Jack’s hand enclosed mine as I fumbled for the release. “Wait, wait.” I ignored him, easily overpowering his hand to unclasp the belt. My hand was on the door when he grabbed my arm, grip firm. “Wait.”
The guilt in his voice made me hesitate, as did the pleasantness of his strong hand. “What is it, Jack?” My voice was thick and quiet, but I still refused to look at him.
“I wanted to apologise, for what I said, it wasn’t fair.”
“Yes, it was. We both know it was. Just let me go home.” But when I looked out of the window to make my move, I realised we were nowhere near my apartment block. “I’m sorry for what I said, I was angry, and mine actually wasn’t fair. Look, just drive me home.” Nothing could stop my tears as I spoke, but my voice at least didn’t give everything away.
“No.” The tug on my arm was gentler this time as he dragged me to face him.
Peering up at that guilt-ridden face, I couldn’t help but burst into proper sobs. He shouldn’t have to put up with this.
Still, he did, and wrapped strong arms around me, a soothing hand running up and down my back. The murmured niceties whispered into my hair were irrationally comforting and my grip tightened around my stomach. It was a vicious cycle of feeling better and then feeling worse because I’d felt better.
Managing to calm my sobs to sniffles, I pulled back, my head dipped. “Look, I’m really sorry, I wasn’t intending for you to find me obviously. I would have been fine and I will be fine eventually, you should just stay away from me and worry about your own stuff, seriously. Thank you, though.” My words hung in the air. “Just drive me home, really.”
“Wouldn’t you rather stay at mine tonight?”
I couldn’t help my quick, sceptical scan of his face. Lips turned downwards, eyebrows furrowed, he was absolutely sincere. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine, really.”
“It wouldn’t just be for you. I wouldn’t mind some company.”
That stopped me in my tracks and, despite knowing it was the wrong thing to do, I found myself nodding. “Okay, that would be nice.”
Chapter Ten
Walking into Jack’s house today was, if possible, even more awkward than last week. My eyes were blotchy and I was wearing ridiculous clothes. I was also painfully aware that Ellie had just left. I didn’t want to know what his mum’s impression of me was.
“Hi mum, Ilona’s had a fight with her parents so I’ve offered her the sofa. Is that cool? I can set up the camp bed or something if it’s not.”
“No, no, that’s fine.” She offered me a pleasant smile that calmed my paranoia somewhat. “Do you want anything to drink, eat?”
“Just a glass of water, please.”
With a swift nod, she began bustling about the kitchen, obviously in the midst of sorting her daughter out for bed. “Here you go. Make yourself at home, and feel free to insist on the camp bed if the sofa isn’t comfortable.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, thank you.”
Led from the kitchen, it was the first time I had been in Jack’s living room, and the sofa would most definitely be more than comfortable enough. It was a large leather corner-sofa with enough cushions to fill a small room. I wasted no time in collapsing into the corner, still wrapped snugly in Jack’s coat. I would definitely have to invest in one of these, even if it would take up the whole of my lounge.
I sipped the glass and followed Jack’s movements as he retrieved the TV remote and plopped down beside me. “Comfy?”
“Yes.” It was almost scary how much just the prospect of spending my evening with Jack had lifted my mood.
“So, what do you want to watch? We have all the movie channels.”
My head shake was immediate. “I don’t want to pick, you can. Just anything is fine.” I really hated having to make decisions like that.
The flat look I received suggested Jack felt the same way. “Okay, well I guess we’ll just watch Saw, then. That to your taste?”
Snatching the remote from his hands, I flicked over before the picture had chance to load. “Fine, I’ll pick.” Scanning through the seemingly endless channels, I settled on Stardust. It had only just started. Jack’s face told me it was worth it. Clearly he wasn’t a die-hard romantic like myself.
Settling back into the comfy sofa, Jack fidgeted. “I’m going to get a drink. Also, turn it down a tad, Millie’s in bed now.”
Following his instruction, my attention was turned absolutely to the television. I’d definitely have to get this at some point for mine and Jenny’s movie nights. Returning to his seat, Jack was an ever distracting presence. Sipping on a mug of hot chocolate surrounded by cushions, I realised I wouldn’t mind having that view every day.
“Can I have a sip?” I found myself asking. “I haven’t had hot chocolate since I was about 5.”
Jack hesitated momentarily before nodding. “Sure, it’s chocolate milk, though.”
I sipped and realised instantly it wasn’t just chocolate milk. Still, this was fulfilling part of the plan I’d had for tonight. “It’s good.”
“You’re feeling a bit better now?” Jack almost sounded smug that he’d managed to cheer me up so quickly.
“Yeah, much better, thanks. Hey, can I have one of these?”
“Oh, sure.” He narrowed his eyes, as if to check that I was really asking for what he thought I was. “Although I don’t have chocolate milk to get us properly fucked. Do you want to just drink the whiskey straight instead.”
