by K. B. Wagers
Hao dragged in a breath and then exhaled, the sound loud in the sudden stillness. “I have something I need to show you and something more that needs to be said. Even if your answer to me is no, I would ask for the mercy.”
“Say your piece, then,” I replied, shoving my shaking hands into the pockets of my pants.
Getting to his feet, Hao reached up behind his head and dragged off his shirt.
My inhale was automatic. My stomach clenched. I stared at him in shock.
Somewhere through the stunned silence I heard Dailun whisper: “So the legend grows, by casting aside our chains we make our way closer to the light of the star.”
“Holy shit.” Johar whispered almost inaudibly, “I don’t fucking believe it.”
Hao’s arms were bare. Gone were the tattoos that once proudly proclaimed him a member of Po-Sin’s family. Gone were all the tallies and stories of his escapades as a Cheng gunrunner. Gone was the ink that declared him trusted and honored among his people. There were only two tattoos now, the rose over his heart, white petals scattering across his chest as if caught by a breeze, and a new tattoo on the back of his right hand.
My crest, the Bristol family emblem, an elephant head overlaid on the Indranan star. The motto of my family ran just below his knuckles: Satark ke liye, nidraadheen ke liye nahin.
For the vigilant, not for the sleeping.
Hao pressed his hand to his heart, covering the rose with the crest, and bowed low. Then he came up and met my eyes. “I am sorry it took me so long. Sorry it gave you just cause to doubt in me. Sorry for the choices I made because I could not admit to myself what needed to be done. I have always known this day was coming, and I was a fool to ignore it, a fool to try to walk the middle road between right and wrong. You are and have always been—my family. I beg your forgiveness for my injury of you, knowing all the while I do not deserve it.”
“What have you done?” I whispered, already knowing the answer to my question. It was as clear as the new tattoo.
Hao’s smile was tentative, shadows of pain still lurking in the gold depths of his eyes. “I chose a side, sha zhu.” He held up his bare arms. “I chose you.”
“Hao.” The magnitude of what he’d done for me was a hot weight of lead in my chest.
“It may have come too late, and that’s fine. I’ll own it. It took me far too long to admit to myself where I needed to be. Dailun can tell you, if you wish, that I stripped away myself shortly after I betrayed you and allowed you to come to harm.” He gestured at his bare arms. “The ritual isn’t yet complete; I still have to tell my uncle, and I will regardless of what you say. I hope you will accept my apology, but you have every right to send me into the black alone and shamed.” He bowed his head.
My face was wet with tears; they streamed down my cheeks as I stared at my brother. “You’ve signed your own death warrant. He will never stop hunting you for walking away from him like this.”
“It was unavoidable and, in truth, something I should have done years ago. You came into my life and changed everything. I should have told Po-Sin no and just made the break then with my ship and my crew.” Hao sighed and raised his head. “Instead I put him off, telling him I wasn’t ready to take over the gang and digging myself ever deeper into a miserable hole. Maybe had I not been a coward then, I could have avoided the consequences.”
“Why me?”
“I have known from the first moment I saw you that you were going to change my life, little sister, and you have. You have never let me down. You have always been at my back even when I didn’t ask for it. I have not shown my love as I should have, and I have let you down time and again. I am so sorry for that failure.”
My sob caught in my throat, and I heard Nakula’s low curse when Hao went to his knees. I spotted Fasé sitting quietly in the corner with Sybil, small smiles pulling at both of their faces. Johar was still staring at us with wide eyes. My Ekam was expressionless as was Zin, though of the two I could see the shock better in the set of Zin’s broad shoulders.
“I am tired, little sister. Tired of being on the outside of this family you have created, tired of being pulled to pieces between where I should be and where I am required. I am tired of being in a place where you cannot trust me. I know where my loyalties lie.” He thumped his fist to his chest. “Where they have always been: with you.”
