“Any chance of a cuppa while I’m waiting?” Dan plonked himself down at the table.
“No,” said Maggie.
“Here, I’ll do it,” said Diana hastily. “The kettle’s boiled already.” She made a warning face at both Tom and Dan. “Mam’s a bit tired.”
“No, I’m not,” said Maggie.
“You look a bit pale,” said Tom.
“I don’t,” Maggie told him.
“Ah, he’s right,” said Dan. “You’re a bit tired, love. Run off your feet maybe? You should give up that CSO job. It’s too much work.”
“I like it,” said Maggie. “And it gives me money.”
“I give you money,” said Dan. “Don’t I give you enough?”
“Not always,” said Maggie.
Dan stared at her. “I thought you did this job because you wanted to,” he said. “It’s not vital, is it? I mean, I’m earning enough, Maggie.”
“It’s vital for me,” she said. “And so that I can buy treats for the house without having to ask you.”
“But I don’t mind you asking me,” said Dan.
“I mind,” said Maggie.
Dan and Tom glanced at each other while Maggie took the chips out of the oven.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” muttered Dan. “She’s been acting strange since the weekend.”
“Since she started reading that book,” said Tom.
Dan made a face. “It’s only some old romantic thing.”
Tom laughed. “Well it’s put her in a shocking mood, whatever it is!”
Maggie slid the burgers onto the plates. Tom was right, she thought. She’d been in a terrible mood all week. And she really didn’t know why. She kept feeling sorry for herself. She didn’t usually feel sorry for herself. And she kept worrying about her age. She didn’t feel as though she was forty-three. And yet she had Dan and Tom and Diana to remind her. She felt restless. She wanted something exciting to happen in her life. Just once.
Maggie planned to finish the book that evening. Lisa had called Luke into her office. She’d looked at him and realised that he was worried about his job. She’d been able to see the fear in his eyes. He was afraid of her. Of the power that she now had over him. He knew that there were plenty of people who could do his job. Some of them might even be better qualified than him. And Lisa, the woman he’d dumped, was the person who’d decide on his future. He wished he hadn’t dumped her. Karen was a lovely girl and he enjoyed going out with her. He wasn’t going to marry her, though. But Lisa – maybe Lisa was the sort of girl he could marry. Should marry.
Maggie turned the pages quickly. Luke was trying to be nice to Lisa. To soft-soap her. He was being smarmy, thought Maggie. So that he would keep his job.
Lisa listened to him. If she fired him would it be out of spite? Or because there was someone better?
She wasn’t sure. She’d have to think about it. She told Luke to close the door on his way out.
Maggie liked that bit. She imagined herself sitting behind a big desk and telling some bloke to close the door on the way out. It was a pleasant thought. She rubbed her eyes. She was tired. But there were only two chapters to go.
“Hey, Maggie?” Dan looked at her.
“What?”
“Fancy an early night?”
She was surprised. Dan never asked her if she fancied an early night!
“I’m reading,” she said.
“Come on, Mags,” said Dan. “I’m in the mood! The kids are out.”
“Let me just finish this bit.”
“Forget it!” He got up and walked out of the room. A second later he put his head around the door. “I’m going for a pint,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”
“OK,” said Maggie. “See you later.”
In the end Lisa didn’t fire Luke. She decided he should keep his job. She sat in her glass office and thought about how great her life was. And then she felt sad because she didn’t have anyone to share it with.
There was a knock on the door and her assistant walked in. She was carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. Lisa was amazed. She couldn’t guess who might be sending them.
Then Rob Harris walked in. He’d flown from New York to be with her. He told her she was the only woman in the world for him. And then he kissed her. In the office. Where people could see.
The ending was a bit corny, Maggie thought. Blokes didn’t really do things like bring you flowers and tell you they loved you. Blokes expected you to believe that the fact that they lived with you was proof enough. Dan had never bought her flowers. Ever. Last year, for her birthday, he’d bought her a deep-fat fryer. Even though she always bought oven chips.
Chapter Six
On Saturday nights Dan and Maggie usually went out to The Dollymount House with some friends. Tony and Rita owned a lighting shop in Coolock.
“We’ve got some lovely new uplights in,” said Rita, as Tony handed her and Maggie their drinks. “You could put one in the corner of the living-room. It’d look really well.”
“Maybe,” said Maggie.
“They’re going like hot-cakes,” said Rita. “Of course all the trendy young things are buying them.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. Especially the people living in the new apartments. They all think they’re being different and stylish, but they’re all buying the same stuff.”
Maggie smiled.
“We had a couple in this morning,” said Rita. “Spent an absolute fortune on lighting. Kept kissing each other as they walked around the shop.”
“Thank God we’ve got past that!” Dan, who’d overheard the last sentence, butted in. “I can’t see me and Maggie kissing our way around a shop.”
“Sure, you don’t kiss me at all!” blurted Maggie.
“No.” Dan laughed. “We move straight into something far more interesting.”
But I’d like it if you kissed me, thought Maggie. If you were more romantic. If you didn’t say things like “Hey, Maggie, fancy an early night?” And if it was more exciting. She blushed. What a thing to be thinking now.
