by Kailin Gow
“Oh, you mean in high school. I know about that one time and I forgave him. Plus, he wasn’t a virgin when we started dating like I was.”
“I’m not just talking about that one time. He’s always been a player and you’ve always seemed okay to turn the other way. Sometimes I look at you and I sense you know it, but then you act either like you don’t or you don’t care. Best friends or not, I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you those things.”
“When else did he cheat?” I asked, feeling my hands go numb and my heart start to pound. I sensed that just asking the question was a life changing event…you know those feelings you get sometimes, that gut instinct that makes you go into high alert.
“With a few of the cheerleaders in high school and I heard from Pete’s friend that he’s had a few one nighters this past year.”
“What? Even with having a girlfriend?”
“I don’t think he exactly discloses that beforehand, you know. I also don’t think that all girls care about that type of thing. They’re not like you, Taylor.”
“I can’t believe this! I feel like such an ass,” I said with a shaky voice. “Why would he want me around if he’s interested in doing that? Wouldn’t I be an obstacle?”
“I have no idea,” Allison replied. “You’re asking the wrong one if you want someone who understands the way Chase thinks and acts.”
“Who? Who in high school?” I asked.
“I’m not saying. It wouldn’t change anything or do any good for anyone, but particularly you. It’s you that I worry about.”
I sprung up from the chaise lounge that had felt like a bit of heaven just an hour ago and began to pace around by the pool, feeling the anger well up inside of me, and bombarding my brains with thoughts of what an idiot I’d been. How could I be so clueless? Were people laughing at me? Chase had really played me for the fool I was. I knew Allison wasn’t handing me a line of crap either. She’d never do that. Chase, on the other hand, clearly had no problems dishing out bologna when it suited his purposes.
“I can’t believe that he was upset with me just this morning that I wouldn’t spend the day with him!”
“Calm down, Taylor. This isn’t going to help the situation, but I’m glad you know; especially if he was trying to get you to move out to Boston and disrupt your entire life for him.”
“I’m calling him. I’ll be right back,” I said, grabbing my cell phone and walking to the other side of the pool.
My fingers were shaking from the adrenaline rush and it took me two attempts to type in the correct code on my phone to unlock it. Then I pressed the number for Chase’s cell phone and heard one ring, two rings, and then he picked up on the third one.
“Hey, do you have a minute to talk?” I asked.
“Taylor, what’s up?” he replied. He sounded out of breath.
“Where are you?”
“On the golf course.”
“The golf course has you winded?”
“It’s hot out, Tay.”
“It must be hotter at the country club than it is at my house, I guess,” I said. I knew it was snippy, but I didn’t care at that moment.
“So, what you need?”
“I don’t know how to ask this so I am just going to be direct, Chase. Have you slept with other women besides me since we’ve been dating…not including the one incident that I know about from high school.”
“No, never.”
“Well, I have some people who say they’ve seen you do it and know the ones you did it with.” Okay, it was a bit of an embellishment, but I had to get him riled up and discover what was going on.
Chase breathed in again, sounding like he was trying to recapture his breath after being punched in the gut. He stuttered briefly, not really talking. If I could have, I would have pounded him on the back to get the words out. Finally he began to spill the beans. “Okay, I did once or twice. It was so stupid and I’m sorry. The frat guys, the pressure, missing you…”
I cut him off because there was no amount of justifying that he could have done to make me feel better at that moment.
“Thanks, that’s all I needed.”
“Wait! Taylor,” he pleaded.
“What?” I asked dryly. “What else could you possibly have to say to me right now?”
“I love you. It’s always been you,” Chase said. He truly did sound desperate.
Then I heard a voice in the background say, “You love her? Is that your girlfriend? You told me you were single.”
“Oh my God. You’re with someone now. I cannot believe this. I can’t believe you even dared to ask me to move out to Boston or brought up plans for a future together. I was such a fool, but I’m not going to be anymore. This is over!”
“No, Taylor, it’s not what you think…”
I ended the call, not wanting to hear another word and thought I was going to be physically ill for a moment. It must have showed because Allison ran up to me and put her arms around me, saying she was sorry. I broke down and the flood gates opened. I couldn’t stop crying once I started.
Allison took me into the kitchen and tried to calm me down, talking sweetly and rubbing my back, but I couldn’t stop. Nothing I thought could release the pain I was experiencing at that moment. I was hurt by someone that I loved and I was deceived by my willingness to believe that Chase, no matter what a jerk he was to others, was always good to me. I was different. Well, I wasn’t different.
I kept wiping my tears away and they were replaced with new ones. Allison had given up on trying to find the words to comfort me and just remained there, being the great friend she was to me. I understood her reasons for not telling me and couldn’t be mad at her. It wasn’t her fault that Chase was a lying, cheating louse.
The front door opened and I saw Allison look up as someone walked into the kitchen. Oh no! It was probably Salvatore and now he’d get to see me in a bloody mess, having a major meltdown. Not cool.
