My lip shook. “But you were supposed to have a happy life as a human. That’s what I wanted for you. I clung to that hope when I left here.”
“I know. I know you wanted that for me, and I did too at first, but this is what I want now. Can you accept that?” I nodded and ran a hand across my eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he apologized.
I studied his face with a sniff. “You’re happy like this?” He nodded. “It’s a Cardinal.”
He looked confused. “What?”
“The baby bird. It’s a Cardinal.” I motioned towards the bird cage sitting on one of my end tables. The bird was sitting in the sun on its little perch inside the cage, and I could swear it was smiling with happiness as it chirped a little tune.
Cameron beamed when he saw the tiny bird. I could tell he wanted to look closer, but Cameron could never touch the sunlight again. “It’s still alive! Olivier didn’t tell me if the little guy had made it. She’s been too busy making kissy face with Renard.”
I was more shocked than I would’ve been if he’d suddenly declared mad passionate love for me. It was even more shocking than him turning up in my room a newly turned vampire, or Knight showing up in my bathroom unannounced.
“Back up, sister. You said what now?”
He was trying not to laugh at my face. “Olivier. Renard. Sitting in a tree.”
“Olivier is with a human?” I mean, he’d been her companion for thirty years now when almost every companion left after the obligatory ten. But still. He was a human. That was considered about as taboo as being with a Lycan. Maybe more so.
“She didn’t tell you?” he asked in confusion.
“Besides her bringing me the bird, Arthur won’t let me see her. I’m surprised he even let me see you.” He was such a complete turd.
“Othello approved us to be turned so we didn’t have to wait for the next group. We went in together, Lisbeth. He’s one of the turned now.”
I sat down on the closest armchair and processed the news, which while it was a good thing all things considered, it was still a surprise. “How’d Olivier take it?”
Cameron leaned against the couch back. “At first she was furious. He didn’t tell her, so she found out afterwards. I’ve never seen her so angry. I mean, she’s loved him this whole time, but she wanted him to have a real family, something he can’t have with her. Like what you wanted for me.” Olivier was Born; she could have children with other Born vampires, but not with the turned. “But she needed him. Even without her saying so, he knew she wouldn’t make it without him, not after what’s happening with you. So he bit the bullet and did it.”
I hated the thought of Cameron and Renard locked in the coffins. Humans were bitten, fed vampire and human blood, and locked into coffins as part of the process to become the turned. They had to learn control, something Born vampires had naturally. They stayed in the coffins until they stopped screaming. I was glad I hadn’t been there to hear Cameron scream.
He saw my face and knew what I was thinking about. “I thought knowing what I knew, and hearing the screams every year would prepare me, but…” He shook his head slightly, trying to shake the memory off. “It didn’t.” He took a heavy breath and stared at the ceiling. “So,” he said to divert the conversation. “How are you? I mean besides being locked up in here for months. Olivier says you had a boyfriend?”
Had Knight been my boyfriend? “Yeah, kind of. I met a werewolf.”
Cameron looked shocked. “You hooked up with a werewolf? You bad girl, you. What a rebel.” I rolled my eyes and almost smiled. “What happened with him?”
“He umm…” I fiddled with the pillow in my lap. “They took him away. To be executed.” Cameron stilled and waited for me to say more. “I miss him. Every day. But he’s… he’s gone. They won’t let him live. I know they won’t.”
“I’m sorry, sis,” Cameron said after a few minutes.
I gave him a little smile. “You never called me sister before. I’ll have to get used to that.”
He smiled back. “Go ahead. I’ve got time.”
Arthur slammed the door open, ruining the moment. “Visit’s over,” he declared. Cameron hugged me tightly and left. As soon as he was gone, I smelled lilacs right behind me. I turned and buried my face in Balthazar’s coat. If I held him close enough, I could pretend I was hugging someone else. The only person I wanted to hold in my arms.
I missed Knight so much. I missed Cameron already. I missed being outside of my room. I hated that Cameron had been turned, even if it was what he wanted. I couldn’t take this anymore.