There were tears standing in Gita’s eyes that my Dve wouldn’t let fall, and her hands were balled into fists, screaming her conflicting feelings for everyone in the room to see. I knew those feelings; they were rolling around in my own chest. But no one was paying attention to us. Everyone was focused on Hao.
“Your Imperial Majesty, Hailimi Mercedes Jaya Bristol. Star of Indrana. My sister. I pledge my loyalty to you, my life and limb, with all the honor I have garnered over the years and all the breath left to me in my lungs.” He held his hands out, palms up, and bowed his head fully to the ground.
I took his hands in mine and urged him to his feet. “Look at me,” I demanded, and when Hao raised his head I leaned in and pressed my forehead to his, staring into his eyes, and whispered too low for anyone else to hear. “You are mine, gege, and I forgive you for your stupidity. But I am still so angry at you.”
“You have every right to be,” he murmured back.
The next words rose up in my throat, not of any Indranan oath, but the very same words Hao had spoken to me when I’d pledged myself to him so many years ago. These I said loud enough for the whole room to hear. “We are lucky to see such loyalty offered from such an honorable name. Your life and limbs we will use as we see fit for as long as the breath stays in your lungs.”
Hao let go of the breath he’d been holding, and it seemed like the rest of the room followed suit. I stepped away toward the window, feeling the solid warmth of Emmory’s gloved hand on my back almost immediately.
“Are you all right?” He pitched the question low and I nodded, gripping the windowsill with both hands in an effort to keep myself from sagging against it as the relief flooded through me.
The quiet sounds of my BodyGuards ushering people from the room filtered to my ears past the thumping of my heart, and I was grateful for Emmory’s ability to recognize when the public empress was no longer on duty.
Finally, only my BodyGuards, Dailun, and the two Farians remained. I turned from the window and looked at Fasé.
“That went down differently than I expected,” she said.
“You sound surprised.” I stared down at her. “A heads-up about that would have been nice.”
“You’re the one who said you got on just fine without my help.”
“Fasé, your manners,” Sybil said sharply.
“I dislike him.” Fasé shrugged. The tiny gesture reminded me painfully that she was still picking and choosing and playing god with our lives.
Dailun muttered something in Svatir that earned him a sharp look from Fasé. Then she laughed, the amusement reluctant as she shook her head.
“I couldn’t interfere, though, not in this. Not with everything between the three of us. I won’t lie to you, Majesty. I was sort of hoping you’d kill him, or that he’d choose Po-Sin. He is a reminder of your past and your poor choices. He is unpredictable. It’s hard to see the choices he will make, and by extension harder to see the choices you will make when you’re with him.”
“I could say the exact same thing about you, you know.” I couldn’t keep the frost from my voice.
“I do.” She nodded slowly, dropping her gaze to the floor for a moment. “I am still learning, still trying to find a balance between where I must intervene and where I must not. I know it makes me seem cruel. I swear to you all the things I do are with the full weight on my shoulders. I know this. I take the weight seriously. The consequences are mine to bear, and I do not make such choices thoughtlessly.
“Hao’s heart was twisted up, as divided as his loyalties. When I say I was hoping you’d kill him it was because I—”
�
��Fasé.” Sybil’s warning tone was clear.
“I am sorry. See, still learning.” Fasé offered up an apologetic smile. “He made this choice almost the moment he met you, but it took him so long to finally admit it to himself, and more importantly, to you.” Her mouth curved into a sly smile. “It makes him slightly less unpredictable. He is yours now, and that is not a choice that will change. It may lead him to his death—or not. As I said, it’s hard to see and even harder to speak.”
Her words ran a chill finger up my spine, and I couldn’t stop myself from closing my free hand around my SColt 45, still in its holster. Fasé, of course, saw the movement, and a smile curved her mouth.
“I know no one understands what this is between us, but I won’t let anyone kill him, Fasé.”
Dailun reached a hand out, closing it gently around my wrist and pulling my hand from my gun. “Less violence, honored sister, not more, is always an option.”
“So very rarely,” I replied, but I smiled when I said it.
