by Lund, S. E.
But he thinks one last fuck won’t hurt me and I see his mind and how he wants me. He wants to fuck me missionary style, my legs wrapped around his waist, him resting on his elbows, his face over mine so we can watch each other’s pleasure.
So we do.
* * *
Julien spent the night preparing his blood for my stay in France – fourteen small vials of his blood so I won't go through withdrawal and we can still connect.
We fly on his private jet. The flight is long and my nerves are on edge as the plane taxis down the runway of the private airport where he keeps his plane. He takes my hand and relieves some of the anxiety I feel and we sit like that for a long time, side by side, hands joined across the narrow aisle between the seats.
After a night of flying, we land in France and drive the rest of the way to Carcassonne. Being there brings a sadness to Julien that I can sense even at a distance. So many memories he has about this city and his transformation. So many battles fought in the surrounding areas during the crusades.
“It makes you sad to be here,” I say as we walk arm in arm along the cobblestone streets of the old walled city before the drive to the Abbey where I’ll train. “I don’t remember reading the manuscript but I know you and Michel lived here when you were children and then later… after...”
He threads his fingers through mine. “It’s been so long since I’ve been here. It’s a bit hard, the memories.”
We stop in front of a stone dwelling, with new windows and white plaster on the outside.
“This is where she lived,” he says, his voice soft.
“Who?”
“Danielle. The one you resemble.”
I remember what I read in my journal. Soren compelled Michel to kill Danielle. Just like he compelled him to kill my mother. I didn't judge Michel so harshly when I read that journal entry. Part of me knows that Michel wasn't responsible, but my feelings are still so raw.
“You loved her?”
“In my way. The way a seventeen-year old boy-man loves. With total abandon, but incredibly shallowly.”
“How is love different now?”
“It’s deep,” he says and squeezes my hand. “But the abandon isn’t there any longer. That’s a thing of youth and innocence. It comes from the belief that love never ends. Now, I think there’s always a bit held back. For protection.”
“That’s sad.”
He smiles briefly but even now, there's a touch of pain in his eyes.
“Scar tissue is a great motivator.”
Poor Julien – to think I was dead all that time… My throat constricts and I squeeze his hand more tightly.
* * *
We drive through the countryside towards the Pyrénées Mountains and anticipation builds inside of me as we near the Abbey. It’s nestled in a high mountain valley, surrounded by forests, the old stone building with a walled enclosure and a huge garden inside.
The guard at the gate takes Julien’s and my passports and reads them over then motions Julien through. We arrive at the massive front doors of the Abbey de St. Michel, and I get out and stand in awe at the ancient building.
I sign papers and Julien meets with the trainers while I receive my gear and have my blood taken by a medic with a tray. Then it’s time for Julien to leave and I tear up, suddenly afraid and surprised that I already miss him.
“Shh,” he says and wraps his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. “You’ll be fine. You’re very gifted. Just try to focus on the training, do everything to the best of your ability, and think of me at night when you’re lying in bed. I’ll feel you thinking of me. They say you shouldn’t masturbate during training so your energy won’t be wasted and so I won’t either. But I will think of you and we can connect for a while.” He bends down and looks in my eyes. “But if either of our minds go there, I’ll shut you out, so be warned. I want you to pass with flying colors, Eve. No hanky-panky.”
“Hanky-panky…” I say and blink away tears.
Then the moment comes to part and I stand there, wiping my cheeks. He walks down the hall and away from me for two weeks.
I follow one of the trainers to my little cell of a room with a narrow single bed and dresser, a desk with a light and a crucifix on the wall over the head of the bed. These rooms, she tells me, were once meant for monks who lived in total silence. All residents are expected to maintain a vow of silence while at the Abbey except during training and to talk with officials and trainers. No talk with other students is permitted. Lights out at 9:00 p.m.
She leaves me and I sit on the bed as darkness encroaches on the Abbey. It’s now 8:30 and I have half an hour to get settled, so I unpack the few possessions I am allowed to use – pen and paper, my clothes, toothbrush, bar soap, shampoo and conditioner, brush, comb and medications if needed. Everything else is provided by the Program.
Finally, I drink down the vial of Julien's blood and lie down on the hard little bed and close my eyes, the endorphin rush overwhelming me. Sleep is a long time in coming. When my mind searches out Julien, he’s still on the road back to Carcassonne, and I feel a brief rush of love from him and then he shuts me out.
* * *
Training is intense.
If I thought I was worked hard as a child at my father’s knee, it was nothing compared to training at the Abbey. We work all day, starting at dawn, doing work to improve all aspects of our physical health, from balance to strength to reflexes. We learn about weapons, about fighting tactics. We learn about making weapons from everyday materials in case we’re ambushed.
Each night I go to bed aching from the day’s exertions, drinking down the small vial of Julien’s blood. Then I lie in a kind of stupor as it heals me of my pain and fatigue. It’s then I want to connect with Julien, but he denies me for fear we’ll both succumb to our lust. Instead, we connect right before I drink it when I’m still exhausted and aching from the most recent bouts.