I looked up at Balthazar, tears running down my cheeks, and pleaded, “Make me forget.” And I did something I never thought I’d do, and rarely thought about doing, but once it had been done, I couldn’t take it back.
I kissed him.
He was shocked at first, how could he not be, but he leaned into the kiss and caressed my cheeks with his large beautiful hands. When he pulled away from me, he looked wary. “What are you doing, pet?”
“I’m never going to see Knight again.” In person, anyways. “The Council is debating my fate as we speak. It doesn’t matter what I do anymore. I’m going to die soon, and you have never chastised me for anything in my life, so don’t you dare start now.”
Balthazar was clearly having an internal struggle over whether to have a moral complex about kissing me, but eventually his instincts won out and he grabbed me for another kiss. “Oh, I’ve missed kissing,” he breathed against my lips. I wondered how long it had been since he’d kissed someone.
I missed kissing too, but it wasn’t Balthazar’s lips I wanted. Kissing him was nice, I’ll admit. He wasn’t Knight. He didn’t fill me with warmth and love. It didn’t matter, and I didn’t care. What did anything I do matter? I was dying soon. And I planned to get my fill of Balthazar before that happened, just to know what it was like.
Consequences be damned.
CHAPTER 4
HAVE YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING and right after doing it you thought, why did I do that? Before you did it, you were so adamant that it was what you wanted, so sure of yourself, and afterwards it felt like you’d been out of your brain for an hour and when you returned your apartment was a mess and your wallet was missing.
After Balthazar was gone, I felt incredibly stupid and foolish. How could I have done that? I was supposed to be mourning my dead boyfriend, not act like some floosy who throws herself at anything she could find. I hoped Balthazar didn’t think less of me. And it most definitely was not going to happen again.
When he didn’t show up for the rest of the week, I figured he felt the same, and was staying away to give me space. For once, I appreciated it, as much as I missed him, but then weeks passed and I was alone again.
I spent two months in regret and loneliness after that one stolen moment with Balthazar. I felt like Rapunzel, reading the same books and looking at the same walls day after day after day, though I wasn’t waiting for a prince to come rescue me.
I’d been a prisoner for five months before I was let out of my room. Arthur told me to get dressed, and when I did, he took my arm and led me down to the drawing room. The bigger one. It was odd being in the rest of the castle after five months in the same three rooms. I’d grown tired of the same colors and designs. At least if they exiled or killed me I wouldn’t have to look at any of it anymore. I was hoping for killing me.
Everyone we passed on the way to the bigger drawing room gave me a look. They were clearly angry that I’d broken the second vampire law. I could tell a few of them knew about Knight because they looked less angry and more disgusted. Eww, it’s the vampire who sullied her lips with Lycan ick.
Arthur opened the door to the bigger drawing room when we got there and shoved me slightly so I’d go in. Waiting for me there in the large hunter green room was the head of every Order on the planet, twelve in total, Othello among them. They sat in a half circle behind a long official looking desk that hadn’t been there before.
It felt like model U.N., or the Evil League of Evil.
“Nice desk. When’d you buy that?” I asked Othello. Arthur flicked me hard in the ear for talking, because that’s outlawed too, apparently. “Oww! What is your problem?” I wanted to hit him back but I thought better of it. He’d probably hurt me again.
Othello gave Arthur a pointed glare. “Stop that, Arthur. She’s not an unruly child.” For once in my life, I was glad Othello was there. Maybe he’d order Arthur to leave his permanent residence at my door. Or at least let me go outside for five minutes.
A silver haired woman sitting near the middle of the huge desk stood up. “I am Castilla of the Order Acilino.” She had a deep Spanish accent. “Elisabeth, you stand accused of disregarding your duty to slay any Lycan found within our borders. This is the second in our most sacred laws. To ignore it is punishable by death. Do you understand this?”
“Yes.”
