Jess still hesitated. ‘Are you sure? What if you need to talk?’
‘We’ll have plenty of time to talk, Jess. You should go out, have some fun.’
‘Okay,’ she finally relented. ‘But I’ll text you where we end up, in case you change your mind later.’
She wouldn’t, but she said, ‘Okay,’ before hanging up. Andie was glad she wouldn’t have to go over it all with Jess tonight. Her thoughts were still too chaotic.
Maybe it would help if she focused on something else for a while. Paperwork was not such a bad idea. She walked through to the back of the shop and sat down at the desk, switching on the lamp. She began to sort through invoices and orders and general correspondence, but after a while she realised she was doing nothing but shuffling papers around. She sat back with a heavy sigh. Clearly she wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything else. She found herself putting pictures to the story Ross had fed her, imagining the dark-haired girl with the pert breasts flirting with him at the office, throwing tantrums when he made excuses not to see her, forcing her way into the apartment and stripping off before he could do anything about it.
It was like a bad soap opera, with Ross coming off as the hero, or at the very least, the victim. How much of what he said was true? Surely he couldn’t have made up the entire thing; surely he was only stretching the truth? But by how much?
Andie groaned out loud and got to her feet, pushing the chair away. She was pacing around the room like a caged animal when she heard the beep of a text message. She rushed back out to the shop where she’d left her phone. It was from Jess, letting her know they were at a pub in King Street.
Maybe Andie should join them after all. She wasn’t going to get any peace tonight, she might as well get drunk instead. She closed the message, which brought her back to Contacts. Joanna was listed directly after Jess. Andie’s heart started to race. No, she couldn’t do it again. It was out of the question. Joanna would undoubtedly have a very interesting perspective on what Ross had said today, Andie was sure of it. But, no matter, she was not going to bother the woman again.
She wondered what Joanna would have to say, though . . . It would certainly help clarify some things . . .
But no, it wasn’t appropriate. Joanna had been so kind to her that night . . .
And Andie had never thanked her! That was very remiss of her. She should have at least called Joanna afterwards to say thank you. It was too late for that now.
Flowers! She could have some flowers delivered, with a thankyou message. That was an appropriate gesture.
Though it might seem a little distant, impersonal . . . And you send flowers when someone dies . . .
What if she bought some flowers now, and dropped them around to Joanna’s house? She wouldn’t even go inside, she’d just have a polite chat on the doorstep. In fact, even if Joanna invited her in, Andie would simply decline. It was the perfect solution.
Andie knew a place only a few blocks from the shop. They sold fruit and vegies, and lovely fresh flowers – a limited range, the owner only bought what caught his eye at the markets each morning. Today it was Singapore lilies. Andie bought two bunches which they wrapped together in tissue paper, then she set off for Joanna’s house.
It would be overstating things to say that Joanna was shocked to see Andie when she opened the door. Surprised, most definitely, but not shocked. Though Andie was beginning to think that maybe she should have called first.
‘I’m not staying,’ she said quickly. ‘I’m only here to give you a belated thankyou.’ She passed Joanna the flowers.
‘They’re lovely,’ said Joanna. ‘You really didn’t have to, Andie.’
‘Oh, I did. You were very kind, I’m not sure how I would have made it through that night. I should have done this sooner, but . . .’ She left that hanging.
‘How’s it going?’ Joanna asked her.
Andie shrugged. ‘Fine.’
‘Did you go back . . . home . . . to Ross?’
‘Only to collect my things, when he wasn’t there.’
‘Have you seen him, talked to him?’
‘Not until today.’
Andie saw the realisation dawn on her face. ‘Why don’t you come in for a minute?’
‘No, I promised myself I wasn’t going to impose on you again.’
Joanna sighed. ‘Look, I’ve been wondering how you were getting on. I was going to call, but I didn’t want to impose on you.’
‘You wouldn’t have been imposing,’ Andie was quick to assure her.
‘And you’re not imposing now. Come in, Andie.’
She hesitated. ‘Is anyone home?’
