Ali didn’t say anything. She just looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He wondered what was going on behind that caramel stare.
“I didn’t know you were an alcoholic.” She shook her head back and forth slowly. “I mean, I knew that you drank, a lot, but I didn’t know it was a problem.”
“To be honest, neither did I. I’ve always rationalized my drinking because I’d quit for months at a time if I had a fight coming up. But even before Patrick died, the length of time I’d sober up before a fight kept shrinking. It went from three months, to two months, to one month, and for my final fight I’d barely sobered up from the night before. And then after Patrick…,” he paused and lowered his head, “I went on a three-month bender. Every day I’d tell myself I was going to get sober tomorrow. Tomorrow would turn into next week, and then next week would turn into next month.”
When she didn’t respond he lifted his head and saw that she looked to be processing the information, so he went on to tell her everything.
“Then I hit rock bottom. I woke up one day and I had no idea what day it was. I was at some hotel with a woman I didn’t recognize and when I picked up my phone, I saw that it was January third. That’s when it hit me. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s had all passed since Patrick…and I’d missed them all.”
Ali sniffed back tears and her bottom lip trembled.
Kade reached out and held her hand. “I can’t even imagine how hard those holidays were for you and the boys.”
“We were fine.” She tugged her hand away and sat up straighter instantly erecting a protective shield. It broke his heart that she felt like she had to protect herself from him.
“I’m sure you were. But I should’ve been here and there’s no excuse. That was the day I checked myself into rehab. When I got out, I wanted to come straight here. And maybe I should’ve. But, you and the boys had already been through so much and I didn’t want to run the risk of disappointing you all over again. I needed to make sure that my sobriety was actually something I could sustain. There was no way I was going to subject you guys to what we went through.”
Ali nodded in understanding as a tear fell down her cheek. Patrick, Kade, and Ali had the shared experience of being kids of the town drunks. Being kids of Debbie Walsh and George McKnight wouldn’t be something he’d wish on his worst enemies, but it had bonded the three of them.
She wiped the fallen teardrop away with the back of her hand as she sniffed. “But why didn’t you tell me that? Why didn’t you tell me where you were? What you were doing? I thought you just left. I thought you didn’t even care about—”
Kade leaned forward, spurred by an urgency to make her understand. “I know. I wanted to tell you. Every day, I wanted to call and talk to you. I wanted to come see you. You guys were all I thought about. It killed me knowing what you must think of me, of how I could do that to you, but I didn’t want to be like them.
“How many times did your mom or my dad tell us that they were going to get help? That they were going to get sober? How many empty, broken promises did they make to us? I couldn’t do that to you. I had to know that I could be the man Patrick thought I could be when he named me as co-guardian of the twins. I had to know that I wouldn’t just be some loser fuck-up in the boys’ lives. I had to know that I wouldn’t be that in your life. I had to know that I would be the man that you deserved.”
Ali was still shaking her head as her eyes lowered once again to the medallion in her hand. “I was so mad at you. I hated you.”
“I know. And I deserved that. Maybe I still do. I don’t know if what I did was the right thing, but Ali, I swear I was only doing what I thought was best for you and the boys.” Kade paused again. “I had to know and now I do. That’s why I’m here. To stay. I mean, not here here. I’m going to look at houses next week.”
“What about your career?” Her eyes lifted to meet his.
A half-smile pulled at his lips. “I’m almost thirty-three years old. My cage fighting days are over.”
Concern rippled her forehead. “What are you going to do?”
“Are you trying to say the job market in Whisper Lake for high school dropouts whose special skills include drinking and fighting is not as good as I think it is?”
Ali’s face softened and she smiled as she shook her head. Kade felt like the ton of bricks on his chest had been lifted. Her smile meant hope to him. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t royally fucked up his chance.
“No, I mean…MMA was your life, not just your career.”
You and the boys are my life now. He kept that piece of trivia to himself. “I made some good investments and had some profitable endorsement campaigns. I’m not rich, but I’ll be okay while I figure out what’s next.”
