by Allie York
I had a few hours before work, so I trekked back home to hang out with my little girl. She was camped in front of the TV, Tank at her side, with the stuffed horse when I came in. Mom was making breakfast but stopped to kiss my cheek and pat my arm.
“Sorry, I had an errand to run. Thanks for watching her last night.” I didn’t let Mom respond before I slipped out of the kitchen to the living room. I wasn’t ready to talk details of our shitty date with my mother but knew she would ask.
“Hey, Princess. Wanna sit with me?” Celia smiled, leaping into my lap with her horse. I held her against my chest while she watched some horse show on TV and traced the tribal tattoo on my wrist. She did it the day she showed up and every time she was sitting with me.
“When can I dance again?” Celia didn’t look at me or stop her tiny finger from moving.
“In a few days, but we are going to the zoo this weekend. Have you been to one?” Then she froze, turning slowly to look at me. The force my little girl shook her head with made her hair fly wildly in her face. “Axel and Cori invited us, so it’ll be fun.” She grinned wide, throwing her arms around my neck.
Celia was perfect. My anger for not knowing her sooner was slowly vanishing the more time I spent with her, and knowing she was mine forever lessened the pain. I could spend the rest of my life getting to know her, watching her grow, protecting her. She was so trusting and sweet despite seeing the shit she saw, despite being thrown into my care without even knowing me. When she first moved in, my princess fell into hysterics every time someone knocked on the door or there was a loud sound at all. The poor baby had night terrors and would wake up screaming several times a night. I was followed through the house, even to the bathroom until she was comfortable being left in any room alone. Once she started day-care, two days a week, things relaxed a little, but she never made friends. I was advised to hold her out of kindergarten an extra year so Celia could finish settling in, but I thought she would do better on a school routine. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with her, but I winged it and Celia seemed almost happy. Her bond with Axel only made me firmer in my decision to keep Cori.
Tank grunted next to us on the couch and Celia rubbed his fat head with her little fingers while we finished her horse show. Anyone trying to say pits weren’t family dogs could kiss my ass. Tank would tear into anyone, including me, for touching Celia. Their bond was instant, strong, unshakable. It was one of those connections that made me feel safe about leaving Celia and Mom home alone at night when I worked late. The dog was getting older, almost ten, but could still fetch with the young pups.
We ate, blew bubbles out in the yard, and walked to the park near the house before I had to go open Needles. Every time I left it kind of sucked. Missing five years with her made me want to put her in my pocket so I didn’t miss anything else, but late night at a tattoo shop was not the place for a little princess. We never knew what we would be tattooing or piercing, so Celia stayed with Mom.
Celia kissed me at least a hundred times before I made it out the door and she was hoisted up on the counter by Mom, who she affectionately called LeeLee. Skipping the car, I walked to work. It wasn’t quite the workout I needed, but if I couldn’t hit the gym, I could walk to work.
Griffin: I’m busy as hell tonight, but feel free to text me anyway.
Cori: Are you asking for naughty pictures?
The woman could read my mind.
Griffin: Oh. Fuck. Yes.
Cori: Too bad. Any super classy tattoos happening tonight?
Griffin: No changing the subject. I want those pictures!
Cori: I’m not fifteen, I learned my lesson on nudie pix a long time ago.
Griffin: Fine. I’d rather have the real thing than a selfie anyway.
Cori: We need to talk about it. If you insist on pursuing this, you should know some things.
Griffin: I more than insist. We can talk at your convenience. About to tattoo tweetie bird on an ass cheek. If you change your mind about the nudes, send away.
I honestly didn’t want to talk about the past with her, but Cori was going to make me. Hell, I was making her spend time with me so the least I could do was listen. Her reaction to being called brave made me see how broken she was, but I was determined to move her past it. I was going to fix her frayed edges, make her trust me. I had two days before I had to act like an upstanding guy and impress her sister. I knew it wouldn’t happen. Up-tight people took one look at me and wrote me off. The tattoo stigma was still strong, and I was kind of an ass about it, but I would put as much effort into it as I could muster. The woman had broken all my rules and just kept going, but I loved it.
