by E. L. Todd
“What’s up?”
“Why did you take me in?”
He stopped eating and turned his full focus on me. “I’m pretty sure I’ve already explained why.”
“I know you helped me because of Silke. I get that. But, you did a lot more than that. The day you came to my trial you told me you would be my father. Why would you offer something like that when you didn’t really know me?”
“I see a lot of myself in you.”
I shook my head. “Even then…”
“I’m really good at reading people. I could tell you were a good kid stuck in a bad place. And…I was fond of you the moment our paths crossed.”
I stared at him silently.
“Do I really need a reason to love you?” He gave me that hard stare that told me I was about to get a fatherly speech. “Why do you love anyone? Why do you love Silke? Surely, she has similar qualities to a lot of other women you know. The truth is, there really is no reason. But that doesn’t make it any less real.”
I didn’t bother eating my food anymore.
“Arsen, don’t go down this road again.” His voice turned hostile, dark enough to make my heart skip a beat. “I’m not letting you turn away from the path, not when I worked so hard to get you here. I know you’re in a dark place right now and I don’t blame you for that. We all rise and fall down. It’s the way things are. But don’t start questioning how I feel about you. Don’t start pushing Silke away. I don’t care how old you are, I will whip your ass if I need to.”
I held his gaze and didn’t blink.
“Do you understand me?”
I nodded.
“I didn’t hear you.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes, I understand.”
Ryan picked up his sandwich again. “I’m glad we straightened that out.”
***
A week later, she appeared again.
I just locked the front door and set the alarm when I saw her standing on the sidewalk, trying to blend into the shadow of the building.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“How long is this going to go on?” I shoved my keys into my pocket and approached her. “Are you going to follow me around forever? I’ve already told you I want nothing to do with you. You think I’m going to change my mind?”
Fear was in her eyes. When she couldn’t hold my gaze any longer, she looked down. It was like she was afraid of me.
“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?” I pulled out my wallet and riffled through my cash.
She watched me, and her look of fear turned to agony.
“Here’s seventy three dollars.” I held it out to her. “This should buy you enough cigarettes and liquor for a month. Now leave me alone.”
She eyed it for a moment before she looked into my eyes again. She didn’t take it. “Arsen, I don’t want your money.”
“Is this not enough?” I shoved it back into my wallet. “Let me open the safe. I’ll give you five hundred dollars if you just disappear.”
Her voice came out a little stronger. “I don’t want any of your money, Arsen.”
“Then what the hell do you want?” I threw my hands down as I lost my temper. “What? What is it? What do you want, Sherry? Do you enjoy following me around like a psychopath? Is this accomplishing anything?”
“I told you,” she whispered. “I just want to know you. That’s the honest truth.”
I rubbed my temple and fought off an oncoming migraine. “Cut the shit, Sherry. I have so many more important things to attend to than your web of lies.”
“I’m not lying.” Her voice came out a little stronger. “If your daughter refused to talk to you, what would you do? Would you give up? Ever?”
“Don’t compare us.” I didn’t threaten her, but my tone was hostile. “I’m not you.”
“I’m not comparing us,” she whispered. “I’m just explaining…”
“If I were hurting her the way you’re hurting me, yes I would give up. If I’d done what you’ve done, I would leave the poor girl alone and let her be happy.”
“Do you think she’d ever be truly happy thinking her father never loved her?” Her eyes watered on cue.
I stared into her eyes and all thoughts left my brain. When I lived with my mother I never felt loved. It didn’t seem like she even liked me most of the time.
“I know I hurt you,” she said. “And I have to make it right.”
“Why?” I demanded. “It’s been twenty years. Now I’m in a good place. This obsession of yours is completely selfish. You’re just trying to make yourself feel better. It has nothing to do with me.”
“Yes, it does.”
I put my hands on my hips and tried to figure out what to do. Nothing I did would get rid of this woman. Like an annoying fly at an outdoor barbeque she kept landing on your food no matter how many times you swatted her away. “What do you want?” My voice was weak because the fight had completely left me. “If you think I’m just going to forgive you and hug you like I love you then you’re an idiot. I can’t do that. It’s unrealistic and stupid.”
“No, I don’t expect that, Arsen. But I would like a chance…”
“A chance to what?”
“Be in your life.”
“I don’t want you in my life,” I snapped.
She bowed her head. “I just want to know you, Arsen. I want to know about your life. I want to help you if you ever need anything—”
“Help me?” I asked incredulously. “Like you’re in any position to help me.”
“I would do anything to give you anything you want.” She continued to look at the ground before she slowly brought her eyes to me. “And that’s the god-honest truth.”
I clenched my jaw and ground my teeth together. “Sherry, too much time has passed. You’re a stranger to me.”
“And there’s not much time left.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
She looked down again. “I don’t want anything from you other than your time. I want you to understand I regret what I did and I’ll do anything to make it right. Please give me a chance to show you. Please grant me mercy. I know I don’t deserve it, but you’re a generous and compassionate man…you were when you were a boy.”