“Normally these proceedings would be overseen by the head of the oldest Order, but as that Order is the one you belong to, Othello has not been allowed to supervise the hearing.”
I glanced at him. He looked apologetic. No doubt he would have swayed the vote in my favor, which was why he’d been replaced. “I understand,” I told her.
“We shall proceed,” she said with finality.
“Wait.” I knew talking out of turn was absolutely inappropriate, and might earn me another ear flick from Arthur, but I couldn’t help it. “If I may ask. Why was I locked in my room for five months? That’s quite a long time to gather everyone together. Was there something else you had to do first?”
Castilla wasn’t annoyed, which was good. I could see she had an ocean of patience, and respected me just enough for her to be kind instead of patronizing. “We’ve been here this entire time, Elisabeth.”
Now I was the one annoyed. “Why wasn’t I summoned here sooner, like say, when you first got here?”
My tone caused a stir across the curved desk, but Castilla graciously let it slide. “The reason it has taken this long to summon you is because we were very divided on a detail of your case, a detail many have come forward about as advocates for you.”
“And what would that detail be?” I asked her, curious to say the least.
“The Lycan you spared was a child, and had not yet felt the change. Was he human? Was he Lycan?”
“You couldn’t decide,” I stated. It made sense. We had another rule about preserving human life as much as possible. No wonder they were so torn.
“This is a very serious offense,” she emphasized. “Some believe it doesn’t matter. He will one day become a Lycan, so therefore he is to be treated like one. Others believe he is human until he changes. Five months,” she said wearily. “Five months and we still cannot come to an agreement.”
“And yet you’ve summoned me.”
“No matter what the offense, the accused can plead their case. In some cases, it doesn’t matter. Yours, it may. So. Proceed.” She sat down and straightened her ivory jacket, her eyes fixed on me. All twelve of the heads waited for me to speak.
Where should I begin, I wondered. Might as well start with the basics.
“I spared a Lycan child,” I confessed. “I knew he was within the borders, but I did it anyway.”
“Why?” one of the heads asked.
“Because he was a child. Despite my faults, I don’t kill children. It may not be a rule you enforce, but it’s important to me.” I hoped they would respect that. I wasn’t holding my breath, though.
“But you knew he was a Lycan,” another said.
I nodded. “Yes. I knew.”
“And you did it anyway?”
“Like I said. He was a child.”
Castilla spoke next. “And after Arthur came, you ran.”
“Yes.”
“Why?” she asked me.
I had to think hard about that before I answered her, just to make sure my answer was the truth. “Self-preservation. I could say it was to save my friends, but that wasn’t the whole truth. I saved them more by not involving them. The fact of the matter is, I’m old. Not as old as all of you, but I’m almost there. When you’re as old as we are, the need to stay alive kicks in.”
“Why run?” Castilla questioned. “You knew Arthur and the Hunters would find you eventually.”
I stared at the carpet. “I was scared. Everyone knows when the Hunters are involved it means someone is going to be executed. I didn’t know you held trials. I thought you just killed first and didn’t care if the judgement was fair or not.”
“We haven’t held a trial in a long time, since before you were born. I’m not surprised you thought this,” Castilla said. “Understand, we hold the first law above all others. Don’t kill other vampires. Every time we end a vampire life, it is a tragedy.”
I felt deflated by her words. So it had all been for nothing, then. If I’d never met Knight, the other Lycans would’ve never found him. He’d still be alive. He was dead now because of me. Because I was a coward. Because I did something I thought was morally right and then I ran instead of facing the consequences. And Knight paid the price. I’d never forgive myself for that. Never.
Castilla took my tears for something else. “Calm down, please. I’m sorry that you were scared and thought you had to run. Luckily, that won’t sway our decision. Running is not an offense.”
“Because Arthur always finds us?” I couldn’t help being slightly bitter.
She pursed her lips. “Correct.” She waited a bit for me to get my emotions under control. I focused on the hunter green walls around me and pushed Knight from my mind so I would stop crying. “Do you have anything else to say?”