“Wow. Okay.” She wiped her eyes as Dumbass laid his head on her lap and she smiled down at him and reached to pet his head. “I’m kind of scared to ask what else you have to tell me.”
“Well, for starters, there’s going to be a barbeque here tomorrow.”
“What?” she shrieked.
“Yep, it’s a belated birthday party for the twins.”
“No!” Panic filled her golden eyes. “KJ doesn’t want—”
“I know. But I told them that I wanted to have a party to welcome me back home and I couldn’t exactly throw my own homecoming party, so I asked if we could call it a birthday party.”
Both of her brows lifted toward her hair line. “They bought that?”
“I doubt it. But they agreed to it and even seemed excited when they were texting or snapchatting or whatever they do now, to invite their friends. I think they just needed an excuse to have a party, and I gave them one.”
Ali stared at him for several beats before she started looking around the room in exaggerated movements, even bending down to look beneath the table.
“What?” Kade asked after she made a big show of picking up the centerpiece and looking beneath it.
“I’m looking for the microphones or cameras. I must be on Candid Camera or Punk’d, or some new prank show, right? This isn’t real. Ashton, you can come out now.”
“Sorry.” He chuckled. “You’re not going to meet Ashton today.”
She sat back in her chair and took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling loudly before petting Dumbass’s head. “And how did you end up with this handsome, good boy?”
She sat back in her chair and sighed. Dumbass lifted his head at her movement and she scratched his head before looking back at Kade. “You know you have to change his name, right?”
He chuckled. The tension that had filled his body for so long dissipated and he felt a calm wash over him. They talked at that kitchen table until four in the morning. Kade told Ali about his visit to his dad’s and how strange it was to see his old man in such a frail state. They talked about Whisper Lake Rentals, and the twins. They talked about Patrick and their childhood.
For the first time in a long time he felt peace. Calm. Content. Three things he’d never even known he was capable of feeling, but being with Ali, looking at Ali, talking with Ali did something to him. It healed him. Now, he just had to figure out how to do the same for her.
CHAPTER 10
Ali had been going a mile a minute since she woke up to Kade McKnight’s signature breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, and hash browns, but now she stopped midway through restocking the ice chest to take a breath and soak in her surroundings.
The sun was shining. There was music playing. Everyone was laughing, talking, and eating. Some of the kids were playing kickball and there was a makeshift dance floor on the deck. Doris Weathersby—whose claim to fame was that she was one of the original Rockettes when they were formed in her hometown of St. Louis—was cutting a rug with young Dr. Hanover. Ali had to admit, Chris had some serious moves for a veterinarian.
And most importantly, she felt her brother smiling down on them all.
Today’s a good day, Ali sil
ently told Patrick.
There hadn’t been a lot of good days over the last year and a half. Actually, come to think of it, there might not have been any good days since Patrick died. There’d been days that weren’t excruciatingly painful. There’d been days where she hadn’t been as terrified as other days. There’d been days when she didn’t feel quite as overwhelmed as other days. But there were no days, that she could think of, where the boys were happy. Where she was happy.
Her eyes naturally drifted to the man responsible for making this happy day. Kade was holding court at the barbeque, cooking up another round of hamburgers and hot dogs. He’d done all the heavy lifting today. The grocery shopping, the cooking, even the setting up. She’d tried to help set up the folding chairs but he’d stopped her and called the boys over. The three of them set up the chairs and their card tables, while she looked on.
She appreciated the help, but she told herself that this might not last. That it was too good to be true and she couldn’t depend on it. She believed that Kade did indeed intend to stay in town, but he’d hated growing up in Whisper Lake. Sure, a big part of that was because of his home life. But also he’d been restless in this small community. And what if he did stay, but was miserable?
As selfless and honorable as his intentions were, she wasn’t sure she trusted the follow through. Plus, even if he did, she knew better than most that life, and death, threw curve balls.
