by K. V. Adair
I had no desire to rest. I also had no desire to do what he gently commanded.
No one else had left the room but me and Deidre. Even Aidan stayed to argue about my fate.
It should have galled me, and frankly it did a bit, but opportunity only came along once in a while. And the opportunity to start my investigation while everyone else was distracted was worth the indignation of obeying Eoin.
Know when to fight your battles and know when to trick your enemy into believing you are docile so they never check behind them. It was much easier to pierce the back of someone’s head than the front.
I’d read that in a book somewhere.
I needed to lose Deidre, but how was the problem. She was stuck on me like shit on a pig. I stopped walking.
“Your highness?” she asked.
I hesitated, unsure if taking the risk would blow up in my face. She had obeyed without hesitation or question when I’d ordered her and the others to contain Innis and his people. I didn’t know if her loyalty had been to my brother and by extension me, or she was a puppet of Eoin.
You could just ask. That’s more useful than wasting time debating.
Too true. “How long did you serve my brother, Deidre?”
She tilted her head. “All my life.”
That could have been 5 years or 500. Hard to tell with the Fae.
I asked for clarification. “All your adult life?”
“As soon as I could hold a blade without loosing a limb.” She smiled, lost in a pleasant memory. “I was the youngest of my generation to do so.”
“Did you serve my father as well?”
She shook her head. “Before my time. I have served the throne as long as your brother had kept it.” She lowered her head and said in a soft voice, “We grew up together.”
“You were close?”
“Yes and no. How close can someone like me be to a high king?”
I gestured toward the insignia on her chest. It was different than the one I’d seen on the other Fae. “You seem to be doing well for yourself. A personal guard to the king?”
“No, not at all.” Her face darkened.
It seemed I hit a nerve. I felt a bit bad about it.
“If I’d been, he would still be alive.” She looked me in the eye, determination set on her face. “I’ve worked my entire life to be worthy of this.” She pointed to the insignia. “It is a great honor to lead the ben síde.”
“What are the ben síde? I mean, how are you different from the other guards?”
“We serve the royal family until death. Our vow is our bond. Should our bonded perish, so shall we.”
I was confused. I didn’t really understand what she was saying. She must have noticed.
“A bond is formed between a ben síde and one of the bloodline. There can be only one bond,” she clarified.
“Hmm. And you’re bonded—were bonded—to my brother? Wouldn’t that mean—”
“No. He would not allow the bond, no matter how much I pleaded.”
The way she talked of Liam betrayed her true feelings. She had loved him. A sense of kinship and connection flowed through me to her.
She seemed to be one of the few who gave a damn. And that boded well for me. In all likelihood she’d be an ally to my investigation instead of a roadblock.
“Did he have bond… I’m sorry. I’m not sure what to call it.”
She nodded, sadness returning to her face. “Yes. I’ve lost brothers and sisters today as well. When they fell, I knew our king had as well.”
I felt a bit ill. Whoever had killed my brother had the ben sídes’ blood on their hands, too. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Her eyes widened. “You’re sorry? My pain is a shadow of what yours is. It is I who should be apologizing to you.”
My pain. There was supposed to be pain when the most important person in your life was taken from you, right? So why did I feel nothing but the need for violence? What was wrong with me?
“Do you know why he wouldn’t bond you?” It was probably a rude question but curiosity got the better of me.
She nodded. “He had other plans for me. More important ones.”
“That’s good, right? He had confidence in your abilities. What were his plans?”
She smiled softly. “To protect that which was most dear to him.”
“That gives me comfort. Everywhere I turn, there are nothing but enemies. A friend would be nice.”
“His heir,” she said at the same time.
My stomach tightened. I had assumed she’d meant me. Finding out she hadn’t was a blow. Of course his heir would be his top priority, which meant it was expected for Deidre’s loyalty to be to Niamh.
“With him gone, Niamh can’t carry his heir. What was his back-up plan?”
“You’re his heir, highness. There is no back-up. My life is yours.”
“That’s a heavy burden.”
“A queen has many burdens. It’s my duty to ensure you don’t buckle under the weight.”
“But that requires a bond, which links your life to mine.” I didn’t want the responsibility of another’s life. “I’m not okay with that.”
A mixture of shock and hurt crossed her features.
Shit. I was such an ass sometimes. “It’s not you,” I tried to explain. “My life expectancy is rather short, you know. I’d appreciate the support and the protection, but is a bond really necessary?”
“No,” she said. “I will be your loyal servant for as long as you want me.” She bit her lip. It reminded me of a child, desperate for approval.
It reminded me of me.
I reached out to touch her shoulder. “I meant when I said a friend would be nice. I’d rather have a friend than a servant.”
She nodded but didn’t look convinced. “I will not be the only one who wishes to bond with you. It may seem unimportant to you, but it is our way of life.”
Well, wasn’t that a guilt trip.
Damned if I do; damned if I don’t.
“And you chose this why?”
