She felt rippling heat everywhere, and nervous, tripping energy roaring though her muscles. The souls of her feet tingled, she could feel her hair growing. Nonsense sounds poured from her mouth, it was too much, too much. She pulled on Reid’s neck and he took her mouth, arms closing around her, locking Ancel out as wave after wave of ecstatic vibrations wracked through her body.
Ancel did kiss her. Lightly on the shoulder. “Merci,” he said, and was gone.
Reid held her till she stopped shaking, then put her back together, because she was fumble-fingered and so tired she could hardly hold her head up.
When she could focus again she realized he was tense and watchful. “I didn’t know if it was right to let that happen.” He dropped his forehead to hers.
“That was incredible.” She stroked his face. “Thank you. I didn’t know I wanted it.”
“But now you know.”
And that made him unhappy. Still on his lap she hugged him close, wanting to comfort but not knowing how. He’d gotten off too. She hadn’t guessed he didn’t enjoy it like she had, but then she’d been the focus of attention.
“Would you like it if there was another woman touching you?”
Jabbing him with a flaming spike would’ve been less painful. He flinched. “I didn’t want Marja. I don’t want another woman.”
She had to shake this out of him to understand. “Not even like we just did, with you in the center.”
He lifted her from his lap to the seat. “No.”
“Reid, I would deal with it.” The idea gave her brain freeze but if he wanted it . . . oh God, could she do it? She’d nearly imploded when she’d seen that bitch kiss him, could she watch it happen and not feel the same gut-wrenching dread?
He stood, shoved his hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t want you to deal with it. I’m having trouble dealing with this. I did that for you. If you want it again, I’ll be there with you, but I don’t want it for me.”
And if he’d said he wanted to share her more fully it would’ve cracked the ground beneath her feet. The window and Ancel had been unlooked for opportunities, but now she understood how much Reid had given them to her as gifts. Their roles had reversed. He’d been the one to lead. He’d done these things to give her the experiences she’d never had. The realization shook her, broke completely any hold his actions the night at Madame Amour’s had on her.
“It’s not like you have to make that decision now.”
He went to his knee, hands either side of her legs on the garden seat. “I made that decision when I found you at Lucky’s.”
Oh. Toughest of hides but peel him firmly enough and you got down to a luscious gooey center. She wove her fingers through his hair. “You’re allowed to change your mind, to be surprised by life.” Who was she to place limits on him, even when she wanted most to live within their limit of two?
He put his forehead to her knee. “If you think I can handle any more surprises after you, you’ve eaten too much sugar.” He stood and took her hands. “You are enough unexpected magic to keep me guessing for the rest of my life. Whatever rabbits you want to pull from your hat, I’ll be there to chase them and stuff them back inside, but it’s not my stage, I don’t want that spotlight.”
She stood and wrapped her arms around his back. She had enough spotlights in her life to need more, and an open mind about what kind of light she shined next, but she’d never have enough of a man who was content to stand beside her while she did it.
“Do you remember I told you what my sexual fantasy was?” It was weeks ago and they’d been joking around, playing Dark Souls. She’d made something up about having him at her feet while she pole danced, about having him outbid other men to get her to strip. It’d worked on him that night. She’d danced for him. She didn’t expect him to remember but if he did it would help. “It was kinky but not kinky sex.”
He looked away. “If I was a smarter man I’d take note of the little things. Sarina is allergic to lilies. You had a fantasy of having me at your feet and paying for the privilege of you stripping. The point was I had to outbid every other punter.”
She nodded. “The point is my fantasy isn’t about multiple partners.”
“Convenient, because I only want you.”
Every skill she’d cultivated to defy the laws of gravity, to tumble at rapid speed, propel her body to great height, turn herself near inside out hadn’t prepared her to win the competition that was Reid.
She didn’t need gold medals or cash prizes. She didn’t need other people for sex, and if she craved that extra kink, she trusted him to hold her on that unexpected ride.