“I’m not a boy anymore. I’m a very dark, bitter, and cruel man.”
“I don’t believe that.” She shook her head. “Not when you have such a beautiful family.”
My eyes narrowed on her face.
“Can we get coffee or something…?”
I sighed and felt my migraine grow. I wanted nothing to do with this woman, but no matter what I did I couldn’t shake her. She followed me around like a dog, and it didn’t seem like she would ever stop until she got what she wanted. She was determined to make this happen. Obviously, she wasn’t showing her true motive, but the moment she did I would be gone quicker than the wind. “Will you stop following me around if I agree to this?”
“Yes.” A hopeful look came into her eyes.
I had a feeling I was going to regret this. “Fine.”
CHAPTER TEN
Lexie
I couldn’t shake the anger. It consumed me day and night. Hatred was the primary emotion emitting through my body. All I wanted to do was push my father down a flight of stairs.
My mom was a great woman. She was so good to my sister and I. For every birthday, she went out of her way to make sure it was special for both of us. Even though Macy had been nothing but a failure, Mom still stood by her.
And Dad wanted to leave her?
It was unbelievable. All I could ever think about was my father leaving my mom for some bimbo half his age. In time, she would leave him just the way he left my mother. Then he would be left with nothing. But it’s nothing less than he deserved.
The only good thing that came out of this was Macy. Her apology seemed sincere, and she finally understood just how ugly she’d become. I said I forgave her, but that didn’t mean I trusted her. It would ta
ke me a long time to truly look at her in a new way.
Conrad was by my side nearly all the time. He didn’t bring up my parents’ divorce and did a good job distracting me. The easiest thing to do was fall into bed with him and not think about anything other than what we were doing to each other. It was an immediate distraction but didn’t fix the root of the problem, but it didn’t matter. Conrad gave me what I wanted, and when I asked him to go harder and faster he did.
Conrad came over after work wearing a t-shirt that looked nice on his chest and dark jeans. “Hey, baby.”
“Hey.” My voice came out quiet. I wasn’t excited to do anything anymore.
Conrad didn’t take offense to it. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Yours?”
“Good.” He leaned over the couch and gave me a kiss. After he grabbed a beer out of the fridge he sat down beside me and rested his hand on my thigh. The TV was off but I stared at it like it was on. “Something on your mind?”
“Mom asked me to help Dad move out.” I shook my head and pressed my lips tightly together. “Like I’d help that asshole do anything.”
Conrad drank his beer but didn’t say anything.
“Mom said it would be easier on her. Instead of watching him leave by herself she would have us.”
Conrad turned toward me. “Then we should probably go.”
“I’m not picking up a single box. If he wants to leave he can carry all his shit.” I knew I was being immature about this. No matter how bratty I acted it wouldn’t stop him from leaving.
“You don’t have to. I’ll do everything. Just support your mom. She needs you right now.”
That was the only reason why I wanted to go. “I shouldn’t drag you into this…”
“Drag?” he asked. “Where you go, I go.” He leaned close to me and looked me in the eye. “And that will never change.”
Feeling him this close to me got my heart racing like usual.
“Now let’s go.” He set his beer on the table then grabbed my hand. “It won’t be as bad as you think. I promise.”
I had a feeling this was a promise he couldn’t keep.
***
Conrad helped my dad move everything in the back of the U-Haul. They worked together to get everything inside. Dad took all his clothes and belongings, and he took a few chairs and tables he had before he and Mom got married.
It was painful to watch.
Mom wore a brave face but it wouldn’t last for long.
Macy helped with a few boxes, but Mom and I refused to touch anything. I sat beside her on the couch and patted her hand. Watching my dad hurt my mom like this made me want to cry, but I held everything back in front of my mother. If I cried, she would cry too.
Conrad was much stronger than my dad, so he carried the bulk of everything. It didn’t matter how heavy everything was. Nothing seemed to burden him. His massive arms and strong back allowed him to lift and move things all by himself.
“Conrad is really strong,” Mom noted.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “He can pick me up with one hand.”
Mom smiled. “I like him. He’s a very nice young man.”
“I like him too.”
“You guys have a connection you and Jared never had.”
I didn’t like to talk about Jared to my family. I didn’t usually mention him to Conrad either. “I know we do.”
“It’ll be different with him, Lexie.”
Different with him?
“You should have married him to begin with.” She continued to watch Dad and Conrad move everything out of her house.
How could she sit there and watch her husband leave but talk about my love life like it was more important? I couldn’t tell her I’d never get remarried. And I certainly couldn’t tell her why. “You’re right.”
Conrad walked back inside then downed a bottle of water.
Macy came in a moment later then moved toward him like she planned on speaking to him.
The jealous and possessive woman inside me watched her like a hawk.
“Conrad?”
“Hmm?” He kept his distance as he drank his water.
