‘Kal was pointing out more landmarks,’ Patrick told her. ‘See over there, at the edge of the city lights, there’s a big square of lights with a scattering of lights inside it. That’s his family’s compound. It’s kind of like a small suburb because his father and brothers and some other relatives all have their own houses inside it. Kal has a house there, though he uses the apartment at the hospital because it’s easier for him to get to work if he’s needed urgently.’
Had Kal explained all that while she’d been lost in thought?
Ashamed to have been so inattentive, Nell peered obediently towards the square of lights.
‘They have bright lights around the outside of the compound to keep the djinns away. Djinns are spirits—they can be good or bad, but usually they are mischievous more than bad and though these days people don’t really believe in djinns, they don’t exactly not believe in them either, Kal says.’
Nell glanced towards this oracle her son was quoting.
‘I think maybe my man who died had a bad djinn,’ she suggested, but looking at Kal wasn’t a good idea so she turned back to the window, determined to get with the conversation and put all thoughts of desire and seduction firmly out of her mind.
‘Is the compound on the water? Is the blackness beyond it a branch of the Gulf?’
‘No, the blackness beyond it is the desert,’ Kal said, and something in his voice—the way he said the words—brought desire and seduction right back, not only into her mind but into her body as well.
Not long after they’d met they’d gone to stay on South Stradbroke island, taking a water taxi with a group of friends to camp there for the weekend. The others had teased Kal about the camping, telling him he should be the expert, and expert he was. But late that first night, when their friends had been drinking around the fire, she and he had walked across to the ocean side of the island and sat on the top of a high sand dune, looking out over the water.
It had been a moonless night, and Kal had turned to her.
‘It looks like the desert. In the darkness, the soft ridges of the waves could be the dunes,’ he’d said quietly. ‘It looks like home.’
She’d heard the depths of his homesickness in those words and had put her arms around him, offering comfort, letting him talk.
‘It even sounds the same. When the wind whips the sands across the dunes, you hear that shushing sound the waves are making. I’d love to take you to the desert, Nell. Love to show you all the places that mean so much to me—to have you share them with me. But I can’t do that.’
He’d turned to her and kissed her then held her hands and told her of the bargain he’d made with his parents, and how his values meant he had to honour it.
‘So, nothing can be between us but friendship, my lovely Nell,’ he’d whispered, tangling his hands in her hair and looking deep into her eyes. It had been then that she’d known there would be more, because a little love and joy and rapture shared with Kal would be better than none.
She’d told him so, and that night, in the dunes, with the ocean making desert noises beside them, they’d made love for the first time.
Turning back from the window, she glanced at him, and knew he’d been thinking of that time as well. Just so had their thoughts always matched, but back then there’d been love to bind them together—a love that had been deeper and stronger and more desperately passionate because they had known it wouldn’t be for ever.
Chapter 8
Or so she’d thought. Maybe she’d just imagined he’d felt as she had. No matter what had happened back then, here and now was a different matter. Here and now he only wanted marriage because he wanted Patrick, and he was using the undeniable attraction he knew still existed between them to tempt her into it.
‘So what are we going to eat?’
She asked the question of Patrick who’d been perusing the menu, comparing the English side of it to the Arabic and pointing out to his father the words he knew.
Patrick rattled off a list of incomprehensible dishes, assuring Nell she’d enjoy all of them, then he looked at Kal.
‘Is that all right? It won’t cost too much, will it? Mum always likes to pay our share, but she took leave to come over here to show the skin spray, so I wouldn’t like her to use up all her holiday money on one dinner.’
‘I will pay for dinner,’ Kal said, in a voice that forbade any further discussion on the matter, and this time the look he turned on Nell was the angry one again—all hint of seduction or remembered love-making burnt away.
Fortunately Patrick, with the insouciance of youth, failed to notice the change in the atmosphere at the table and chattered blithely throughout the meal, questioning Kal about the dishes, about the city and about the way his people lived.
Nell found the food delicious but she couldn’t enjoy it as she should have, aware the whole time of the difference in the man across the table, puzzling over how such an innocuous remark of Patrick’s could have turned him back into the arrogant Kal.
She was thankful when the meal was finally over and they left the building, but although she tried to slip in front of Patrick into the back seat, telling him he’d see the landmarks he now knew better from the front, it was not to be.
‘No way, Mum, you sit up front with Kal. I’ll sit back here and pretend we’re a family. Mum, Dad and the kid in the back. Glad I’ve got beyond kiddie seats.’
Patrick was just rattling on, Nell told herself, but one glance at Kal’s grim profile told her the words had done more than rattle him—they’d made him even more angry than he’d been earlier. In fact, if she hadn’t known better she’d have been sure he was muttering expletives under his breath.
Though maybe, not being used to adolescent company, he was praying for patience.
He pulled into his parking space in the basement car park. Patrick got out and opened Nell’s door, waiting for her to get out then giving her a hug.
‘I’m having the best time,’ he whispered to her, and Nell felt guilt swamp her again, this time for being so ungracious about the attention Kal was paying the boy.
