Reid grabs my hand as we head back to the car. “Hey, where’s my Heinies?”
I look away from him, knowing this is a moment in time that I’ll always regret. He’ll be angry, leave me, and I’ll be nothing again. I’ll be as broken as that beer bottle. “Reid, I…”
“Don’t worry about it. There’s more than one way to party,” he says as we reach Big Wayne’s black Impala, which shakes from the pounding bass.
“You wanna drive?” Reid asks.
“I don’t know how to drive,” I reply. Yet another uncool confession.
“We’ll most certainly have to do something about that,” he says, then crawls into the car, pulling me in behind him. As soon as we sit down, he lights up a Newport, takes a drag, then puts it into my mouth.
“So where to?” Wayne asks. I still don’t know his girlfriend’s name, but suspect it might be found among Wayne’s numerous tats.
I give directions, then Reid whispers, “Don’t worry, everything’s cool.”
I listen to the music and the tattoo lovers’ laughter, and in my heart, I know Reid’s right.
• • •
I ask Wayne to turn down the music when we pull onto Ashley’s street. We drive by her house. I see her light’s on, so I know she made it home safe. I’m sure Mom’s cursing herself for taking away my cell phone since it’s well past midnight and I’m way past curfew, and she’s no doubt already called Ashley. I wonder if Ashley lied for me, especially after I’ve lied so much to her. As I unhook the latch at the Ambrose house, I wonder how many lies a friendship can stand.
The dogs bark as we settle in by the pool, but stop after a while. When no lights come on in the nearby houses and no sirens start screaming across the sky, I figure we’re safe. We all sit at the far end of the pool, the coolness of the water taking the heat off this hot-blooded evening. I hang with Reid; I have nothing to say to Wayne or his girlfriend, who he called Becca.
After about twenty minutes, Reid calls Wayne over, whispering into his ear. Wayne cracks up, then he and Becca head down to the other end of the pool, strip off what little clothing they’re wearing, and jump in. I try not to stare at their naked bodies, but it’s hard. Wayne yells, “All right!” which gets the dogs barking and Reid glaring.
For a while, the only noise other than chirping crickets is the sound of Wayne and Becca splashing and kissing. Even though there’s no music playing, this feels like I’m living in a music video instead of my life.
“You guys getting in?” Wayne yells, triggering another glare from Reid and another round of barking from the dogs.
Reid shakes his head, then winks at me. “Wayne’s got shit for brains.”
I don’t say anything. I’m too busy trying to block out the sounds of the dogs and the sight of Becca’s naked tattooed back, which is now covering most of Wayne’s naked tattooed front.
“I guess if you smoke a bag of shit a day, then that’s what happens.”
“I guess,” I reply.
“Bakers shouldn’t eat their own donuts,” Reid says. He laughs and then winks again. I don’t get it but laugh anyway. Every time I laugh at something Reid says, he breaks out that smile, which makes me feel more comfortable. It’s like I’m coasting and the hill is behind me.
After the dogs quiet down, Reid takes off his shirt, shoes, pants, and socks. I try looking everywhere but at him as he does a huge dive into the pool, splashing me with water.
“You coming in?” he asks, splashing more water toward me.
I shake my head. I don’t want to say no to him, but I can’t say yes.
“You sure?” he asks under the rain of more splashes.
“I don’t know how to swim,” I say, which is half-true. I don’t want to be in the water with my clothes on, and I’m not going to jump in with my clothes off, not with Wayne nearby.
“Don’t know how to swim or drive,” Reid says, shooting me that smile. “I gotta lot of stuff to teach you.”
Before I can say anything, Reid swims toward me and starts running his right hand up my leg. I’m as embarrassed by my body as I am by the nearly naked body two feet in front of me. I notice for the first time the spiderweb-like tattoo at the top of his back.
“Hey, light me up,” he says, pointing toward the pack of smokes on the table. I turn to get the smokes and his lighter.
“Here,” I say, putting the cigarette in front of me, but his hands remain in the water.
