by Ron Foster
“Henry rifles are one of the few things that are still made in America let alone stand as a prime example for what that means. They get gun barrel quality steel from Ohio, have their own formula for the proprietary hardened Brass receivers, and use high grade premium walnut wood from Missouri and Kansas, but its machining and tooling I think that sets them so far apart from the competition and the cheap or not so cheap imports,. American made to me means precision and strength, fine lines, custom fitting you know?” David said taking up the Henry Repeating Arms admiration banner that Clem was already waving at him mentally.
“So how much is this bad boy, well I guess I should say Big Boy Rifle going to cost me?” David said thinking of the famous Golden boy 22 rifle he had been fortunate to receive from his grandfather one fine Christmas when he was a child that he still referred to as a she regardless of its real name. That rifle brought back to David memories of shooting squirrels at 35 yards from the back porch if it was legal hunting season and filling the ever empty household pot with growing hungry boys around that could always could stand some adding to. Nobody made squirrel cacciatore like David’s old man, yea it was cheating to just pour spaghetti sauce over squirrel and just let it simmer while the spaghetti was cooking but it worked out the same if you were making a nontraditional chicken cacciatore the easy way with what you had on hand. Hell raccoon wasn’t bad that way neither if you were sure to pour off the grease first, it didn’t taste or have the texture of game meat at all.
“You say you ain`t got very much hard money David, is that right? Is that the message you been wanting to tell me ever since I first said anything about that rifle?” Clem asked raising an eyebrow.
“Yea man I got about $200 in greenbacks and $500 in silver coins at melt value, but there is no way that I am considering trading all my silver off for a extra firearm at this point in the game no matter how pretty it is as long as I already got me something serviceable to tote around.” David objected.
“I can see right now son that I got to teach you some of the finer arts of negotiating and haggling. You keep getting ahead of me before I say my price and now you are taking all the fun out of it for me by telling me everything you got in your pockets that I need to be trying to beat you out of but that you are already saying you ain`t parting with.” Clem said eying David like he was the biggest greenhorn he had ever seen playing this dickering game.
“I am going to fix this old S.O.B. on trading for something one day for that last crack he said.” David thought to himself looking forward to trying to best Clem someday on a trade but still anxious about bartering for the rifle.
“No Clem, that’s not what I am doing at all. I am just telling you roughly where the end of my road goes and don’t go. Now if we can’t meet somewhere before that point then we shouldn’t be traveling down the same path. I like you, I love that rifle that I haven’t even seen yours yet by the way although I believe you about its great condition, thing is though its out of my league unless I have something of mine you value that highly and I cant imagine off the top of my head at the moment what that might be that you have seen me with or might be considering that I have put up. It ain`t the money, I don’t give a damn about telling you everything that I got cause there ain`t no where to spend it anyway at the moment and if there was just how in the hell do we set prices anyway?’ David said firing back at the old goomer that seemed to be having way too much fun at David’s expense knowing he wanted something badly he couldn’t most likely afford at the moment.
Clem considered for a moment, a very long moment in which David could see the old man mentally calculating the former old/real world price of the rifle for a private sale or pawnshop sale to the new society of values they were faced with today in momentary confusion against whatever the price of silver might be today.
“David I think I judged you wrong buddy on your trading experience, we are just not talking on the same page here so you need to hear me out a bit further before we get to setting any prices to start our parlay with. That’s a great point you are trying to introduce I haven’t considered fully yet what the price of metals might be. Let us just say that I am currently looking at an all trade, no cash exchanges deal at the moment but you might need to spend some of that cash you got to get me what I want to trade for if you can find it.” Clem left as point to ponder on the table for David to consider.
“Now we talking Clem, the H in my middle name stands for horse-trading so watch out Mr. Clem you might have just met your match on value or needs to be fulfilled that you might not know you wanted yet.” David said thinking Clem might want David’s crank power and solar radio he had been admiring and a little cash because of its usefulness.
David happened to have the radio in the pants pocket of his BDU`s and reached for it to turn it on and mess with Clem’s mind a bit until a deal was struck. David remained poker faced but started to wear a slight smile in spite of himself as he produced the radio and started tuning it in knowing Clem could easily get mesmerized listening to whatever was going on.
