by Lisa Smartt
“I guess. Anyway, the problem is I’m not gonna be home much for the next few months.”
“That is a problem, but I guess it’s the price of fame, right? I mean, it sounds like your book is ‘growing legs.’”
“Yeah, Joan thinks it is. So I was thinkin’ maybe you could come to New York for New Year’s Eve. Is that even a possibility?”
“I don’t know. The awards deal is on the thirtieth. Let me look into it. Plus, isn’t a hotel room in New York City pretty expensive?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I’m stayin’ in a room that’s leased by the publishing house. I could see what’s near there.”
“Well, between the plane ticket and the hotel room…I mean, that’s probably a little steep for me right now, Carlie. I doubt American Airlines would accept a country ham as payment.”
“I totally understand. Plus, I don’t even know if I’m gonna get the job with Today’s Woman. Shouldn’t count my chickens till they’ve hatched, y’know?”
“I’m sure they’ll want you. Who wouldn’t want you?”
“Thanks, Doug.”
“Carlie, I’ve got an early morning, so I better be hittin’ the hay. I’m happy for you. It looks like everything’s workin’ out real well. I’m sure your parents are real proud.”
“Hey, well, I’m happy for you too. Loan Officer of the Year is no small matter. Congratulations. You deserve it.”
“Thanks. I’ll talk to ya later.”
“Bye.”
Once again, I sat on the edge of the bed and cried into the pink paisley pillow. I couldn’t go with Doug to his awards ceremony in Nashville. And I knew he never goes to bed at 8:30.
CHAPTER TWELVE: Thank God I’m A Country Boy…With A Woman In New York City. Yeah, That Doesn’t Sound Right.
DOUG
I don’t get it. I meet a nice girl who works at the Dollar General and within a month she’s someone else. I thought we’d spend New Year’s Eve eating Doritos and drinking Sonic limeades. What could I have been thinking? She’s never gonna live that life again. Next thing I know she’ll be dating a New York City dentist.
A knock at the door. “Hello, Doug?”
“Sandra? Hang on a second.”
“No problem! Sorry I’m comin’ by unannounced!”
I opened the door and there stood Sandra dressed in a black suit and carrying a briefcase.
“Doug, I’m so sorry for just droppin’ in like this.”
“Don’t apologize. Come on in.”
“I’m in a bit of a quandary and I was hoping you could help me.”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Well, you might think this is silly but I’ve applied for a job at Obion County High School. They needed a biology teacher and Daddy’s not gettin’ any better and I decided maybe research is not my thing and besides, you know I’ve always liked kids. And truthfully, I don’t really wanna leave West Tennessee.” Sandra sounded nervous and embarrassed.
“Sandra, I think that’s great! And no, I don’t think it’s silly at all. Teaching is an honorable profession.”
“Well, you can actually help me, Doug. I need some character references. I was sittin’ down tonight tryin’ to think of local people who could be my references. I wrote down Mrs. Burcham from our Honors English class and Brother Dan. But people around here know you well. You have a good reputation. We’ve known each other our whole lives and I was wonderin’ well, if you’d be willing to put in a good word for me.”
“Sure, Sandra! What do I need to do?”
“Well, here’s the form and the envelope already has a stamp. You’re supposed to mail it to them directly.”
“I’d be glad to and for the record, I think you’ll be a wonderful high school teacher.”
“Thanks. How’s Carlie, Doug? I mean, I guess you’ve talked to her a lot. Marcie Jenkins told me that she has a book publishing contract. Wow!”
“She does. In fact, I just got off the phone with her. She has an interview with Today’s Woman magazine on Friday morning in New York City. And the book is now comin’ out on December 15. Early reviews have been positive. Looks like it’s all goin’ her way right now. So, of course, I’m proud of her.”
“Well, I guess. Sounds like a really big deal.”
“Yeah, I think it is.”
“Well, Doug, I guess I better go. I can’t thank you enough for takin’ care of that for me.”
“No problem, Sandra. Please tell your mom and dad that I said hello.” I stood and walked to the door thinking it probably wasn’t appropriate for us to be alone in the apartment together. But Sandra never moved from the leather couch.
