by Apryl Baker
Well, damn. How did we get onto this subject? It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about, because it brought my own situation home to me. Dammit.
“Magic is neither good nor bad. What people do with it, that’s what makes it either white or dark magic. It’s the intent that matters. You and I could cast the same spell, use the same type of magic, but if our intent was different, then our outcome is different. If I cast a spell intent upon harm, then it’s dark magic. If you cast the same spell intent upon not doing harm, then it’s white magic. Does that make sense?”
“Sort of,” she sighed. “I just need time, I guess, to wrap my head around it. Everyone expects me to take over the role of Coven Mistress, and I can’t. I just can’t. Those people tried to kill me, killed my sister. And yet I’m just supposed to forget about all that? How do you even do that? How do you pretend everything is fine, that I don’t hate them for killing her? I want to make them all pay for her death, but my dad says thinking like that will lead me down the wrong path, that it’ll make my soul fill up with blackness. How do I stop from feeling like this, though? They killed her and tried to kill me! I can’t forgive and forget so easily. I’m just not built like that.”
Damn, damn, damn. She sounded just like me. Our situations were eerily similar as well. Maybe Fate was working here. Or Jeff, I thought darkly. He knew both our stories, and maybe he thought by helping CJ, I might help myself. Damn his nosy hide! He could be right, though.
“My sister died last year,” I said. “She killed herself.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her honey colored eyes horrified and full of sadness. I saw my own pain reflected back in hers.
“She was forced to kill herself,” I continued. “People used magic to make her do it. I could blame the magic, because it was ultimately magic that caused her to want to die, but that wouldn’t be fair. The magic can only do what we intend for it to do. They wanted her dead for some reason and cast a spell to make sure that happened. Their intent was to harm, to kill. Magic didn’t do that, people did that.”
“They used magic against her?” CJ asked, the sheer disgust and outrage in her voice made me like her just a little bit. “That’s not fair! What happened to them?”
“Nothing…yet,” I whispered. Soon, though.
“Um…Melinda, your eyes, they just…”
With a sigh, I looked her straight in the eye. “I know. They turned black for a minute, didn’t they?”
She nodded.
“My intent is to do harm,” I told her. “I want them to pay for what they did to Jenny. No one else will make them pay. The police aren’t going to believe she was forced to kill herself because of magic, and the Witches’ Council won’t give them the same treatment they would a witch. These are humans messing with magic. Our laws don’t apply to them. Getting justice for her, that’s all on me.”
CJ gave me a shrewd look. “I wanted to do that, too. When I found out the Coven killed Emily, I wanted them all to pay. The spell was right there in my head. I knew I could do it, but when it came right down to it, I couldn’t. My dad worked hard to teach me right from wrong, and I kept thinking about what he’d do, what he’d say, how he’d look at me. I couldn’t hurt him like that after everything he’d done to protect me.”
Dammit, why did she pull the dad card? My dad had done so much for me. If I did this, he’d be devastated. Could I do that to him? Could I hurt him like that? Then where did that leave Jenny? There would be no justice for her.
“So, Jeff said you were trying to figure something out?” I decided to change the subject before I got led down the wrong path of giving up my revenge.
“My sister told me something dark was coming, and I can’t figure it out. She wrote about it in her journal, saying she was going to name me the Junior Coven Leader so I could stand against it and lead the others. But I don’t know what she was talking about.” she said, frustrated, flipping her red hair over her shoulder. “I’ve read through her journals and her Book of Shadows, but she keeps making veiled references, and it just doesn’t make sense.”
“How did she know about this dark force?” I asked.
“She had dreams,” CJ explained. “Emily always had dreams. I used to dismiss them, but I can’t anymore. Not after everything that’s happened over the last two months. If she tried to warn me, then I am going to take it seriously.”
“What was her Element?” Sometimes our gifts were linked to the Element we had the closest affinity with.
“Earth,” Cassie said, twisting a lock of her hair.
