by Abra Ebner
“I like it that way; keeps me invisible.” He put his pencil down onto the paper in front of him.
I looked at the doodles he had made across the page. “What is that?”
There was a web of connecting lines running parallel to each other, each ending in a dot or an X. I was certain it wasn’t something I had seen in Biology, or at least I hoped not, because I hadn’t taken notes. He made a motion to close his notebook, but I placed my hand on his forearm.
“No really, it looks interesting.” I looked more closely. “It almost seems like art.”
A half smile lit across his face under the bill of his black hat, the same hat he wore at the party, and the same hat he wore when I woke up the next day. “It sort of is art. That’s a good way to put it.”
“Looks complicated,” I added.
“It’s my way of keeping things organized, so to speak.” He rubbed the palms of his hands on his jeans, and I could see he was nervous.
“Dynamic form of filing I’d say. How does it work?” I pressed for more, hoping to strike up a good conversation to prove to him I was an interesting person.
He looked at me, his mouth still curled at the edges before looking back to the page. “This here,” he pointed to one branched line that ended in a dot, “is a place, like a coffee house, that I’ve been to and think would be a good choice to go to again.” He looked me in the eye. “Theoretically of course. And this here,” he pointed to an X, “this is a coffee house that had really bad service. Never go there again.” He shook his head with a grave expression that didn’t seem to warrant a bad coffee house.
I wrinkled my brow. “But then, what does this mean?” I pointed to the arrow at the front of all the bracketing.
“That’s the coffee place we are going to go to when I hold up my end of the bargain and take you out for a cup.” He smirked, revealing a more confident side.
I laughed. “Whatever, Jordan.” I gave him a playful tap on the shoulder. “What is it really?”
He shrugged. “I know, absurd analogy but I thought it would work.” He thought for a moment. “Really, though, it’s my way of keeping things in order, like decisions I make and where those decisions take me. It’s sort of like the philosophy and science of a timeline,” he paused and I saw his face light up. “My major is philosophy and physics so...”
My eyebrows shot in the air. “It seems as though you just figured that out, Jordan.”
He laughed. “Well, you could say that.”
“Wow, double major at Harvard, huh? That would cost a fortune for the poor sap that’s giving you the scholarship.”
He laughed. “I wish, but I pay for it all on my own.”
I thought about that fact for a moment, looking at his coat and bag and wondering why he couldn’t afford new ones, and figuring there was an underlying reason I did not yet know. I brought my attention back to the drawing. “So, you mean each of these is a parallel life of sorts? So say, if I made the decision right now to get up and leave, that would create a new bracket.” I pointed to one ending in an X. “That branches off from the main path. Only I won’t do that, so it ends in an X.” He nodded, and I tilted my head, looking at the ones ending in a dot. “I don’t get the ones with a dot, though, because if I went there, there would be no way back unless Stephen Hawking finally figured out how to ride black holes and travel through time.”
He laughed. “And that’s highly unlikely right?”
It was as though he was testing me. “Well, I’m no science geek like you, but anything is possible. Especially if Stephen Hawking says it is. That man is a genius.” He continued to laugh and I reveled in his smile, something he seemed to be new at, as though life held little that amused him prior to now.
“Kenzie, you never cease to amaze,” he shook his head.
“Well, you’ve only known me a day. There’s a lot more to be amazed at.” I winked at him.
Naturally, I hadn’t yet talked to Max about the fact that we were clearly no longer together, and I never will, but what had happened trumped any formalities I owed to him for a formal break up anyway. That went without saying, so I was single. I still just couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it in Max sooner.
“Yeah, I’ve known you just one day,” he said it as though it were a joke.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Yeah, but…” I paused, thinking about what I was about to say and refraining, figuring it would make me seem like a stalker for following him around the party like a gawking idiot, all because I thought he looked like the man in my dreams.
The professor made his dramatic entrance and the lights dimmed as slides lit up the screen. I reached down into my bag and pulled out my notebook and a pencil, placing it on the desk as I already began to feel the boredom of the lesson tug at my bones.
“So, we’re still on for that coffee I take it?” I leaned in and whispered in Jordan’s ear, daring myself to get close enough that my breath tickled his hair. I liked the thrill of new love. It was something I had missed, something I had felt I didn’t deserve.
He turned and looked at me, his face half lit by the light of the projection, his dark blue eyes illuminated. “Of course,” he smiled as the wrinkles around his mouth were magnified by the contrast of the room. “How about this afternoon, around four?”
I smiled. “It’s a date.” I looked toward the screen, but I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye, his face alive as though he’d never had a date before. He touched the bill of his hat and looked back at the screen a moment later, sliding down in the seat. His large frame seemed awkward inside the confines of the chair, his knees touching the seat in front of him.
I placed my hand under my chin and leaned against the desk, allowing myself the pleasure of dreaming about Jordan, my senses heightened to every sound he made as I begged my mind to remember them. I desperately wanted to tell him about my dreams and the way I had thought I’d seen him there. It was as though I had actually lived the parallel lives in his timeline with him, but it was absurd to think that of a complete stranger.
