Clem's Contrivance: Terrorist Fiction In The Deep South (The Apocalyptic Rifle Book 1)

by Ron Foster

  What seemed childish to David now though wasn’t the fact that the two men had been arguing over the fact that the boat was on his property but that Clem had discovered it first and laid claim to it so they needed to partner up somewhat.

  No the problem now was the fact that both men now were needling each other as to who got to be called Captain of the boat in general. Clem wanted to be Captain and Bertha wanted to make Clem and her Captain’s hats first off, Rossy had her order in with Bertha for a First Mate’s cap already and P.D. went to every meeting with his yachting cap on already claiming himself Captain which irked the heck out of Clem. What’s up with all these damn people and these stupid hats anyway, damn thing was mostly going to be parked anyway?

  It was bad enough that he would have to make Clem get in an agreement with P.D. pretty much fifty-fifty on the boat and it’s contents because he had pointed out that P.D. had rediscovered the boat in the same area Clem had and it was unmanned at that time and abandoned so technically P.D. could say it was his again.

  As for P.D. since Clem had first claim to it and he didn’t start salvaging it and tearing it apart, or otherwise destroying the original property then structurally speaking the boat was fifty-fifty but whatever cargo that remained inside the old derelict was Clem’s that he could of hauled off but hadn’t yet and was just storing it there. P.D. had raised an eyebrow at the notion of Clem’s getting the contents of the insides because Clem and David obviously knew of something value in there that he didn’t, but he had agreed that the old arc welder still on board was Clem’s personal property and whatever else he found like some old antique or whatever P.D. didn’t care about and Clem could have

  The idea now was that were all in this together and we were going to float this boat! But PD was still saying he would be damned if he’d let that old backwoods turnip-seed sucking hillbilly from across the river Captain his boat, let alone put a name on it of his choosing without some more negotiations.. See what name was eventually going to get painted on its prow was the big bone of contention here- What do we call this rig? The paint was so faded and blued no one could read its former name and there was no other clue of what this casino barge might have been called.

  The concept of the boat and the way the boat was going to be used had been a bone of contention also for many days. The original idea, before P.D had appeared on the scene was to repair, refloat the barge and somehow tow it off into the river the way Crick had done with the tractor and a smaller barge, but this thing was too huge to consider without another solution.

  When Jimmy Rants showed up he changed the whole picture gallery here. That’s another one of them “I am the Captain sons of a bitches”. He’s saying that since he’s in the tugboat pushing the damn thing that he and the owner of the boat that lets him captain it should be also captain of the casino barge. You could see Ranty’s point that if they were back there pushing and steering the boat and the barge both they were the captain.

  But on the other hand, that was bullshit because the casino barge was a manned vessel itself also and had to have its own captain. I wonder what kind of hat some damn fool is going to show up wearing at this damn meeting too? Clem had himself an old authentic white World War 2 sailor’s hat that Bertha had refurbished for him on and he was still smarting from David’s cocky remark that on him the hat looked like an inverted dog dish.

  “Now David!” Bertha said slowing her pace so he could catch up when they got to a wider part of the trail. “I wants me and you to have us a talk!” She said and then David was blindsided as Bertha hugged him.

  “You’s a good man David! You come here and let me give you a mush also Julie. We can wait here while the others catch up. I gots something I want to say. It sure is nice to have so many young folks around the place these days. I’m just wishing it was on better times. David, I hears you and Julie are thinking about moving on down here with us and staying on. Is that true?”” Bertha said watching the couple intently.

  “Well yeah, I mean I did talk to Clem about it a little last night but that fool wasn’t supposed to say anything yet.” David said looking around to see why they had stopped.

  “Well, that’s what I want to talk about and Clem Bowman you come over here and stand here with us instead of pretending you ain`t listening!” Bertha barked at him.

  “What the hell did I do? David, what’d you do to get this girl all fired up? Clem asked as Rossy Ross went over to side with Bertha.

  “Oh hell, what we got? A mutiny on our hands already?” Lowbuck said, half chuckling.

  “That or more!” Crick said disengaging himself from Neil and Karen who had come along as the prepper group’s logician and administrators.

  “Now then, I’m calling a meeting. We are almost there and I want ya’l to hush and listen up for a minute. You normally know I let Clem do most of the horse trading for me but I gots me an idea. I been listening to you men folks and I got a solution. I don’t be around you all the majority of the time but I do listen and I understand more that ya’ll men folks know about human nature.

  Today we going to do this meeting Bertha’s way. Now David, they been calling upon you as the judge for all this lawyering business ya’ll been doing and you been good about calling judgments and such that seem pretty fair. Lordy, I tell you that you must have the patience and wisdom of Solomon trying to deal with those two heathens. And that ol Mississippi boy with dreams of being Mark Twain called Jimmy comes along and starts ranting about how he now also wants to be captain of two boats and not just one boat! Well, I tell you here and now how it’s going to end up being. Now, David, you tell me, don’t they always get a woman to bounce a bottle off the ship to make it a Christian or something? That surprised me when I first learned this. I didn’t know boats had to be Christian and be bottilized! Are Japanese boats Christian also Clem” Bertha said in his direction.