Ali watched, captivated, as Kade laughed at something Ethan had said and her entire body felt it. Her pulse quickened as a burst of arousal rocked her center and then spread out through her limbs in tiny aftershocks. His laughter was as smooth and sexy as a John Coltrane sax solo. His smile had enough wattage to light up Times Square. And his eyes…those eyes should be nicknamed the Bermuda Triangle because it was so easy to get lost in them.
The man oozed sex-appeal, charisma, and magnetism. Plain and simple. No argument. It was a scientific fact. The earth was round. The human head weighs eight pounds (at least according to the Jerry Maguire kid). And Kade McKnight oozed sex-appeal, charisma, and magnetism.
Scared she might start drooling, Ali forced herself to look away from the sexiest man on the planet and glued her eyes to the boys and their friends. They’d abandoned their kickball game and were running around with the dog. The dog was the breakout star of the impromptu birthday barbeque. He’d greeted each and every person with sloppy kisses and a goofy grin and had been entertaining the guests with his fun-loving personality and his impressive tricks.
“Over here, Dumbass, over here!” Ricky yelled, waving his arms before throwing the ball to the dog who jumped in the air and turned in a full circle to catch it.
Some of the adults watching from the deck broke out in applause at the impressive play and the pup clearly loved all the attention.
It was official, everyone loved Dumbass and Dumbass loved everyone.
“Do you really think that’s an appropriate name?” Chrissy Caldwell asked as she bent down, lifted the lid of the ice chest, and grabbed a bottle of water.
Well…almost everyone.
“No. I don’t,” Ali answered honestly. “But that’s the name he came with and he loves it.”
They’d tried a handful of other names, but so far even with adding incentives when they called him, he had no reaction to any of them. But the second one of them said “Dumbass” he’d come bounding over with barely restrained enthusiasm. He seemed to wear the name with pride and dignity.
“Allison, he’s a dog.” Chrissy spoke to Ali in the same voice you’d use to explain to a child why they couldn’t have ice cream for dinner. “He doesn’t understand the word that you use. You could call him anything with a happy tone and he’d respond.”
Chrissy Caldwell was the girl in class that always sat in the front row and whose arm sprung up when the teacher asked a question. Any question. She had an answer for everything.
“Thanks for the tip.” Ali plastered a friendly smile on her face.
“Watch. Call him over,” she instructed.
Ali liked Chrissy, she really did. But she just had a prickly way about her. It wasn’t that she thought she was better than everyone else, it was just that she thought she knew better than everyone else.
“Dumbass,” Ali said with zero emotion.
The dog bounded toward them, happy as could be, tongue hanging halfway down to the ground. He skidded to a stop directly in front of Ali, plopped down on his rear end and looked up at her with sheer, unadulterated adoration.
“Okay, watch,” Chrissy instructed briskly before clapping her hands and chirping, “Rufus.”
Dumbass continued staring up at Ali.
“Buddy!”
He glanced over distractedly.
“Buddy!” she repeated with even more excitement.
He instantly lost interest and turned his attention back to Ali.
“Rocky!”
He wasn’t even looking at her.
“Bear!”
He yawned, still focused on Ali.
“Duke!” her voice was so high-pitched Ali was worried she was going to shatter the window beside them.
“Sampson!”
Finally, mercifully, the boys called the dog back over to them and he ran away happily.
Chrissy regrouped without a moment’s hesitation. “I think the problem was that he’s not familiar with me. I’m sure if you work with him to find a more appropriate alternative to—”
“Chrissy, dear!” Mrs. D approached the women while leaning heavily on her walking cane. “I think I heard your daughter calling for you in the bouncy castle. She sounded upset.”
Chrissy was off, her invisible Supermom cape flapping in the breeze as she called out, “Tamara! Mommy’s coming!”
“Is she okay?”
