by Lisa Smartt
“I’d love to go to California, Aunt Clarice. I don’t get a lot of time off from work. But that would be a great trip.”
Sandra jumped in, “Where do you live in California?”
“Palm Springs, Darlin’. It’s lovely. Sunny and beautiful year round.”
“I’ve lived the last few years in the San Diego area. Yeah, it is beautiful.”
“Well, Sandra, why on earth would you want to live here then? Go back with me. Go back before you turn into a country bumpkin, Sweetheart.”
Other people (normal people) would have said something like “No offense.” or “Of course, not that any of you are country bumpkins.” But Aunt Clarice would have never put an exception clause on anything she yelled at the top of her lungs.
“Well, Mrs. Clarice, I’ve had my time in California. Now I’m lookin’ to settle in around here or as near as I can get.”
“What kinda work do you do, Hon?”
“I’m a doctor of Bio-Ethics and I’m looking for something in research or development.”
“Well, aren’t you the smart one? Our Doug here graduated Valedictorian and graduated come somethin’ or other from the University of Tennessee.”
“Yes Ma’am. I realize that. I’ve known Doug all my life.”
“Doug probably should have gone on to more schooling but he was a hometown boy and took this little job at the local bank. I guess you’re stuck there now, Sweetheart. But no matter. You should just be happy to have a job at all. Shannon’s brother’s been outta work for eleven years now and no job in sight. Thank God his wife is a fourth grade teacher or they’d be on the street. He says he’s working on some kind of video game invention. Doug, Honey, when Jeb becomes rich and famous as a video game inventor, you can tell everyone that he’s your brilliant cousin. Yes sirree.”
“Yes Ma’am.” Doug’s smile was so insincere that I had to look at the floor to keep from laughing.
“Well, it’s time I take the teeth out and hit that hard ol’ bed. Dave, you know we need to leave by six in the morning. I hate to feel rushed in an airport. Last time one of those horrible security people said that the underwire in my brassiere was makin’ the big machine beep. Embarrassing and ridiculous! I mean, look at me. Do I look like I’m gonna blow up a plane? I mean, seriously! Plus, they confiscated all my Avon hand crème, a new bottle of White Rain hairspray, and a Diet Sprite that cost me $2.50. What’s this world comin’ to?”
Trying desperately not to laugh out loud, Doug reached out to hug Aunt Clarice. “I love you, Aunt Clarice. Come back when you can.”
I wanted to be as friendly as possible so I extended my hand and said, “Mrs. Clarice, it’s certainly been a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too, Dear.”
I was glad the airport story had worn her down so she didn’t have the energy to say, “You don’t seem like Doug’s type but seein’ as how he settled for that job at the bank he’s not one to hold the bar too high lately.” Thank you, God, for small favors. Aunt Clarice walked loudly up the stairs. I felt like a woman standing outside a trailer park after a tornado. Aunt Clarice blew through, did her damage…and then she was gone. Did I think a woman like her could blow up a 747? Are you kidding? Absolutely.
“We’ll leave you to your card playin’. Carlie and I need to visit with the folks in the living room a while.”
But by the time we got to the living room, Uncle Bart had risen from the green recliner and was yellin’, “Charlotte, get yer things and let’s get to the house.” The Rockfords had gathered their coats and Charlene was outside loading a plant from the funeral home into the back of the van. We all agreed it would look good on her front porch and that Doug already had too many flowers to deal with. Ralph and Chester had already gone; Chester had asked for the lemon meringue pie and the chicken spaghetti and Doug was happy to oblige.
Soon the house was void of life except for Sandra, Dave, Shannon, Doug, and me. But Shannon was my advocate and she was on the move. “Look Dave, I don’t know about Sandra but I’m ready to call it quits. You beat us. Fair and square. Take your victory lap and let’s call it a night.” He joyfully agreed and we all stood in the kitchen for a few minutes while he poured a Diet Coke and outlined his winning strategy. Sandra put on her Kelly green jacket which looked adorable and matched her eyes the way Doug’s green chamois shirt had matched his eyes at Cracker Barrel that day. The good-byes were pleasantly brief. Sandra expressed sympathy again. Dave and Shannon said they’d be back in about twenty minutes. And then they were gone.