She told him what she’d told him before. “If you break my heart I’ll kill you.”
TWENTY-NINE
Reid wouldn’t like to admit it, but over the next few days, every male member of the human race Zarley looked at made him bristle. The man behind the counter in the cheese shop, the cab driver, the guy on the metro platform whose dropped book she picked up. He watched her expecting to see, well, what? Was she supposed to look like she wanted to jump them? Was she supposed to show him any less attention because they’d had a kinky sex experience on a park bench? Because if anything he felt her love come at him harder than ever.
Add to that, he’d never been so happy. With Zarley, the world was brighter colors, louder noises, more infectious laughter and a deep comfort within himself that was foreign. Better to-fucking-gether. What did he need to prove to the world if he had Zarley in it?
Mom heard it in his voice when he called and was convinced he’d found an idea for a new business. He’d barely thought about work, and not about Plus at all since they arrived in Paris.
“It’s not work. It’s Zarley,” he’d said. Zarley who was inside a shop picking out new t-shirts for him.
Anyone else’s mom would caution him to be careful. First serious girlfriend, and only a student, a dancer; by which they hoped for Broadway, but envisaged stripper, and called it gold digger. Dev’s mom would’ve outright called him a sucker. Reid’s mom, who’d known very little love in her life, cried.
So he gave up worrying about it. It was a buzz kill. And when Zarley shared a laugh with the t-shirt seller, he let his heart swell around the sound and sight of her, content that everything she was made his life greater.
That’s how they spent the next week. Walkers, pastry eaters, museum and gallery patrons, bistro attendees, occasional shoppers, and lovers who wore each other out at night, and woke each other ready to start it all over again the next day.
Everyone’s mother would’ve told him it was too good to last.
Sarina’s message brought the real world crashing back in on them. Kuch and Owen both hospitalized after an accident. Both injured badly. Owen with broken back.
They flew home that day. Zarley could’ve stayed on, but it gladdened Reid she chose not to. His heart had to be the size of a giraffe’s now from all the love he felt from her.
It only made the flight home worse. That new two-foot long, twenty-five pound heart sat in his throat for ten hours. Kuch was in intensive care with serious internal injuries. He hadn’t woken. Owen was conscious, had spinal shock and was heavily sedated. They didn’t yet know if he had spinal cord complications. No one said it, but what Reid heard was the question of whether Owen would walk again.
He didn’t sleep. Couldn’t focus to read. The movies on offer were too formulaic to capture his attention. The pilot told lame jokes. And they had freaking turbulence that made him sick. Zarley didn’t try to tease him out of his misery. She got him to eat when he didn’t want to and that fixed his nausea. She held his hand. She told him how Cara broke her back and the spinal cord damage she’d suffered that left her with an occasional limp. Owen cycled. He went hiking and climbing. What if he couldn’t do those things again? Zarley gave him hope for Owen’s injury to be something he’d recover from.
But in the time it took them to get home, Kuch could be dead.
He wanted to fly
the plane, be the surgeons, stand in the ER and make sure his people were cared for the best way possible. Instead he was annoyed, twitchy, restless and giving himself a headache. It wasn’t much better when they landed, or when he got to the hospital. Kuch’s wife, and daughter, Owen’s parents, his older brother, Frank and younger sister, Brooke all looked to Reid for reassurance he didn’t have to give. Cara met them with an offer to help and Reid let Sarina hug him for a long time. Dev, who looked gray, simply said, “I’m glad you’re here.”
Kuch had broken ribs, both legs, a punctured lung, and had a range of internal injuries and severe concussion. He was conscious, but too heavily sedated to visit.
Owen was immobilized and scheduled for urgent surgery. He’d broken his lumbar spine and had disc and suspected nerve damage, which could lead to loss of function, difficulty walking or outright paralysis.
First thing Owen said to Reid when he walked into Owen’s room with a subdued Zarley and an anxious Cara was, “My horse’s tail is shot.”