‘Only Brooke,’ said Joanna, standing back from the doorway. ‘And she’s upstairs, cramming for an exam tomorrow. If we sit here in the front room, she won’t hear us, she won’t even know you’re here.’
‘Okay then, just for a minute.’
She followed Joanna into the sitting room. It was such a gorgeous room, Andie had always admired Joanna’s taste. Plump sofas that had exactly the right number and combination of cushions tossed artlessly across them; warm timber bookshelves crammed with beautiful books . . . it was perfect without looking like a magazine spread. In fact it was probably more like a film set; one of those fabulous houses in a movie, where Meryl Streep or Diane Keaton might come walking out of the kitchen any moment.
‘Sit down, make yourself at home,’ Joanna was saying as she carried the flowers across to the doorway. ‘I’ll just put these in water. Can I get you a drink – hard, soft, hot, cold?’
‘No, thank you, Joanna, I’m fine.’
Andie sank into the plush sofa that almost felt like it was hugging her. Joanna soon returned with the flowers in a simple glass vase, perfectly arranged.
‘They really are beautiful, Andie. Thank you,’ she said, placing them on the coffee table, off-centre, so they wouldn’t be in the way. She sat down on the sofa opposite. ‘So, where are you staying, if you don’t mind me asking?’
‘Of course not. I’m staying with my old friend, Jess,’ she explained. ‘But her flat is tiny, I’m going to look for a place of my own.’
Joanna raised an eyebrow. ‘So it’s come to that?’
‘I guess it has,’ said Andie. ‘I mean, I don’t know what’s going to happen down the track, but I think I need my own space while I work it out.’
Joanna nodded thoughtfully. ‘How does Ross feel about that? You saw him today?’
‘Yes. He wants me to come home. I told him no, I’m never going to be able to live in that apartment again.’
‘Will you ever be able to live with him again?’
‘He hasn’t convinced me yet.’
‘He’s trying though?’
Andie realised Joanna didn’t want to hear this. Ross had not been able to get out of their marriage fast enough.
‘Oh, he’s mostly just trying to save his own skin,’ said Andie. ‘He’s blaming it all on the girl.’
Joanna shook her head with a wry smile. ‘At least he’s consistent, sticking with the same MO.’
Andie looked at her. ‘Pardon?’
She hesitated. ‘Oh, nothing.’
‘Really, Joanna,’ she urged, ‘what do you mean by the same MO?’
‘Well, you know, I’m sure it’s no surprise that he did the same thing when he was caught out with you,’ she dismissed. ‘It’s pretty typical for a man in his position to try to shift the blame.’
That didn’t make sense. Ross had always maintained that he had been the one to confront Joanna; that he had sat her down and explained he’d found someone else, that maybe they wouldn’t be able to keep up the sham of their marriage until the kids finished school, that he had asked her if there wasn’t a way they could do it amicably.
‘You caught him out?’ Andie eventually managed to say.
Joanna nodded. ‘Of course, not in the same way you did. You’d have known about that.’
‘Yes . . . but you found some damning evidence, so
me proof he was having an affair?’
‘No, nothing that concrete,’ she said.
‘So how did you find out?’
She shrugged. ‘It was little things at first . . . you wouldn’t worry about any one of them on its own, but they started to add up after a while. He’d always worked long hours, but it got worse, he never seemed to be at home. And he began to stay away overnight more often. Before that, when he had to travel interstate, he did everything to wrap his business up in one day. I started to ask questions, but he always dismissed them, said I read too much into things.’
Andie’s heart cramped painfully inside her chest. So not only did Ross not tell Joanna upfront, he actively denied it.
‘Then he went on a health kick,’ she said. ‘He took up jogging, said he was getting soft, at his age he had to start looking after himself.’ Joanna shook her head. ‘In retrospect it all sounds so obvious, he was a walking cliché, going through the classic midlife crisis. Finally I confronted him. He lied and lied, but the more he lied, the more I knew for sure there was something going on. It took days to get it out of him.’
And now he was spinning the same lies to Andie, he wasn’t even original. And he’d lied to her back then as well. In Ross’s version, Joanna had freaked out and reacted completely unreasonably. He claimed she knew as well as he did that the marriage had no future, but she was suddenly concerned about keeping up appearances. She said the children were still too young . . .