I didn’t end up tattooing any birds on asses, but I did do my fair share of generic art that would be covered in a few years after they realized how fucking lame it was. Waylon cranked Ozzy in the work room and the hum of the guns lulled me as I worked. I didn’t create an original piece all night, which sucked. The point in my job was to create, not to replicate, but money was money. My phone lit up several times, but I forced myself to ignore it until I was done, which wasn’t until nearly midnight. Had I stopped to answer a text, I would have spent the night talking to Cori instead of working.
Cori: I know you’re busy but I just met your mom.
Mom: I took Celia to the park before dark. Cori is a lovely girl.
Shit. Not that I didn’t plan on Cori meeting my mother, but on my terms, not theirs, and not after one shitty date. I knew Cori was eating it up too. I could almost see her shit-eating grin while she pumped my mom for information and my mom feeding it to her with no problem. I wasn’t hiding my shitty past from Cori, but after Mom telling her what an ass I was, she would ditch me fast. I already had my fucking work cut out for me without any interference.
Cori was everything I wasn’t, but she was mine, whether she knew it or not. And I was hers. Fuck me sideways, I’m a goner.
Chapter Seven
Cori
Ax screeched and bolted, mid swing, toward the slide at the park near our place. When I saw Celia running to meet her, I couldn’t help but smile. I was proud to know my kid was helping the girl. The two little girls crashed together into a ball of pink and black, hugging like they hadn’t seen each other in a year. Then the woman with Celia caught my eye. She was tall, taller than me, with stark white hair and a warm smile. Her blue eyes told me exactly who she was, so I walked over confidently tom shake her hand.
“Hi, I’m Cori.” Griffin’s mother gave me a weak hand shake making me think she didn’t like what she saw in me.
“Lily.” Lily tugged her sweater around her tighter. “Griffin mentioned you and your daughter.” I smiled awkwardly, turning to watch the girls slide, squealing. “Celia has been through so much, but she is so strong. My son is doing a good job with her.” Her voice was soft, distant.
Lily’s build was nothing like Griffin’s. She was tall, but thin and lithe where he was bulky. She brought up being a breast cancer survivor and how much Griffin meant to her, not only as a son, but as a provider. He stepped up when she got sick, taking care of her, making her move in with him, and taking her to every appointment. “He wants to think he’s unshakable, but don’t let him fool you.” Apparently, he had done more than mention me, and the thought gave me the flutters.
The girls bounced over to us, and I pulled out a bag of crackers for them to share, telling Ax to make sure she was fair. Celia hugged my legs, letting me pat her hair before she followed Ax to the bottom of the slide. Lily and I talked about the girls and how sweet they were together. I made a point to not ask about Griffin. She tried to volunteer information, but the idea made me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want someone else telling him about me, so I returned the courtesy.
“I’ve never seen Griffin date a woman.” Lily sounded like she was warning me, or maybe it was a threat.
“Really?” What was I supposed to say? He told me he didn’t date but made it clear we were giving it a shot. I didn’t date, either. Hell
, I didn’t date before I met Richard. My experience with men began and ended with Richard.
“No, never even seen him take a woman out to dinner until you. Gives me hope he can keep things stable for Celia. I don’t think he should be dating at all, it’s too soon, but at least he quit being so loose. I was so worried that Celia would have to see him bring in woman after woman and think men are supposed to treat women the way he did. At least he’s doing right by his daughter, setting a decent example if he insists on having a woman in his life.” Lily folded her hands in her lap. I couldn’t tell if she was talking down to me or telling me to run away. I hated thinking of him going around fucking other women, but it was the reality. It wasn’t like I could seriously consider sleeping with him anyway. I had gotten caught up when we were on our date, but the truth was I couldn’t let myself be intimate without a massive panic attack later. No matter how badly I wanted to feel him against me, inside me, I couldn’t.
“He’s a great dad. I love that the girls are getting close.” It was the best answer I could come up with. Lily had knocked my confidence down a notch, or ten. Surely, she was saying I was different, right? Was I? Questions flooded me, threatening to drown me entirely. I wanted to know what was happening between us, especially after my chat with Lily. One date meant nothing in the scheme of things, but the way Griffin followed me around made me hope for something.
