Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

  ‘Oh, Leonie, come on, don’t be so gullible,’ Alex laughed. ‘You seem to have conveniently forgotten that right before I came along, he was hitting on you!’

  ‘No, no, I’d say he was just being friendly. You should have seen the state of me, blushing like an eejit in front of him.’

  Alex wasn’t convinced. ‘Seth rarely needs an excuse.’

  ‘Are you sure it’s not just a front though?’ Leonie persisted. Although the atmosphere at last night’s dinner had been strained, anyone with half a brain could see that there was still some spark between Alex and her husband, and although she did like Seth, at the same time Leonie really couldn’t condone what he had done…

  Alex rolled her eyes. ‘Good old Seth does it again. Seriously Leonie, I know what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I know better than anyone how easy it is to be taken in by him, but that was a long time ago and I’ve learned my lesson since. He’s not to be trusted, simple as that. Anyway, I’ve moved on now and I’m very happy.’

  ‘So what does Jon think – about Seth I mean?’

  ‘He’s cool about it, but I think like me, he’d rather things were straightened out.’

  ‘I can imagine. So you’re definitely going to have Seth served then.’

  ‘Of course. Why wouldn’t I?’

  ‘What if he refuses to sign the papers again?’

  ‘He never refused to sign them Leonie, I just never managed to find out where he was long enough to send them.’

  ‘And you never wondered why that was?’

  Alex frowned. ‘I’m not following you.’

  ‘Well, maybe he didn’t tell you where he was all this time because he didn’t want to get a divorce.’ That was Leonie’s thinking on it anyway, because even though she’d only learned a little about their relationship, it was clear to her that Alex and Seth still had unfinished business.

  ‘Are you crazy? Getting married was the worst thing that ever happened to him, because it put an end to his womanising. Or at least it was supposed to,’ Alex added sardonically. ‘So please don’t give me any more of this sentimental stuff; we have enough of that to be dealing with already. And speaking of which,’ she added, checking her watch, ‘Helena should be starting her shift soon so we’d better get going.’

  ‘OK,’ Leonie picked up her bag, deciding not to push the Seth thing any longer. Alex was right, maybe he had worked his magic on her, in the same way that Nathan’s letters had. God she was a disgrace to the female population, so willing to forgive and give both of these guys the benefit of the doubt!

  She and Alex hopped in the Mustang and made their way back to Cannery Row.

  Leonie still had mixed feelings about meeting the woman, now that she was so close. What if this really was the Helena they were looking for? Would she be grateful to them for letting her know about the letters, or would she take Leonie’s head off for reading her private correspondence? No, she’d surely understand that she’d only done it because she had no other choice, and if this whole thing ended up with her reuniting with her husband perhaps she might even be grateful?

  Upon entering Cannery Row Photography, she and Alex were greeted by a pleasant woman sitting behind a reception desk.

  ‘Hi there,’ Alex said confidently. They’d already agreed that it would be she who’d do most of the talking, as she was used to questioning people and had been brilliant on the phone, whereas Leonie knew she’d only get tongue-tied. ‘One thing we also should consider is the possibility that she might not want to know about the letters,’ Alex suggested on the way there. ‘She didn’t take them with her remember?’

  But Leonie couldn’t see this somehow, their romance had come across as very passionate and enduring and despite what he’d done, she couldn’t imagine any woman not wanting to read such an amazing outpouring of devotion.

  But that was her.

  ‘Can I help you?’ the woman behind the desk asked.

  ‘Yes, we were wondering if Helena Abbott was free?’ Alex asked. ‘I called yesterday and was told she’d be here today.’

  ‘Sure. Are you guys here for the portraits? You’re a little early and she’s just setting up, but I’ll check if – ‘

  ‘We don’t have an appointment actually. We were just hoping to have a quick word about some other stuff of hers.’

  Well that could be true in a way, Leonie thought, once again impressed at Alex’s ingenuity.

  ‘OK, well I’ll just check if she’s free.’ The girl stood up and went through a doorway to the right of the reception area, and a minute or so later they heard voices and the approaching footsteps of two different people.

  Alex looked at Leonie and winked as if to say ‘here we go’ and when the door opened, the receptionist reappeared, followed by a slim and elegant, dark-haired woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties. Instantly weighing this against the description she’d read of her in the letters, Leonie’s heart pounded in excitement. This could be her!

  Alex stood up while Leonie stayed rooted to her chair. ‘Helena Abbott?’ she asked. The woman nodded in the affirmative. ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘I’m sure you’re very busy, but I wonder if we could just have a minute of your time.’

  Helena nodded amiably. ‘I have an appointment at two so I guess I have a couple of minutes. What can I do for you?’

  ‘Well, I hope you don’t think this strange, but are you from San Francisco or did you live there recently?’

  ‘I am from the Bay Area as it happens,’ she replied. ‘Why do you ask?’

  ‘Did you happen to work as a photographer there at any time?’

