“We were upset, and I let one pass. Not again.”
Gina’s mouth twitched. God, she loved her family. They understood her even when she didn’t understand herself.
“Finn, he rejected me because he already had a mate.” And he didn’t trust me. “People will understand. It’s only been five years. He’s not ready.”
“Until you find a mate of your own, you’ll always feel the mating urge when you are near him,” Mel said softly. “Are you going to be able to work with him knowing that?”
She nodded. It was going to be harder than hell, but she was stronger than she gave herself credit for. At least she hoped so.
“We can move you off the council,” Kade added.
“Not yet,” she said. “I need to work through it all. I mean, I don’t understand it yet, and I can’t just run away.”
Mark hugged her from behind, and in a few moments, her other brothers hugged her as well. Finn stood in front of her, his hands in his pockets and his brow raised.
“You need help, you call,” he said. “You know I’ll be there in a heartbeat, Heir or no Heir.”
She smiled at him then and let another tear fall. “I love you, little brother.”
He blushed and ducked his head. “Love you too, big sister.” He hugged her, too, as the other boys squeezed her harder. Soon her mom and dad joined in, and her wolf whimpered, rubbing along her skin, needing the contact.
This was her family, her Pack. They would help her heal, so she could move on.
She just hoped that one day she’d be able to face Quinn and not remember his words, not remember the pain.
The wolf had edged his way under her skin, and now she’d have to pry him out.
Once and for all.
Chapter Six
Quinn ran a hand over his head and tried to keep his eyes open. He hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours, and his body was starting to feel it. His wolf clawed at his skin, begging to be let out so they could make something bleed, make something feel worse than he did.
His skin itched, and his head pounded. If he didn’t keep moving, keep pacing, he was going to either go wolf or pass out. Neither of those would do him any good right then.
“Quinn. Go for a run and let some of that energy out. You’re not doing any good here pacing and letting your wolf just get more amped up.”
Quinn let out a soft growl at Walker’s words. He didn’t want the Healer to tell him what to do. The other man might have been more dominant than him, but that didn’t mean he was in the right mind-set to deal with it. He didn’t want to go on a run and let his wolf burn off their energy.
He wanted his son to be healthy.
He wanted his son to be able to shift.
Claws ripped from his fingertips, and he let out a growl that shook the windows.
“Out!” Walker yelled, his voice sharp, deadly. “Your wolf is taking control, and I won’t have you hurting my patient.”
Quinn staggered back, his claws receding. His heart pounded, and his jaw dropped. “I would never hurt Jesse.”
Walker’s eyes glowed gold, his wolf coming to the forefront. “I’m sure you think that, but right now? I don’t know. I don’t know what you’d do by accident. You’ve been a loose cannon since you kicked Gina out of here, and now with Jesse taking a turn on top of that? I just don’t know. Go for a damn run then come back here.”
“I’ll run with you.”
Quinn turned around on his heel at the sound of his Alpha’s voice. “You have more important things to do than babysit me, Gideon.”
Gideon raised a brow. “First, I’m Alpha. You don’t get to tell me what to do. Second, the health and safety of my Pack is the most important thing on my list of worries and duties. So I’m going on a run with you, and we’re going to burn off your energy. Then you can come back here and sit with your son.”
Quinn let out a whimper, his wolf taking over. He looked at the closed door that hid the bed where his son slept.
“I don’t know that I can leave him,” he whispered, hating that he voiced his weakness.
Brandon, their Omega, put his hand on Quinn’s shoulder, and Quinn immediately relaxed enough to breathe. The other man had the ability to take emotional stress into himself—even if it cost him to do so. Quinn could feel some of the tension sliding out of his shoulders, his heart, and his soul.
“Go,” Brandon ordered softly. “We will be here by Jesse’s side. If we need you, we’ll howl. You’ll hear us.”
Defeated, Quinn lowered his head then turned toward the front door. He took a deep breath, knowing he was acting like a lunatic. “Thank you for watching my son.”