“Oh, ain`t you the diggity dog dragging that thing out David to tempt or confuse me with. I think it’s about time that you and me jump in this truck and go head on over to my place to look at that rifle some more. I was thinking about including that radio of yours in a trade but like I said before I am a practical man now that I built over 60 years on this planet. Not that I don’t admire that little gee gaw you placed on the table but I ain`t never seen so many of the same thing commonly carried amongst all your prepper friends. Hell half of them got something similar and for the price of a few chickens or less I could have me one of my own trading with them. That’s the thing David, values is a supply and demand option for pricing pretty shiny gee gaws that I didn’t know I wanted or needed until now. The folks that will be moving into them old prepper shacks will be wanting to trade most anything for a decent old cheap mouse trap soon enough or asking me to exchange favors for me to teach them how to make a homemade makeshift one out of a bucket or some formally trash and junk I got around here. It is a value thing, a mouse or rat keeps you up with his scratching so you are willing to give up some ammo, food, knife etc just to get rid of that distraction a couple bucks used to solve. Now its impractical that you can shoot that rat with your 22 shells because they too quick plus they inside the house so you are likely willing to trade with me maybe for a lot more bullets than you first reckoned one of my commercial mouse traps was worth. On the other hand, David you know deer hunting and that shotgun of yours isn’t the light fast pistol caliber brush gun you are needing for the way this land works. The forest opens up to all kinds of fields and meadows that a good rifle is more suited too. David, Loomis and the rest of the crew say you will be going home soon to take care of business, but they also say you are considering coming back and staying awhile here with your lady. I am going to help you with that decision and maybe make a trade with you. See Loomis and Crick get to stay at my house when they are on the plantation and that’s fitting cause of the way we met, I allowed you and Julie to stay out in front of my house cause that is just plain right but if you are thinking on coming back to stay we got to get you settled where you will have better living conditions if you know what I mean.” Clem said regarding David for a moment before carrying on the conversation before he could interject.
“I talked to Bertha and she says Julie is the sun and sky loving type of a woman that she can see herself sharing a roof with for awhile. Notice I didn’t say kitchen, that’s for you all to fight over. Now you Bertha don’t know about cause you like the alcohol a bit much it appears in her views. Now she ain`t judging you, just herself and what she can or will put up with, you all can discuss this someday. Hell she judged my drinking ways now on 60 or more years, yea I got drunk first time at age 12 and found out I liked it, remind me to tell you that story one day. Anyway scamp you get to move in with your lady at Bertha’s if you all decide that’s right and it has nothing to do with whether or not we make us a
deal, she says the doors will be open for you both for about 6 months until you all can get settled somewhere else if you decide to come back and stay. Have you ever seen one of these before David? I use them on my deer fence’ Clem said indicating an orange electric fence insulated gate opener for an electric fence sitting on the dash.’ David looked at the item which wasn’t anything more than a 4 dollar 9 inch plastic grip that sat between the wire and the battery that allowed easy access to a solar powered wire electric fence charger that contained the goats but was technology magic now too get one with the stores all closed. Yes you could maybe make something with a wooden tree branch or dowel and a couple cup hooks if you had them to equivocate the principle of not getting shocked opening a passage or gate to the orchard, but to find one or make one with internal springs to alleviate wire stringing pressure if you needed one now was pretty much out of the question. The whole principle of that type of fence was ingenious anyhow as instead of multiple electric wires or partial barbwire fencing it relied on only a single strand of conductive wire and something Clem called nose poppers.
Unfortunately for Clem David was already fully aware of this theory of that kind of deer fence and had even tried it out in his fields back home to deter deer from chewing on and breaking his fruit tree saplings and told him back in short detail that the system worked and worked well and had even included these principles in a book he had once written before mainstream commercial society caught on to the principles. The principle was simple, put some peanut butter or apple scented bait on a hotwire of minimum but attention getting voltage and teach the deer some lessons without being too mean about it. String a single strand of electric fencing out and bait station it here and there with a deer treat and “ZAP” to the nose, mild shock mind you, and the deer say , NO, don’t like that and avoid the area or they get stupid and test or try again until avoidance behavior takes over. David could rationalize this easy and had experience with everything to repel deer from collecting hair from the barbershop and putting it in Julies old pantyhose bags she made for him to spraying plants with red pepper to deter these nagging nibblers of his permaculture system and Clem’s words just struck right in his evaluation of things and prices for the moment.
“Could be that little trip to your house gives you that gun now and what I want a bit of something latter when you come back?” Clem declared
“I certainly got some crap I think you would be interested in that I might be willing to trade, both here and there, but you haven’t yet said exactly yet what will settle your bill Clem Bowman. See I am all about listening and I am trying to trade with you but now we need to get down to brass tacks and I am asking you direct what is it going to take to get that rifle from you that we are talking about?” David said tiring of the game.