Allowing myself a laugh, I nodded. “I’m up for that.”
Setting my now measly looking glass of water to the side, I gave myself a quick rant about feeding Jack’s apparent alcohol tendency, before realising that I didn’t care. I was happy for us both to get some short-term reprieve without considering the further-reaching consequences. I supposed that reinforced what a rubbish person I was.
Coming back with two tumblers and a bottle of Jack Daniels, Jack poured me a small glass. Giving it a sniff, I pulled back and grimaced. This was going to be painfully strong. Resisting the urge to hold my nose, I downed the brown substance, pulling a face immediately afterwards. “I can see why you have the chocolate milk now.”
I was rewarded with a genuine laugh from Jack that had me smiling back automatically. Seeing that was definitely enough to lift my spirits. “I knew it would be worth it just to see your face.” He didn’t even flinch when downing his own drink.
Another was quickly poured. “So, you and Ellie, you’re together, right?”
If he was surprised by the question, he didn’t show it. “I guess. It’s weird, it’s that situation where we kind of said we liked each other, but didn’t actually establish that we were going out.”
“I’m no expert, but I’m going to guess she thinks you are.”
“But we’re not even Facebook official.” He put on a girly voice and even flicked his hair.
“You’re an idiot.”
He chuckled and poured us another drink. I could already feel the pleasant buzz invading my mind, turning my mouth up at the corner automatically. “Still, I feel like I’m lying to her because I haven’t told her about my brother, about trying to kill you. I can’t talk to her about everything, you know.”
“I think it’s better that way,” I murmured. “Bringing someone into something like that is never the right thing to do. Maybe not about your brother, but definitely about me. I’m sure that you’ll tell her about your brother eventually, anyway, but trust like that doesn’t just appear. How long have you been ‘together’?” My advice was spoken like a veteran, but of course I had no real experience. Still, hopefully my naïve opinion was what he wanted to hear.
“Only three months. I’ve known her for ages before that, though.”
“You can’t be expected to tell someone you’ve been with three months about your biggest problems,” I decided. “You’ll tell her eventually.”
“Maybe.”
“But until then, you’ve got me to talk to!” I
assured him, deciding to sip on my drink this time. I really didn’t need to be throwing up.
“Oh, wow, great. Thanks for making me feel better.” His sarcasm was on point.
“Any time.”
“It’s just difficult, you know. I mean, being around you.” I wasn’t expecting him to genuinely respond to my joke. “It’s like a reminder, but you’re also the only one I can talk to. I haven’t really decided how I feel about it yet.”
“I hope you don’t decide to hate me,” I found myself muttering.
Pouring me some more, his look was surprisingly frank. “I’m quite sure that won’t happen.”
“You might not have to put up with me, anyway. If this thing with Glen keeps up then Dale will request to have me transferred. Can’t have people arguing in the Guild and he’d keep Glen over me.”
Jack frowned, which wasn’t the response I’d been expecting. I thought he wanted me to leave? “It would suck if you just got put into the same scenario in a different place, though. That isn’t what I meant when I said you should go.” He gnawed on his bottom lip, eyes flickering between my face and the TV. “I suppose it would still be better than you being around here waiting to get a bullet between your eyes.”
We both flinched at the idea. “I guess so.” Gaze falling to my glass, I flushed when my stomach rumbled embarrassingly loudly. “I’m actually really hungry. I haven’t really eaten today. Do you have anything small I could have?”
“Yeah, of course. You should have said earlier, I can find something.”
“I haven’t really had an appetite until now.”
Jack stood up, movements conveying that he might have reached the point just beyond tipsy. “Pot noodle okay? I think we’ve got tons.”
“Sounds good.”
Sipping on the foul liquid, I returned my focus the television. Just at the right time, too. The sight of Yvaine waking up and worrying that Tristan had gone forever always had me tearing up. It was like I welcomed misery. Either way, tears gathered in my eyes and I found myself gnawing on Jack’s coat sleeve at the distraught woman on screen.
Jack’s worried face had soon intercepted my vision. “What’s wrong?”
I shooed him out of the way, accepting the food in the process. “Shh.”
Scoffing, Jack sat beside me, murmuring “I am an idiot,” before returning to his drink. He was closer this time, and his leg pressed against mine held an inviting warmth. It was possibly more distracting than his face in my way had been.
“It’s quite amusing that the super strong girl cries at soppy movies,” Jack chuckled when I turned my tear-streaked face back towards him.
“It’s not that surprising. I am still human, you kn-” I stopped myself. “Whatever, I’m still allowed to cry at such a heart-breaking scene.”
“I’m far too manly for that.”
“So, you’re eighteen?” I gestured to my now empty glass, movements sluggish from the amount of alcohol now in my system. I was well and truly drunk.
“Yup. Your source of whiskey for as long as you need it. You’re not, I’m guessing?”