  ‘Yes, as a freelance before I moved here a few months ago.’

  ‘Specialising in photographs of the Golden Gate by any chance?’

  ‘Not particularly, but I think every photographer worth his or her salt photographs the bridge once in a while,’ she joked amiably. ‘Again, why do you ask?’

  Alex looked at Leonie. ‘Well, it’s just me and my friend here are trying to locate a former resident who lived in our building and her name was Helena Abbott. You didn’t happen to live on Green St?’

  Leonie couldn’t be absolutely certain, but as soon as Alex said this, she thought she saw the woman’s green eyes grow wary. It could very well have been her imagination though because her breezy tone didn’t waver. ‘I’m afraid not,’ she replied with an apologetic smile. ‘You must have the wrong Helena Abbott.’

  ‘That’s a real shame,’ Alex went on. ‘Thing is, she’s still getting a lot of mail – some of it pretty urgent-looking. We just wanted to make sure she wasn’t missing out on anything important.’

  Again the woman shook her head. ‘Can’t help you, I’m afraid,’ she said. ‘But I’m sure the landlord would have a forwarding address for any previous tenants, wouldn’t he?’

  Although Helena’s voice still sounded easygoing and unaffected, Leonie was pretty certain she was now thinking there was plenty more to this than met the eye. Why else would anyone come all the way down here just to send on some stranger’s mail? Alex must have come to the same conclusion.

  ‘Unfortunately no, but me and my friend were here for the weekend, and when we heard by chance there was a Helena Abbott working here, we thought why not just ask and see if it’s the same one?’ she said, sounding as if it was all completely casual.

  ‘Well, I’m really sorry I can’t help you.’ the woman said with a smile.

  ‘No, we’re very sorry for bothering you.’ Alex said apologetically, moving towards the door. She cast a surreptitious glance at Leonie before adding with a light laugh, ‘I guess all those love letters will just have to be returned to sender.’

  Helena Abbott nodded again, an unreadable expression on her face. ‘I guess so.’

  ‘So what do you make of that?’ Alex asked when they went outside. ‘Is she our girl or not? Can’t say I recognised her myself, but as I said I couldn’t really say what she looked like back then.’

  ‘
I’m not really sure what to think either.’ Leonie said truthfully. ‘She’s probably the right age and fits the description in the letters, so much so that when I saw her first I really thought we were on to something. But while she says she didn’t live in Green Street, I think something changed when you mentioned it, and that was odd.’

  ‘That’s why I threw in that bit at the end about them being love letters, but she didn’t really react, did she? At least, not how you’d expect.’ She exhaled. ‘I don’t know Leonie, we could very well be seeing odd signs where there are none. On the face of it, if that woman in there was the right Helena Abbott, there’s no reason for her to pretend otherwise, is there?’

  ‘Well, none that we know of anyway.’

  ‘No.’ She made a face. ‘Well, I never thought I’d say this, but I reckon we need to find out more about those two.’

  ‘Helena and Nathan you mean?’

  ‘No, freakin’ Laurel and Hardy, who do you think I mean?’

  Leonie grinned. ‘So you’re saying we should open up some more letters, and see if there’s anything else we can go on?’ she asked expectedly.

  ‘Why not? We’ve read three already. So let’s go nuts.’

  Leonie was delighted. She was dying to read more of the letters but because everyone had practically made her feel like a criminal for doing so, she’d so far resisted the urge. ‘You’re right – I suppose we might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.’

  Alex looked puzzled. ‘Whatever you say.’

  Might as well be hung for a sheep or a lamb …

  The expression, which had been a favourite of Adam’s, kept repeating itself in Leonie’s mind on the drive back to San Francisco. Interestingly, she thought – her mind again drifting back to events leading up to her departure from Dublin – it probably just about summed things up when it came to how she’d approached the situation with his ex.

  Dublin – Eighteen months earlier

  In preparation for their forthcoming wedding, Leonie and Adam had opened up a joint account and redirected their wages and respective debits and standing orders into the new one.

  The first statement arrived in the post one morning, and to say that Leonie was gob-smacked at her future husband’s ‘obligations’ was an understatement. While she’d known that he contributed a significant amount to Andrea’s housekeeping expenses, it seemed he also gave his a daughter a very generous weekly bonus too.

  ‘A hundred a week?’ Leonie gasped at Adam, shocked. ‘What does a fourteen year-old need that kind of money for?’

  OK, so it hadn’t really been anything to do with her up to now, but seeing that they were now using joint finances, and she was trying to cut down in order to save for the wedding, she felt that it was now very much her business.

  He looked up from the newspaper he was reading. ‘You mean Suzanne’s pocket money?’ he said with a shrug. ‘It’s only a couple of quid.’

  ‘Adam,’ Leonie replied, somewhat concerned at his flippancy, ‘four hundred a month is a lot of money for a girl her age.’