Once it started getting dark we parted ways, promising to see Celia in a few days, and the girls gave out hugs before we left. Axel went to bed easily after a thirty-minute bath that included an epic battle between ponies and rubber ducks. I curled up on the couch, flipping through reality shows, sipping wine.
Cori: I know you’re busy, but I just met your mom.
Griffin: Well, shit.
Cori: She was pleasant and the girls got to play. How sick is she?
Griffin: Double mastectomy sick, but in remission.
Cori: I’m glad I met her. Get back to work before the boss gets on your ass. See ya Sunday
I tossed the phone to the side, lying back on the couch, finishing off my glass. Something about sleeping on the couch, or the wine, or the idea of having sex again made my dreams nothing less than nightmares. The strung-out look in the dealer’s eyes as he pinned me, knife to my neck, forcing himself in and out was the worst part. I woke up panting, clutching my neck, and sweat trickled down my temple. Shit. No matter how badly I wanted to be normal, to be intimate, it wasn’t going to happen. Not without a very scary breakdown after or during. Then Griffin would be practically scrambling to get the hell out of my bed. The fact that they never found the men who attacked me certainly didn’t help my panic attacks.
Sunday morning was the same energy it always was on zoo days. Ax was running around like a wild animal as usual, but I was nervous as hell. “Can I wear a Jack Daniels shirt to the zoo?” Harriet giggled on the other end of the line. We had an hour before we left and I was just starting to get ready. I never gave a shit how I looked, never tried to impress anyone, but Griffin made me slightly crazy. The talk with his mom made it even worse. “Oh, I have my Ramones shirt clean too.” I looked at my tattered cuffed jeans and black Chuck Taylors.
“You never act like this.” Harriet had a point, and I could hear her tone even through speaker phone. “Just put on a shirt, Cori. Griff doesn’t care what you wear.”
“Fine, some friend you are. I’ll call you later.” We hung up as Axel raced in the room, promptly laughing at my state of undress. She looked like an ad for punk kids’ clothes. Black tulle skirt, red tank top with skulls, black bandana in her hair, and red high tops. I tossed her on my bed, tying her shoes, and decided on a Darth Vader tank top. After I twisted my hair into a bun, Axel handed me a black ribbon to tie around it then we went to pack lunches.
“Celia will love Max and Ben. They are my favorite cousins.” Ax dragged her step stool over to the counter and climbed up to help me make sandwiches. Max and Ben were her only cousins, but the thought was sweet. I bagged the grapes, popping one into my mouth. “Aunt Ari will like her too.” I hoped Aunt Ari liked Griffin, but I knew she wouldn’t. My big sister would be a total uppity bitch about him. Arianna would wear a cardigan with sensible shoes. She’d have her blonde curls in a Barbie-high pony tail and would scrunch her nose when she saw him. Oh, well. I would get to watch him be super uncomfortable around her. At least our little sister was a badass, not a prude. I missed her so damn much.
Cori: Oh, forgot to tell you… boyfriend thing is coming with his daughter today
Arianna: Forgot? So much for sister time. Since when do you date? Why would you even consider dating?
Cori: I invited them last minute.
Arianna: Whatever, Cori. You never consider other’s feelings when you act. I should be used to you and Meredith treating everyone as a second thought. Why are you even dating when you should be focused on Axel? Mom said you were hung over when you picked her up after your birthday. I thought you had finally decided to act like an adult.
Leave it to Ari to put a damper on my mood for the zoo and make me feel like the world’s worst parent. I knew damn well Mom would never have said I was hungover. Nothing was ever good enough, no one was nearly as perfect as Arianna. I pushed her shitty accusation out of my mind and went on getting our food packed. I was pissed as hell. Had I told her earlier, she would have talked me out of them tagging along, but then again, I was damned either way. Meredith wasn’t even there to defend herself against Ari’s harshness, but I wasn’t going down that road again. I spent way too much time defending our little sister for her horrible actions, and it never ended well for me.
“Okay, Munchkin.” I zipped the backpack. “Lunch, water, sunblock, ice cream money. Do we need anything else?” Axel tapped her chin in deep contemplation before shaking her head. I tossed the pack over my shoulder, grabbed Axel’s hand, and headed to the car.