The minute the tail lights faded in the distance, Doug kissed me on the cheek and whispered, “We better be quiet. We wouldn’t want to raise Aunt Clarice from the dead.”
We both laughed as quietly as we could. “Doug, I know it’s been a long day. If you need to go home and rest, I understand.”
“Rest? Are you kidding? I have twenty minutes alone with you. This may not happen for a while. Besides, I think there’s something you wanna say that you’re not saying.”
“You’re right. I’m mad that you let Chester take the lemon meringue pie. Where are your priorities?”
“Hey, let’s go over to his house and I’ll arm wrestle him for it.”
“Are you kidding? You wouldn’t have a chance. When it comes to pie, that old man is motivated. Trust me. It takes one to know one.”
“Carlie, I don’t think you have a problem with the pie or lack thereof. I said today at the funeral that I value truth. And I do. But I don’t read signals very well. Is something wrong?”
A tear came to my eye though I did everything humanly possible to make it stop. But there was no going back. Soon they started flowing like a slow trickle from a leaky faucet.
Doug hugged me and whispered in my ear, “What’s wrong? What could possibly be wrong? Are you having second thoughts? Do you wish you hadn’t come?”
“No, Doug. I guess…I mean…we haven’t even said anything about…well, about her.”
“Sandra?”
“Yes. Sandra.”
“Yeah, I can definitely see why that would rattle you. I mean I made that big deal about how I thought I was in love with her and all. I understand why that would be a problem for you. If Jim Jackson came walkin’ in the door right now wearing his Army uniform and acting all friendly with you, that would bother me. But how would it be for you? I mean, if Jim walked through that door right now and hugged you and said, ‘It’s great to see you, Carlie. I’ve been thinkin’ about you a lot. Even when I was on those exciting espionage assignments in Tel Aviv, you were on my mind.’ What would you do, Carlie? Would you say, ‘Forget this stupid rural banker from Sharon, Tennessee. I’m going for Jim Jackson because I dated him for a whole year and we have this big history together.’?”
“No. Not a chance. But that’s because Jim Jackson’s not half the man you are, Doug. He was a selfish, stubborn, difficult person. Sandra’s not any of those things. Or at least she doesn’t seem to be.”
“Look, I could tell you some things about Sandra that would make you rethink your evaluation. But there’s no need to go into that. There’s one thing that makes it impossible for anything to happen between me and Dr. Miller.”
“What’s that?”
“She’s not you.”
Forget the slow trickle. I put my face in my hands and cried uncontrollably. I had jumped off a high cliff without even checking for a parachute. I was desperately in love and there was no goin’ back. A part of my life was now in the hands of another. I had given him power. The power to bring me joy. And the power to bring me pain. The exhilaration of flying through the air was mixed with fear. If the parachute didn’t open, the crash landing would be life-changing.
“Doug, I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
He reached over and kissed me and held me close as though he were protecting me from something. And he had. He’d protected me from my own insecurity. He had been the first man willing to do that.
“Let’s change the s
ubject. We’ve only got nine minutes left before Dave and Shannon get back. When can I come to Commerce?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Hmm. Terribly tempting, but not gonna work. What’s my second option?”
“It’s like a seven-hour drive. Would you be able to leave early on a Friday afternoon sometime? Do you ever take a few hours off?”
“Yeah, it’s not a problem to leave at 1:00 now and then. I work a lot of extra hours in a typical week. What are you doing this Friday at 8:00?”
“Shoot, not gonna work. Clara and I had planned to clean out the kitchen cabinets this Friday night. I love to just organize all the glasses and the plates and put down new shelf paper. Oh, wait! That’s perfect timing. I mean, you could give us all kinds of pointers. We could even use little color-coded labels and sticky notes and maybe even one of those little labeling machines! Wow! This is your lucky day, Doug!”
“Go ahead. Make fun of a man for appreciating order. I’m not gonna help with your kitchen cabinets. I’m going straight to the bathroom and get that glob of Colgate out of the sink.”