‘Once he knew he was cornered,’ Joanna went on, ‘he started blaming it all on you – swore he never led you on, that it was difficult to resist the advances of a pretty young girl at his age.’
Andie felt winded. Word for fucking word. And that’s what he said about her to Joanna? She swallowed hard. ‘Joanna, it isn’t true,’ she barely managed to squeeze the words out of her throat.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said with a wave of her hand. ‘Water under the bridge. It’s a long time ago now.’
‘But I need you to know that’s not the way it happened,’ Andie insisted, finding her voice. ‘I didn’t come on to him at all. I didn’t flirt, you can ask Jess, I’ve never been a flirty type. I mean, I was flattered, we used to chat, have a laugh, but I didn’t start anything. A lot of the businessmen – most of them – who came to Lemongrass regularly, well, they all flirted.’
Joanna was listening. ‘Were they all married?’
‘Mostly they were,’ Andie admitted. ‘So when Ross started coming on a bit stronger, suggesting an actual date, I reminded him he was wearing a wedding ring. He said it was only for appearances, that you two were just biding your time for the sake of the kids, till they finished school —’
She stopped abruptly, shaking her head. ‘God, that sounds so flimsy now. I should have known better, I was too gullible, too ready to believe him.’
‘You were young,’ Joanna shrugged. ‘And I know how convincing Ross can be.’
‘It wasn’t just that. I was so alone,’ she said, remembering. ‘I’d lost my brother, and my mum, only a couple of years before. My dad was withdrawn, my sister and I were like distant relatives. I had a few good friends, but my family was shattered.’ Andie paused, looking across at Joanna. ‘I’m not trying to make excuses. I should have known better, I promise you I was brought up better than to break up someone else’s family.’
‘Listen, Andie,’ said Joanna, leaning forward. ‘Things are never that simple. If Ross and I had been strong and happy together, he may have flirted, he’s always been a bit of a flirt, but he wouldn’t have risked his happiness, and the happiness of his family, on a flirtation.’
Andie wondered where she was going with this.
‘Our marriage had definitely hit a flat patch,’ she said plainly.
‘You don’t have to explain to me —’
‘I want to,’ she insisted. ‘Now that we’re in the same boat, I think I’d like you to hear my side as well.’
This was so weird. She and Joanna were in the same boat now? How had that happened?
‘The marriage wasn’t over,’ Joanna continued, ‘despite what Ross made out to you. Maybe in his head, but he certainly hadn’t shared that observation with me. It’s true, you couldn’t say there was much passion any more. I don’t know if you can have the kind of passion he was pining for after twenty-odd years of marriage and three children. It’s replaced by something deeper by then. Or it’s supposed to be. But instead of coming to me, and trying to work it out, Ross had an affair.’
Joanna looked straight at her. ‘He did try to blame you, Andie, but I knew deep down, even if I didn’t admit it to myself at the time, that he had the responsibility to the marriage, not you. It wasn’t your fault, even if on some level I wanted to believe that.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Don’t you see? It’s so much easier to believe that some kind of temptress has lured your husband away, almost beyond his will. Then it only means he’s weak, not that he doesn’t love you any more.’
Oh God, they were in the same boat, Joanna knew exactly how she was feeling, because she’d felt it too. And even if she wasn’t blaming her any more, Andie still felt some responsibility for putting her through that.
She thought about Ross’s story that Tasha had seduced him in the apartment. He knew which buttons to push. ‘Ross told me this girl is very clingy, apparently, he’s worried she’s a little unhinged . . .’
Joanna had an odd look on her face, but she didn’t say anything.
‘It’s probably all lies,’ said Andie, shaking her head. ‘I just have to wonder what he’s telling her. He couldn’t use the same story he gave me, that you were staying together for the sake of the kids, seeing as we don’t have any.’ Andie drew her breath in sharply.
‘What is it?’ said Joanna.
She looked at her. ‘I was pressuring Ross to have a baby . . . Well, I don’t think I was exactly pressuring him, it didn’t get that far. But he knew how I felt, and I’m not sure I was taking his feelings into account.’