“Maggie?” Rita was looking at her. “Is everything OK?”
“She’s been acting a bit funny for a while,” said Dan to Tony as they stood at the bar. “I don’t know what it is.”
“She looks all right,” said Tony.
“It’s nothing about how she looks,” said Dan. “It’s just – everything else. Like she’s living somewhere else.”
“They all go like that sometimes,” said Tony. “But they get over it. It’s hormones.”
“You’re probably right,” said Dan. He ordered pints for them both.
“How’s Diana?” Rita asked Maggie. “I saw her in the shopping centre this afternoon. She looked great.”
“She always looks great.” Maggie sipped her drink. “Though she complains about her weight every day! I worry about her, though, Rita.”
“Why?” Rita looked surprised.
“Because she doesn’t care about anything other than having a good time.”
“She’s dead right,” said Rita. “You can spend too much time on everything else.”
“But she needs to get her exams,” protested Maggie.
“I know.” Rita smiled at her friend. “And she will, Maggie. Honestly.”
“I wish I could believe that,” said Maggie.
“Believe it,” said Rita. “Think about Jenny.”
Jenny was Rita’s grown-up daughter.
“Remember how she was a complete tearaway when she was at school?” asked Rita. “Now she’s doing really well in the Corporation.”
“I’d love to see Diana safely in the Corpo,” said Maggie.
“Don’t tie her down too quickly,” Rita told her. “She’s only sixteen, Maggie. She has to have some fun.”
“I don’t have any fun,” snapped Maggie. “I don’t see why she should!”
“Maggie!” Rita looked at her in surprise. “Is everything all right?”
M
aggie sighed. “Oh, I suppose so. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Rita. These last few weeks I just feel like my whole life has been such a waste.”
“Why would you feel like that?” asked Rita. “Haven’t you got two lovely children, a grand house and Dan?”
Maggie smiled a little. “It sounds great when you put it like that. But I keep thinking of what I should have done with my life.”
“Like what?” asked Rita.
“I don’t know,” said Maggie. “That’s the point. I always thought I’d get married and have kids and that’s exactly what I’ve done. I just wish I’d done something more, that’s all.”
“Like what?”
Maggie shrugged. “I should have had more boyfriends. I only had one before Dan! I wish I’d had more romance in my life.”
“Romance!” Rita laughed. “We’re a bit old for that.”
“I am now,” said Maggie. “I wasn’t before.”
Rita looked at her thoughtfully. “You need a break,” she said. “Are you and Dan going away for the summer?”
“Are you mad?” asked Maggie. “You know how he is. He hates going abroad. He hates being outside of Dublin!”
“Why don’t you have one of those little mini-breaks?” asked Rita. “You know, a couple of nights in a hotel. At least that way you’d feel pampered. And that would be romantic.”
“To be honest, I feel like I need time away from everyone,” said Maggie. “I need time for myself.”
“I know what you mean.” Rita gave Maggie a hug. “If I get any good ideas, I’ll let you know.”
“Maybe she’s working too hard,” said Tony as he took another pint from Dan. “Maybe she needs a holiday.”
“How can she be working too hard?” asked Dan. “The CSO job is only part-time. I know she has to go out some evenings, but it’s not like my job. It’s not a ten-hour day. Or a twelve-hour day. Besides, she likes it. She’s told me often enough. It’s the one way she gets to meet new people.”
“Perhaps it’s the people she’s meeting!” Tony laughed. “Maybe they’re giving her ideas.”
Dan sighed. “I hope not! Though she got a book from one of them. A love story, I think. Maybe that’s what’s wrong. She’s reading some drivel about true love and stuff.”
“You can show her a thing or two in that department!” Tony laughed again. And so did Dan. But he frowned too.
Maggie rubbed cleanser into her face.
“Don’t bother with that,” said Dan. “Come to bed, Maggie.”
“You’re supposed to take make-up off every night,” said Maggie.
“What will happen if you don’t?” asked Dan.
“I’m not sure.” Maggie wiped her face. “But I’ve always done this.”
“Come on, Maggie,” he said. “Hurry up.”
“I have to clean my teeth,” she told him.
He sighed and closed his eyes. He could hear the buzz of the electric toothbrush. He’d had four pints and he was sleepy. He wished Maggie would hurry up. He didn’t want to fall asleep before she came back. He wanted to be loving to her. Show her that he cared.
Maggie stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were a little bit red. That was from the smoke in the pub. She picked up her tweezers and plucked a few stray hairs from her eyebrows.
She was being silly, she thought. She was just going through a phase of being unhappy. Nobody could be happy with their life all of the time. Dan probably felt unhappy too sometimes. And she never even noticed. She was too caught up in herself.
She sprayed herself with Musk from the Body Shop. Diana had bought it for her the time that Dan had bought the deep-fat fryer.
Dan was snoring gently. Maggie stood at the side of the bed and watched him. She slid into bed beside him. He grunted and rolled over onto his side. Maggie turned out the bedside light. She put her arm around him. But he didn’t wake up.