I focused on my dreams as the slide flipped to a new one. Though I could never make out the face of the man I saw there, the man that always seemed so curious about my life, there was still something with Jordan that clicked. I always figured they were dreams about my angel, or dreams my mind wanted to believe about the man I would someday fall in love with. Whatever the reason, something about Jordan reminded me of that man and it was a feeling I couldn’t shake. I always felt in my heart that one day the reason behind the dreams would be revealed to me, and at that party, I felt it finally had. Perhaps the dreams were God’s way of warning me about what had happened, and what still could.
A figure in a black sweatshirt stood from the opposite corner of the dark room and walked toward the door. The professor, being as arrogant as he was, stopped his lecture and looked up at the figure. “Excuse me, why do you find it so pertinent to disrupt my class?”
I craned my view to look at the figure, but they kept themselves well hidden.
“Sorry,” a girl’s voice echoed across the crowd, and I found myself surprised by the tone, as though someone had struck a tuning fork that was stuck in my ear. I cringed and shut my eyes to the sound, opening them as I felt Jordan move in his seat. She left then, as though the professor had scared her off, her hands empty as though she had come here merely to observe.
The professor shook his head as the door to the lecture hall closed, and I looked at Jordan, who was still looking toward the door, his face frozen.
“Jordan, it’s like you’ve seen a ghost,” I squeezed his leg, and he snapped out of it, looking me in the eye.
“Oh, sorry, it was just distracting is all.” He looked back down at his paper.
I crinkled my brow, finding his behavior suddenly strange and distant. When I looked back to the screen, I saw him flip the page in his notebook back to the bracket he had been working on. He erased an X and replaced it with a dot in a manner that wa
s meant to be discreet, but I caught it anyway. I wondered what it meant, and why that event had changed it. There was something about the girl that had also resonated with him, as it had with me, as though he’d known her, or perhaps he was really an undercover CIA agent and she was his perp. I could at least assume, right?
I laughed to myself, finding my daydreaming refreshing in an otherwise dull situation. For the duration of class, Jordan remained silent, and though I made it obvious that I wanted to talk more, he didn’t fall for my attempts, so after a while I merely dozed off into dreaming. When the lights finally came back up, I stretched and looked around, finding I was not the only one that had found the lesson less than stellar, as half the class began to yawn.
Jordan stood and placed his bag on the seat, stuffing his notebook inside. “Well, Kenzie, I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you at four?”
I also stood, hooking my computer bag over my shoulder. “Looking forward to it.”
We stood there for one awkward moment before Jordan finally spoke. “Well, ok, see ya.” He turned, and walked in the opposite direction down the aisle.
I allowed myself to watch him, his gate quick and frantic as though he was always in a rush, but a handsome rush at that.
Statement from Dr. Ashcroft,
Vincent Memorial Hospital, Boston
August 4, 2009
03:41 a.m.
Dr. Ashcroft:
So that is where my side of the story ends, but I see here that his picks up where I left off.
Agent Donnery:
Perfect then.
Dr. Ashcroft:
I know, this is beginning to become fun.
Stories from the journals
of Patient #32185
October 2, 2005
11:48 a.m.
Exiting class, I looked around, trying to find the girl, feeling as though she were still nearby, lingering. I had known it was her the minute she opened her mouth to speak, the voice resonating the same way it had yesterday in the church parking lot. I had never seen her before, and I wondered who she was and why she seemed to be showing up in my life out of nowhere, and with such frequency.
The feeling I had now was a feeling all too familiar with me; the same thing I had done to Kenzie for years. There had to be something I did that night at the party that had brought this girl here, perhaps a slight wave I had made. For a long time I’ve worried about the effects I had on other lives and not just Kenzie’s, like the truck driver that never hit Kenzie’s car, or the person who lost their scholarship to Harvard when Kenzie passed her high school test.
The class came out behind me and interrupted my thoughts. I was quick to walk around the building, unable to afford having Kenzie there to see me looking around like a terrified idiot. I walked toward the bushes that were against a large tree, watching everyone passing through the courtyard. I brought my hand to my mouth and chewed on my nails as I waited, finding it narrowed my vision and kept me focused.
It was then that I spotted the girl about a hundred yards to the left up the path, watching Kenzie over her shoulder as she walked away in the opposite direction. I took off toward the girl, taking note of the look on her face as she continued to watch Kenzie. The girl was walking fast but my stride was faster so I gained ground, now just behind her. “Excuse me.”
Her head snapped around and she halted as though she had seen death, taken by surprise.
“What do you want?” she hissed, her voice even and annoyed, as though I’d ruined something she was in the middle of. She shook her head with disgust as she turned and tried to walk away.
“Well, that’s what I was here to ask you.” I put my hand on her shoulder and twisted her around, her hood shielding her face, as always.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m on my way to my next class. What are you doing?” She had a sense of sassiness about her, but I could see her looking at me with awe, as though it was torturing her to treat me this way.
“Why are you following me?” My face was like stone.
She let out a slow, steady breath that felt cold as it landed across my face. “I’m not following you. You’re crazy. Just leave me alone.”