“That can be as simple or as complex as you want to make it; I needs me a backer for some trading, the one time I went to the bank on my own to get me some money to back a project they asked me what I had for collateral for a loan on this business idea I had once. Now there is a good story about that particular affair I will tell you later but in the mean time, I can tell you what I got in mind for us here and now. That gun can be my collateral for a piece of a trading outfit or a grubstake, but I think that after talking to you a bit I think we would both prefer a full sale as it were of the item. We won’t be talking about no Indian giving or having any misunderstandings or remorse that way, listen to me David, no objection’s though yet to my little idea. I see you getting antsy again over there. I ill be done yakking in a minute. Tell you what, about my little deal I propose. I see it as possibly working two ways. It can work two ways. You trade me and we partner in business and we stay friends or you make me an offer and we part friends regardless if we can’t come to a conclusion we both like, that be ok with you David?” Clem said exercising his so called generational wisdom and wiles.
“Like I said before Clem I am interested but what is the cost and amount you are placing on that thing. and what is the trading business offer”” David said surreptitiously waiting on the next shoe to fall from Clem’s wily experiences bartering.
“I was thinking that I would follow you back to your house and we stop here and there along the way to talk to some folks about doing some trading, I know where there might be a shitload of chickens I can get for cheap for example, As for how me and you are doing business down the road well we crash together, if I eat you eat, if I fight you fight, we live out of the same pocket ands maybe worry about each others smokes for awhile. I am offering a roof over your head and food in your belly for you toting back what might get traded or consumed by us to live a better life. I want 800 hundred trade dollars for that gun to teach you something David” Clem said regarding him
“You should stick around here don’t you think Clem? That sounds like a pretty good deal on the surface but I was going to just push it home and not be stopping all over the place.
David responded.
“I always come and go trading but if you want to get back home quicker I could shorten my list of likely trading places to visit.” Clem said rubbing his brow.
“Why don’t you get Crick to go with you? He is from around here and has few places I bet he wants to visit pretty soon. You all tell me what it is you might be needing and I can bring it back if I got it or am willing to part with it but I cant guarantee you when I will be back because I don’t know what’s going on at home.” David offered.
“Ok I will get with Crick and we will talk, So 800 trade dollars is price we settling on?” Clem asked.
“Sure I will do it but let me know what it is you want before we finalize” David replied.
“Ok I will go talk to Crick, Guns yours whenever you want.” Clem said and shook hands with an ecstatic David who was already thinking how much fun it was going to be to show off the rifle to his friends.
11
Float The Bismarck
“You’d rather sandpaper a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth than mess with that boy, I done told you!” Clem said fussing at LowBuck.
“Clem, ya’ll settle down back there. I still don’t think it’s a good idea to be bringing all these folks over here to talk to P.D. Me ‘and you should’ve just gone on over there ourselves and had a parley with them.” David said looking over his shoulder at the small group of people following him and Bertha down the trail.
“Dang it David! I told you that P.D. isn’t always right in the head. You the one that wanted to bring this big friend of yourn with us in case that old boxer decides he wants to tussle around a bit if he’s having himself a bad day.”” Clem retorted.
“Hell, David you don’t need no backup. You seen that new pokey stick I gave Bertha? Made that stick myself out of an old wagon tongue. That wood was so old it was almost petrified and hard like iron. I told this old LowBuck lummox over here that he should let Bertha have first crack at ‘ol P.D. if he gets anxious and flustered and thinks he’s back in the ring again. She’s used to him and he listens to her pretty much anyway, he doesn’t listen to nobody though when that old ring in his head goes off and gets him a little loopy was the only thing I warmed you about. He is not a bad guy by any stretch of the imagination, don’t get me wrong. He can be slightly slow at times but he’s sharp as a tack. That’ just cause he’s been in all those prize fights back in the day, you know? I like the feller a lot; normally he’s pretty much of a nice quiet guy. Seems real nice to most when they meet him, you just don’t know he’s got that kind of fire in him unless someone tells you. I guess you could call it an affliction like old soldiers sometimes get those war flashbacks and he sometimes flashes back to one of them big fights somewhere and for him it’s real! Son of a bitch can hit like a mule they say. Anyway we shouldn’t have no problem with them today, that damn boat’s still mine regardless what he says.” Clem said before Bertha interjected and reminded Clem that boat was to be referred to as ours because her ‘n Rossy Ross had a stake in it too.
David thought about that b
oat, that damn casino boat, well barge actually. Because it didn’t have any way to operate under its own power. He had been sort of arbitrator between P.D. and Clem over what they called sea lawyering over whose boat that actually was for Clem’s benefit.
David said seeing’ that Clem had claimed it as an unmanned abandoned vessel under maritime law made it his. P.D. kept saying that since he’s the landowner it’s rightfully his as it was beached on his property. Now neither one of them had been willing to give an inch on the damn thing and say hey it’s both of ours because Clem had to hide the fact of that treasure, that long lost treasure that Bertha, Clem and Rossy Ross had been dreaming about so long and that meant so much to them in so many ways would be included into any deal Clem and P.D made over ownership of the boat.