The Jeep swung in next to Griffin’s and he got out, opening the door for Celia. She was dressed in pink shorts, a pink unicorn shirt, with matching pink shoes, but her nails were black. The visual of him painting her teeny nails came to mind and I smiled. I loved how he became a different person for his daughter. Then I looked him over. Holy hell. His gray Henley looked like it may burst around his biceps and the dark-wash jeans were a perfect fit. His wardrobe lacked variety, but I was certainly not complaining. He snatched the bag from my front seat, tossed it on his back, then took Celia’s hand. Griffin gave me a quick wink before we started toward the entrance.
“Aunt Ari!” Once we made it to the sidewalk, Axel tore away from me to charge my sister. I nailed Arianna’s outfit down to the high pony tail. She had on floral printed shorts, a pink top, and white sneakers with her hair pulled up. Her boys looked about the same. They all looked like they just stepped out of the yacht club or a J. Crew catalogue. Griffin gave me the best look before we went on to meet my sister. I had warned him.
“What in the world are you wearing?” Ari picked at Axel’s shirt immediately.
“It’s my favorite.” Boom, sis, schooled by a pre-schooler. Arianna liked to act as if I forced my style on Axel, but in reality, she picked most of my clothes. It was going to be a fun day, but hey, Griffin had asked for it. Ari shrugged. I exchanged fist bumps with my nephews, who eyed Griffin like he might eat them. Ben was eight, your typical “bro” with colored shorts and a popped collar. Max was eleven and a little more casual, almost nerdy. His Superman t-shirt earned him an extra fist bump. My nephew cautiously approached Griffin.
“Max.” He stuck his hand out like a true gentleman and Griffin shook his hand.
Ari looked like she might die. “Griffin? Griffin Steele?”
“Arianna Wallace is your sister?” Griffin grimaced at me, and I nodded slowly. Ari crossed her arms over her chest. “Good to see you again.” Ari made some noise between a huff and a groan. Oh, this is going to be fun.
We strolled into the zoo with Max and Griffin talking about comics and tattoos. “Oh, man! That
is sick.”
Ari huffed when Griffin tossed a hand over Max’s shoulders, talking like they were best friends. It was priceless. We wandered aimlessly, letting Celia lead the way mostly since she had never been. She talked more than I had ever heard. The quiet little girl came out of her shell and asked me to read every sign to her. She begged for a picture of her and Ax together at every animal. Griffin lumbered along behind us, hands in his pockets, taking in the scene like he was having a good time. I hoped he was since his daughter was. When the girls stopped to squeal over some meerkats, I made my way back to him, sliding my arm around his waist, making sure to drag my fingers over the muscles in his back.
“Your sister hates me, but it was no different in high school.” I cocked my head to see him side-eye me. Ari was a bitch back then too. It was in her DNA or something.
“Do you care?”
“Not at all. I’m having away too much fun with this.” He squeezed my hip, kissed my head, and jogged over to throw Celia on his shoulders. Griffin went all out on the trip. Celia rode camels, fed giraffes, and we watched the bird show. He insisted on paying for Axel to join Celia at every turn and at one point had both kids on his back running past crowds of people. After a couple of hours of trailing behind the kids, we stopped for lunch. I fed the four of us sandwiches while my sister pulled out grilled chicken salads with organic dressing for her darlings. I snuck chips to the boys, distracting Ari with talk about her book club. Someone had to save the boys from their mother.
I came back from the bathroom to overhear Ari talking to Griffin. Shit. I stopped behind my sister so I could listen but stay out of her line of sight. “So, you’re in a relationship with my little sister?” Griffin shrugged. “Do you even know what she’s been through?” Griffin adjusted his posture, readying himself for the confrontation. “The last thing my sister needs is a guy like you coming in and messing with her head when it’s obvious what you want from her. Guys like you don’t stick around. You were a whore in high school, so I highly doubt you’ve grown up by the look of you.” I cleared my throat, taking the focus off Griffin, and sat down between them. My bitch of a sister had a death wish. Granted, I was a disaster, but it wasn’t her place to talk about me. Griffin pecked me on the forehead, scooting his chair back to go get the kids some ice cream and taking orders before he went. The poor man obviously needed an escape. My sister jumped down my damn throat before Griffin was even out of earshot.