She sighed, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “The streets are cruel to a child with nothing. My parents wanted something better for my life.”
“That sounds nice.”
She laughed. It came out bitter and disgusted. “What they really wanted was one less mouth to feed. I should count my blessings. My siblings didn’t fare as well as I.”
“What is it with asshole parents?”
She shrugged. “It is a difficult world out there. It may be hard to imagine here wrapped in luxury, but when your survival depends on clawing your way to the top, kindness is weakness.”
“Then they shouldn’t have had kids.”
“A child is the best currency out there.”
“Bloody hell,” I muttered. “How can it be like this? Hasn’t anyone tried to do something?”
“Combating poverty is complicated. Perhaps impossible.”
“We have magic. Nothing is impossible.”
“Magic has limits; we have limits.”
“So, we ignore the problems and do what? Throw parties and think of new ways to screw over others for a little bit more power? Is that what it means to be Fae?”
She smiled softly like a mother would to her child. I should have found it condescending, but I didn’t.
“You thought we would better,” she said.
“With great power comes great responsibility. My family, my brother, they dropped the ball on that.”
“Power corrupts. Those who seek it may corrupt faster, but it claims all eventually.”
“Well, that’s a depressing future. Either eventually succumb to permanent douchebaggery or die young.”
I hesitated, both wanting and not wanting to ask which one my brother fell into. She seemed to know what I wouldn’t put into words.
“The king had many more years of a just and stable rule. His fortitude in the face of constant antagonism from the others was unmatched. He didn’t faze. He didn’t back
down, either.” She sniffled, and I felt the urge to hug her.
Hugs weren’t my thing, but maybe I needed one myself. Talking of my brother chipped at the high walls I’d constructed around my psyche. Dribbles of hopelessness infiltrated the weakened fortress.
The last thing I needed was some trebuchet knocking at the door, armed with boulders of jagged ice.
I pulled her into me, which was a bit awkward considering she was about a foot taller. I nestled my head between her breasts. She smelled like lilacs.
Choked sobs filled the air as I tried to pour comfort into her. I felt the energy in my gut start to swirl and rise.
The sobs grew louder as I reached deeper. I needed it. I knew, though I have no idea how, that it was the mortar keeping my walls up.
“Shh,” Deidre whispered into my hair.
It wasn’t until she spoke that I realized the keening was coming from my lips and not hers.
Chapter Fifteen
Eventually I pulled myself back together. She stepped away, giving me some space. I gave her a feeble smile. “Thanks.”
She nodded. I noted she looked as uncomfortable as I felt.
“I need your help,” I said. My breakdown had wasted what little time I had to poke around without hassle.
My first step was to examine the body.
The body. A lifeless shell, not my brother. My brother was gone. I could face that. I could gather my tiny reserve of courage and get to work on finding the person responsible for taking away my only family.
I intended to destroy them bit by bit. I’d never thought of myself as a sadist. I’d never enjoyed the thought of inflicting pain, even when pain had been inflicted on me.
But this was different. It wasn’t me bloody.
Broken.
Dead.
I would leave another lifeless shell to rot, and then I would go home, back to the mundane where it was safe.
I would leave my demons behind in this hell.
You can’t outrun the devil. No more than you can outrun yourself.
I shoved down the intrusive thoughts. Denial was a powerful drug, almost as powerful as vengeance. And just as damaging.
“I am your servant. Command me,” Deidre said.
I wasn’t really sure how I felt about her words, but I did need her help. “Do you know where they would bring my brother’s body?”
Her nose wrinkled like I’d said something disgusting. Maybe I had.
“That is not something for you to see, Highness.”
Now I didn’t appreciate the patronization. “I’ve already seen it. Now I need to examine it for clues.”
“Are you skilled in forensic investigation?”
“No, but I’ve seen a lot of CSI.” She had no idea what that was, so the argument didn’t move her. “And I’m observant.”
“As am I, Highness. And right now I’m observing a female two steps from going into the abyss. I will not be party to pushing you over.”
Before I could argue further, the door to the throne room opened and a steady stream of snooty nobles flowed out.
There goes my head start.
Eoin exited, and his eyes fell on me immediately. “What are you doing out here?” He looked at Deidre. “You were supposed to bring her to her room.”
Deidre raised her chin. “I do not take orders from you.”
He sighed, rubbing his temples. “I would think you wouldn’t need me to order you to keep the queen safe.”
Deidre said nothing, but what she wanted to say was clear from her facial expression.
I touched her arm gently but spoke to Eoin. “It’s my fault.”
“I’m not surprised. Let’s go.” He gestured for me to follow.
Deidre took a step forward. “I can escort the queen on my own.”
“It’s on my way,” Eoin said. “Besides don’t you have other duties to attend to?”
She looked at me, her face asking the question she didn’t out loud.
I nodded. She didn’t look happy as she turned and walked away.
“Making friends?” Eoin asked, a tinge of humor in his voice.
“Surprised that not everybody hates me?”