The drugs had to be good.
Cara, hovered behind Zarley, said, “Cauda equina, oh goodness,” under her breath and Reid raised his brow at her.
“There’s a bundle of nerves at the base of your spine, they fan out like a horse’s tail, down the back of each leg.”
“Giddy up,” said Owen. “And who is this starburst who knows her Latin?”
“Owen, this is Cara. Zarley asked her to come see you.” He could’ve said more about Cara being his roommate and a Plus employee, but Owen didn’t appear to recognize her from Plus, and this wasn’t a social call.
“Cruel and unusual punishment, Reid, bringing a starburst to visit when I can’t shake her hand.”
“Drugs are good, right.”
“Awesome.”
“Cara broke her back too. Thought you might like to talk.”
“Where?” Owen said sharply, no trace of fuzzy in his voice now.
“L4 like you,” Cara answered. She moved further into the room, coming to stand closer to Owen so he could see her.
“And you’re okay?” Owen had to be terrified under the chemical-inspired easy. Reid was cultivating organ rupture on his behalf. The guy cycled, hiked, climbed. That’s when he did his best thinking. The earth was his treadmill and solid rock his weight bench, outdoors was his soul and he needed it to deal with what he wanted to do indoors.
Cara’s eyes shot to Reid’s. “I have some nerve damage.” She frowned, hesitated, locked down whatever she was about to say, about how she limped, how she carried pain, refocused on Owen and went with, “But I recovered.” She stepped right up to his bedside. “You will too. You have the best of care. This is an amazing hospital. I looked your surgeon up. She’s a superstar. You’re going to be fine, okay.”
Owen’s eyes were all over Cara, assessing. “Stars on your face,” he said, making Cara touch her cheek. “You had surgery?”
“Yes, to repair a herniated disk.”
Owen smiled. “Got one of them too.” He said it as though they were discussing possessions, things they collected, anything else but the threat of paralysis.
Cara smiled back, her hand twitching as though she wanted to touch Owen. “If they can save it, they will, and if they can’t, you might be able to have treatment that wasn’t available to me.”
“You came to tell me this.” Zarley had called Cara as soon as they landed, grasping at a way to support Owen. Cara nodded. “A shooting star,” said Owen. “How long ago for you?”
“Nearly ten years.”
Owen closed his eyes as if that time span had an actual weight in it. Eye contact pinged around the room like a pinball. Cara to Zarley. Zarley to Reid. He looked at Cara but she’d dropped her head forward, hair swinging across her face, shielding her expression. She stepped away from the bed, rejoining Zarley who said, “We’ll be outside,” as they backed out of the room.
Reid waited. Owen’s jaw was tight, he wasn’t sleeping, but he might’ve had enough of the grim tiptoe parade visitors. And Reid had nothing but chalk made from mushed up empty pep talk phrases in his mouth. Looking at Owen, lying so artificially still was hard to take so his own eyes were down when Owen spoke.
“Ziggy’s in trouble.”
“Jesus, you don’t need to think about Ziggy or Plus. Lay there and think about what Cara said, focus your superpowers on having a fully functional spine.”
Owen waggled his eyebrows and grinned. “Giddy up.”
“Drugs are good, huh.”
“A galaxy on her skin.”
Freckles, he meant, Cara’s freckles. Reid snorted, couldn’t help himself and then recovered, saying, “What can I do for you?”
“Keep my parents from trying to sue anyone who looks at me unprofessionally, do that and I’ll forgive you every inconsiderate thing you’ve ever done.”
The truck driver was fair game. Drunk, ran a light, ploughed head-on into Kuch’s Tesla Model S when they were on their way to an investor presentation. “Do what I can.”
“There’s more. Go back to work.”
Reid nodded. “I will. Soon as I work out what that is.”
“At Plus.”
“Don’t think about work, Owen. Dev and Sarina have,” he almost said, your back, and finished with, “it under control.” He had no idea if they did.
