With his gentle hands upon her, she played the background chords to a hymn that she’d figured out. From the heart, she sang: “Abide with me, fast falls the eventide; The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.…”
Dinner was a pizza and a crispy green salad with olives and cheese and bread crumbs, all delivered by a nice young man who brought it right to the door.
“I think I could get used to having my dinner dropped off at the door,” Sadie said as she lifted a slice of pizza from the box.
“Any night someone else cooks is a good night for me.” Gran pointed to the ceiling. “That’s one of the reasons I like to fill this place with missionaries and exchange students. I can usually shame them into cooking for me in exchange for the room.”
“How did you come to have such a large house?” Sadie asked.
“The easy way. I inherited it from my parents.” Katherine rested her fork on the side of her plate and stared off, as if watching the past. “My father was a banker, and we didn’t lack for any material things. He owned this house in the city and another one on the shore. My parents set me up to be a proper young lady. Boarding school and a debutante ball …” She turned to face Sadie. “And I had to ruin it all for them by marrying a priest.”
Sadie swallowed. “That’s a bad thing?”
“My parents were very disappointed. My father had hoped I might wed the son of a shipping magnate or a coal baron and help expand the family business. But no, I married a man of God. And poor Will’s family … they weren’t ready for me.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “The first time I visited, I asked for a glass of sherry before dinner, and they never kept a drop of liquor in their home.”
Some of the details fell away from her, but Sadie found Katherine’s story endearing as she shared her embarrassing moment.
“I guess what I’m saying is, I know how it feels to be a fish out of water, Sadie. You walked into a strange place this weekend, very different from your home, but you were open to new things, and you pitched in and cleaned my house. It takes a lot of spunk to do something like that, and you have spunk, dear.”
“Thank you.” Sadie’s throat was thick with emotion as she reached across the table to press her hand over Katherine’s. “And thank you for your good hospitality.”
“You’re very welcome.” Gran cleared her throat. “You two should stop back here after church tomorrow and we’ll have lunch before you head out.”
“Aren’t you coming to church with us?” Sadie shot a glance at Mike, who shrugged.
Gran waved with her good hand, her eyes fixed on her plate. “You two just go on your own. I’m not steady on my feet yet, and I don’t want all the church ladies doting on me.”
“Oh, but I don’t mind if you’re slow,” Sadie said. “We’ll leave extra early so that there’s plenty of time to get settled in the church.”
“Nice of you to offer, but I’m too cranky to deal with church right now.”
“Nothing can lift your spirit like church,” Sadie said. “Especially if there’s wonderful good music, like Mike says.” She tapped one finger on the table, nodding knowingly. “You must come, Katherine. If you like, I’ll get up early to help you dress and fix your hair. I’m used to getting up with the sun.”
“Come on, Gran,” Mike chimed in. “If you show your face tomorrow, at least Father Drummond will be off your case for a while.”
Gran rolled her eyes, then sighed. “All right. Fine. But if someone even offers me a wheelchair, I’ll mow them down with my walker.”
After dinner they played two rounds of Trouble, and then Gran shooed them from the downstairs, telling them she needed extra beauty sleep if she was going to make an appearance at St. Mark’s in the morning.
“Do you want to go for ice cream? I think I owe you some, right?”
He remembered! “I thought you forgot about that night when you picked me up on my scooter.”
Mike pointed to his head. “Got a mind like a steel trap in here. So, you want to go out?”
Sadie bit her lower lip, hesitating. She didn’t want him to think she was too forward, but she couldn’t hold back. “Would it be all right if we just went back up to the roof?”
He lifted one hand toward the stairs. “I like the way you think.”
Up on the roof, Mike wiped off the two patio chairs and moved them close, so that they were touching. “Have a seat. I’m usually the only person who comes up here. Gran’s father used to come up here and smoke cigars, and I think that ruined it for her.”
“Such a story your gran has.” Sadie settled into the chair. They were just close enough to the edge of the roof to see the scattered lights and dark silhouettes of rooftops. “Sometimes I think I’m the only person in the world trying to walk the steady path through the Ordnung—all the rules and all the things people expect me to do. But then I hear that Katherine had the same problems with her family when she was young, and she wasn’t even Amish.”
“Everyone has their challenges and struggles.” Mike stretched his long legs out in front of him, his hands gripping the chair’s armrest. “I feel blessed to have good parents and food and shelter, but you know I’ve got my issues, too.”
“But you got out of Lancaster County … and here you are. You’re living in Philadelphia, like you wanted. No more double life for you.”
“True, but it hasn’t solved the issue with my parents. They still expect me to move back and take over the clinic. Just last week, I got a fat packet of brochures for medical schools abroad from my father. He’s still stuck on his dream.”
“So the problem is just put off until later.”
“Basically.”
Hearing the edge in his voice, Sadie turned and touched his arm gently. “You’re a good son, Mike, and a very good person. And Dr. Trueherz is a very smart man. I know that because he saved our Susie’s life, and he’s done a good job keeping her healthy. Someday your father will see who you really are.”