“I wanted to apologize for everything…” A guilty look overcame her face. “What I did was wrong and I just want you to know that. I hope we can get along and maybe even be friends.”
Conrad clearly hadn’t been expecting this judging the expression on his face. “I’d like that too.” He extended his hand to shake hers.
She smiled then took it. “My sister deserves a good guy like you. Thanks for treating her so well.”
“I’ll always treat her well.” He dropped his hand then returned to moving the next box outside.
“What is Macy apologizing for?” Mom asked.
I could rat out my sister like she deserved. I could tell my mom how much of a whore she was. But if I wanted to have a new beginning, I needed to give a fresh start. “I have no idea.”
***
After everything was piled into the truck, there was nothing left to do but say goodbye. We walked outside and stood on the sidewalk. The U-Haul stood there and the back door was closed. The emergency lights flashed so cars knew to move around it.
Mom still hadn’t cried yet. She was either being strong for Macy and I, or she just didn’t want to give my father the satisfaction of seeing the devastation on her face. Whatever the reason, I respected her for being so brave.
Dad stood there awkwardly with his hands in his pocket. “Well, I guess this is it…”
“Yeah.” Mom held her hands together at her waist. “Take care.”
Dad gave her a sad look. “Thank you.”
How could they walk away from each other like this? They were saying goodbye to decades of marriage. This is how it ended? In front of a U-Haul on the sidewalk?
“I will.” Dad remained glued to the spot. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Mom doesn’t need you for a damn thing.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. “So, don’t worry about her. Like you give a damn anyway.”
“Lexie.” Mom gave me a firm look.
“I don’t care,” I said. “Maybe you can act like this isn’t a big deal but I’m not going to.”
“Me neither,” Macy said.
Dad bowed his head and closed his eyes. Then he opened them and gave us a sad look. “I guess I’ll see you later.”
That’s what he thinks.
He approached me first like he planned on hugging me.
“Don’t touch me.” I stepped back and raised my hand.
Conrad remained by my side.
A wounded look came into my father’s eyes. “Honey, nothing that ever happens between your mom and I will change how much I love you.”
“And nothing you say will ever make me forgive you for what you’ve done.” I took another step back. “Start your new life and forget about us. We’ve already forgotten about you.” I didn’t think it was possible for me to be so bitter, but apparently it was.
“Give her some time,” Mom whispered. “She’ll come around.”
“No, I won’t,” I argued. “You cheated on Mom and now you’re leaving her. I hate you.” I didn’t feel any remorse for saying the words. “I don’t respect you and I can’t stand you.”
“Lexie,” Mom said. “Take that back.”
“No.” No one could ever make me change the way I felt.
Dad raised his hand. “It’s okay. I understand why she’s upset.” The fact he was so understanding just pissed me off more.
Conrad stepped forward and extended his hand. “Safe travels, sir. If you need help unloading you know where to find me.”
Dad gave him a look of gratitude before he shook his hand. “You’re needed here. Look after my daughter.”
“I will,” Conrad said. “She’s in good hands.”
Dad nodded then turned to Macy.
“Don’t even bother.” Macy crossed her arms over her chest and openly glared at him.
Dad knew it was a waste of time. “Well, until next time…” He gave us one final look before he got inside the truck and drove away.
We stood there on the sidewalk and stared at his truck until it was gone from our sight. The sound of traffic fell on our ears, and people passed us on the sidewalk. I couldn’t believe he actually left to be with a woman who would never love him the way my mom did.
Then Mom started to cry.
***
I threw Conrad on the bed then straddled him like the world was about to end. I pulled his pants down and got his cock out as quickly as possible. I needed him inside me now. If not, my entire world would shut down.
Conrad watched me, and even though he was hard he didn’t seem aroused at all. Before I could get him inside me, he rolled me off of him. “Okay, this needs to stop.”
“What?” I kept undressing him like nothing was wrong.
“Stop.” He grabbed my arms and steadied them.
“No.” I tried to twist from his grasp.
“Knock it off.” This time he squeezed my wrist and gave me a threatening look. “Now.”
I stopped fighting and met his look.
“Fucking my brains out twenty-four-seven isn’t going to fix anything. You need to stop. It’s not a cure. It’s a distraction. And we’re falling back into what we used to be. I don’t want that. We worked too hard to get to where we are just to slip back into a meaningless relationship.”
I avoided his look because I couldn’t stand it.
“Look at me.” It wasn’t a request, but a command.
I reluctantly did as he asked.
“Not that I mind all the sex we’re having, but that’s what it is. Its just sex. Talk to me. Open up to me. Cry if you need to. That’s why I’m here.”
I twisted from his grasp. “I don’t feel like talking.”
“Well, I don’t feel like fucking.”
I moved away from him and sat on the edge of the bed.
“I’ll make love to you as many times as you want, but I’m not going to continue with this charade. It’s not helping you.”
“Why can’t you just shut up and give me what I want?”