‘So that makes it all right for him to have an affair?’
‘No, I guess not.’
‘Of course not,’ Joanna insisted. ‘Andie, just because there were problems in our marriage, it didn’t mean Ross had no option but to have an affair. That’s the coward’s way out. He didn’t even give me the chance to work on the marriage, to meet him halfway. He was already gone.’
He hadn’t come to Andie either, he hadn’t told her he was unhappy. He was unhappy with the idea of having a baby, yes, but he hadn’t said it was make or break . . . or had he? Andie’s head was beginning to hurt.
‘I should get going,’ she said, standing up. ‘I didn’t mean to take up your evening.’
‘It’s all right.’ Joanna walked her to the door. ‘Stay strong, Andie, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself,’ she said.
‘I’ll try.’ She stepped out onto the porch.
‘And keep in touch. The kids will want to know where you are.’
‘Of course. Thanks.’
As Andie got to her car, her phone beeped. She took it out and read the text message. She was surprised that it was from Brooke.
I need 2 talk 2 u, can u drive down 2 the corner & wait 4 me? Pls.
Andie glanced up at the house. Brooke was standing at a window on the first floor. She held her hand up in a wave. Andie felt conflicted, she didn’t want to do anything behind Joanna’s back, all the more because of how kind she had been to her through all this. But she couldn’t ignore Brooke. She would hear what she had to say, and make it very clear that she had to be honest with her mother. Andie raised her hand and nodded, and then got into the car. She drove down to the corner and waited.
It wasn’t long before there was a tap on the passenger side window, and Brooke appeared. Andie indicated for her to get in.
‘Thanks for waiting for me,’ said Brooke, as she sat in the car and pulled the door closed.
‘Hi,’ Andie began carefully. ‘It
’s really good to see you, Brooke, but I have to say, I feel a little uncomfortable about this. Couldn’t you have come downstairs and talked to me in front of your mum?’
‘It’d only upset her,’ she said.
‘But maybe you shouldn’t be telling me something you wouldn’t want your mother to hear.’
‘It’s not like that,’ said Brooke. ‘It’s just, well, I heard a lot of your conversation tonight.’
‘Oh?’
‘I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really I didn’t, Andie,’ she said. ‘I was coming down the stairs to get a drink, and I heard voices. I didn’t want to interrupt, I have a bad habit of doing that, Mum gets a bit frustrated. So I stopped to listen to wait for the right moment, and, well, there wasn’t a right moment. I heard everything.’
‘Out of context, Brooke,’ said Andie. ‘You don’t know the whole story.’
‘Mum had to tell me a bit of what was going on, after you stayed the other night.’
‘Then you should be talking to her.’
‘I will, I’ll tell her what I know, I promise. I’ll even tell her that I’ve spoken to you. I just wanted to catch you before you left.’ Suddenly her face dropped. ‘I don’t even know when I’m going to see you again, Andie.’
She reached over and squeezed Brooke’s hand. She’d always been such a sweet kid, and open like a book. Andie had often seen the dilemma in her eyes; her natural inclination to get on with people, to love her dad no matter what, vying with the need to stand by her mother. Out of the three, she was the one who looked most like Ross; Lauren was a clone of her mother, and Matty was a blend of both parents. Brooke was like Ross in temperament as well, gregarious and full of life. But she was more sensitive than her father. Andie had always had a soft spot for her.
‘Of course we’ll see each other,’ said Andie. ‘You don’t have to worry about that.’
‘I’m not a child any more, Andie,’ she said plaintively. ‘What is wrong with Dad? How can he keep doing this?’
Andie didn’t know how to answer that.
‘It took me such a long time to trust him again,’ Brooke went on, ‘to try to understand. Once Mum was okay, and I got a bit older, I worked out that parents aren’t perfect, and people fall out of love, and they move on. I knew so many kids whose parents were divorced, we weren’t anything special. And you were always so nice to us, it didn’t seem fair to blame you for everything, the way Lauren did.’
The Secret Ingredient Page 12