I lose fat while I’m there, and gain muscle. I can start to see definition in my muscles that I never had before and when I look in the mirror, I’m different. My face changes – my chin is sharper, my cheekbones more defined.
Julien was right. This is changing me. I am stronger. I feel more confident.
* * *
Finally, we each get our own sparring partner, who we’ll work with for the last three days of training. Mine wears a traditional Japanese costume, a Ninja-like outfit, except for the ornate scowling mask covering his entire face. He stands stiff while I enter the dojo during our first session and bows to me when I take my weapons and stand before him.
I bow back, and then my coach signals that we can start fighting and I lunge at him. He’s fast, so I gather that he’s another Adept who has already gone through training. I’ve improved tremendously during the past ten days, but he’s still better than me, always seeming one step ahead of me when we fall into fight trance.
Still, either I’m really good or he just keeps a bit ahead of me, letting me show my ability without shutting me down, but we seem to be almost equals. The fight goes on and on, much longer than normal and by the time our weapons are locked together, sweat is dripping off my face and my cheeks are hot, my breath ragged.
“You’re good,” he says, his voice muffled from behind the mask. “One of the best.”
He pushes me, managing to get his foot behind me, and I trip and fall back and he’s on top of me, his swords crossed and it’s a good thing they’re wooden or I’d be dead.
Then he pulls his mask off and it’s Michel…
Chapter 58
"Love is a better teacher than duty."
Albert Einstein
* * *
“Julien really thinks he can protect you. That you can protect yourself,” he says, and his voice is hard, his blue eyes hooded, his hair falling in his eyes. “He can’t even protect you from me.” Michel is barely out of breath while I’m gasping. He's lying on top of me, his body heavy on mine. “If I could find you, how much
easier would it be for Soren?”
I blink the sweat out of my eyes.
“If Soren wants me, he’ll take me. I’m resigned to that. He obviously doesn’t want me or he’d have taken me by now.”
“Or maybe he just wants to torture me a little longer by letting you stay with Julien before he does decide to take you from both of us.”
I try to wriggle out from underneath him, but he’s too strong and keeps me pinned beneath him.
“Are you going to let me up?”
“Have pity on me, Eve," he says, his gaze moving over my face. "Considering I had you back with me for so short a time before losing you again, you might just stay like this for a moment," he says. "Indulge me. It reminds me of another time we fought and the positions were reversed. Do you remember?”
“You know I don't," I say. "I've read a passage about it in my journal, but that's it."
Then, he joins his mind with mine, showing me the fight through his eyes.
Michel stands at the ready, waiting for me to enter the Dojo. I walk in, my cheeks bright pink from the chill air, the umbrella in my hand, my Boston U backpack over one shoulder, my hair a bit mussed from the wind.
I feel a surge of desire from him as he sees my face. His lust is mixed with a deep fondness for me that surprises me. Then I watch through his eyes as I run for the wooden practice swords and fight him, easily beating him, and I appear to him like a blur. Finally, he sees me as I lie on top of him and he's thinking that I'm amazing. I'm magnificent. I'm far too beautiful.
He wants me. He's already falling in love with me and can't resist me. Most of all, he wants me to kiss him as I lie on top of him.
He wants me to choose him.
Then he releases me from the shared memory and I'm back in the dojo in France, with his body still heavy on top of me.
He's here to take me back.
"Don't think you can just take me and I'll go along with you. I’ll fight you every step of the way.”
He smiles, his smile lopsided, his blue eyes dark. “I once told you I love brats, Eve. I do. Don't think that would dissuade me."
“Does Julien know you’re here? If he doesn't, he will soon enough. He'll come to rescue me.”
“Forget about Julien for just a moment. You need to listen to me, Eve. I’ve stood on the sidelines just to see what his game was, and I’ve seen it now. I’m here to ask that you come back to me.”
“You're asking or telling?”
He closes his eyes for a moment and exhales, his usually soft lips a tight line.
“Asking.”
I consider for a moment. He's actually asking me? Part of me doesn't believe it.
"Why would I come back to you, knowing what I know?"
“You know I didn’t do it under my own will."
"Tell me everything or you might as well leave now."
He sighs. "Julien wants to use you as an ordinary Adept, finding rogues and prosecuting them like you're a pair of police detectives. He has no ambition except to keep you by his side. That’s a waste of your gifts, Eve. I need to use you as you were intended to be used – to fight Soren. We’re going to join his coven and discover just what his plans are. You’ll be my pet.”
“Julien wants me as his partner. As equals. Why isn't that good enough for you?”
“I've already explained this. I have to trust you completely. You have to trust me completely. Soren has to believe you are under my control."
"You aren't in danger anymore. You don't need my protection. Besides, I thought you wanted to keep me out of this life."
He says nothing for a moment. "You want back in, and I know now I can't stop you. I tried and failed. I want you. I need you to stop Soren."
I can't believe he's actually here, thinking he can just take me back, especially after what happened between us. I decide to hear him out.
"And if I say yes?"
As I say the words, I swear I can see hope in his face, his eyes almost pleading.
"If you say yes, we’re going to do this right. The way I planned on doing it from the start.”