“Put it in my mouth,” he says with a smile. I do as he asks, then bend over to light it, my hands shaking like it was January, not June.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Reid says, as I unsuccessfully flick the lighter.
“For being so clumsy, for not being cool,” I mutter. Another useless flick.
“Danielle, I think you’re hot,” he says, steadying my hands with his.
“Then you must be really wasted.”
“No. You’re so hot, I think you need to cool down,” he says, grasping my right wrist and pulling me into the pool. I scream in shock, but the barking of the dogs and the laughter—of Wayne, Becca, and especially Reid—are soon the loudest sounds of all.
“Wait here,” Reid whispers, then he swims to the center of the pool. He motions for Wayne to come over and says something in his ear. Wayne laughs, then says something back to Reid. He and Becca gather their clothes, get dressed, and head out to the car, while Reid swims to me.
“What’s going on?” I ask him.
“You and me,” he says. We splash around in the water, but most of the time, Reid’s hands are rubbing up against my body, not slapping the water. After a while, Reid crawls out, then sits on one of the lounge chairs, turning it so its back faces the gate.
“Come here,” he says. I leave the water to stand before him shivering in my wet clothes.
“How could you be cold when you’re so smokin’ hot?” he asks. I’m even more embarrassed at my body’s natural reactions, which all seem very new, strange, and exciting.
I don’t even know what to say to this. I really want to look away, but I know that’s not what he wants.
“From what I can see, you’re one sexy woman, but I’d love to see more. Don’t worry, Wayne and Becca are taking a little walk on the outside,” he says in the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. I know this is my cue. I take off the wet T-shirt.
“Very sexy,” he purrs, and I toss the T-shirt at him. He catches it, laughs, then sits up in the chair and whispers through his smile, “That’s from what I can see.”
I reach behind and unhook my bra, which seems to take forever as my clumsiness feeds my nervousness. Just as if I was in the locker room at school, I kneel down to cover up, which causes Reid to laugh. His laughter and his smile are intoxicating, and I drop my arms along with my doubts and fears.
“Very hot, very sexy,” he says as he moves toward me. He kisses the top of my head, my mouth, my neck, and then my breasts. Hot sweet sensations shoot from the center of my body toward my brain and below. I’m breathing heavily, but Reid’s acting so relaxed.
“Everything about you is hot,” he says, kissing the top of my head again. I try to crawl closer to him, but instead he puts his hand on my shoulder. He drops my T-shirt in front of me, by my knees, at the foot of the lounge chair, and whispers, “Especially your mouth.”
I don’t say anything, but he says, “Look at me, Danielle. It’s just me and you, just like you always wanted.” He circles my mouth with his index finger, and then puts it inside. He kisses the top of my head again, then stands, taking off his wet underwear. Sitting back in the lounge chair, he puts his hands behind his head and says, “Why don’t you show me that sexy mouth in action?”
Before I can make a move, I hear Wayne shout, “Dude, fuck it, we’re busted!”
Reid pushes me away, then looks at Wayne, who’s standing by the gate. As I quickly put my clothes back on, I see Wayne pointing to the house next door. All its lights are now on; flashing red lights are sure to f
ollow. But the sight of Reid’s sexy bare ass in front of me quickly stops me from looking anywhere else.
“Keys!” Reid yells as he finishes putting on his clothes quickly. I’m terrified, almost shaking, but I can tell Reid’s icy calm. Wayne reaches into his pocket, then tosses Reid the keys to his car as we run toward the gate. “Let’s roll!”
I latch the gate behind us, then jump in the already running car. Reid’s in the driver’s seat, with Wayne next to him. I join Becca in the back. I must look embarrassed, and I’m even more so when she hands me a stick of gum. Reid hits the gas, leaving a patch of rubber on the pavement, an angry rumble of barking dogs, and maybe the best night of my fifteen-year-old life behind us.
7
SATURDAY, JUNE 28
“You promised, remember?” Ashley says over the sounds of three crazed barking dogs.