I sighed and looked up finally. “When I spared the boy, I wasn’t sparing a Lycan. I was sparing a child. He didn’t have their scent. He smelled human.”
“And if he had smelled of wolf?” Castilla asked me.
I looked her straight in the eyes and spoke the truth in my heart, no matter the consequences. “I don’t kill children.”
The heads dismissed me after that so they could debate on a technicality again. I hoped it wouldn’t last another five months. Arthur took my arm and started leading me back to my rooms. Halfway up the stairs, amid dozens of stares from other Born vampires, my stomach lurched and I threw up bagged blood and an English muffin all over Arthur’s army boots.
Oops.
I waited for him to rip my head off, but he merely pulled me up by the arm and dragged me up the rest of the stairs, down the hallway, and deposited me inside my suite. My stomach was still upset and I had to run to the toilet to heave some more, even though nothing came out.
Olivier burst into my bathroom and saw me leaning over the expensive polished toilet. “What in the hell, Lisbeth? Did you drink some bad blood?”
I looked over at her in confusion. “I threw up two minutes ago, how are you already here?”
“This castle is tiny, everyone knows everything. Plus, I was in the lobby, so I saw it. Right on Arthur’s shoes, too.” She gave me a round of applause. I laughed, and heaved again over the bowl. “Where’s the blood you had today?” I pointed to the trashcan near the bathroom door. She walked over and grabbed it, stuck a finger inside the plastic bag, and licked it. She smacked a few times and looked confused. “This blood is fine. Vampires don’t throw up unless the blood is bad.”
And then a thought occurred to me.
“Or unless…” I focused my power inward and searched my body. And there it was. The tiny sac inside my womb that couldn’t be noticed yet without focus, and the result of my stupid choice to sleep with Balthazar. I came back to myself and gave it all away with the look on my face.
She stared at me in horror, the empty blood bag slipping from her hand to the floor. “You… with who, Othello?”
“Ewww, you’ll make me throw up again.”
She wasn’t laughing. “I am serious. He’s mated to Marie now. You cannot be pregnant with his child.”
Well, t
hat was new. And gross. “It’s not Othello’s, I promise.” That was too horrible to imagine.
“Then whose? The werewolf?” She made a gagging noise.
“That’s not physically possible, for more reasons than just biology,” I told her. Was it though? If Knight had lived, could I have had his child? I clearly was able to mix my genes with another species.
“Then who?” Olivier asked again.
I couldn’t say it. I’d see the way the Lycans had treated Knight because he wasn’t like them. If anyone knew I was carrying the child of an Incubus, they wouldn’t let it live.
“I can’t say who.”
“Look. I know that Othello has always been nice to you-“
“It’s not his, that is so disgusting! I would never!”
She pursed her lips and I could tell she didn’t believe me. “You should get rid of it. Right now. Before anyone finds out. I’ll get you the stuff you need.”
I couldn’t do that. “No,” I told her. “I refuse. No.” How could she even suggest something like that? I was hurt but I tried not to show it. “I’m fine. You should go back to Renard.”
Now she was the one to look guilty. “You know?”
“Cameron told me. Thanks for sharing.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. You lost… the werewolf. I didn’t want to make you feel worse.”
“You’re happy, that’s good.” I smiled at her, sincerely pleased over her love life, even if mine was in pieces.
“Wait,” she said. “You just lost someone you loved and you’re getting pregnant with someone else?”
I stood up, my stomach appeased for the moment, and walked over to stare at myself in the mirror over the sink. “Knight is dead. He wouldn’t want me to mourn him forever. It’s not like I did it straight off. It’s been months. Five of them.” I still felt bad about it, but I tried not to show her that.
“You’re right,” she conceded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I caught the slightest whiff of lilacs and it soothed my stomach. “I’ll be fine. I need to rest.” Olivier hugged me and left. Two seconds later, Balthazar appeared from Cameron’s old room. His eyes went down to my belly.
Child of the Outcast (Born Vampire Book 2) Page 2