“Same as mine.” I nodded. “Sometimes those of us steeped in Earth magic can see things, more so than anyone else.”
“Because the Earth is always changing, but it always stays the same,” Cassie said slowly.
“Exactly,” I agreed. “Because of that we’re given a glimpse into events that are locked in, but can change.”
“That still doesn’t help me,” CJ grouched. “Dammit! Why was she so cryptic?”
My conversation with Xavier came back to me. There was something dark coming, something that required both of us in order to win. As much as I didn’t want to tell her, I probably should. If I went through with my plan, the least I could was give her a head start on a losing battle. Who knew, maybe she’d find a way to defeat the Angels without me. I could hear my own magic laughing at my stupid naiveté, and I grimaced.
“Well, I might be able to shed some light on it.” I got up off the floor and plopped down on the bed beside her and then related everything Xavier had told me earlier today, leaving out my trying to murder kids and the consequences of that action.
By the time I was done, CJ’s eyes were glowing with excitement, the gold in them seemed to shine so bright, it looked almost like a light was shining out of them. Maybe it was. How was I supposed to know? She oozed power without even realizing it, and she had no clue how powerful she was. It still shocked me.
“Can I meet Xavier?” she asked when I was done. “I have so many questions!”
I nodded, not happy. I needed time away from Xavier, but now I was going to have to call him. “Sure, I can have him come over tomorrow since it’s Sunday and we don’t have school. Would you let me read your sister’s journals? Not her Book of Shadows. I know how personal that is, but her journals? It might give me a better idea of what she was trying to say since we both shared the Earth Element.”
Cassie frowned, but nodded. Getting up, she pulled a box out of the closet and then took out three journals. She stared at them, much as I did Jenny’s diary. It hurt to look at them. She handed them to me, her fingers holding on until the last minute.
“I’ll take good care of them,” I promised.
“I know,” she said, a smile ghosting across her face. “I think you’re right, that her dreams were about the Fallen Angels. It fits, but I just wish I could make sense out of these journals. Hopefully you can.”
I took them and headed to my room. Time to read.
Chapter Twenty
~ Dreams ~
April 3, 2007
I had the strangest dream last night. There was a room maybe, I’m not sure. It might have been a room, or it might have been some underground cave for all I know. It was dark, though, not an ounce of light anywhere, or at least that’s what I thought at first. But how can there be shadows if there is no light? The room was alive with shadows and they scared me. Terrified me really. I woke up shaking, I was so afraid. It felt as I were frozen, like I couldn’t move. They wanted something from me, but I don’t know what. Whatever they were, they felt old, powerful, but sad and frustrated too. It’s like they wanted me to help them get free maybe? I don’t know. It was just a really weird dream.
I’ve been having some odd feelings lately too, like something is stirring, stretching beneath the Earth. Not something good either. I told Dad about my dreams and he said he’d try to find something in the Book, but I’m not sure he can. The Book is old, but it doesn’t have the answers to e
verything. I think this is one time the Book won’t have a clue as to what’s going on. This feels older than the Book, ancient almost. Whatever was in my dream, it’s bad juju. I think it also has something to do with what’s going on with the Earth, too, but I’m not sure. Maybe Dad will find something in the Book, I don’t know.
It was just weird. I’ve never had a dream like that before. Could just be a random nightmare for all I know, but it didn’t feel like that. It felt ominous, prophetic. Hard to say what’ll come of it, if anything. Only time will tell I guess.
April 28, 2007
I had the dream again, only this time, I got a more urgent feeling. It was like I needed to do something, warn someone that whatever is in that place wants out. No, that’s not right. It’s going to get out. Maybe I’m supposed to warn them about that so they can stop it? Or fight it? I’m just not sure. The dream was just flashes, images of things I didn’t recognize. The shadows were back, calling out, reaching for me this time. I was so scared, I woke up screaming. Daddy is still trying to find answers in the Book, but I told him this morning to stop. There were no answers there. He said he’d call a few people he knew to see they could make sense of it.