  “It’s called a christening, you batty old woman!” Clem said irate but still chuckling.

  “Is that like that Christian gown I made for you Clem when you were little for your baptism? I never seen the point of those things. They dunk you in the water in it and they aren’t waterproof. Who cares if a little baby’s naked? You come into the world that way you going out the world the same way!” Bertha said before Clem interjected again to remind her that there wasn’t time to explain all these things to her at the moment.

  “It’s christening, not Christian. And I don’t have a bottle of champagne for you to beat on a boat with but I’ll let you have a bottle of prune juice and the honors if’n you want it.” Clem said taking a quick step backwards to avoid Bertha and her stick when she realized what he had just said.

  “Clem Bowman, you be still over there! Now then, David you the spokesman here and you going to be heading up this little party as chairman. So you tell everybody I gets to name this boat and I gets to break a bottle on her bow when ya’l goes to launch her! That’s it Bertha has spoken! I raised a bunch of you little boys both black ‘uns and white ‘uns and basically it all boils down to what the Mammy says and this Mammy says ya’l going to get along and play nice and I gets to name the boat and break the bottle on it. That takes out anybody elses rights that’s been wanting to name it after their dog or some silly bullshit you three are arguing about. That is it, that’s all there is to it! I’m naming that there casino barge and its name will be what I pick and when I want to pick it, ya’ll quit arguing with each other over that. Then I want ya’ll to tell me what you decided was the captain so I can measure his head and buy me some extra material because I know it’s going to be a big ‘un! Now, are we all in agreement?” Bertha asked doing her Moses parting the Red Sea with her pokey stick before charming everyone with her big smile and saying “We going to call it The Bismarck because that’s the one and only boat song me and Clem knows.”

  “Bismarck? Bismarck? Bertha you talking about the old Sink the Bismarck song? I remember that one. Some these days I think I’m getting old too, that’s a World W
ar Two song about the best and biggest battleship made by the Germans. Johnny Horton used to sing it.

  Sink the Bismarck,

  In May of 1941 the war had just begun

  The Germans had the biggest ship that had the biggest guns

  The Bismarck was the fastest ship that ever sailed the sea

  On her decks were guns as big as steers and shells as big as trees

  Out of the cold and foggy night came the British ship The Hood

  And every British seaman, he knew and understood

  They had to sink the Bismarck, the terror of the sea

  Stop those guns as big as steers and those shells as big as trees

  We'll find the German battleship that's makin' such a fuss

  We gotta sink the Bismarck 'cause the world depends on us

  Yeah hit the decks a runnin' boys and spin those guns around

  And when we find the Bismarck we gotta cut her down

  “That’s the ticket! Hey Crick you remember that song?”” Clem declared

  “Oh hell yeah! But that’s way back in the day though. If you hadn’t made me watch some of them old black and white YouTube stuff you’re into sometimes, I probably wouldn’t have heard it.” Crick said watching David Day dreaming.

  “David! Oh David! Earth to David! What are you thinking about over there, man? “Clem said adjusting the dog dish sailor cap on his head.

  “Nothing much Clem. Old times, old worries you might say. I like Bertha’s solution, Clem,.” David said happy for an easy agreement.

  12

  A Bargain Barter

  “Hey David, got something I want to show you.” Neil said as he and Karen wandered over to his campfire carrying a laundry bag that to David’s scrutinizing eye held some kind of gun because the barrel appeared to be printing on the fabric where Neil was holding the bag at its neck..

  “What cha got in that sack Neil? If that’s an animal that your holding by the tail it ain`t fit to eat, been dead too long.” David said making a small joke and then acknowledging Karen with a greeting as Julie came up and welcomed their friends to have a seat on a log nest to their fire.

  “ No it ain`t no rancid possum or anything you would be interested in, thing is I brought some Mossberg shotgun parts for trade or barter to Prepper Stock and I got exactly what you need to upgrade that old cruiser 500 of yours. That thing might serve your purpose as a truck gun but you know as well as I do it’s pretty worthless for hunting in that configuration.” Neil said handing David the sack and they watched him untie the knots in the string holding the bag open and pulling out a ribbed shotgun barrel with a fiber optic bead sight.

  “Sweet, a bird barrel. How long is this thing though? What kind of choke does it have?” David said admiring the bright green dot of the sight and aiming the barrel towards the wood line before handing it Julie for her to admire and do the same with.

  “It’s a 28 inch, got a modified choke. It would be just the thing you need to upgrade that weapon of yours to something more practical with one of those spare stocks in the bag. You were telling me that Julie hates to shoot that pistol handled thing of yours anyway because of its kick and you all ain`t using it except on your van trips so if you swapped the pistol grip out for one of these stocks you would have you something useful, add that barrel to it and you got a better hunting weapon.” Neil advised and suggested as David removed from the laundry bag a factory stock and a very cool adjustable tactical stock.