“You asked. I want you in the office.”
“You’re not going to be out that long.” He didn’t know about that either.
“Too long, Reid. And Ziggy’s fucked like me.”
Reid scrubbed his face. He knew he needed sleep. It was nothing compared with what Owen needed. “What happened?”
“You were right. It was a big project and we screwed it up.”
“I want to help. You, I’ll do anything for you, but I’m out. We agreed that was the right thing.”
“Now I’m saying we need you in. Don’t know how long I’m going to be down for.”
“You’re fit. You’ll get through this.” Owen’s chest hitched on a hard in-breath. Reid should just tell him what he needed to hear. “Sarina.”
“She wants you.” So they’d already talked about this, when Owen’s life was upended he was still thinking about Plus.
Reid walked to the window of the private suite. They knew enough about Owen’s injury to understand his recovery would be complicated, painful and slow. Kuch had a long road to travel before he was back in business too, but he was out of danger, and a temporary chairman was less of an issue than a missing CEO.
“There are others you could approach.” Pay them enough, they could have any of their tech alumni in the Plus hot seat.
“You’re not saying we.”
Reid moved into Owen’s sight again. “It’s not we. It’s you, Dev and Sarina. You’ll work this out.”
“Are you seriously telling me you won’t come back?”
He scrubbed his face again. What kind of a bastard was he, he couldn’t tell Owen what he needed to hear? The kind that knew Owen wouldn’t want lies, least of all now. “Plus is better off without me. I had my first holiday that wasn’t a couple of days tacked on the back of a business trip or spent roofing or bricklaying. I liked it. I’ve got Zarley in my life and I don’t want to do anything to screw with that.”
“Reid McGrath is going to laze around swimming pools and be available for his woman. Churches all over the city must be falling down.”
“Think your dose is too high.”
“Not high enough.”
Reid watched the slow drip of whatever it was they were pumping into Owen. Plus’ emergency wasn’t his, but he wished he felt some relief at that realization.
“I’m sorry, Owen. I’m not the right person for this. I’d make things worse.”
“Do you think he’s speaking French?”
He turned to find Sarina in the doorway.
“I didn’t understand anything he said,” Owen replied.
“You guys, you can’t be mad with me about this.” He moved aside for Sa
rina and leaned against a wall, folding his arms defensively, because this was making him uncomfortable and he didn’t deserve to feel anything for himself in this. It should all be about Owen.
“I can’t see why not?” Sarina came into the room and took the chair beside Owen’s bed after putting her palm against his cheek.
“Hah, how about for all the reasons you shoved me out. It’s not like I’ve changed.”
“Looks different to me,” said Owen, “but then, you know, drugs.”
Sarina said. “I’m stone-cold straight and he looks almost human to me.”
Reid sighed nosily. “Yuck it up, you two. I’m not the answer to your problems. I was your problem. You got rid of me. We had this discussion, somewhat publicly if I remember. And Dev is still not cool with me.”
“He’ll come around,” Sarina said softly.
The two of them looked at him as if he had the answer. His giraffe heart was thumping along at a cracking pace.
“I can’t help you.”
“Can’t or won’t?” said Owen.
It was love and hate all over again. “Can’t. Won’t, what’s the difference? I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“There’s a difference,” said Sarina.
Of course there freaking was. Zarley would know exactly. But he couldn’t land on it. If his giraffe heart stroked out, would they know how to treat him here or need to call in a goddam vet?
“I’ve accepted I lost Plus. That it was my own fault. People don’t change easily and I’m useless because I keep making the same mistakes. I get so focused I lose sight of the bigger picture. The only difference between the night of the anniversary and now is that I know it. You won’t want me back and I can’t see how I can help you.”
He expected blank looks, or if this was some kind of weird-ass test, cheering. They were both grinning at him like he’d personally proven Einstein’s theory about gravitational waves.
Offensive Behavior (Sidelined #1) Page 30