He and I both think it has something to do with dark magic, dark witches. The Witches’ Council needs to know. Daddy said there are people on the Council who deal with dark magic every day and they might have some answers, but somehow, I just get the feeling this is beyond them. I can’t shake the feeling that this is some ancient form of darkness we’ve never seen before. I can only hope the Council can give us more answers than my dreams are giving me.
May 19, 2007
I’m scared. The dream last night showed me terrible things. Something dark and deadly is coming. I saw its shape rise up out of the ground and it ATE the shadows around it. They screamed and screamed, the agony of their pain ripped through me. This thing, this is what I have been feeling shifting and moving under the surface of the Earth, but I don’t think it’s the worst of what’s coming. I think its purpose is to unleash the worst of it, to open the gates to something even more deadly. If it’s worse than what I felt last night, I’m not sure what we can do to stop it. I’m not sure anyone can stop it. I’m afraid.
I think even Dad’s starting to get worried. He found out something from the Council, but he said he needed more information before he could discuss it. I mean it’s my dreams that are being invaded. He needs to tell me. If I don’t know what I’m dealing with, how am I supposed to figure this out, let alone protect myself? He’s my dad and I get he’s trying to protect me, but still, I need to know this!
June 22, 2007
It’s coming. Last night I felt like I was choking on the darkness I found myself in. There were no shadows, no light, just complete and total darkness. I felt it, whatever it is. Fear, pain, terror, agony – that sums up whatever is lurking in that pit waiting to get out. It’s gotten stronger too.
I wish I could figure out a timeline or something. I don’t know if we have a day or a year or more. That’s what frustrates me more than anything else. It drives me insane really. There’s so much going on right now with The Coven and the Junior Coven besides my freaky weird dreams. Everyone in the main Coven is being secretive, having long meetings in the room with the Book. Not that we can get near it, though. The Junior Coven members don’t know how to get through the wards. I think I am going to do some snooping. Something is going on and it centers around the Book. Those wards are dangerous so I have to make sure I’m ready before I try to crack them. Just last year, Molly tried to break them and she wound up at the medical center for two weeks suffering several broken bones and a concussion. She never did talk about what happened. Makes me really curious!
CJ got mad at me the other day and stomped off. She inadvertently called upon Wind and it threw me. I mean literally threw me. I ended up twisting my ankle. My little sister has no idea how strong she is. I think Wind is her Element. I’ve seen it come to her many times over the years. She doesn’t believe in any of this. We’ve all tried to teach her, to explain to her what it is we are, what we do. She finds an explanation for everything. She’s not going to believe until she’s inducted. I have a feeling that the Elements will greet her like they did me. No way can Little Sister deny magic then.
If only I could figure out these stupid dreams!
August 5, 2007
I haven’t slept in days. Even CJ is starting to notice. I can’t sleep. I dream when I sleep and these dreams, or visions as I am starting to call them, are becoming more and more real. They haunt me, even when I’m awake, but when I sleep, it gets worse. I drown in darkness in my dreams. It smothers me, choking me until I die in those dreams. Or am close to death when I wake up. I can hear it laughing, taunting me. It enjoys my fear. Whatever is there, it’s evil in its purest form. When it releases what it’s meant to, I shudder to think about the consequences. What could be worse than the thing in the darkness?
What’s really bothering me is I am starting to realize that our Coven is going to play a part in this. Well, no, I can’t really say that, but I know that someone from our Coven is going to be a part of it. I just don’t know what role they are going to play. Will they help the darkness or try to stop it? That’s unclear and it’s making my other decisions harder. I’ve already been asked for a short list of candidates to take over the JC and this dream keeps looming over me. I can’t shake the feeling that the JC leader has something to do with all this. If I choose the wrong person to take over and they end up bringing that darkness into our Coven? I would never forgive myself.
September 21, 2007
I know I’m not supposed to write about Coven business in here, but I don’t have time to dig out my BOS and I need to sort through this. So, old friend, help me to figure it out.