‘That’s great,’ she said to Patrick, wanting to add, Make the most of it. But he’d ask why and things might get very sticky.
‘So, Patrick, have you checked out the channels we get on TV? There are two local channels in Arabic and all the rest are cable, so you get mostly US or UK programmes.’ Kal asked the question as they went up in the elevator.
Patrick assured Kal he’d got it figured, then yawned.
‘But I don’t think I’ll be watching much TV tonight. If feeling like you’ve been run over by a bus is jet-lag, I’ve got it.’
‘Run over by a bus?’ Nell went into immediate panic mode. ‘Were your last tests OK? When were they? Have you missed one? Any lumps?’
Patrick put his hands on her shoulders.
‘Relax, Mother-worrier. I’m just tired from the flight. I know I slept this morning, but that couldn’t have been enough.’
He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, then gave her a quick hug, while Kal, his face unreadable, held the elevator doors open, waiting for the exchange to finish and the pair of them to exit.
They walked up to the apartment together but as Nell made to follow Patrick through the door, Kal held her back.
‘You’re forgetting the autopsy result will be in my office.’
Nell looked at him, but the desire that had tempted her earlier was gone from his face, replaced by an unreadable mask.
‘I’m tired, too. I’ll read it in the morning.’
‘By morning it will be filed away and if, as you believe, that consultant had something to do with your patient’s death, you’ll never know.’
He was not quite blackmailing her but definitely daring her to accompany him to his office. Why?
She glanced towards Patrick who, although he’d pleaded tiredness, was using the remote to flick through the television channels.
‘Go and read the horrible thing,’ he
said to her, without taking his eyes off the screen. ‘I’ve already unpacked in the second bedroom and if I can’t find anything to watch for a while on TV, I’ll go to bed and read.’
But Nell still hesitated.
‘Scared, Nell?’ Kal whispered, so only she could hear, and although she knew it was a goad to make her do something she didn’t want to do, she fell for it, determined he wouldn’t guess just how confused she was.
‘Of you? As if!’
She turned back to Patrick and blew him a good-night kiss.
‘That’s in case you’re asleep by the time I come back. If you’re still sleeping in the morning, I’ll leave a number where you can call me when you wake up.’
‘Oh, don’t worry about the morning. Kal and I are leaving early to go out to the desert,’ Patrick said cheerfully.
‘Oh! Well, have fun!’ Nell managed to say, although her throat was tight with anger. She shut the door and faced the man who, not content with seducing her with his eyes across the table, was now seducing her son away from her.
‘And just when was this little expedition arranged?’ she demanded, so furious with Kal that once again she wanted to beat her fists against his chest. Only last time she’d tried that he’d captured her and his touch had done weird things to her anger…
‘This afternoon. Patrick did mention it at dinner but you might not have been listening.’
‘And how long is this desert jaunt going to last? Will he miss his blood tests? Will you make sure he takes his tablets?’
Kal put his hands on her shoulders and looked down into her face.
‘Do you think I wouldn’t make sure he took his tablets? Could you believe I am so insensitive I could find my son only to lose him to a disease? Can you think so badly of me, Nell?’
Nell tried to move away but his grip tightened.
‘I don’t know what to think of you!’ she snapped. ‘Your arrogance, your attitude, your changing moods, I don’t understand any of it. Like tonight—come and see the autopsy report now or forget it! That’s close to blackmail, Kal. Why? Why couldn’t a copy have been left for me in the office on the ward? Why push me like you did to come now?’
‘You don’t know?’ he asked, his eyes blazing into hers, not with the desire she’d seen earlier, but with something she didn’t understand.
Something that made her feel uncertain—not afraid exactly, but certainly wary.
‘No, I don’t know!’ He’d relaxed his grip and she managed to slip away. ‘But now I’m here, let’s get it done.’
She walked away, back the way she usually went to cross the pedestrian walkway to the hospital, assuming his office was somewhere that way.
His long strides soon overtook her quick angry ones, but he didn’t stop her, neither did he speak. He simply walked along beside her back to the elevator, pressed numbers into a keypad to take it up, then guided her out and along another corridor.
Eventually he stopped at a door, pulled out his keys, unlocked the door and held it for her to go inside. She entered what must have been an anteroom to his office, set up, she imagined, so he could hold small staff meetings in comfort, because over by the windows there was a long couch and several armchairs grouped around a coffee-table, while closer to an inner door was a desk with all the usual paraphernalia of a secretary or personal assistant.
He herded her into the anteroom then pointed to an armchair.
‘Sit!’ he commanded.
Nell moved towards the chair, but turned back before she lowered herself into it.
‘Should I beg as well?’
Kal looked at her for a moment, then the mask cracked and a smile that sent shivers down her spine lit up his face.
‘Later,’ he said, silky smooth! ‘Much later. For now, we need to talk. Do you want a tea or coffee? An alcoholic drink perhaps? I keep some for visitors.’
Nell shook her head. She was twitchy enough about what was going on here—alcohol would surely make her even more uptight.
Apparently satisfied he’d done his duty as a host, Kal took the chair opposite her, then leaned forward so he was barely two feet away, not quite invading her personal space but close enough to make the twitchiness worse.