I furrowed my brow. She was trying to make it seem as though I were mad, but I sensed a guilt about her, as though she knew she had in fact been watching us for a reason.
“What’s your name?” I barked.
Her eyes met mine, and I found myself shocked by the turquoise color a second time, illuminated under her dark hood. “Molly.” She gave me an irritated exhale. “There, are you happy now?” She crossed her arms against her chest, the sleeves of her sweatshirt covering her hands.
The name made my heart sink; it had been my mother’s name. “Okay, Molly, I’ll bite.” I shifted my weight, though she had my mother’s name she did not have the same hazel eyes, “I’m Jordan.”
She nodded. “Yeah, so?”
I could see I had her in an uncomfortable situation, with her hand stuck in the cookie jar, so to speak. “Why did you give me my knife back when you seem so…” I paused. “So rude.”
She rolled her eyes. “You need it.”
“I need it?”
She shifted her weight. “I mean it was yours, and I’m not a thief.” I could tell she was flustered and annoyed, perhaps on the brink of causing a scene just to get away.
I backed off, figuring I had interrogated her to the point that there was little more she would tell me. “Well, yeah, sorry.”
“Can I go now?” She looked up at me, her skin like porcelain.
I stared at her for a moment, trying my best to remember her face but there was nothing. “Yeah.” I adjusted my bag on my back.
She let out a long breath. “Just…” She began to walk away. “Just don’t be late, okay?”
I pressed my brows together as she stormed off. “Wait…” I took one step to go after her, but I stopped as a feeling of fear overcame me, and I looked back in the direction Kenzie had gone. I felt my stomach clench as I broke out into a cold sweat. The air around me stood still, as though a bell jar had been placed over my head, silencing every sound. Something felt wrong, very wrong, and the sudden need to find Kenzie now overwhelmed me.
Looking back in the direction in which the girl had walked off, I saw she was already gone. Disregarding Molly’s sudden absence, I took off then in the direction Kenzie had gone, pushing through the crowds of students and finding my way back to her dorm. On the way there, I noticed people staring at me as though I were crazy, but to me it seemed as though they were telling me to run faster. I rounded the block, her dorm just ahead now. I ran up the steps to the outside door, and I leaned my hand against the wall and took a deep breath. Tapping my foot, I waited outside until someone exited the building, catching the door before it shut, charging in. By now my heart was pounding and my body was drenched in sweat as the strange feeling of fear grew.
I sprinted up the two flights of stairs to the third floor. Kenzie’s room was just down the hall. I slowed my pace, trying not to draw too much attention to myself too soon, and hoping there was no real reason behind my fear. Coming to her door I grabbed the handle, but it was locked. I stood there for a moment, but heard nothing and I began to wonder if I was finally losing my mind, along with my health. Exhaling, I leaned against the wall and let my back trail down the frame of the door until I was sitting on the ground.
It was then that I heard a muffled squeal and it heightened my senses as I pressed my ear to the door. There was a deep voice on the other side, followed by more squeals and frantic breathing. I brought my hand back to the handle, testing it to be sure it was locked, not wanting to make too much commotion in case whoever it was would do more harm.
I pulled my bag in front of me and fished through the contents, finding the knife and flipping it open. Placing the bag on the ground, I knelt down to the lock on the door and wedged the knife into the keyhole. Pulling my hand back and preparing myself for the pain, I punched the heel of my palm on the but
t end of the knife, slicing it into the keyhole so that the lock broke and the door swung open.
Kenzie squealed as she saw me, her mouth covered by Max’s hand, his other hand holding a gun that was pointed at Amy as she sat bleeding from her head in the corner. Kenzie’s eyes were watering from the pain, her arms already showing bruises. My stomach sank at the sight, realizing now that the threat was never over; that I would never be at peace.
“You, again.” Max’s voice sounded low and drunk; nothing like it had for the years I’d known him as Kenzie’s boyfriend.
“Max, what are you doing?” I put my hands up as the gun in his hand shook, Amy cowering even further into the corner.
“Stay out of this, man. This is no longer your fight.” Max’s arm was around Kenzie’s neck as she looked at me, her eyes wide with fear and her face red. He brought his mouth to her ear. “Your boyfriend won’t save you this time, you slut.”
The lump in my throat rose further into my mouth, the words he said stinging my heart.
“Max, please, we weren’t going to go to the cops,” Kenzie whispered with what little breath she could muster.
“Ha!” His laughter filled the room as a girl in the hall looked in.
I turned around and saw her before she ducked back, the look in her eyes suggesting she was going to run and get the cops, which was good.
“You think you can cheat on me, and then try and ruin my football career as well? Well, you’re wrong, honey.” Max shook Kenzie in his arms, his teeth clenching. “All those years I allowed you to be in my spotlight, and this is how you re-pay me? By humiliating me in front of all my friends?”
“Max, there was no harm done. As far as I know, nothing happened and everyone was fine.” I was trying to make it seem as though he could still walk away from this, though at this point there was no way I’d ever let him.