“He’s family,” Walker said.
With that, he followed Gideon out of the house and toward the clearing where they could shift. On their way, he could hear people milling about around him. Their pitying looks slayed him, but he did his best to ignore them. The others knew Jesse was ill, knew he might not make it through the week, but there was nothing any of them could do.
There was nothing he could do.
When they made it to the clearing, it was just him and Gideon, but for all the world, he felt like he was alone. Some of that was his doing, he knew, but not all. He couldn’t fix it.
They gave Quinn the space he needed, though it went against their nature to leave a wolf in distress. He couldn’t handle too many wolves though. Not right then and maybe not ever. How the hell was he still a lieutenant?
He didn’t deserve the title. Didn’t deserve the responsibility.
He only wanted his son to be healthy, and yet that seemed to be too much to ask. He’d do anything to give Jesse back his chance at life—only he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do, anything he could sacrifice to make that happen.
“We’ll figure out what’s wrong with him,” Gideon said, as if what he ordered would come true.
Quinn couldn’t lose hope, but right then, it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when his little boy was sick and in trouble.
“He can’t shift, Gideon,” he said, his voice breaking. He refused to look weak in front of the other wolves, but this was his Alpha. Gideon already knew everything about him and his strengths.
He still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t get the image of his son screaming in pain out of his mind. The agony on Jesse’s face…
He fell on all fours and threw up, his body shaking.
Gideon ran a hand down Quinn’s back as he tried to catch his breath.
“We’ll figure it out, Quinn. We’re not going to lose him.”
Spent, Quinn sat down and rested his forearms on his knees. “I don’t know what I’ll do if…”
“Stop it. Don’t even say it. We’re going to figure it out. Now, tell me exactly what happened when it first started.”
“I’ve already told you and Walker. Brandon too.” He’d done it without emotion, without looking at them. His eyes had been on Jesse, as if he could will his son to shift and be healthy.
“True, but I want to hear it again. Maybe there’s a detail I’m missing. Maybe there is something we can do to slow the progression so we have more time.”
Time. God, he just wanted more time. Jesse was only five years old. He deserved more time.
He took a deep breath, his wolf calming down at his Alpha’s presence. Maybe he wouldn’t need that run after all. Maybe just getting out of the situation for a few minutes would work.
“After Gina left—”
“After you kicked her out,” Gideon cut in.
Quinn let out a growl. “You know why I did that.”
“Yes. I do. But that doesn’t mean you had to do it that way. I haven’t heard from Kade yet, but I have a feeling I might.”
Quinn closed his eyes and let out a curse. “What happened between me and Gina happened between me and Gina. Not between the Packs. We can’t let everything we’ve tried to do for the strength of our Packs fall apart because we chose not to mate.”
Gideo
n sighed, and Quinn opened his eyes. “True, but you were an asshole according to Walker. There are going to be consequences, but we’ll deal with those when the time comes. The fact that you could have mated at all is a step in the right direction. You’re the first to feel your mate in years, Quinn. Add in the fact it’s a cross-Pack potential mating, and it’s a good thing.”
He swallowed hard and rubbed the spot over his heart. “I can’t talk about her, Gideon.”
His Alpha leveled him a gaze. “You might not have a choice, but we’ll move on for the moment. Tell me what happened after she left.”
“Walker reamed me a new one and left.”
“Good for him.”
“Gideon.”
“Keep going.”
Quinn sighed. “Like I said, Walker left soon after, and I made dinner for me and Jesse. He hadn’t eaten before he’d gone to sleep, so I knew he’d need some protein.”
“You’d just shifted with Gina.”
“Gideon,” he whispered.
“Go on.”
“I woke up Jesse, and we ate.” Quinn ran a hand over his face. “I could tell he was a little more tired than usual, but I thought it was just because I’d woken him up from his nap. He’d also played with Walker that morning. I thought he was just tired.”
