audra may have found her mate and calmed the pissed off saber-tooth inside her, but she was still reactive and volatile. Only two people on the face of this planet could calm her: her mate Zeke, and Cass, mate to the Alpha and Omega of the Ghost clan and third in the Alpha Triad.
“I told her about us being fallen angels—”
“Uh-huh.”
“—and about the curse and us being trapped in our saber-tooth form for centuries.”
“Uh-huh,” she said, nodding.
“And that she was my mate. The one to restore my beast and my grace. That I knew as soon as we touched that day. And that even though we’d been together for years, I didn’t know she was mine until Jax and Damon found Cass. And that she could help me. And that I didn’t want her and I to be together if my actual mate showed up because it would hurt her. I never want to hurt her.”
Glowing eyes surveying him intently, Audra’s mouth opened wide to reveal sharper teeth. She took a bite of the apple, but instead of his sister’s petite face, it looked as if her beast decided it wanted a taste of the apple. She bit down on more than half of the fruit, eyes still digging into him. It was a horror movie come to life. A low snarl rumbled its way up her throat. Spittle dripped down her chin as she chewed, but she couldn’t close her mouth. There were only so many teeth that could fit in a human mouth before they wouldn’t be able to close it.
To hell with it. If his sister wanted to fight, he would invite that shit and be done with it. He was tired of Audra using her crazy to intimidate him. But damn-it, he didn’t want to ruin his house. If she lost control, her shift would bring on his change. They would level his house to the ground.
“So,” Audra said, wiping her sleeve across her mouth. “After five years of no communication, you went and told her that only she could bring back your beast and your grace to make you whole again. That you pretty much got rid of her so that if your real mate showed up, you wouldn’t have to break her heart.”
Fuck. It sounded terrible when Audra put it that way.
“That only she could heal you,” Audra continued. “And she did it. No questions asked.” Her teeth began to slowly shrink, and her lips gradually covered her teeth.
He nodded as Audra’s words settled in. Emma hadn’t asked questions. He told her what he needed, and then she helped him. Well, she also fucked him until he couldn’t see straight. At first, he thought it meant they were getting back together, but when he came back from his first shift she was gone. No note. Nothing. Just gone.
“She did me a favor,” he said, thinking of Emma. “After all this time, I went and told her only she could help me.”
“And she did. Not sure if you noticed yet, but you also told her that you would have dropped her ass quicker than a cat can lick its butt if your true mate showed up. Which means some part of you felt as if she wasn’t the one. As if she wasn’t enough. Jace, you dummy, you pretty much told her that she wasn’t enough, and you didn’t want to waste your time trying to find out. Do you get that now?”
Damn-it. She was right. As long as he’d lived this life, how did he not learn how to talk to women? Having Audra lay it all out like this lit a lightbulb over his head. If this were a romance movie, he would have been the douche bag that drove the curvy goddess of a heroine into the arms of the other guy. Screw that. He would hunt that guy down and eat him.
“Did you tell her you still loved her?” Audra asked, her voice breaking through the
cloud of stupid he’d managed to encase himself in.
Bagging his head on the refrigerator door a few more times, he closed his eyes and cursed himself. “No. I didn’t.” Why didn’t he tell her? He should have led with that. He should have told her everything, not just asked for her help. “I fucked up.”
Not only had he gone to her after five years of no communication and asked her to save him, but he also didn’t tell her why he pushed her away in the first place. He hadn’t told her that he thought of her smile every single day for the past five years. He hadn’t told her that he was trying to save her from a lifetime of heartache.
It was an experience he didn’t want to repeat. He’d done it three times in his long life, and three times he wished he hadn’t. Three women who he loved as long as they lived. Three women who withered away, two dying of old age and one from being burned as a witch. Each and every one of them loved him but secretly abhorred him for staying young and changeless. He was trying to save Emma from that life. But now, he didn’t have to.
Unlike with the others, Jace knew that Emma was his mate. Even before Jax and Damon claimed Cass, he knew that Emma was it for him.
“So,” Audra said, looking around his kitchen as if she’d dropped something. “What time are you leaving for Baltimore? Your lunch date starts in a few hours. And where is that compost bin Riley gave you? I need to put my apple core in it.”
Jace lifted his chin toward the side door. “In the garage. I haven’t put it together yet.”
“She gave it to you weeks ago. We’re doing compost now. Going to grow some fruits and vegetables. Do your part.” She grabbed a paper towel, wrapped the core in it, and shoved it in her small pocket. “You know. I’m surprised she didn’t punch you in the throat. She still taking self-defense classes?”
Emma’s father was a retired Marine and insisted Emma take self-defense classes while she was growing up. He’d started teaching her to defend herself when she was in junior high school. As far as he knew, she never stopped. It was one of the things he loved about her. She was strong in so many ways. He’d gladly take the ass-whoppin’ she could give him if she forgave him.
“Go on,” Audra said, breaking him from his thoughts. “Don’t be late. She’s expecting you.”
“Thank you,” Jace said as Audra walked toward the front door. “Thank you for setting this up. And thanks for coming to talk with me. I didn’t even realize how much I screwed up until you… Thanks, sis.”
If his sister hadn’t pushed him on meeting with Emma, he would have let her go. He’d wanted to bite Audra’s finger off when she first stuck her nose in his business, insisting that he go meet and talk with Emma. Now he was grateful, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit his mistake.
Talking to Emma was going to be the hard part. She was a koala bear and its favorite tree when it came to holding on to grudges. She dug her claws in and didn’t let go until she was good and ready. He’d broken her heart five years ago and had probably done some damage a few weeks ago, but he had to try. Hell, she angry fucked him until he was ready to cry on her tits and worship at her feet. At least she agreed to meet with him today.
That had to count for something.
