by Rinelle Grey
Kugah watched him impassively. He would remain, to be sure Nerris didn’t fiddle with the Metamorphosis Device inside, but he wasn’t going to entertain the possibility, even for a minute, that the ship could be repaired enough to be space worthy. So long as the equipment inside still functioned, that was all he cared about.
Not that it mattered if it was damaged. Without the code, he couldn’t use the Metamorphosis Device anyway.
Even if he could, it hadn’t taken him long to realise that even if he had been able to change himself back, he couldn’t return home. Not after absconding with one of the Gokak’s ships. On his home planet, he would always be a fugitive, no matter what form he wore.
But if he were Sofana again, maybe he could be accepted here among the humans…
The thought wormed its way into his brain, tempting him with warm lights and happy music. Kugah tried to resist its lure, but the thought would not be completely banished.
It didn’t matter. He would never be Sofana again. He’d never been very good with tech. He’d managed the basics of computers in order to record his work, but little beyond that. He’d been far more interested in things that were alive. He had no hope of figuring out how to crack the code.
“What’s it made out of?” Nerris stood near one of the tears in the hull, his fingers brushing over the jagged hole, looking back at Kugah.
Kugah tapped out a brief reply on the tablet. “A genetically engineered, lab grown, biomass polymer.”
Nerris’s eyebrow flew up. “Did you say genetically engineered?”
Kugah nodded. Maybe now Nerris would realise that the ship was impossible to repair without access to the equipment on Sofanette?
Nerris whistled, and examined the tear more carefully. “That could make it hard to repair. We might be able to try welding it, but I’m not sure whether it would stand up to the pressure in space. Depends how good a bond we get, I guess.”
Kugah surveyed him for a moment. Did he really think there was a hope that the damage to the ship’s hull could be fixed? And if so, why? He was only interested in the engine—if it could help his people. Wasn’t he?
Nerris confirmed his suspicions. “Mind if I take a look at the engine?”
“Guidance systems damaged by asteroid,” Kugah typed. “Engine good, I think.”
Glancing up at the asteroid scar, Nerris nodded. “I checked it out, looks mostly superficial. We wouldn’t need the guidance systems anyway, just the engine.”
Kugah nodded and waved his hand towards the entrance.
Nerris stared at the closed hatch, looking for a latch. Kugah stepped forwards and waved his hand over the point where he knew the sensor was hidden under the hull. It slid open, the interior dark.
Inside, he forced himself to not look back to the door to the rear compartment that held to the Metamorphosis Device. He most certainly didn’t want to draw Nerris’s attention back there. Instead, he strode towards the cockpit, and pulled up the hatch that lead down to the engine room. “Gengine,” he grunted.
“Thanks,” Nerris said. He climbed down the ladder, and Kugah remained upstairs. The engine room was not really worthy of the name room. It would be uncomfortably crowded with two of them down there.
So instead, he sat staring at the cockpit, trying to ignore the room behind him. The room that contained so much promise, and so much disappointment.
Memories of his journey in this ship flashed through his mind. Months of travel, with no one but himself for company. The arguments he’d had with himself, about how being alone was worse than the misery. How he couldn’t do this.
How much he’d missed his grandmother.
Kugah’s hands clenched into fists. He’d always classified himself as a bit of a loner, an introvert. He’d never imagined that being alone would be so difficult. The thought of never being able to share a simple thought with someone else, or ask someone else’s opinion on anything… the idea was more lonely than anything he’d ever imagined.
He suspected, given enough time, it would have sent him mad. Perhaps it had. He’d certainly been consumed with anger on Semala. He’d been close to the edge when Kerit had tried to talk to him.
That tiny inkling of communication had changed everything.
And it had made it all worse, because it was giving him a false hope that maybe he didn’t have to be alone.
The truth was, nothing had changed. He was still good for nothing but fighting. The anger hadn’t been caused by being alone, and it hadn’t magically faded when he’d found the humans. It was part of him now, as much as this black armour was.
Which meant he didn’t belong with anyone who believed in peace, and he didn’t want to belong with anyone who was devoted to war. Leaving him stranded in between, in no man’s land.
Nerris’s head appeared out of the hatch. “It all looks good. The design is foreign of course, so I can’t say for certain until we fire it up, but it’s encouraging. If I can’t get the AWP working, this is a viable backup plan. If I can, we might be able to get the ship going so that you can use it.”
Kugah grunted.
Good. Because the longer he stayed here, among these kind and welcoming people, the harder it was going to be to ever leave.
*****
Amelie stared at the screen, shaking her head in disbelief. It didn’t make any sense. Folly was only twenty-five.
She wanted to run the tests again, but she knew the answer would be the same. The tests were conclusive. There was no other explanation.
Heaving a sigh, Amelie sent a message through to Folly, asking her to come in to discuss the results.
Then she sat staring at the screen, not even seeing the numbers in front of her.
Having to give out bad news was never fun. When she had to tell a young woman that she might never have a child, well, that just brought back too many bad memories of her own.