“Nope, but I am in exactly six days.” I held up the fingers to emphasise the point. “So you can be my very short term supplier.”
“Anything planned?”
“Hot men in movies night with Jenny. It’s going to be awesome.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Hot men usually mean hot women, so I guess I can approve.”
My phone cut through the conversation, an obnoxiously loud tone coming from my bra. Fishing it out, I prayed it wasn’t someone from the Guild. Jenny’s name flashed across the screen.
I held a finger up to Jack and answered it. “Hi Jenny. What’s up?”
“I was just checking you weren’t coming round tonight, I’m going to watch a film with my mum if not, is all.”
I cursed myself. “Oh shit, I totally forgot, sorry. Can I come around tomorrow night instead?” I was forced to bite my lip against making a noise when Jack began prodding my ribs, hoping to elicit a reaction. Jenny hadn’t sounded odd so far, so I supposed I was selling soberness well.
“Of course! I hope you’re feeling better by th-”
She was cut off by my screech. Jack had found the spot that rendered me hopeless and I squirmed to get away from him.
“Ilona? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
I made another incoherent sound whilst fending Jack off. “I saw Jack whilst I was out running and went to his and we’ve drank a lot and now he’s given himself a death wish by attempting to tickle me, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Hanging up and giving myself both hands, I easily overpowered Jack, my strength still there even if I was drunk out of my mind. Holding his hands above his head and mirroring the position we’d found ourselves in at the party, I was relentless in jabbing his ribs and armpits with my hands.
He squirmed and choked on laughter and protest, but was still far too weak to stop me. His knee in my back was enough to throw me off, though, and I found myself thudding to the floor, breath knocked out of me. Jack was far too coordinated for someone so inebriated and he had reversed our positions in no time, abusing his access to my ribs mercilessly.
My screech was enough to reduce him to a fit of giggles above me and stop his assault. “We’re going to wake somebody up,” he managed to get out between his short raspy laughs.
Allowing myself a deep breath, I found myself laughing too, eyes studying his happy face. It made me all hot and bothered to see the enjoyment across his features and in turn, that made me very aware of all the places he was touching me; hands clamped to my wrists and hips hovering just above mine.
Our laughing quietened, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he fixed me with an equally perplexed look. When he leant forward, I genuinely thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he used the leverage to get up and return to the sofa. I was awfully glad I hadn’t done anything stupid like allow my eyes to slip shut.
I returned to my seat beside him, feeling almost awkward, but it was overcome when Jack grabbed my legs and brought them over his lap, allowing me to snuggle into his side. When he completed the package by wrapping an arm around my shoulder, I decided I’d never been comfier in my life. He offered me his half full glass and I took a sip, trying not to over think our position. It was nothing really. Just comfortable.
And incredibly intimate for someone who’d been trying to kill me a couple of weeks ago.
Feeling brave, I glanced up and studied his face, which was completely placid as he stared at the TV screen. His thumb rubbed subconscious circles into my leg. “Tell me something.”
He umm’d and ahh’d before his face fell slightly. “I guess I should tell you about my brother.”
“You don’t have to,” I responded immediately. “That isn’t what I meant at all.” I’d been thinking more along the lines of what his favourite food was, or a wildly embarrassing memory from the past.
“I know, but I think I want to.”
I nodded in response, deciding it was best to just let him talk.
“Simon and I never got along that well. He was always better at stuff than me, and he knew it too. Never afraid to rub it in. I hadn’t spoken to him for a year before he was killed. I mean, I saw him once or twice when he came home to visit, but I never went up there with my mum. Then, when we got the news of his death, I felt so guilty. I should have been nicer to him, instead of being pathetic and jealous, he was still my brother. My mum thought so, too. It was like she resented me for being upset about it.”
I’d never been good with sad people, but this was something I had absolutely no idea what to respond to. Instead, I decided to let my actions to the talking and I simply snuggled further into his side, my hand linking through his and squeezing tightly.
“I’ve tried looking into that house he burnt down. They said it was absolutely an intended attack in the reports. I just don’t understand why he’d have done it. I don’t know what to think about him anym
ore. When he was killed I was so sure he’d been mixed up in something drug related, because I caught him snorting some coke once.”
I’d done my own digging and could also find nothing to explain the motives. I suspected it was some kind of mental illness that led to it, but I supposed we’d never know. I squeezed his hand again. “I’m so sorry, Jack.”
His eyes glazed over and I buried my head so he knew I wasn’t watching if he cried. I figured he’d prefer it that way. His hand tightened on my shoulder, but no sounds came and I studied his face once more. It was now composed, just endlessly sad.
I did the only thing I could really think to do, and reached up to embrace him possibly. My hug was probably tighter than comfortable, but Jack didn’t seem to mind as he let out a shaky breath into my mane of hair. “Thank you for being here.”
The Reluctant Assassin Page 8