“What happened next?”
“We finished eating. Jesse wanted to shift to his wolf because it had been a few days. Normally, that’s not a problem, you know, sometimes we just want to let our wolf roam. I didn’t want to go to the clearing and deal with people, and if Jesse was still tired, I didn’t want to make it worse. So instead, I let Jesse try to shift in the living room.” He paused and met Gideon’s gaze for a moment before turning away from the power in that stare. “Tried, Gideon. Tried. He couldn’t. He screamed like someone was trying to kill him, and I thought I’d died right with him.”
Gideon gripped his shoulder. “You got Walker right away and held your son. You did all you could do.”
“It wasn’t enough.” God, he wasn’t enough.
“It’s not your fault, Quinn.”
“We’re not going there.”
“Quinn.”
“Fine. It’s Helena’s fault that Jesse is sick, that he can’t shift. I get that. But why did Helena leave, Gideon? Why wasn’t I good enough to keep our bond, huh? Did you ever think of that? She left us, took half my soul with her. She hated me enough to risk her own life so she could break our mating bond and then the Pack bonds that held her to the Talons. She left us, Gideon. She left Jesse. So you sit there and tell me that there wasn’t anything I could do to keep her. Tell me I didn’t do anything to push her away.”
He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. He hadn’t spoken of his fears in the five years Helena had been gone. He’d been so scared to do so, but those thoughts had been on a loop for all those years.
Something had happened to force Helena to leave him and Jesse. She hadn’t just woken up one day and decided to run away from it all.
He must have done something to lose her love, her faith, her trust.
He just didn’t know what.
Maybe he’d been too focused on his duties to the Pack. He’d always been a wolf that put other people’s needs and wants above his own. He was a dominant wolf, and that meant protecting others no matter the cost. When he was younger and unmated, he’d put his all into finding a way to strengthen the Pack under the former, crueler Alpha.
When Gideon became Alpha, Quinn had risen in the ranks and pledged his life in order to protect what the den would one day become.
He didn’t change that ideal when Jesse came along. He and Helena had mated before Gideon became Alpha. She’d stood by his side for twenty years, through thick and thin, through pain, war, and peace.
Then she’d left.
He must have done something.
Just one more reason he would never be with Gina.
He closed his eyes and cursed.
Damn. He wouldn’t think about her. He couldn’t. He’d pushed her away for her own good. He might have lied to himself and her about the whole witch thing, but in reality, it was only for her. He wasn’t a good bet. He wasn’t even whole.
If he was honest with himself, he didn’t hate her.
He couldn’t.
His wolf wouldn’t let him.
No, he was scared of her.
Scared of not only the powers he didn’t understand, but scared of what she could become to him.
He closed his eyes, aware his Alpha was staring at him as he got lost in his own head. If he allowed himself to get close to Gina, allowed himself to bond again, what was to say she wouldn’t just leave him like Helena had? He’d already been through that once. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to go through that again.
Plus, with Gina…there was something about her that called to him on a different level than Helena had, and that scared him more than he wanted to admit.
He’d hurt her to make sure she could never hurt him.
He was an asshole and he knew that in order for them to be able to work together again, he’d have to apologize. He just wasn’t sure he deserved her forgiveness.
No, he knew he didn’t deserve anything along those lines.
He’d fucked up with Gina for their own good. That didn’t mean it had to feel good.
He sighed then opened his eyes. “I’m ready to go back,” he said softly.
Gideon studied his face. “I think you are, but first, I need to tell you what will happen next.”
Quinn frowned and tilted his head. “What do you mean? What’s going on?”
His Alpha let out a breath. “Walker isn’t sure what will happen next, and he’s asked for help. I gave him my blessing, Quinn.”
Quinn stood up on shaky legs. “He called Hannah, didn’t he?”