“You and Hao are the most interesting puzzle,” Fasé said. “Your lives are entangled like lovers but without the slightest attraction to give it reason. At first, I thought it was just because Portis was in the way, but—” She shook her head. “Even with Portis gone, neither of you is interested in moving from your chosen orbit. Instead you just circle.” She rolled her hand through the air. “Dancing around each other like a pair of neutron stars.”
Po-Sin’s com came late the next morning, and we took it on the bridge of the Hailimi as we headed for Draupadi Station and the Pandava Shipyards.
I’d wanted to be there with Hao, so several of Captain Saito’s crew were flying the War Bastard and Hao and Dailun had moved onto my ship.
My brother was back in his long-sleeved shirt, with Dailun on his left and me on his right. Po-Sin looked between us, taking in the others on the bridge, and his dark eyes narrowed. Dailun’s father, Heng, stood next to Po-Sin, his lean face unreadable.
“This is a conversation better had in private, I would think,” Po-Sin said.
“No, Uncle. We will have it here.”
“Very well. I am done with this disobedience, nephew.” Po-Sin’s face was blank, his words calm. “It is time you stop playing pretend with this woman who is not your family. You will come home and take your rightful place at my side. It is your duty. You have denied it for long enough.”
Even knowing it was coming, the words he chose made my stomach clench. I didn’t dare a glance at Hao, standing there with his hands folded together. Dailun was equally calm and I willed myself to be the same unmoving face of resistance.
Hao shook his head and straightened his spine even further, taking a deep breath. “No, I am done. While I will remain endlessly grateful for your support over the years, I am no longer yours to command, Uncle. I have sworn my loyalty to the Empress of Indrana.”
He reached behind his head and pulled his shirt off. The bridge was silent, all my people as still as statues, ordered not to react or intervene. Po-Sin’s eyes widened a fraction, a reaction that on him was the same as a shouted denial.
“Witnessed by Cheng Dailun and now by you, Cheng Po-Sin. I renounce my loyalty to the family—”
“Hao, think of what you are doing.”
Hao ignored Po-Sin’s plea. “—and any benefits of protection I may have enjoyed as well as any riches due me from this point forward. I am no longer your family. I have no loyalty to you, nor am I owed any by you or any connected to you.”
“Nephew—” It was shocking and a sign of his affection that Po-Sin tried one more time to dissuade Hao from his choice, even though everyone could see it was long past the point of turning Hao from his path. “You cannot turn from your blood.”
“There are few things in the black stronger than blood.” Hao acknowledged his uncle’s protest with a nod. “However, this loyalty was chosen from the moment she and I shared the same air,” he continued. “It is a choice stronger than blood and means more to me than my own life. I know you do not understand, but this is what is meant to be. My destiny does not lie along the same path as yours and hasn’t for some time. I would have no honor at all if I turned my back on it.” He smiled, a brief flicker of emotion. “It is already done. I have sworn my allegiance to the Empress of Indrana. The only thing that will change it now is my death.”
Po-Sin’s sharp gaze snapped to me. “I will never forgive you for this theft.”
“I have stolen nothing. You do not own him, Cheng Po-Sin.” I met his challenging look and veiled threat calmly, giving Po-Sin a small smile in return. Heng’s hissed protest at my lack of respect filled the air. “My brother makes his own choices.”
Po-Sin snarled a curse in Cheng that made Emmory tense. A frown carved itself deep into the old man’s weathered face, and he heaved a sigh. “Cheng Hao. Outcast is what I am forced to name you. You are Cheng no longer; you are no longer my nephew. The next time we meet, I will kill you for your betrayal.”
Hao bowed, his eyes never leaving Po-Sin’s face. “Good-bye, Uncle.”
The screen went blank and silence settled onto the bridge like a heavy layer of snow.
30
It’s not every day you witness someone severing ties with what’s quite possibly the most powerful gang in the galaxy,” Johar muttered from behind us, breaking the tension, and Hao’s laugh snapped through the air.