He turned to her and the flicker of sadness in his blue eyes faded. “I hope you’re right.” He took her hand and wove his fingers through hers. “Like I said, we all have our hills to climb. You’ve got the ministers of your church on your back to conform with their rules, but you don’t complain.”
“Ach! I feel like I talk about it all the time.”
“Probably because it’s on your mind all the time.” He tugged her hand playfully. “I know you love the city and your music. You’re the one leading the double life now.”
“How do I explain?” Her problems were not as simple and smooth as this velvety summer night. “It’s hard. Sometimes I’m not sure what I want myself. Growing up Amish, it’s all you know, and it’s a good life. I’m a hard worker, and there’s something that always pulls me back to my family. There’s a lot of love there, and they need me, too. Some of my brothers and sisters were little when our parents were killed, and they need all of us older ones to show them the way.”
“You’re happy, living Amish?”
“It’s a good life we have. But sometimes I feel like I don’t completely fit there, because of this … this light burning in my soul.” She pressed a fist to her chest. “I love singing. That you know. And Gott gave me this voice. I don’t want to sound proud, but I can’t deny what’s in me. And I think that the Heavenly Father gave it to me for a reason. He wants me to use it.”
“And you should.”
“But that’s not allowed by the Amish.”
“So you joined Frank’s band.”
“I thought that would be a way to use my gift, but it doesn’t feel completely right. And now that the bishop got ahold of those flyers, I think I’m finished with the band.”
“So how will you use your gift?”
Her eyes searched the dark blue city at her feet. How she wished Gott would spell out an answer in the twinkling lights. “That’s the question I pray about each and every day.”
TWENTY-FOUR
From the moment they entered the jewel box
of a building, Sadie loved the music in Mike’s church.
A small orchestra played a greeting song as people filed in, and Sadie could only compare it to a spring garden waking up with the morning sun. The violin and cello and guitar mingled like all the plants growing in a friendly tangle of green. The piano popped like the bright bloom of flowers facing the sky. The bass rumbled like bees buzzing over flowers. And the trumpet blast, it was the glorious burst of sunshine that warmed the earth!
Mike had been right; this music was touched by an angel of Gott.
When the music ended, a man in the front of the church asked everyone to stand. Sadie helped Katherine to her feet to the rising sound of voices from behind her. The singers were walking in from the back of the church, their sky-blue robes trailing behind them. Surrounded by song, Sadie tried to still her racing heart and listen to the words of the lovely hymn.
“All that we have and all that we offer comes from a heart both frightened and free.…”
As the choir filed onto the stage at the front of the church, she spotted Mike among them wearing a robe that made his eyes seem bluer than ever. Her heart jumped at the sight of him among the choir singers. She recognized his friend Daryl and a few of the other young men who had come to Remy’s place to pick up her furniture.
The pastor, Father Drummond, greeted the people and the service began. Katherine pointed Sadie to a book in the back of one pew, and she was able to follow along with the prayers.
A woman in a lovely green dress went to the microphone. Sadie smoothed over the folds of her own dress, the pretty flowered print she had gotten from Remy’s Englisher clothes. The flat black shoes were a little loose, but they were comfortable.
“ ‘Ye are the light of the world,’ ” the woman said, reading from the Bible. “ ‘A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.’ ”
The glittering lights of Philadelphia floated through Sadie’s mind. Ya, you could not hide the lights of this city.
“ ‘Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’ ”
A new song began, and Sadie felt her heart come alive to the harmonies, the warm bass and bold piano. The violin sighed and mewed like a baby calf—heartbreakingly beautiful—and a cello blended it all together. And when the choir joined in, there was such power in their voices raised to the Almighty. When Sadie closed her eyes, it was as if there was only one strong voice filling the church.
The music warmed her and opened her heart.
This is what redemption feels like. True forgiveness and peace. Gelassenheit.
Though the bishop would not think so. Amish services were in Hoch Deutsch and held in a member’s simple house or barn. This was not the sort of place the Amish worshipped in, with fancy colored glass in the windows and a pretty spire outside pointing to heaven. Amish church music wasn’t sweetened by stringed instruments or pianos. Under their rules, this would be the wrong place to be on a Sunday … but in her heart, Sadie knew it was right. When this music swept over her, all her troubles were washed away.
Music that warmed the soul like this had to be shared. But how could she make anyone back home, Remy or Adam or even the bishop, understand that this was the greatest thing she had ever found? How she would love for them to find it, too.
Father Drummond came back to the microphone and started speaking directly to the members. Ah, the sermon. The sermons at home could be long sometimes, and Sadie often found her mind wandering off.
“What’s shining inside of you?” The pastor tapped his chest. “What’s your light burning inside?”
The breath seemed trapped inside her as Sadie touched the base of her throat. He was talking to her. Could he see the light inside her? Could he see it inside everyone here?
“Today’s reading from Matthew tells us not to hide the light inside us,” Father Drummond said. “Matthew uses some basic logic. If you have a flame, you put it in a candle, not under a basket. A flame is intended to light the way. To help people find their way.”