Gideon stood slowly so they were almost eye-to-eye. “Yes, he had to. Hannah is a Healer as well. She might be able to see something Walker can’t. Or maybe the two of them together can work on a different level than they can alone. The fact that she’s also a witch adds another layer to her powers.”
Witch.
Something must have shown on his face because Gideon cursed then threw a punch.
The right side of Quinn’s face burned, and he blinked but refused to touch the place where Gideon’s fist had connected.
“You’re kidding me, right?” Gideon yelled. “That’s why you threw Gina away? That? I always knew you had some issues with powers outside of being a wolf, but I never knew you were a bigot. She’s a half witch, you asshole. Half. She’s learning her powers at Hannah’s side. And even if she was a full witch, she could have been your mate. That trumps any preconceived notions you have about something you don’t truly understand. I’ve never been more disappointed in you. Never.”
Quinn lowered his head, his shoulders dropping. His wolf howled, but he didn’t make a sound. He’d disappointed his Alpha, himself, and anyone who had relied on him.
He knew that, yet he’d thrown away his chance because he was goddamn scared.
Scared of what could happen, scared of the unknown, scared of a blue-eyed wolf who haunted him.
“I’m sorry, my Alpha.”
Gideon gripped the back of his neck, and Quinn lowered himself further. “You don’t need to be sorry to me, Quinn. You need to apologize to Gina and actually mean it. You need to get over what Helena did to you. Yeah, I’m a prick for saying it, but it needs to be said. She hurt you. She hurt Jesse. She hurt all of us. But if you don’t learn to break through that pain and find some peace on the other side, you’re no good to us.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he said honestly.
“Look at me, Quinn.”
Quinn raised his head and looked at his Alpha’s face, though he didn’t meet his eyes. There were only so many dominance games a wolf could play, and this was not one of them. Not today.
“You messed up. You need to fix it. Also, if you ever treat a witch the way you did Gina,
there will be consequences you can’t get out of. You understand me?”
Quinn sucked in a breath but nodded. “I do. I screwed up. Bad. I just…” He shook his head. “No excuses. There was more than one reason I said no to Gina, but I used the one I shouldn’t have to be cruel. For that I will apologize the next time I see her.”
Gideon searched his face. “Good, because you’re about to see her real soon.”
Quinn took a step back. “What?”
“She’s coming with Hannah as her aide. In fact, they might already be there. You calm enough to see her? Or do you need that run?”
Quinn blinked then ran a hand over his head. “I’m good. I think I just needed to get out of the house.” And to be near his Alpha, but that was understood.
“Good. Don’t screw up again. I’ll be with you. We’re not leaving you alone with Gina right now. I hope you get that.”
Quinn nodded. It hurt for some reason, yet he knew it was deserved. “I just want Jesse to be healthy. I’ll do anything, Gideon.”
Gideon’s face fell. “I know. Come on. Let’s see what we can do to save your little boy.”
They ran back to Quinn’s place, each in their own head. He didn’t know what Gideon was thinking about, but Quinn’s thoughts were running the gamut. Between Jesse, Gideon’s disappointment, and Gina, his mind whirled. He hadn’t slept in two days, but he was energized on the idea that there would be people here to try to help his son.
That was worth any pain he might have from seeing the woman his wolf wanted but couldn’t have.
The fact that he couldn’t have her because he’d pushed her away was his own damn fault.
When they walked into his house, he scented her. That sweetness filled his nostrils and sent his wolf on edge. He pushed it away though. He didn’t deserve any bliss that came from her presence. Instead, he deserved the torture and pain that it brought.
Three other scents mingled together alongside Gina’s wolf, and his wolf perked. They were not Talons. No, those were Redwoods. Gideon hadn’t mentioned more than Gina and Hannah, but he shouldn’t have been surprised at who had come with them. Where Hannah went, her two mates, Reed and Josh, followed. She might have been allowed to leave with just one of them on her own, but coming to a different Pack den wouldn’t have allowed either man to stay behind.
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