  “That tactical stock has a much better recoil pad than that factory one. I think Julie would like that much better, plus it’s adjustable.” Neil said as David and Julie oohed and awed over the huge difference by pressing down on the rubber recoil pad.

  “Cool, I WILL TRADE YOU!” David said excitedly while waiting on what it was Neil wanted.

  “Well you know all our preps are at home and I know you like to barter. I would normally just give you those parts but seeing needs that need trading for I figured we could work something out.” Neil began before David interjected.

  “Man this going to be tough to make an offer on so let me advise you the way that things stand these days. You realize that I didn’t carry myself a ton of preps downy here with me. To be honest, I never thought I would be thinking on staying here so long until recently so I am very light in the food stuff department.” David said before Neil advised him that indeed food was involved but David needed to hear him out before objecting.

  Neil already knew David was light on chow and like everyone else in camp made it a point to stay away from his Campsite, Berthas house and Clem’s house around meal time. It was a screwed up situation for everyone that Crick, Morgan. David and Julie had found themselves in. They had preps; they had on hand better food to eat than the newly rescued preppers if they wanted too and were not subject to eating in the chow hall or cooking various bits of wild food on a campfire to get by. A transformation had come over the group since the disaster happened and a pecking order or privilege related society had evolved that had is own morals and customs that everyone seemed to be getting used too.

  Take David and Julies chow for example, being kind hearted or remembering friendships by sharing some of their long-term storage food delicacies’ they had brought along from home had already occurred far more frequently than Julie or he had meant too and what little they had left was no longer offered or spoken of. Neil and Karen had been invited by David or Julie several times to share a meal of something as extravagant and delicious as Mountain House Seafood chowder or a healthy helping of whatever canned meat dish creation they had come up with but except for Crick doing the same here and there they were relegated to the regular rations the preppers could come up with by hunting, fishing and gathering.

  The communal pot or chow hall setup worked good mostly but it soon become apparent that many people preferred to prepare their own food in small groups. If a deer was taken for example it could be cut up and dispersed to the various camps and everyone was on their own to make soup, fry it, grill it or whatever else they wanted to do. Choice cuts of meat went to the hunters that took it, Administration (big house crew) in times of abundance got the best like the backstrap often, community pot got the lesser and attempts were made to make it fair for the remainder of the carcass.

  It was simply a matter of doing what was right for others lacking supplies for them to not to be burdensome and come around David and crews cook fires because he would be embarrassed as well as possibly angry that he felt obliged to offer some of his meager meal out of his or Crick’s preparedness supplies. It was a shame everyone didn’t have their preps with them but mass depleting those that did was neither expected nor attempted. Hell everyone had lost tons of weight. David himself was still smarting from a casual comment by Bertha that he was starting to look like a skinned eel and needed to start trying to eat more’ himself.

  “I know your light on food David, that’s a given but you said that you were going back home to your preps soon. Did you ever decide if you’re coming back to stay or not yet?” Neil inquired.

  ‘Yea, it pretty much looks like we are coming back to stay but between not knowing what’s going on at my home front and what kind of road conditions I will be facing when I get there its kind of up in the air right at the moment.” David said considering.

  “I sure hope you all come back to stay!” Karen said touching Julie on the shoulder.

  “I am pretty sure we will.” Julie said giving her a pat back. Julie and her had become good friends and could often be seen sitting on Bertha’s front porch happily chattering away about a million and one things and nothing all at the same time.

  “Well if you go back we could trade for something there or if you ain`t coming back then we got to study what you got here you might could spare for a trade. I wanted to talk to you about both actually. Clem told me about his trading boat idea and it got me to thinking, whatever I got now material wise on hand, that is physical stuff like these gun parts, is pretty much all I can ever ge
t for most likely a long while so I need to hang on to it until I can make the best trade possible. Now I see you, Clem and Crick putting you alls heads together busy slicing and dicing franchises and lord knows what else you bunch of camel traders think up and I want in on some kind of deal you might say.” Neil said with a sparkle in his eye.

  “Any particular thing you got in mind or have overheard?” David said amused.

  “Well the way I got it figured is that I give you that shotgun barrel and those two stocks and you apply it to an account in trade goods or something that I can profit from and keep being able to trade for a few times.” Neil concluded.

  “What kind of things do you have in mind?” Julie asked both Neil and Karen.

  “We kind of hoped you would give us some suggestions on that subject.” Karen said looking at Julie who frowned for a second and looked at David for any ideas he might have.

  “That’s going to take some thought Neil but I do like how you’re thinking. Huumm lets put our minds to this and ponder a bit. Dang you Neil gimme your thoughts first so I don’t have to do all the dreaming up crap. I know you and your lady have been thinking on this awhile.” David said wishing he had some liquor to fuel his imagination and the fun he was about to have thinking about the subject.

  “Not so fast, so we got a deal then of sorts? You will trade for the gun barrel and the stocks for something I can sort of go into business trading?” Neil said somewhat in disbelief that it was that easy to get David to let him share in his barter and trade franchises.