“What does that mean?” But I know what he means. For me to be his obedient pet, the way vampires and humans are together. With me as his little blood slave. His Adept, sitting on his lap, my arm around his shoulder, feeding on him, killing for him, protecting him.
There is a part of me that responds to that despite my need for equality.
He must feel it for he leans his forehead against mine for a moment as his breathing quickens. We remain like that for a moment and I push the thought out of the way, hating my weakness. My heart screams that he killed my mother… My mind counters that he was compelled to kill her just like he was compelled when he killed Danielle. Not of his own choice.
It was Soren. My hatred for Soren almost makes me change my mind.
He exhales heavily, making that sound in the back of his throat. Then, he pulls back, his face serious once more.
"You'd need to obey me without hesitation. If I tell you to do something, you must do it. I have to know with complete certainty you won't question me."
"I don't really think I want this," I say, but I know it's a lie. There's this part of me that wants to go fight Soren. If Julien really only wants me to be an ordinary Adept, and not fight against Soren, I'm not sure it’s enough.
"Eve," he says, his voice soft. "This isn’t about what you want or what I want anymore. If it was, you and I would be living in Wales on the Pembrokeshire coast. From there, we could watch the stars at night and walk the beaches. Listen to the birds nesting in the cliffs on Skomer Island. Make love to the sound of the surf."
I stare at him for a moment. Despite everything, it still touches my heart that he wants us to be together somewhere far away, but I must fight Soren. Maybe I'm starting to accept that Michel isn't truly guilty, that Soren was the one truly responsible for my mother's death.
But still… I'm with Julien now. I love Julien and it's only in that moment that I realize I do love him.
“If you want me to come with you, you have to tell me everything. Tell me how you knew my mother.”
He sighs. “I met your mother before she joined the Council as a researcher. Then she married your father and she wanted a child so much but she was infertile, her tubes blocked and scarred by an infection she got when she was on the streets. I told her about a Council program which would provide her with IVF if she agreed to carry at least one child to term for our use.”
“So you blackmailed her.”
He exhales. “We gave her what she wanted most in life. A child. You think what she wanted most was to kill all vampires, but you're wrong. She wanted you.”
“You preyed on her desire for a child to get your prized Adept with fight skills.”
“Eve, do you have any idea how important you are?”
“No,” I say, anger filling me once more, despite his powers. “You’ve never really explained.”
“At first, your kind – the new group of enhanced Adepts – were intended to protect vampires like Julien, who’d be fighting those out for Dominion. To protect them as well as work cases.”
I nod. “My mother could fight. How was that possible?"
"She was one of the very few natural anomalies found due to genetic screening. They were fast, but they didn't have fight sight. That was just your group. Eve, your DNA was enhanced using Ancient DNA, and from them, DNA from the Grigori.”
“Grigori,” I say, scoffing. “I don’t believe in any Fall.”
He sighs. “Regardless, when the Grigori fell, they infused their DNA into that of humans and it’s been passed on for thousands of years, mostly silent. When it is expressed, it causes more problems than it solves. Your mother’s abilities caused her so many problems until she understood they were gifts."
I frown, not knowing what that meant. “What problems?”
“Like you, she had touch telepathy and saw violence in the objects she touched. But unlike you, she grew up
in a very violent home and so she was almost driven mad by it. She ran away, lived on the streets, was a prostitute and drug addict in Brooklyn. Like Kate. That’s how she became infertile.”
"Kate was an Adept?"
"Yes," he says, shaking his head. "She was a natural anomaly like your mother. But she wasn't discovered until it was too late for her. She couldn't be saved. All I could do was care for her until she died. I couldn't cure her, even after I transformed."
I exhale, wanting to keep pushing him to get more answers.
"You met my mother because of your work.”
He nods. “I was in New York for a while doing outreach for the Council. We looked specifically for runaways and street youth. Because of their gifts, natural Adepts most often had problems in school and with their families. I found your mother and realized she was an Adept. I brought her to our rehab facility. She blossomed. Went to school, got her degrees, met your father…”
“Julien said I was meant for him. My mother wanted me to be his Adept, if I chose to join the Council when I reached eighteen.”
Michel looks away and I follow his gaze out the window at the mountains surrounding the Abbey.
“Technically, you were intended for one of us. Your mother wanted it to be Julien because she trusted him. I wasn't an operative at that time, but Julien was, so you would never have been mine."
"An operative?"
"Undercover," he says. "Working to infiltrate Blackstone. I was at the SCU."
"Why are Adepts like me so important?"
Finally we sit up and he takes my hand, leading me to chairs along the wall. I sit and he stands in front of me. I look at my coach and he’s standing with his head down. Michel must have compelled him to comply, no questions. Michel sits beside me on a chair, one arm on the back behind me. I move away from him.
"We discovered that those of you created under the new program have this unique ability. When you drink our blood, you can connect telepathically to us and we can connect to you. If you drank the blood of ten vampires, you can connect us all. Genes we didn’t understand from the Grigori were transferred, giving you this ability. You’re a conduit.”