She’d been about Folly’s age when she’d woken up from emergency surgery for excruciating abdominal pain, to be given the news that her fallopian tube had ruptured from an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor scolded her for ignoring the pain for so long, saying that if she’d come in sooner, he might have been able to save the tube.
He’d followed that up almost immediately with the news that she was one of the few women who had been born with only one fallopian tube.
His words had been abrupt and hard. She’d never be able to have a baby.
She’d cried on her boyfriend’s shoulder, and he’d seemed supportive and understanding. But a few weeks later, he’d broken up with her, telling her he didn’t feel ready to settle down. She’d seen him two years later at graduation with his heavily pregnant wife.
“You wanted to see me?” Folly’s nervous question pulled Amelie out of the past, and back into the present. Kerit stood right behind his fiancé, his hand on her waist.
Amelie hoped he took the news better than her boyfriend had.
Giving herself a mental shake, she tried to pull herself together. “Come in and sit down.” She waved to the chairs. “I had the results of those tests I ran and I wanted to discuss them with you.”
“It’s not bad news is it?” Folly asked. “You already said I wasn’t pregnant, didn’t you?”
Amelie nodded. “Yes, I did. You’re not pregnant.” She paused, searching for just the right words. “The tests show some unexpected hormone levels.”
Folly jumped in before she could say more. “What does that mean?”
Amelie took a deep breath. Sometimes there just was no good way to break the news. She suddenly had a flicker of sympathy for that old doctor. Perhaps he hadn’t known how either. “The results are indicative of early menopause.”
Folly stared at her, uncomprehending. “Early menopause?” she repeated. “But I’m only twenty-five.”
“Yes, that is very young,” Amelie agreed. “I’ve never seen it in a woman under thirty before, but the results are quite clear.”
“Are you sure?” Kerit asked. “Is there
any way this could be a mistake? Maybe you should run the tests again.”
“I can if you want,” Amelie said gently, “but it won’t change the results.”
“What does this mean?” Folly asked. “Will I ever be able to have children?”
That was where things got muddy. “If this is your first missed period, then you’re in the very early stages. You will probably have periods on and off for some time. In that time, it is still possible to get pregnant if you get lucky.”
“How long?” Folly demanded.
Amelie wished she could give her a certain answer. “It could be a couple of months, or it could be years.”
“A couple of months?” Folly’s voice rose.
Kerit looked shaken too. “Surely it will take longer than that though, with Folly being so young,” he said.
“Maybe,” Amelie agreed. “But there’s no way to be sure.”
“So if I don’t get pregnant in that time, I’ll never have kids?” Folly asked.
“There are possibilities,” Amelie said, trying to keep her voice positive. “Artificial insemination with donor eggs has a high success rate…”
“Donor eggs?” Folly interrupted. “That would mean it wasn’t actually my child, doesn’t it?”
Amelie’s heart constricted. She’d been offered that option too and she knew how hard it was to swallow. “I’m so sorry, Folly. I wish the results were different.”
“It’s not your fault,” Kerit said calmly, but his words didn’t relieve Amelie’s guilt any.
Folly took a deep breath, then said, her voice shaking, “Thank you for your help, Doctor. I need to go and think about this a bit.”
“Take all the time you need,” Amelie said quickly. “And remember, I’m always here if you need to talk, or have more questions.”
Folly nodded, not speaking, and stood up. Kerit followed her from the room, and Amelie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. They were such a cute couple. It seemed so unfair that this was happening to them. And on a ship full of pregnant women, no less.
She knew that pain only too well.
*****
Kugah strode down the hallway, ignoring all the humans he passed. He didn’t want to know if they shrank away from him or tried to talk. He’d had enough of talking to people today. And he’d had enough of having his hopes raised futilely.
He just wanted to be back in his room, alone.
He was so determined to ignore every human around him, he almost ran into one.
The middle aged woman, her belly huge with pregnancy, stood in the middle of the corridor junction, turning in circles.
His quick reflexes meant he stopped before he actually collided with her. He would have just moved around her, except that there wasn’t room. She stood right in the middle of the corridor, as oblivious to him as he’d been attempting to be to everyone else.
She muttered something under her breath.
Kugah wanted her out of his way so he could get back to his room. He gave a low growl, and she stopped spinning and stared at him. He pointed down the corridor, in the direction he needed to go, and she turned to stare, as though to see what was there.
She turned back to him, and said solemnly, “Thank you.” Then she walked down the corridor he had pointed to.
Kugah growled under his breath. Why did she have to be going the way he needed to go? She walked slowly, occasionally stopping to lean on the side of the corridor, with one hand on her belly, and pant a few times.
The first time she did it, Kugah wondered if he could slip past her so he could walk at his own speed, but she started moving again before he could.
The second time, he wondered what she was doing. She sounded almost like she was in pain. He glanced around, but the corridor was empty except for the two of them.
Was something wrong with her?
She stood up, and walked on again, then she paused in the middle of the corridor. She muttered something, and Kugah strained to make out her words. “This isn’t the way. Why did I come down here?”
Turning around, she looked directly at him, but her eyes seemed to stare right through him. “This way?” she asked herself. “No, I don’t know. I can’t remember. Why can’t I remember?”