Chapter 2
“So, you’re meeting your ex-boyfriend’s sister for lunch because she wants you to be in her wedding?”
Emma nodded her head and flipped through the medical coding manual. “Yes, Paddie,” she said, finally finding the code and writing it down in her notebook.
“But you haven’t seen or spoken to her since her brother dumped you?” Paddie asked, her low voice sounding like a Kathleen Turner voice stand-in.
Emma didn’t have time to make small talk with Paddie right now. She needed to finish coding these last three charts so she could leave work on time to meet Audra. “She and I kept in contact until I married Richard.”
“And then she dumped you?”
Typical Paddie. No filter and no regard for anyone’s emotions. Emma admired Paddie’s straightforward way of speaking to people, but sometimes her words hurt worse than stubbing your big toe first thing in the morning.
Emma shrugged and looked up from the chart. She blew her dark, coily bangs from her eyes and shook her head. “No. I stopped talking to her. It just felt weird. I dated her brother, got dumped by him, and then married someone else and was pregnant less than a year later. When I told her Richard and I eloped, she sounded upset.”
For some strange reason, Audra took it personally, behaving as if Emma eloped just to exclude her from the activities. Audra kept telling her over and over she always thought Jace and Emma would get back together.
So did Emma.
For a long time after he’d practically stabbed her in the heart, she thought Jace would find her and try to fix things between them. He knew where she moved after she left New Rose. Oh, he’d broken her heart good and proper back then. She had the idea that he was going through some kind of really early mid-life crisis because he couldn’t have children.
Blame weighed her down in the beginning. She figured she was a reminder to Jace that he would never father the children she’d wanted so badly. And just when she thought she’d finally healed from his wounds, he came and found her in Baltimore. Not because he realized he’d been a grade-A butthole and needed to make things right with her. Nope. It was because he needed her to help him. So, she did. She gave him what he needed. And then he was gone again.
Emma knew how shifters mated, and he had explained everything to her. She didn’t have to be bitten to help him. She was the biter, and that made her feel powerful. Celibacy, vibrators, and porn websites had been her bed-buddies for more than a year.
Then, in walked Jace, and she used every skill she’d observed from her favorite porn videos to make love to him until he came deep inside her channel and brought her to screaming orgasms. Multiple screaming orgasms.
Well, technically, she was the one who’d walked into the restaurant. Still, there he had been, sitting at the small table and waiting for her. Broad, sloping shoulders that led down to his defined arms. A tapered waist that she knew ran down to a huge cock that always rubbed her the right way. His bright blue eyes had eaten her up, so much so that she couldn’t make eye contact with him.
She knew he was nervous. His words had been clipped and he fidgeted in his seat like a toddler who had to use the bathroom. But what he said added more and more space to the chasm between them.
According to what he’d told her over lunch, even though she wasn’t his first choice, Emma was the only one who could help him. So she did. And when she woke up from her orgasm comma, he was gone. No note, no article of clothing to indicate he was coming back. Nothing. She waited in the room until she was close to tears, hoping he would come back from a taco run or something. He knew she loved tacos. And burgers with fries. But he never returned.
So, she left.
No phone calls, texts, or emails came in the weeks following. Jace had used her to get what he needed. Now, he was done with her.
She’d cried the entire weekend. Luckily, her dad had taken her daughter Lily with him for a few days. Emma never wanted her daughter to see her cry over a man. Not even her father who left them before Lily was born. Richard didn’t deserve her tears. Hell, there was no need to cry over him. They hadn’t loved each other.
Taking a trembling breath as if a chill had set in, Emma waved her hand and pointed to the chart. “Paddie. I need to finish. Shouldn’t you be working?”
Paddie didn’t have to work like the rest of them did. Her mom owned the coding company where Emma worked. Paddie only had to busy herself just enough to show her mother she could do something besides be sarcastic and drink shots of espresso all day from the machine in the break room. Emma had to get one of those machines for her house. It was awesome.
“I’m taking a break to make sure you’re okay,” Paddie said, reaching over and fluffing Emma’s high, coily puff and loose bangs that fell into her eyes. “You haven’t seeme
d like yourself since you met Jace for lunch.”
Emma slapped Paddie’s hand away from her hair and hit the space bar on her computer, causing the screen to wake up. “I’m fine.”
To pull Paddie’s attention away from her, Emma asked, “How was the date last night?”
Her brows drew closer on her forehead as she studied Emma. “I know what you’re doing. But just so you know, he was hot as hell. Tall, dark, and intimidatingly sexy. Wide shoulders, muscular thighs, smoldering eyes that make me want to cream in my jeans.”
“Barf. Yes, I remember what he looks like.”
“I had a great time holding on for dear life when he went down on me. Almost snatched the poor man’s ears off.”
She was there when Paddie and the guy met. Sam or Simon. She couldn’t remember. He’d bumped into Paddie and knocked her mocha latte out of her hand. She was ready to curse him out until she took notice of his handsome face. The man was definitely good-looking. He bought her another latte, asked her out on the date, and the rest is ear-snatching history.
Despite him and Paddie’s sexual escapades, he seemed like a nice guy. The few times he picked her up from work, he would talk to everyone leaving the building. He seemed to be genuinely interested in what they all had to say. The ladies here loved him. Once he found out Emma didn’t grow up in Baltimore, he asked if she liked it here as much as he did and how it was to raise a child in the city. When she mentioned that she’d lived in New Rose for a few years, he was over the moon interested. He grew up there but left to travel before she and her family settled in New Rose.
“The gods themselves must have fastened his ears to his head to keep those bitches on,” Paddie muttered.
“You really didn’t have to share that with me,” Emma said, rolling her eyes back so far she nearly sprained an eyeball. “Oh my, gosh. You just met him a few days ago,” she teased. “But congrats on the orgasm.”