“No. Definitely not.” Mrs. D shook her head and Ali reached to grab her phone in case they needed to call an ambulance. Kade had ordered the bouncy house to entertain the younger kids since this was a party for all ages. If he’d run it past her she would’ve told him that those things were inflatable injuries-waiting-to-happen.
Before Ali unlocked the screen, Mrs. D continued, “She’s the epitome of not okay. That woman is wound tighter than a minister’s wife’s girdle.”
“I’m talking about Tamara.”
“Oh,” Mrs. D shrugged, appearing wholly unconcerned. “I’m sure she’s fine. I hadn’t heard a peep out of her. I was just saving you from more dog training lessons.”
A grin pulled at Ali’s mouth as she shook her head. “You scared Chrissy.”
“Eh,” Mrs. D huffed dismissively. “It’s probably the most excitement that woman’s had in a decade. She’s a sweet girl but she needs to remove the stick from her ass.”
Ali chuckled.
“So, this is quite a shindig.” Mrs. D scanned the backyard. “I thought the boys didn’t want a party?”
It was still mindboggling to Ali that the Needlepoint Mafia knew so much. Ali often wondered if the women had everyone’s houses bugged.
“They changed their minds, I guess. Teenagers.” Ali didn’t feel the need to fill Mrs. D in on the details of their change of heart. Chances were she’d find out on her own anyway.
“Well, I’m glad they did.” Her hand covered Ali’s. She gave her a little squeeze and Ali was once again blown away by how cold Mrs. D’s hands always were. It was in the mid-nineties and her hands were like human icicles. “Now, why haven’t I heard back from you about tomorrow night’s meeting?”
“Tomorrow night?” Knitting club wasn’t until Tuesday, so she had no idea what Mrs. D was talking about.
“Yes. Didn’t you get my email?”
Mrs. D had a tendency of writing emails and then forgetting to send them. It was an issue that was well documented but if anyone brought it up she blamed the computer or the recipient.
“I didn’t see it, I’m sorry.”
“It must’ve gone to spam. Well, who needs computers when you can talk in perso
n? I’m calling a small council dinner meeting to go over the advertising budget for the upcoming season. Be at Santino’s at seven. Sharp.”
Since retiring as a teacher, Mrs. D had formed The Whisper Lake Tourist Association. All of the small business owners were members and Ali had been treasurer for the last year. Mrs. D had insisted that to get over Patrick’s death she needed to “keep busy” so she’d appointed her to the post without her knowledge or consent. Mrs. D liked to say that it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission…not that Ali had ever heard her ask for either.
“Santino’s?” Aside from Stone Castle, Santino’s was the swankiest restaurant in Whisper Lake.
“Yes. Seven.” The woman lifted her cane and pointed it at Ali as she emphasized, “Sharp.”
“But don’t you normally eat at four?” Ali was confused as to why she’d schedule a dinner so late on a Sunday night.
“Don’t sass me, young lady.” Mrs. D set her cane down and walked away.
She wasn’t. She was just asking a question, but she knew pointing that out would be sassing her, so she let it go.
The heat of the sun beat down on her as Ali went back to filling the ice chest. Before she shut the lid, she grabbed two pieces of ice and held them to the back of her neck. Just then, the wooden gate that led to the backyard opened. She looked up and saw Jess breeze through looking like a tattooed, nose-ringed vintage pinup girl. Her friend’s sleeveless white shirt with black polka dots was tied in a knot above her high-waisted denim shorts, and she had a bandana tied around her hair that was black with white polka dots. Her red lipstick complimented the outfit and Jess’s sun-kissed skin.
“Sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. Mrs. Clayborn wouldn’t stop yapping about her son being engaged to—,” she stopped and her jaw dropped open as she took in the scene in Ali’s backyard. “Holy hot tabasco.”
Ali’s eyes followed Jess’s over to Kade and Ethan. Keaton had joined them and the three men were all shirtless due to an impromptu Slip N’ Slide competition that had broken out.
Whisper of Love Page 9