“You should come over sometime, Doug. I know it would mean a lot to my dad. He’s not doing well. He’s not getting better. I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to face…well, how to face…”
Sandra started crying uncontrollably. I handed her a Kleenex but I knew she needed something more than that. Something I couldn’t give. Something I felt obligated to withhold.
“Death? Are you saying you don’t know how to handle death? That’s okay. None of us do. Believe me, I could write a book about my lack of preparedness regarding the death of a parent. I’m sorry for what you and your mom are going through, Sandra. I really am. It’s not easy to lose a parent. There’s nothing I can say that will make it any better.”
“I know. I don’t see how you survived losing both parents.”
“God didn’t give me a choice.”
“At least you have Carlie. You have someone to love you. You’re not alone. I’m alone, Doug.”
“I’m sorry, Sandra. I really am.”
“I believe you. I’ll get out of your hair. I know you weren’t expecting a drop-by visit from a crying maniac woman from your past.” She walked to the door and looked at me as though there was something more she wanted to say. Something she was afraid to say.
“Don’t worry about it. And I’ll get this in tomorrow’s mail. I hope you get the job. I think you’d like teaching high school students.”
“Thanks, Doug. You’re one of the most supportive people I’ve ever known.”
“Thanks.”
Sandra walked down the metal stairs and I knew it would have been good manners to walk her to her car. But I didn’t. It would have been chivalrous and I didn’t need Sandra Miller to think of me as chivalrous. Without thinking, I quickly dialed the phone.
“Hello.”
“Shannon?”
“Hey Doug! Great to hear from you!”
“I hope it’s not too late to be callin’. I feel bad I haven’t really talked to you much since the funeral.”
“Oh Doug, are you kidding? You’ve been crazy busy. Don’t worry about it. Besides, I’ve been talkin’ to Carlie and I can hardly believe all the good news about her book. Wow!”
“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. She’s gonna be really busy in New York City. Even has a job interview on Friday. How are you and Dave? I mean, I guess you’re gettin’ excited about Thanksgiving, huh?”
“Doug, I’ve known you your whole life. You didn’t call at 9:30 on a Monday night to chat. What’s wrong?”
“I’m confused. I started dating a thirty-two-year-old college student who was working at the Dollar General in a small town in Georgia. Now that she’s my girlfriend, well, all this stuff starts to happen and now she lives a life that makes mine look pretty conventional.”
“Is she complaining?”
“She doesn’t have time to complain, Shannon. She’s packing for the Big Apple. She’s preparing for a promotional tour. She’s following her dream.”
“Maybe she has dreams she hasn’t told you about.”
“Maybe. But if she gets this job at Today’s Woman, you think she would really give it up to come live on a farm with me in West Tennessee? Would you ask a famous author to spend every Sunday eating with Uncle Bart and Aunt Charlotte? You think she would have fun at Buster and Michelle’s tenth anniversary bologna cook-out? Right. Me
neither. She has the chance for something more.”
“Define the word more.”
“I don’t even know how to define it. I just know she’s talented and I don’t wanna stand in her way. And I don’t wanna be in her shadow either.”
“Doug, you could never be in anyone’s shadow. You’re not a nineteen-year-old kid. You’re a man. You know who you are. And I think you know who Carlie is too. She doesn’t discard people.”
“I know. But I don’t wanna be like an old pair of shoes she keeps because they remind her of a simpler life. I want someone who will enjoy life in Sharon, someone who won’t think it’s a step down from something better.”
“She’s crazy about you, Doug. You know that. A job in New York City doesn’t change that.”
“Sandra came over tonight.”
“You’re kidding. What was that about?”
“She just needed a reference form filled out. She’s applying for a teaching job at Obion County High.”
“She decided to stay in the area?”
“Well, her dad’s real sick and I think the research jobs are limited right now anyway.”
“Or maybe she holds out hope that a young banker will give her another chance.”
“I don’t know.”
“Would he? Would he give her another chance?”
“What? No. Of course not. You know how I feel about Carlie, Shannon.”