“I know,” I say through a yawn. I didn’t sleep much last night thinking about Reid, but I still managed to get up early and bike over to Ashley’s house first thing in the morning. We walked mostly in angry silence over to the Ambrose house. I want to apologize, but my other motive is to pick up the cigarette butts from our improvised pool party last night.
“I’m not going over to Reid’s house again,” Ashley says over her shoulder. She’s feeding the dogs, which gives me time to pocket the evidence.
“But, Ashley,” I start.
“You take us there, ditch us yet again, and then leave without us,” she says. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing,” I reply, avoiding her glare.
“You’re not seeing him again, are you?” she asks.
I start walking toward the other end of the pool, then say, “You don’t have to go.”
“You’ll only get hurt,” Ashley says sharply as she and the dogs follow me.
“I guess there’s one way not to get hurt,” I say.
“What’s that?”
“Never fall in love,” I shoot back, wondering why I’m so angry at Ashley, wondering more where within me the word “love” came from.
“You think you know everything, but you don’t know anything,” Ashley says.
“What does that mean?” I ask, almost shouting at her.
“Like you say, Danny: whatever.” Ashley then walks away from me. I don’t blame her.
“Look, I’m sorry,” I say.
“Evan’s really upset too,” Ashley adds.
“Why?”
“Because he likes you, Danny.”
“I know,” I mutter, ashamed to admit it. Rejecting him is one thing, but I know I’m doing more: it feels like I’m betraying him. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, but especially not Evan’s since he is such a nice guy.
“He’s not going over there anymore,” she says. “And you know, you shouldn’t either.”
“You sound like your mother,” I crack back, hoping to raise a smile, but all I get in return is a deep, angry stare.
“You don’t know anything about my mother,” she says harshly.
“I don’t want to get in a fight with you, Ash, I’m sorry,” I say, trying to calm her down.
“Don’t talk about my mother,” she snaps again.
“What is wrong with you?” I ask her, but as she’s done so many times in the past, Ashley answers with silence. Even though she’s my best friend, sometimes I feel like I’ve got only a broad outline of her. Like she’s a figure in a coloring book, and I have to fill her in as best I can with the colors she lets me see.
Finally she speaks, but not to me. “Let’s go, boys!” The dogs run toward her. They’re jumping all over her, like a long-lost friend, even as her best friend forever is slithering away from her.
• • •
Before I leave Ashley’s house, I use her phone to call Reid, but he doesn’t pick up. I bike home, try calling him again without success, and then decide to go visit him. He’s probably out back working on the Viper. But before I see him, I have to get ready. It’s hard for me to believe that Reid thinks I’m hot, but all this biking is dropping off those remaining baby-fat and Halo Burger pounds. This morning, rather than putting on yet another ill-fitting T-shirt, I pick out a tight white beater I’d bought in the spring but never felt right about wearing. Instead of my torn jeans, I put on some army surplus pants I’ve chopped into shorts, and top it off with a flaming red bandanna. I might still be riding my bike, but I know I don’t look like some stupid kid anymore.
Reid’s Viper isn’t in front of his house when I get there, but there’s a black Mustang on the street and a huge GMC pickup truck that nearly fills the whole driveway. I put my bike down in the front yard, tuck in my shirt to make it tighter, then apply some last-second sparkly lip gloss before I knock on the door. No one answers. I knock louder. After a while, I hear some noise on the other side, and the door slowly opens.
“Is Reid home?” I ask the woman who answers the door.
“I don’t know,” is her less than helpful response. Her voice is sandpaper-rough and her eyes are barely open. She’s wearing dark coveralls, like my dad used to wear when he worked at one of the GM plants. “Maybe he’s sleeping, which is what I want to be doing.”
“Just tell—” Before I can finish, she shuts the door. I wait down the street for about a half hour, but nobody emerges from the house. Stranger yet, nobody’s coming over to Reid’s just to hang out. Nobody but me. Alone again.