There was something wrong.
As he watched, she turned around again, and looked the way she’d been going, then turned back the way she’d come.
She was about to start the spinning thing again.
Before she could, Kugah stepped forwards and put a hand on her arm. “Kugah gelp?” he tried.
The woman looked up at him, as though seeing him for the first time. “Can you help me?” she asked, as though he hadn’t said anything. “I’m looking for…”
She broke off, looking confused. “Where was I going again?”
She reached out suddenly, and gripped his arm, her knuckles whitening. She bent slightly, giving small moans.
Kugah had no idea what was wrong with her, but he did know who could help. When she straightened up again, he tried to steer her in the direction of med bay.
The woman went along with him for several steps, then she stopped and pulled back. “No, I’d love to come with you, but I was going to med bay. I need to get there in a hurry because…” she broke off again, looking confused.
Kugah tugged on her arm, but she didn’t budge. He could easily put enough pressure on her arm to make her walk, but he was afraid of hurting her. So instead, he bent down and scooped her up. She gave a small gasp, followed by a weak protest, but Kugah ignored her.
He headed off in the direction of the med bay.
Amelie would know what to do.
Chapter 14
Despite having assured Folly and Kerit that she had no reasons to doubt the accuracy of the results, Amelie was in the process of going over them, just in case she’d missed something, when the med bay door slid open.
It revealed Kugah, standing there, holding a woman in his arms.
As soon as she saw his black shape, Amelie’s heart rate sped up. She hadn’t seen him since their awkward scene in his room yesterday, and the memory made her uncomfortable for so many reasons.
Luckily, she didn’t have time to dwell on that, as the woman in his arms struggled slightly.
As Kugah set her upright in front of him Amelie recognised her. Junie, a single mum, had always been fairly quiet. Amelie didn’t know a lot about her other than the fact that her forty something age put her quite a bit older than most of the other mums here. The way Kugah stood behind her though, his arms slightly out, indicating he was blocking her exit, didn’t make a lot of sense.
“Is something wrong?” Amelie asked, jumping up and moving towards the pair.
“Ahh, Dr Benton,” Junie said calmly, as though she hadn’t just been struggling in Kugah’s arms. “Just who I wanted to see. I think I’m in labour.”
As she spoke, she clutched at her stomach and started panting.
Amelie waited until the contraction passed, then guided her into the room. “Come sit down and I’ll check you out.” Over her shoulder, she said to Kugah, “Thanks for helping her. I can take it from here if you have things to do.”
Kugah didn’t move. Amelie was going to ask him if everything was all right, when Junie pushed her away. The movement was so sudden and unexpected that Amelie stumbled back, almost falling over.
“What are you doing?” Junie demanded. “Why did you bring me in here? There’s nothing wrong with me. Are you trying to clone me?”
Amelie stared at her. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She glanced up at Kugah, and he looked solemnly back. Had he known? Was that why he had brought he woman to her?
She turned back to Junie. “Of course not, I just want to check on your baby, okay?” She kept her voice calm and reassuring. It was far too easy for this kind of situation to lead to aggression.
Confusion swirled in Junie’s eyes, then as another contraction rolled over her, she bent in pain. She let Amelie lead her to a chair and
sank into it gratefully. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said, her voice high pitched and panicked. “I keep forgetting where I’m going, and what I’m doing. Is this because I’m in labour?”
“It could be,” Amelie said soothingly, though personally, she was doubtful. “Pain does funny things. How about I give you something to ease the pain, and we see how you feel then?”
Junie nodded quietly, and took the gas mask Amelie handed to her. After several pulls on the nitrous oxide, she calmed down enough for Amelie to check her.
“You’re seven centimetres dilated, and the baby is doing fine,” Amelie reassured her. “Things should go fairly quickly now, and soon you’ll be holding your baby in your arms. Just rest here for a minute while I get things ready.”
Junie nodded, and leaned back in the chair, clutching at the gas mask.
Amelie motioned Kugah to come over. “Where did you find her?” she asked, her voice low.
Kugah just stared at her, and she realised something was lacking. She searched the table and pulled out a tablet and handed it to him.
“She was in the hallway, blocking my way,” he typed. “She just kept turning in circles, and didn’t seem to know where she was going. Is something wrong?”
Amelie hesitated, looking back at the bed, but Junie’s eyes were closed. Who knew how long she had been wandering. She’d probably exhausted herself. “I won’t know until I can check her more thoroughly, but it looks like some sort of dementia. Hopefully it’s temporary, and will clear up once she’s had a chance to rest.”
She didn’t really think so, but she was struggling to think of any other reason for the woman’s strange behaviour. It was unlikely, at only forty, that it was early onset Alzheimer’s, though it couldn’t be ruled out.
She tried to recall the last time she’d seen the woman. On the observation deck maybe, when the whole ship was watching Folly and Kerit’s flight. She’d seemed fine then. It was a pity Junie didn’t have any family to question about her behaviour over the last few weeks, but Junie was a very private person, who never had mixed much with the other passengers on the ship.