“Yeah, I get that. But when one woman is on her way to New York and the other woman is a teacher who lives four miles away, you’re saying it’s crazy for me to think that could be a difficult situation.”
“I’d never call you crazy.”
“Be careful, Doug. Don’t give up on a good woman because she’s inconvenient.”
“I’m not giving up on a good woman. Maybe I’m setting her free a little. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doin’. That’s why I called you. I thought maybe you and Dave could tell me what to do.”
“Are you serious? ‘Cause if you’re serious, here’s what I would tell you. Carlie’s a catch. She was a catch when she worked at the dollar store. And she’s a catch now.”
“I know. That’s the worst part. I know you’re right.”
“Don’t be in a rush to decide. Let her find a little fame. See what happens next. You don’t have to know tomorrow, right?”
“I guess. But I’m lonely.”
“You miss your mom and dad. That’s normal.”
“Well, yeah. But it’s not just that. I’m tired of feeling alone. Talking on the phone is not the same as being with someone.”
“I get that. But think of the long-term, Doug. Don’t do something stupid because you didn’t want to wait for the right one.”
“I know. Why don’t you and Dave come over and we’ll play cards. That would cheer me up.”
“Gosh, I wish we could. I do wish you lived closer. Dave is at a meeting but when he gets home, I’ll tell him you called. Why don’t you come stay with us sometime?”
“Yeah, I would say I’d stay on the way to Carlie’s. But I can’t see I’ll be going there anytime soon.”
“What about graduation?”
“I’m not sure. She’ll only be there one day. She comes in Friday night, graduates Saturday morning and flies back to New York on Saturday evening. Plus, all her family will be there and it’ll be chaotic. I may sit this one out.”
“Doug, be careful.”
“Yeah. I gotta go. Tell Dave I’ll talk to him soon. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I drank a double dose of Nyquil and crawled under the tan flannel sheets. I was Loan Officer of the Year for the State of Tennessee but I could hardly stand to hear myself think. I prayed for morning to come quickly. My prayers were answered. Well, I doubt prayer had anything to do with the sun rising.
November 23 6:45 am
While eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes I had a revelation. Must have been the sugar rush. I’m not calling Carlie tonight. She needs to get ready for her trip. I need to give her space. No, that’s not the reason. I don’t wanna hear about the new airport security, or the difficulties of getting a taxi in New York City. I don’t wanna hear about which radio shows she’s going on or what Joan said about what so and so critic said about the book. I liked it when Carlie talked about the kids comin’ in the store to buy supplies for their school projects. I liked it when she talked about books she’d read or funny things Clara did with the kindergarteners. I even liked it when she said she hadn’t saved for a rainy day. I knew I had saved for a rainy day. I knew I could swoop in and save her…if only she’d let me. But Carlie Ann Davidson doesn’t need saving anymore.
November 23 5:00 pm
Cell phone rings.
“Hello.”
“Doug Honey, come to supper. Uncle Bart brought home leftover barbecue from the Elk’s Lodge Luncheon. I made coleslaw and orange Jell-o. I’m gonna make Jiffy cornbread muffins in a few minutes. Please tell me you’ll come.”
“Sure. I’d love to. I have to do about thirty more minutes of paper work. Can you hold off till 5:45?”
“Absolutely. I’ll put the cornbread in at 5:30. If your Uncle Bart gets hungry, he’ll just have to nibble on a Ritz cracker. See ya soon, Darlin’.”
“Thanks, Aunt Charlotte.”
November 23 5:43 pm
I can’t believe Uncle Bart still has that John boat for sale. The “For Sale” sign has faded and the inside of the boat has rusted from pools of rain water. Chester says, “Bart’s too proud of that boat. Ain’t nobody gonna pay no Cadillac price for a Hyundai.”
Uncle Bart and Aunt Charlotte live in the all-American lower middle class home. Two bedrooms. One bath. A few shingles missing from the roof. Gray vinyl siding which had been chewed by a vagrant Black Lab. Plastic over the windows to conserve energy. But always warm and filled with food smells, some good and some, well, marginal. But Mom was wrong. Uncle Bart and Aunt Charlotte weren’t under-achievers. They’d gotten everything they’d ever wanted.