“If you drive all the way to Commerce, Georgia, to see me… I promise there’ll be no toothpaste in the sink.”
“I believe you.”
CHAPTER NINE: Floating Through The Air
CARLIE
Sadness came with the sudden glare of headlights. I loved Dave and Shannon. But the timing was painful.
Even walking up the sidewalk, Dave had us in stitches. “I know you two were missin’ us somethin’ awful. Well, we hurried back as fast as we could. I wanted to speed through town tryin’ to get here, but Shannon reminded me that the barber shop was closed and that I better obey the law. I bet ya’ll have been in there working on that freezer bag project. Yeah, I can always look at a man and tell when he’s been working with Ziploc bags. You look guilty, Doug.”
“We saved some of the freezer bag project for you, Dave. Seein’ as how you’ll have a little time in the mornin’ before Aunt Clarice gets her teeth in, we thought you might need somethin’ to do.”
I loved Dave and Shannon. Doug did too. There was just something extremely comforting about them. We all sat at the dining room table and talked until 10:30. When they excused themselves, Shannon hugged me good night and whispered, “I’ll meet you in here for coffee at 7:00. It’ll just be the two of us.” I was overjoyed.
Doug stayed until 11. His eyelids were getting heavy when he finally resolved, “It’s been a long day. Are we still on for 8:30 or do you need more time to sleep?”
“8:30 is perfect.”
We stood on the porch for ten minutes longer. Every time he started to leave, he’d change his mind. I wanted him to stay forever. When he finally got into the truck and pulled away, it was physically painful. Jim Jackson? Are you kidding? Jim Jackson could never hold a candle to you, Doug.
I set the alarm for 6:00 so I would be fully dressed by 7:00. I couldn’t wait to talk to Shannon alone. How did she and Dave meet? What had Sandra asked about me? What did she think about our chances?
November 5 7:02 am
I already had the coffee made and was sitting at the table wearing jeans and a bright blue sweater. Hair and make-up done. Ready for the day. Shannon had been up a maximum of three minutes as she came down the stairs in red plaid pajama pants and a gray sweat shirt that said, “UT Chattanooga.”
“Carlie, you’re making me look bad. What on earth motivated you to get up so early and look so good at this time of the day? Wait a minute! Don’t answer that. I know the answer.” Her smile was beautiful even though she hadn’t brushed her teeth. I’m sure Dave thinks he’s the luckiest man on earth because he gets to watch her pour coffee every morning.
“I’m in love with him, Shannon.”
“I know.”
“There’s nothin’ I can do about it. People can say what they want about taking time, getting to know each other, slowing down. But I’m thirty-two years old and I’ve been on dates and I’ve had relationships but I’ve never been in love. It’s not just a physical thing. He’s a man of faith, character, and integrity. I like the way he treats other people, not just me. Last night when he pulled out of the driveway I was in physical pain. I wanted so badly for him to stay.”
“I remember, Carlie. I remember.” Shannon beamed when she said it.
“I didn’t expect the whole Sandra deal. I mean, Doug had told me about their relationship, how she lived in California and was engaged and all. Then I looked up at the funeral and she was just sitting there, being perfect and caring and beautiful.”
“As you can imagine, she had a lot to say about Doug in the car yesterday. She came back to win his heart, Carlie. You know that. Her heart got broken and it caused her to look at the past differently. She said he was the only man who had ever really treated her like a person, with respect, like a friend. She asked if I thought you guys were serious. I said I really didn’t know.”
A tear came to the corner of my eye. “He says he’s not interested in her. But how can that be? I mean, look at the girl. There’s nothing she can’t do. And she’s friendly and beautiful and educated and she wears expensive shoes.”
“Oh my gosh, Carlie, you’re right! Ever since Doug was a little boy he always talked about how he wanted to grow up and marry a woman who wears expensive shoes! Why didn’t I think of this before?”
“Very funny, Shannon. But when Doug and Sandra elope next week and come back to town and have beautiful babies and Sandra becomes a famous research scientist and Doug becomes the president of the bank…well, well, you’ll feel bad for takin’ this lightly. You’ll know I was right to be worried.”