‘Do you deliberately set out to make me angry, Nell? Is it some kind of punishment because I left Australia? Because you were pregnant?’
He paused as if waiting for a reply, but Nell couldn’t make sense of the questions, let alone fashion a reply.
‘When have I made you angry?’
With that question, apparently, from the frown on his face!
Kal caught himself before he exploded and contented himself with a glare at the infuriating woman who had turned his life upside down.
‘You do it all the time,’ he told her, letting a little of his fury bubble in the words. ‘You’ve come over here on leave—that’s what Patrick said. You’re not even being paid! Do you think that doesn’t make me feel terrible?’
‘But Patrick told you that, not me,’ Nell protested. ‘And I took leave to come over because part of why I was coming was personal—in fact, to me, the biggest part was personal—so it was hardly fair to expect to get paid.’
Kal couldn’t believe anyone could be so naïve. He stood up to stop himself from reaching out to shake her and strode across the room to relieve some stress.
‘Everyone in the universe does personal things on their fully paid-for, work-related jaunts. You must know that. You must have been to conferences where half the attendees are out playing golf when they should be attending lectures and the other half are usually getting over hangovers.’
‘I don’t go to many conferences,’ Nell said quietly, and realising she probably didn’t go because of Patrick made Kal even angrier.
‘This is what I mean. That boy thought you should pay for half the meal, and he was worrying about what it would cost you. It was my responsibility to see you and he never wanted for anything—that you never had to worry about money. How do you think I feel that you’ve taken that away from me and struggled to juggle work and bringing up my son?’
She looked at him, her eyes wide, her expression puzzled.
‘Kal, it was my decision to go through with the pregnancy, and that made Patrick my responsibility. I’ve never regretted it and, yes, at times it’s been tough, but he’s never wanted for anything vital and at the same time he’s not been spoilt. He knows the value of money and that he can’t have everything he wants just because he wants it. If it’s something I won’t buy, he has to save for it. Would you throwing money at us have made a difference to how I brought him up? I don’t think so!’
Good, she’d stopped looking puzzled and was angry now, but not as angry as he was, although he couldn’t pin his anger down to one single point.
‘That still doesn’t alter the fact you’re not being paid—you’re working at my hospital for nothing.’
‘I’m a doctor, it’s what I do, but if it’s going to make you feel better and stop this ridiculous conversation, then pay me. Put me on the payroll and pay me whatever you pay Yasmeen. Now, shall we look at the autopsy report?’
‘Do you really believe I brought you here for that reason? If the report is on my desk, there’ll be a copy of it on your desk, too. It will be marked private and for your eyes only, although you can discuss it with Yasmeen as the senior local doctor in the ward.’
‘Well, in that case, I’ll be off,’ Nell announced, ignoring his question and standing up, her departure, as far as he could see, imminent.
‘Nell?’
She looked at him and sank back down into the chair.
‘OK,’ she said. Faint colour was rising in her cheeks but she held his eyes with a defiance he had to admire. ‘When you first talked about coming here to see the autopsy report, I thought it was a ploy for the two of us to be together, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that the physical attraction between us is still strong, and the thought of us being able to do something about it was very app
ealing. But during dinner I was thinking about where our relationship began—thinking about love, Kal. I think you loved me then—I certainly loved you—but I’ve made the mistake of going into a relationship without love once before and I’m not going to do it again, no matter how enjoyable the sex might be.’
‘Love! You talk of love? What is it, Nell? Quantify it or define it for me. Oh, I fancied I was in love back then, but if what I felt for you was love, then let me tell you it’s an emotion I never wish to experience again. Not for what it was at the time, but for the fallout, which proved more deadly than nuclear waste. Shall I tell you what love did for me, Nell?’
She didn’t answer but he told her anyway. Told her of the sweet young bride who’d cried into her pillow night after night, unable to conceive because of her unhappiness and made more unhappy by that inability.
‘I was kind to her, and gentle, and tried everything I could to make her happy, Nell, but some part of me was locked away from her. She knew that instinctively, and though she never probed, she felt lessened by it and in the end she returned to her father’s house, causing pain in both our families, shame in mine. Now she studies and hopes to teach eventually at the university. Philosophy, Nell! Does it encompass love?’
So bitter, Nell thought sadly, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with that.
‘Everything encompasses love, or it should,’ she told him, tilting her chin so he’d know she had no intention of giving in on this point. ‘Love isn’t just something between people—it’s a warm feeling inside you. Maybe if your ex-wife enjoys learning and teaching, she’ll find the warmth and comfort of love in her job. Maybe the marriage wasn’t any more right for her than it was for you. But don’t knock my belief in love, Kal, don’t even try. Love has given me the best memories of my life and a beloved son. How could I not believe in it?’
She stood up again and walked towards the door, and this time he didn’t try to stop her. Neither did he say anything, which was just as well because Nell’s heart was pounding so rapidly she doubted she could have answered. Opening the door, she was tempted to look back at him, but looking at Kal was a dangerous occupation so she continued right on out.
Sheikh Surgeon Page 12