Aunt Charlotte wiped her hands on an apron covered with yellow daisies as she walked onto the front porch. The wooden porch always creaked a little when she stood on one side as though it would give up the ghost at any moment. But it stood. It stood strong just like Aunt Charlotte, regardless of adversity. “Doug Honey! Good to see ya! Get yerself in this house. I jest put the cornbread in.”
“Thanks, Aunt Charlotte.”
“Bart, your stupid coon done ate the cat food again! Get those stale hamburger buns and lead him back into the cage. So help me, Doug, I’m gonna kill your uncle if he brings one more creature onto this place. We got three cats, two of ‘em with stomach trouble, two wild coons, a crippled Labradoodle from Michelle’s last batch, and two parakeets that don’t sing no more. We’re like the island of misfit critters.”
“You’ve got a lot of compassion, Aunt Charlotte.”
“Thank ya, baby. You’re lookin’ good, Doug. Must be love.”
“Well, thanks. I’ve been workin’ out down at the community center. Yeah, I feel pretty good.”
“When is Carlie comin’ back to see us?”
“I don’t know. She’s pretty busy. She’s spending a lot of time in New York working on the book and all.”
“Well, tell her that if she’ll come, I’ll make her some of them deviled eggs that she liked so well.”
“I’ll tell her, Aunt Charlotte.”
The evening with Uncle Bart and Aunt Charlotte went exactly as I had expected. After eating dry barbecued pork, Uncle Bart fell asleep in the rose-colored recliner. Aunt Charlotte cried over my mom several times. And a cat peed on the hall carpet. Some things never change.
November 23 9:00 pm
Entering an empty apartment again. Tired of living alone. Tired of feeling alone. Where’s the Nyquil? No. I don’t need it. Mindless television. A book I got from Mom’s house about suffering. Finally, sleep.
November 24 12:34 am
Phone rings. Who could be calling at this ho
ur?
“Uh, hello.”
“Doug, he’s gone. He’s gone.” I could hear Sandra sobbing as she spoke the words. I knew her pain. I had been there.
“Where are you, Sandra?”
“I’m at the hospital. He died at 11:30. Mom’s not taking it well. I’m sorry, Doug. You’re the only person I knew to call.”
“No problem. I’ll be over in five minutes.”
I put on old jeans and a blue sweatshirt. Didn’t even bother combing my hair or brushing my teeth. It didn’t matter. I had to enter through the Emergency room entrance as every other door of the small hospital was locked. I hadn’t seen Sandra without make-up in years. She looked like a 15-year-old wearing jeans, a gray t-shirt, and her hair in a pony tail. She certainly didn’t look like a doctor. She ran to hug me. I knew it was more than just grieving. But I didn’t know what to do about it. I re-directed my attention toward her mother.
“Mrs. Miller, I’m terribly sorry. He was a great man. And he loved you. He loved both of you. What can I do to help?”
“Oh Doug, how are we gonna make it without him? I just don’t see us making it.” Mrs. Miller stumbled to find a chair. I got them two cups of coffee from the nurse’s station. Sandra and Mrs. Miller cried in that wailing way I had seen people do at funerals. I was unprepared.
“Look, let me drive you both home. You’ll need your rest. The next few days will be tiring.”
“Okay. Thank you, Doug Dear. It was sweet of you to come.”
I led both of them to the truck and took them home. While unlocking their front door, Sandra spoke quietly to her mother, “What would we do without Doug? I should have never gone to California.” I made no comment other than to say again what a great guy Mr. Miller was and how everyone in town thought he was the most conscientious mail carrier they’d ever had. When we entered the house, I was at a loss. “Look ladies, the best thing you can do is try to sleep. I’ll be back early in the morning with sausage biscuits. I’ll call the church prayer chain tonight and Aunt Charlotte will organize everyone.”
Sandra wiped her eyes and said softly, “Thank you. I knew I could call you and you’d make everything alright. Thank you, Doug.”
“Try to get some sleep. Trust me. You have to sleep.” I walked out the front door before Sandra had a chance to hug me. I was feeling uncomfortable about the constant hugging.