“Look, Carlie. You’re beautiful. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Dave even said it and he’s a guy. He said he’s never seen Doug act this way. He’s enamored with you. Trust me. Trust him, Carlie. Doug may be a lot of things but he’s not a user. He won’t tell you something that’s not true.”
Shannon spent the next hour building me up. She made me feel that God was on my side. I wasn’t sure God took sides in matters of the heart. And if He did, why would He take my side? Maybe because He knew that Dr. Miller would meet another dentist someday but I would never meet another Doug.
At 8:26 Doug pulled in the drive. He was perfectly punctual and he did that check-hair-in-the-rearview-mirror again which made me smile. He was wearing a tan plaid shirt and jeans and his hair was still damp. Handsome. I stood at the kitchen door. I didn’t care if I seemed over-eager.
“Mornin’ Girls!” He reached out and gave me the now familiar hug. “Carlie, you look stunning! That blue is just wow…I’m speechless. Shannon…you look like…well, like it’s mornin’!”
“Laugh it up, Cuz! I’ve been sittin’ here for the last hour tryin’ to convince Carlie why she should make a run for it. I was just gonna tell her about the time you took the ladder and left me on top of Uncle Charlie’s barn with no way down. But it’s no use. No matter what I say it’s like I’m not gettin’ through to her.” She laughed and excused herself saying she wanted to get cleaned up before Dave got back from the airport.
I poured Doug some coffee and the minute I heard the bathroom door close, he came up behind me and asked, “Did you sleep well?”
“I did. No. That’s a lie. I hardly slept at all.”
He laughed. “Me either. I thought I would go home and be asleep within five minutes. But I don’t know. I didn’t fall asleep till after 1:30. Thinkin’, I guess.”
“Me too.”
The morning flew by. We walked through the back property and found some ripe apples on the tree behind the barn. We drank tea and ate peanut butter sandwiches on the front porch swing. But the clock was a cruel enemy.
“Doug, it’s almost 1:00. I really do have to go. I’m workin’ in the mornin’ and I have a British Literature test on Monday.”
He pulled the blanket around my shoulders while he gently rocked the porch swing. “Maybe I could help you study.”
“Let’s see. How much British Literature does the average marketing major usually take? Two, three semesters?”
“Ha Ha. Are you saying that I’m illiterate when it comes to the finer nuances of British Literature? Oh, Carlie, Carlie, Carlie, you underestimate my vast academic abilities. Go ahead, quiz me.”
“Okay. What do the poems ‘The Doubt of Future Woes’ and ‘On Monsieur’s Departure’ teach us about Queen Elizabeth?”
“Uh, that’s easy. That she always carries a purse even though she never pays for anything.”
“Now I totally see why you graduated ‘come somethin’ or other’ from UT.”
“Be inspired, Carlie. Be inspired.”
“I am.” And with that I reached over to gently touch his curls one last time. He put his arm around me and I could hardly hold back the tears.
“Doug, I have to go. I’m sorry that Dave and Shannon had to go back to Chattanooga. I hate to leave you here alone. This can’t be easy. It’s been a tough week.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna stay here. I’ve got the appointments with the lawyer and the accountant this afternoon. Then I’m goin’ back to my apartment. I’m not ready to be here by myself yet. I don’t wanna go through Mom’s stuff. I’ve got some time before I have to do that. Charlene’s invited me for dinner tonight. Uncle Stanley, Aunt Beth, and Ralph are going back to Georgia in the mornin’ so it’ll be good to visit with them before they have to leave. Brother Dan’s taking me to breakfast in the mornin’. I’ll be fine. Just drive carefully, Carlie. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
I got up from the porch swing and determined that this should be like taking off a Band-Aid. If I did it quickly there would be less pain. Doug had already loaded my things into the car. He stood and hugged me as though he’d never see me again. I tearfully whispered, “Until Friday.” He whispered back, “I’ll be there.”
I cried as I drove out of Sharon, Tennessee. But they were happy tears. I thought I understood the future. I had no idea.
CHAPTER TEN: The More Things Change… The More They Stay The Same