• • •
I bike over to the Capitol to get something to eat. Mom’s mad that I came in late, but believed the story I’d made up about fighting with Ashley, then walking home. She even believed my explanation of the wet clothing; I told her I’d cut through the driving range down the street when the sprinklers turned on. My guess is she’s so used to my being moody and clumsy that she’ll believe those lies rather than the truth. Not that I’ll ever tell her that.
Mom’s workday is just starting, and it looks to be a busy one. The truck plant near the Capitol is one of the few Flint auto factories still open and running three shifts all seven days.
I sit at the table with the other waitresses. Most of them are Mom’s age, and as I’ve learned through the years, they all have almost the same story: at least one divorce, child support checks that never arrive on time or ever, unemployed boyfriends, two jobs, and three packs a day. As I listen to these women in their black Capitol polo shirts talking about their lives, I vow I’ll become an A student for the rest of high school. I love my mom, but I don’t want her life.
I borrow some of Mom’s tip money and use the pay phone to call both Evan and Ashley, just to talk to someone. Neither of them pick up, but even if they did, I wouldn’t really know what to say to them. They’d want to go to a movie, bookstore, or maybe the mall, but I just want to be at Reid’s house.
After a while, I decide to try Reid again. He answers after the tenth ring.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asks, then coughs.
“I was over earlier,” I tell him. “Your mom was kind of rude to me.”
“When she’s like that, just avoid her,” he says. In the background, I can hear rustling.
“Why don’t you move out?” I ask him.
I hear a lighter click. Reid says, “Normally she leaves me alone, and I leave her alone. I don’t have to pay rent, so I can spend all my money on my car and my friends. But now she’s on one of her benders, and bent the shit out of shape, especially after the last party.”
“What do you mean?”
“Somebody busted something at the house the other night, so she’s all pissed off,” Reid says, then coughs. “Don’t think we’ll be partying at my house for a while.”
“Okay,” I say, still waiting for him to invite me over.
“Probably best,” he says. “Too many wannabes and hangers-on.”
I wonder if he means Angie.
“Hey, lots of my friends are jerks. They’re not cool like you,” Reid says. “They don’t understand me like you. They come over, drink my beer, play with
my shit, and do business.”
“Business?”
Reid pauses, coughs, then says, “Besides, I want you all to myself, baby.”
“Whatever you want, Reid.”
“Girls like Angie, they’re real jealous types,” he continues. “Real shit-stirrers.”
“I understand,” I say, which isn’t totally true.
“So, I’m just protecting you from all that shit.”
“Okay, Reid.”
“Make sure you call first,” he says. “You don’t want to run into my drunk mom again.”
“Okay,” I mutter again. I’ve read how love leaves you speechless, and I’m living proof.
“So, where you at?” he asks.
“Just hanging out where my mom works,” I shout over the loud shift-change rush.
“Where’s that?”
“The Capitol on Bristol,” I answer, almost wincing. If he wants to come over here, my mom will want to meet him, and I’m so not ready for that.
“I got no wheels now,” Reid says. He coughs out phlegm while I breathe a sigh of relief. “I gave Vic another shot. He’s putting new speakers in the Viper, but he’s taking forever.”
“I could bike over,” I say, but I really want to ask what the deal between Reid and Vic is.
“Why don’t you drive over?”
“I don’t know how to drive, remember?” I say gently.
“I’ll teach you,” he says. “I’ll get Big Wayne to give me a ride down there. Stay put.”
“I don’t want to drive Wayne’s car.”
“He wouldn’t let you touch The Mighty Impala,” Reid says with a laugh.
“Then how can you teach me to drive?” I ask. “What car are we gonna use?”
“Your mom’s,” Reid says, then laughs again before he hangs up the phone.
• • •
Before I head toward the parking lot, I ask Mom when her shift’s over and make sure she’s not running errands during her breaks. If she’s suspicious, she doesn’t let on, even when I ask to get some gum from her purse. I do take some gum, but that’s not all I take.
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