The Council keeps pressing me to name a successor, but I keep putting it off. I have to make a decision soon, though. Even Dad told me to get a move on. Who should I name as the next Junior Coven Leader? I’ve thought long and hard, looked at all the candidates and still, I’m hesitant.
Everyone is pushing for Kay to take over. She’s a born leader and can command a crowd better than anyone I know, maybe even better than Mr. Martin, her father. Everyone adores her and pretty much follows her lead now, so it wouldn’t be too much of a leap for me to choose her. But there’s something there in her face that makes me uncomfortable. It’s a look she gets, the same look her dad gets, that says she’s out for herself and everyone else be damned. Then I feel bad for even thinking it. I know Kay – she’s CJ’s best friend. Kay is not her father, but I can’t shake the feeling that she only lets us see what she wants us to, including CJ. Growing up with the asshole she did must have left scars – hell, she gets drunker than sin every weekend. That’s her way of coping. CJ tries to keep her out of trouble, but sometimes she looks for it, especially when she’s drunk. What kind of trouble could she cause if I gave her the JC?
Mom even agrees that Kay is the best choice. Am I being too paranoid? It’s my baby and I don’t want to give it to someone who will use it for gain instead of the foundation of trust and service I’ve built. I want it to rest in the hands of someone who will treat it like the sacred trust of learning it is, someone who will foster the traditions of our people and guide those who seek its shelter and knowledge.
My gut tells me that Kay is the wrong person to lead our apprentices. My dreams are telling me that something big is on the horizon for our Coven and that the leader of the JC will play a major role in it. It’s nothing good – my dreams are nightmares. Someone needs to be there for these kids who will protect and lead them through the encroaching darkness. Kay is not that person. She has a little of that darkness on the inside thanks to her dad.
I keep coming back to CJ and not just because she’s my sister or because the Bishops have led the Coven for centuries. CJ doesn’t even believe in any of this. Nonsense she calls it. Nonsense. She’ll change her tune soon enough. I have good reason to want he
r to fill my shoes. She’s gifted beyond anything I’ve ever seen. The Elements respond to her even now, before her initiation. They’ve already deemed her worthy. If she’s too hot, a cool breeze will blow around her even in the house or, just the opposite, if she’s cold – the temperature rises. Air and Fire, one to cool and one to warm. She’s oblivious to it, but Mom and Dad aren’t. Dad just grins and Mom, well, Mom looks…calculating. It’s odd, but sometimes I think she has a plan for CJ she’s not telling the rest of us, even Dad. That has to be wrong, but that’s what my instincts tell me. She’s watching her more closely these days. I just don’t know why.
Back to CJ. Having that kind of connection to the Elements is beyond rare. Plus she can write a spell like nobody’s business. It’s so easy for her. They roll off her tongue. What’s so funny is she’s not even aware of any of it. She finds answers to convince herself it can all be explained away. Just you wait, little sister, you can’t explain away a greeting from the Elements when you enter my circle for the first time.
Dad says to listen to what your instincts tell you, and my instincts scream CJ. No one else thinks so. They don’t see her like I do. She’s such a good kid, always taking care of everyone else – that’s why she’s perfect. She’ll take care of the JC the way I do, with love and a firm hand. She’ll lead them away from the darkness I see coming.
I can’t wait for her initiation. I’ll hand the JC over to her then. I know she and Kay always celebrate their birthday together, but a girl’s initiation is special, about only her. She shouldn’t have to share that with Kay. So I am going to break with tradition and hold little sister’s initiation on Halloween, her birthday and Kay’s the next weekend. I’ve got it all planned out. She’ll love it. Every time any of us mention it she just rolls her eyes. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when the Elements pour through her. If my suspicions are right, then my little sister is meant for far more than just the title of JCL – she’s been truly blessed. She’s more than any of us could ever hope to be. I’m just glad I’ll be here to see it.