Dailun patted Hao on the back. “It was a mighty hurdle, cousin, one well-handled once you pulled your head from your ass.”
“Shut up,” Hao muttered without any heat.
“Majesty, are we going to have a problem with Po-Sin?” Emmory asked.
“Unlikely,” I replied, still staring at the blank screen. “That was required posturing. He’ll put a bounty on Hao’s head, but most people won’t be stupid enough to try to cash in on it.”
“And he won’t pick a fight with Indrana,” Johar volunteered. “No matter how mad he is—and he was pretty angry there—picking a fight with your empire would be like declaring war on every government out in the black.”
I nodded in agreement. “No one could stand by while a criminal organization attacked us. It would open up all sorts of problems. Indrana wouldn’t even have to do anything. The Solarians would come down on Po-Sin like a bag of bricks.”
“What if someone takes a shot at him and hits you?” That question was from Gita, who, by her tone, had clearly still not forgiven Hao for his part in Aiz’s kidnapping.
“It’s the same thing,” I replied with a soft laugh. “Accidentally killing me means Indrana goes to war with Po-Sin.”
“No one will be stupid enough to try to kill me anyway,” Hao said softly.
Gita snorted. “You aren’t that good.”
I laughed. “That’s not what he means, Gita, though the point is debatable.”
She frowned at us.
Sharing a look with me, Hao shrugged a shoulder. “The most anyone would do is try to take me alive, but they would have to try it without hurting her. No one will kill me—that duty is reserved for Po-Sin. When he gets his hands on me, he’ll make good on his promise.”
“Your Majesty, may I speak with you in private?”
I raised an eyebrow at Gita’s formal words but nodded in agreement, and after squeezing Hao by the upper arm and gesturing at Emmory, I headed for the hallway.
Gita didn’t say a word until we were back in my quarters, but the second the door closed, the words spilled out of her mouth. “Majesty, I am not trying to be forward, but you are making a mistake.”
“What, by standing up to Po-Sin?” I laughed, shaking my head. “Gita, he really won’t come after us. There’s no profit in it and far more loss than he—”
“I am not talking about Po-Sin, at least not in those terms.” Gita interrupted me, and I exchanged a look with Emmory. “They are playing you, Majesty. This whole ridiculous show from yesterday up to now looks like something out of a bad drama. I understand that you love Hao and have a histor
y with him, but you are letting it blind you to the truth.”
“Excuse me?”
I wasn’t sure what it was that had Gita so upset that she either missed or flat-out ignored my freezing tone of voice.
“He betrayed you once, and he will do it again.”
“Dve Desai, you will watch your mouth.”
“Emmory, you can’t possibly back her on this. These gunrunners are criminals. You can’t—”
“Think very carefully about your next words.” Emmory stepped between us, as imposing as a thunderstorm. Gita stared at him, her mouth open.
“Sir, I—” She looked past him to me, her eyes wide, and swallowed hard at the anger on my face I didn’t bother to hide.
“Sit. Down,” I said, jerking my chin at the nearest seat.
“Yes, ma’am.” Her scramble for the couch would have been amusing but for the situation. Emmory backed out of my way, his own shoulders still tight with anger, but he didn’t say anything else and for that I was grateful.
I folded my hands together as I took a breath and slowly let it out. “A few things, Dve. While I take no issue with you questioning my decisions, and I appreciate that you had the sense to do it in private, it is excruciatingly clear that not only are you missing some important pieces of information but that your own feelings for my brother are tangled up in all this.
“First, I do love Hao. He is my brother. He has watched my back for longer than anyone alive, and I once trusted him more than anyone alive. That trust is damaged after his stupid fucking decision back on Pashati, but it is mine to rebuild as I see fit.
“I would have continued to love him even had he not done what he just did, the import of which you clearly do not understand.” She jerked when my voice sharpened, and I took a second breath. “I would have loved him even after I killed him. As luck would have it, I don’t have to.”