I had my head down, trying to cover my face. Allison moved away from me and someone else came over, hugging me tightly in their arms. I looked and saw the tan, muscular arms of Salvatore. They were wrapped around me and he instantly began whispering to me, telling me to calm down and that everything would be alright. His embrace was so warm, so comforting. I finally was able to stop the sobbing and I just remained still, not wanting to move and be ripped out of the warmth of his kind embrace. I could feel Salvatore’s heart beating because my head was pressed gently against his chest and it was so nice…so rhythmic and soothing.
Chapter 10
All the painful, agonizing thoughts that were flooding my mind faded away in that moment despite the tears remaining. Everything else stopped mattering the moment Salvatore held me so tightly. It was so warm, so reassuring to my psyche. I felt so secure, like no one or anything could ever hurt me again. He’d picked me up and set me on his lap, hugging me more tightly. His one hand brushed my long hair slowly, comforting me as if I was a small child.
“It’s okay my sweet princess, don’t cry. Don’t cry,” Salvatore cooed. His body was so warm and his strength consoled me.
My body trembled and he kept talking.
“I can’t stand to see you so sad; it breaks my heart. What’s happened, sweet Taylor? Who could take your sunshine and your joy like that? You’re not meant to be sad; you’re meant to radiate the beautiful warmth, just like that first day I met you.”
His words were therapeutic to me, taking away the sting and embarrassment of the entire situation that I’d been forced to face so unexpectedly that morning. All I had wanted was to hang out with my best friend, but instead I received news that shattered my perception of reality and what my relationship with Chase was truly about. Perhaps I was long overdue to go through the experience and the time to just release everything had come, but I never would have thought it would be so painful. Somehow, beautiful and compassionate Salvatore, had taken the sting away from inside of me and had turned it into a glue that strengthened our bond. It was inexplicab
le and it was amazing.
Then my thoughts drifted to the intimacy of the comforting moment. Feeling his body pressed against mine was so arousing in the tender, unexpected closeness we were sharing. His muscles were so firm, giving me a security that I’d never felt before. Then again, I’d never been so vulnerable and exposed in the past as I was at that moment. His soft breath tickled my neck, but seemed to whisper promises that I would be okay—that he would protect me.
I’d just been through a lot, but I found that it was no longer on my mind. It had evaporated just like steam evaporates into the air. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Salvatore for fear that my eyes would betray what I was thinking at that moment. His cheek was pressed against mine and I could almost feel the brush of his lips against it, which sent shivers surging through my body.
Salvatore’s hands slowly traveled up my arms and his one finger slowly moved toward my chin, landing just underneath it. He gently tilted my head so I had to look at him and could no longer avoid the intense gaze of his beautiful brown eyes. It was in that moment that I saw his emotions for me were worn passionately on his face. His desire was apparent in his eyes and every bit of his body language demonstrated that he longed for more. He wanted me like I wanted him, causing my body to instantly heat up with thoughts of what it would feel like for him to consume me.
We were inches apart and he slowly moved forward until I could feel his hot breath caressing my lips. What would his full, sexy lips feel like brushing against mine? Would it send the same sensations through my body that his touch had? I’d never experienced anything like it before and I didn’t want anything more at that moment than to feel a more intimate connection with Salvatore.
“I want to kiss you so much right now, Taylor.” I saw how his eyes were showing that he was in pain from being denied what he’d wanted.
“Then why don’t you?” I plead, not caring about anything except gratification from Salvatore at that moment. He looked so innocent, as vulnerable as me in the situation, and it was so arousing.
I closed my eyes and waited to feel his lips press against mine, anticipating the moment. It didn’t come. Instead, he professed more from his heart. “It would change everything between us,” he said. “I can’t risk that.”
“Why?” I asked. “I can see that we both feel the same way…we both want this, Salvatore.”
“Yes, but we are from different worlds, Taylor. In one month I’ll be back in Italy and won’t see you any longer. I can’t bear the thought of knowing that you are out there for me and that I want you, but cannot have you. I just can’t risk a broken heart that way.”
My heart melted at his confession and it made me long to kiss him even more, but I knew it would be wrong. I grabbed his hands and said, “Oh Salvatore, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on or to have anything happen between us. I’m tutoring you and you’re my father’s client…I was just so wrapped up in the…”
Salvatore cut my words off, deciding that he wanted to pursue the kiss. My lips came alive and I responded without hesitation. No, I didn’t have the desire to pull away because I just wanted to consume every bit of him I could. The kiss was so hungry, showing that he’d held back from what he longed for way too long. I had too, but I wasn’t going to hold back anymore. I had no reason to and I was free to do what I wished now. There was no boyfriend between Salvatore and me to make me remain aloof to my intimate fantasies about him.
Knowing that it was something we both wanted, as well as something that could not be denied, Salvatore stood up, still carrying me in his arms, and we made our way to my bedroom, where he set me down. I shut the door and locked it, staring at him and we walked over to my bed, where we both flopped down and started to kiss aggressively and passionately, each eager to explore the other’s body with our hands and see firsthand what each other felt like.
“Taylor, I’ve wanted to do this since I first met you,” Salvatore said. “I’ve never wanted something so badly as I did the first time I laid eyes on you.”