“I don’t hate you,” he said softly. “You’re just a pain in my ass.”
“You might want to get that looked at.”
He closed his eyes. “Come on, my queen. It’s late.”
I couldn’t really argue with that, so I followed him to my room, barely noticing the Fae shuffling around us.
When we got there, he opened the door, but my gaze locked down the hallway to my brother’s room.
I stood, frozen in time, burying every last hurt I felt, scrubbing every memory of joy we had shared. They say it’s better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.
Those people must have been masochists.
They were not necessarily wrong, though. Time heals all wounds or some bullshit. But I didn’t have time to mourn.
I had a killer to find.
Thankful Eoin hadn’t pushed me before I was ready, I gave him a small smile before entering my room.
He shut the door behind us and a soft click followed. Locked in a room with a Fae I couldn’t trust.
I sat on the edge of my bed, my gaze on my folded hands. Only a slight tremor betrayed how close I was to falling apart again.
Eoin kneeled in front of me, careful not to touch me. “You need to rest, Morgan. Tomorrow will be even harder than today.”
“Yay,” I muttered.
He stood and walked to the door connecting my room to his. I suddenly didn’t want to be left alone.
“Eoin?”
He glanced behind his shoulder. “Yes?”
I wrapped my arms around my body, suddenly cold. In the past when my ghosts had come to haunt, I’d crawled into bed with Aidan. He’d say nothing, just held me, and my dreams were empty of threat and pain.
I didn’t have Aidan, and I didn’t know Eoin well enough to ask for some sort of comfort. I looked down at my feet, unable to meet his questioning gaze.
“I will leave the door unlocked tonight, my queen. If you have need—”
“I want to see his body,” I blurted out. I hadn’t been thinking about that, but it came out anyway.
“I don’t think that’s wise.”
I raised my eyebrow. I could have thrown around the whole queen thing and something something about obedience, but it would look like nothing more than a childish tantrum. I wasn’t a child anymore. I was a queen, whether I wanted to be or not. Time to start acting like it.
“I can’t… I can’t get it out of my head. The blood. It was everywhere.”
He folded his hands and looked down. “I know. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“I didn’t see his face. I didn’t…”
He sighed as he walked over. “I know what you’re after, and I want to talk you out of it, but I doubt I can. Just be careful.”
“I’m always careful.”
He gave a short laugh. “You’re a terrible liar. Let’s go. It is late, and you need your rest.”
That was easier than I thought. What is he up to?
Yeah, I had a suspicious mind. But when bodies start to drop, not trusting anyone could be the difference between being the next body and living to see another day.
Chapter Sixteen
I didn’t know what I expected when we entered the room that held my brother’s body. Well, actually, I’d assumed it would be similar to the morgues on Earth. Sterile, cold, lifeless.
I didn’t expect copious amounts of plants, large green leaves billowing in—was that an air conditioner? This place grew curiouser and curiouser the more I was here.
The fact I’d only been here a few hours sobered my amazement.
The only thing more shocking than the apparent greenhouse kept at a chilling temperature was the male beside the stone table where I could see a naked leg laying.
Innis faced away from us, but he was hard to mistake for s
omeone else. Even his back looked arrogant.
Eoin cleared his throat to get his attention.
“I’m busy,” Innis barked, not turning around.
“The queen would like to see her brother.”
Innis froze, and I’d have given my left nipple to see the expression on his face.
He must have pulled himself together quick because his face was an expressionless mask when he turned around.
I expected more glares from him or a scowl, but I was finding my expectations and assumptions about this place mirrored my absolute lack of knowledge about it.
His shoulders sagged and his jaw clenched. He looked two seconds from careening over the same ledge Deidre had thought I was going to.
“She shouldn’t be here,” he whispered.
“You think I don’t know that? You try to tell her no.”
Innis frowned at me. “No.”
I ignored him as usual and walked around the stone slab. Slab was a good word for it. I’d prepared myself for what I’d see, but my stomach was still in my throat as I looked down at my big brother.
A stranger with dead eyes looked back.
“You could have at least closed his eyes,” I said, reaching over to shut them.
Innis slapped my hand away before I got too close. “No.”
I pursed my lips, my face hot.
Calm down, Morgan. He wants to see you lose your temper. Don’t give him what he wants.
“You’re being cruel,” I whispered.
“And you shouldn’t be here. His eyes are open for a reason.”
“Why?”
Innis sighed. “I don’t have to explain this to you. You may technically be the queen, but I don’t take orders from you.”
“I didn’t order you, Innis,” I said softly. “I really just want to know.”
“He wouldn’t want you involved.”
I gestured to the still body. “It’s not like he can get angry with you.”
The muscles in his cheek tightened, like he was trying his damnedest not to scream at me. Or hit me.
I looked over at Eoin, but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere in the room. He’d left me alone.
Which means you shouldn’t be worried about Innis hurting you.
Innis went back to ignoring me, turning over one of the arms and examining the wrist.