She closed her eyes, wanting to hear his words, pure and plain.
“Everyone in this room has a light inside. Do you know what yours is?”
I do.
“What’s your gift? Your talent? The piece of you that can turn things around and make something positive in this world?”
I have a voice. Gott blessed me with a voice.
“Some of you know your light. I can tell. And right about now some of you are saying to yourself, ‘What on earth is he talking about?’ That’s okay. At least you’re honest. But if you don’t know the light inside of you, now is the time to look inward. How do you help people? What can you share with your fellow man? What’s the special, unique ingredient inside you that makes you one of a kind?
“That’s the light that our Lord wants to let shine.”
Back at Katherine’s house, they prepared a farewell brunch in the big, sunny kitchen. Mike had picked up pastries from the bakery where he worked. While coffee brewed in a machine, he put oranges in the very loud electric juicer, and Sadie fried some eggs over easy, just the way Katherine liked them.
“I feel like a queen, getting the royal treatment,” Katherine said from her seat at the table. “It’s going to be a rude awakening for me when I’m back on my feet again, having to do things myself.”
“I’m happy to cook for you, anytime,” Sadie said.
“Then you’re definitely invited back,” Katherine said with a slanted smile.
“I don’t know if I’ll be allowed to come back.” Her Amish life was seeping in, bringing her back to reality. “But if I could I would go to your Episcopal church every Sunday. The talk and the prayers and the music made me feel beautiful inside. Like my heart was touched by Gott.”
Mike looked up from his coffee, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. “That’s the power of God.”
Sadie turned her glass of juice on the table. Such a pretty glass; its angles and edges reflected the light, and the juice inside was the rich shade of a sunset. She would miss this house with its lovely things and its charming owner.
“It’s been such a wonderful visit,” Sadie said. “It’s very hard for me to return to Lancaster County.”
“I used to hear that every weekend from this one.” Katherine gestured to Mike with her good hand.
“Your house is a great hangout spot, Gran.”
She gave a grunt. “It can’t be my cooking, since we ordered in pizza.” Katherine dabbed at her mouth with her napkin, staring at the poetry book Sadie had brought to the table. “Seriously, Sadie, you are welcome anytime … and you can take the poetry book with you, if you like.”
“I would like to borrow it,” Sadie said. Between her piano practice and rooftop chats with Mike, she’d had little time to read.
“Return it next time you visit. That way I know you’ll come back and tidy up and play around on the piano. Beyond the occasional visiting student or missionary, most of the upstairs is empty.”
“Hey, I’m living up there,” Mike reminded her.
“Yes, of course, but you’ll be off to the dorms come September.”
September … It was only June, but Sadie felt that she had reached a crossroads, and there was no telling where she would end up by the end of the summer. She got up from the table, holding the slim leather book in both hands.
“Thank you, Katherine.” Sadie put the book next to her bundle of clothes, then went and bent over to give the older woman a kiss on the cheek. Despite her slight paralysis, Katherine seemed so much younger than Sadie’s grandmother, though Sadie guessed that they were the same age. Maybe Katherine was just young at heart. “Thank you for everything.”
Something in Katherine’s blue eyes—a spark of concern, or maybe wisdom—reminded Sadie of her own mamm. “Oh, my pleasure,” Katherine said. “Come back and s
ee me soon.” As soon as Mike turned the car into traffic, Sadie lowered the volume on the radio.
He shot her a look. “Everything okay, songbird?”
“I want it lower so we can talk. Did you hear the pastor’s sermon today, Mike?”
“I did.” He checked his blind spot and changed lanes. “You gotta let your light shine.”
Sadie’s throat was suddenly thick with emotion. “That was exactly what I was talking to you about last night. The light I feel shining in me. My voice. I want to use it, but I didn’t know if that was the right thing, and then, this sermon today …”
“It hit you,” Mike said.
She nodded. “I wasn’t joking before. I did feel blessed. Like I was touched by an angel.”
“Maybe you were.”
“I’ve been praying to God for an answer, and now this … this minister seemed to speak right to me. I think God answered me.”
“The message spoke to you, and your heart was open to it. That’s faith in action.” He touched her shoulder, his eyes on the road. “Awesome.”
Sadie felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Now she knew what she had to do. God wanted her to use her voice. He wanted her to let it shine! She just needed to figure out how to do that.
“I feel like something has changed in my heart, deep in my soul.” She stared out the window at the colors of the city flying past. Storefronts, signs, trees, and lampposts. Soon they would be on the highway, and the close streets of the city would give way to the suburbs, then the fence posts and fields of Amish country. How would it feel to return with this new heart of hers?
A light to shine …
She so wanted to let God’s word change her life, but she knew her new faith would be scorned at home by Amish family and friends. Would even her cousin Rachel understand the earth-moving discoveries she had made this weekend?
She drew in a breath, shaking the worries from her mind. One day at a time, as Mamm used to say. “What did you think of Father Drummond’s message?”
A Simple Spring: A Seasons of Lancaster Novel Page 22