I confessed that I’d wanted him, too, and had struggled to resist thoughts of him constantly.
“No more resisting,” Salvatore murmured.
“No more,” I said, pressing in tighter to him, feeling my chest against his, our hearts pounding in rhythm.
He looked at me with a smile on his face that was so sexy. “Then Lord have mercy on us. I know I can’t hold back my feelings for you any longer; especially now that I know you also want me.”
Salvatore began unbuttoning my cover-up that was over my swimsuit and then slid it off. He paused, staring at my body appreciatively, like I was a work of art he was observing in a museum, and then he took his finger and traced it down my stomach. “You are the most exquisite woman I’ve ever seen.”
I stared at him the entire time, mesmerized by his every word and movement. He slid his hand behind my neck and released the swimsuit tie of my bikini top. Then he lowered it and exposed my breasts to him, which he gently touched with his finger. Then he leaned over and began to kiss them, lick them, tweak my nipples, and bring my entire body to life from his intensity. His tongue was like a paintbrush on them, moving lovingly over them and taking me to a divine place. My loins instantly ached from the way he touched me so carefully and thoroughly, yet so demandingly. He knew what he wanted and showed no hesitation to take it. He was so confident, so assured, but he also looked like his greatest joy would be pleasing me. I was absolutely captivated by it.
Not able to resist the growing desires I had any longer, I reached my hands down and unzipped and unbuttoned Salvatore’s shorts. As I slid them off his sleek, muscular frame his manhood sprung out, showing me the largest, most inviting cock I’d ever seen. It was so hard because it wanted me. It was as eager to please as I was and definitely so much bigger than the womanizing cheater, Chase’s. If it came down to the pure act of enjoying sex, I’d been missing out big time. Well, I wasn’t going to miss out on my opportunities any longer.
“You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, Salvatore. So sexy, so smart, and so desirable. I want to experience you so badly. I can’t wait to feel you inside of me.”
Salvatore just groaned and I slowly started to kiss his chest, traveling downward to his package. I wanted to feel it in my mouth, to absorb it so badly and just as my lips reached there I felt Salvatore’s hand gently go on my shoulder, stopping me from going down on his glory.
I looked up and he smiled at me, suddenly seeming bashful for the intensity of the moment. “I have a confession before we do this,” he said.
What type of confession could he have? I wanted him and was willing to put it all out there for him and now he was confessing something. I was so confused, not to mention so built up with tension.
I couldn’t even talk and Salvatore just blurted it out. “I’m a virgin.”
Although I’d only been with one other person, his words absolutely shocked me and I know my jaw dropped. My face certainly revealed how surprised I was by the revelation. Out of all the things I could have imagined him saying, that was not one of them. What came out of my mouth was less than eloquent. “Holy crap. How could that be?”
Salvatore smiled weakly, giving me a reprieve from the embarrassment of my bluntness. “I have been waiting for the right woman to come along. I’ve dated around before and have come very close to losing it, but I never have. I wanted it to be with someone special; someone who had real meaning in my life.”
I was so touched by what he said. It was utterly romantic, movie material, and here it was happening to me as I was trying to get intimate with this amazing Italian man, smart and beautiful, in my bedroom. “Am I that person?” I asked. My voice was soft, liking the thought of being the one, yet suddenly nervous about it.
“Yes, you are that person,” Salvatore said. He sighed and looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my response. My heart was racing and I honestly couldn’t tell what my eyes were saying. I didn’t know what to make of it. Thi
s was unchartered territory for me. And, I sure couldn’t call Allison up to get some friendly advice.
Chapter 11
My desire for Salvatore was increased by his confession of virginity to me. It made me feel so special that he’d consider me the one that he was connected with enough to surrender it to. I kissed him softly, feeling the need to be tenderer and less aggressive. Then, something I’d tried to shove to the back of my mind took over inside of me and I stopped.
Salvatore was a sexy, intelligent eighteen year old virgin. He certainly had options for losing his virginity to someone long before he’d met me and would after I was long gone. What was I doing? Was that fair to give him that gift if we had no chance of being together? Guilt for my greediness to feel him inside of me began sweltering and I knew that I couldn’t do it. It wouldn’t be right. Honestly, my sense of doing what was right was so frustrating at times. Why couldn’t I, just for once, go with my desires and shut my brain down?
I couldn’t talk and so much was processing through my mind. It felt like minutes, but it was only seconds. I had been hesitant to commit to Chase even before I knew that he was a cheater. Could I really go from a four year relationship right into another one with a man who had equally strong feelings for me? Sure, I liked Salvatore and definitely lusted for him, but could that lead to something more permanent? I didn’t know and I couldn’t be selfish. That would be wrong and more importantly it would be selfish. I’d likely kick myself down the road for not taking advantage of the opportunity, but I had to think about more than my raging desires at that moment. And then there was Dad. I couldn’t ruin his professional relationship with Salvatore’s family just because I’d had a horny streak. What had I been thinking! Thankfully I’d stopped just in time.