Chapter Seven
Maggie put six tins of baked beans into her shopping trolley. She always did her shopping on Monday mornings. The shop was quieter then.
She looked at her list. Tom wanted Gillette blades. She found them and threw them into the trolley. Diana wanted her to buy a new low-fat spread. And some low-calorie pasta sauce. Maggie shook her head. She would have to talk to Diana about all this low-fat stuff. She wasn’t certain it was as good for you as Diana thought.
“Hello, Maggie.”
She turned around in surprise. It took her a moment to recognise the man beside her. It was Chris Casey. The man she interviewed who was separated from his wife and children.
“Hello Mr Casey,” she said. “I didn’t know you did your shopping here.”
“Sometimes,” he said. He looked at her trolley. “Stocking up?”
She smiled. “I do a big shop on Monday mornings.”
He looked at his own trolley. It was only a third full.
“I’m supposed to be stocking up too,” he said. “The children will be staying with me this weekend.”
“Are you looking forward to it?” she asked.
“Yes and no,” said Chris. “I want them to stay, but I’m nervous. They’ve never stayed over before.”
“Why are they staying?” asked Maggie.
“Well, June – that’s my wife – is going on a short holiday. And the younger kids need to be looked after. Mick is my eldest, but he’s over in London at the moment. Tina is next. She’s seventeen. But she’s at school until after they get back and I don’t want them at home on their own.”
Maggie tried to remember what he’d said about his children. “So it’s the three youngest?”
He beamed. “Yes. Emma and Paula, the twins – they’re thirteen. And Alan. He’s nine.”
“Do you still miss them?” asked Maggie. “Because they’re not there all the time?”
“Of course,” said Chris. He looked at his watch. “Are you busy?” he asked.
“Not really,” said Maggie.
“Would you mind helping me with the shopping? I’m used to shopping for one. Not four.”
“Of course.” She smiled at him. “I’m good at shopping!”
When they’d finished, Chris treated her to coffee and cake in the café.
“Thanks,” he said. “Without you, I would have got all sorts of useless stuff.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” said Maggie.
“I would.” He smiled at her. “By the way, you’ve got cream on your chin.”
“I haven’t!” She rubbed at it.
“It’s gone now,” said Chris.
“Thanks.”
“I used to come here with June,” said Chris suddenly.
“Did you?”
“She’d do the shopping and we’d always have coffee here.”
“Why didn’t you do the shopping?” asked Maggie.
“Come on, Maggie. You’ve seen me. I’m hopeless.”
“No, you’re not.” She smiled at him.
“Was it hard?” she asked. “When your wife left?”
Chris finished his coffee. “Yes,” he said. “I couldn’t believe it at first. I thought she’d come back. But she didn’t. And neither did the kids.”
“Why did she leave?” asked Maggie.
“I don’t know.” Chris stared into the distance. “At least – she said it was because I worked so hard. She said she never saw me. She said she wanted something else from life.”
Maggie shivered. The things June had said sounded like how she felt. There were days when she saw Dan for only a couple of minutes. There were days when it all seemed like such a slog.
“Didn’t you talk about it?” she asked.
“I wasn’t a good talker,” said Chris. “And I didn’t take her seriously. I should have.”
He smiled. Maggie smiled back at him. He was very nice, she thought. She couldn’t believe he’d been a bad husband.
“How about you, Maggie?” he asked. “How long are you married?”
“Twenty-two years,” she said.
Maggie made a face. “My life is nothing but responsibilities.”
“What do you do for fun?” asked Chris.
“Fun?” She frowned. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“We go to the pub on Saturdays,” she said. “With friends.”
“But for yourself, Maggie?” Chris asked. “For you?”
She was silent. She couldn’t believe that there was nothing. She must do something for fun. What sort of person was she?
“You’ve got lost,” said Chris. “Lost in being a wife and mother. Lost looking after things. You’ve forgotten about you.”
“That’s not true,” she said. “These last few weeks I’ve been thinking about me all the time.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Are you happy?”
She sighed. “I don’t know.”
Chris smiled at her. “Why don’t we have some fun today?”
“What?”
“A fun day, Maggie. For you.”
She looked worried. “I don’t think –”
“Just fun, Maggie. That’s all.”
“I have the shopping to get home. I have to get a taxi. I don’t drive.”
“I’ll drop you and the shopping home,” said Chris.
It seemed wrong somehow. Yet the idea was nice. A day of fun for her.
“What would you like to do?” he asked.
“Do?”
“We’ll do whatever you want.”
“I’d like to walk on the beach,” said Maggie. “I haven’t done that in ages. Or watch a movie. Or get my hair cut – and coloured! To paint my nails. To eat a box of chocolates.” She laughed. “Silly things, aren’t they?”
“Not at all,” said Chris. “Come on, I’ll drive you home and then we’ll go to the beach.”
It wasn’t a very good day for the beach. The wind came in from the sea. The waves were green and frothy. There weren’t many people around. Maggie’s hair blew across her face.
“I love it here!” cried Chris. “I always have.”
“It’s a shame to live so close and not come more often,” said Maggie.
Maggie's Story Page 3