  Especially when Andrea seemed to have the hand out every other day for a contribution to their daughter’s exam grinds, dentist fees, and any other excuse the woman could think of. Adam had already agreed to pay close to a thousand for an upcoming school tour, and only last week Andrea had sent them a bill for some redecorating she’d apparently had done to the girl’s room.

  ‘She’s a young woman now so she can’t expected to put up with all that ‘pretty little princess’ stuff you did before,’ Suzanne’s mother had argued, and at the time, Leonie couldn’t help but think that such an environment sounded just about right for the pampered little Madam who since the engagement had been harder work than ever. So to find that on top of all of this there was also a generous weekly allowance …

  ‘Do you think so?’ Adam replied, looking surprised. ‘Andrea suggested it, whereas I really wasn’t sure. She reckons teenagers really need their independence at that age.’

  ‘Getting handouts from Daddy is hardly independent,’ Leonie said, the words out of her mouth before she could stop them.

  She knew she shouldn’t be needling Adam about this – especially when it looked like he was just being led by the nose – but she couldn’t hold back any longer from saying something. It was plain to see that Andrea was taking advantage, and while Suzanne was merely taking her mother’s lead in following suit, Leonie really felt the teenager should be taught by example that money didn’t grow on trees.

  Although, picturing Suzanne in her fashionista-in-training uniform of pricey Ugg boots, Abercrombie and Fitch leisurewear, and Juicy Couture handbag (not to mention her penchant for high-end shopping centres) she figured this was unlikely.

  Adam put down the newspaper. ‘I suppose it might be a bit much now that I think of it,’ he said. ‘But then again it is only pocket money, and as her father, I don’t begrudge her it.’

  ‘Of course you don’t,’ Leonie said, recalling how up to now she’d always viewed Adam’s dedication to this daughter as incredibly admirable. And she still did, except that it was now patently obvious this dedication was being taking advantage of! ‘It’s just that sometimes I wonder if your kindness is really being appreciated,’ she went on, trying to tread carefully. ‘You’ve always worked so hard to keep the two of them going, yet Andrea has never had to work a day in her life. I just think that maybe some of the time she should take responsibility for Suzanne’s expenses too.’

  ‘Never had to work a day in her life … Leonie, what about that very important job of being Suzanne’s mother? Of nurturing and raising her into the lovely young woman she’s become?’

  Leonie thought about it. Was he right? Was she discounting the immense effort and sacrifice that went into raising a child? Perhaps so, but she still couldn’t see why this entitled Andrea to be a lady of leisure while both fathers of her children picked up the bills. It didn’t seem fair and worse, she wasn’t sure how this would work out when she and Adam got married and perhaps had a family of their own. Would they as a couple have to contribute to two households? If this were the case then Leonie knew that unlike Andrea, she wouldn’t have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mum; their combined wages couldn’t cover that – especially not when almost a third of Adam’s pay went straight to Andrea as it was.

  No, she and Adam would have to get this straightened out and soon. OK so she knew coming into this that it would be slightly more challenging than a relationship with someone with no other commitments, but she loved Adam with all her heart, and knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

  ‘I understand that Andrea made a lot of sacrifices in raising Suzanne,’ she conceded. ‘But Adam, I think you forget sometimes that you did too, and whereas you’re still making them – financially and otherwise – Suzanne is no longer such a burden on her mother’s time. She’s now old enough for Andrea to live her life pretty much how she likes. Don’t you feel that it’s perhaps time for her to contribute in other ways too? Especially when you’ve always done so much for her…’

  ‘Lee, what I did was ruin her chances of having a normal life, or any semblance of a carefree youth,’ Adam interjected, and she could see it his eyes that he was absolutely convinced by this. ‘Andrea could have done anything she wanted, gone to any college in the country, walked into any job. But thanks to me, she was robbed of that bright future and ended up chained to the kitchen sink with a baby in tow.’

  While he painted a very convincing picture of Andrea as the innocent victim, Leonie couldn’t help thinking that surely there were two of them in it back then – unless there was something he wasn’t telling her, she thought worried now, perhaps something more sinister?

  ‘Of course, I’ll admit that I was taken aback when I found out she wasn’t on the Pill like I’d thought,’ he went on, looked a bit uncomfortable then, as if suddenly realising the discussion might be a little bit too intimate for Leonie. ‘But it doesn’t really matter how or wh
y it happened, does it? Suzanne was the end result and that’s something I’ve never regretted, not for a single second. She’s my daughter and I love her, so how can I begrudge her a bit of pocket money?’

  Now Leonie felt that by raising the issue it was like she was the one begrudging the girl her dues, and by the way Adam was talking she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

  The mother of his daughter had a very firm hold on her fiancé, one that Leonie knew she’d be an absolute fool to try and loosen.

  Chapter 17

  My darling Helena,

  I just wanted to let you know I’m still thinking about you and hope you’re OK.

  I hope too that you don’t mind me writing to you still; if you do, I’ll stop.

  To be honest, I’m not sure why I keep writing these letters, although I guess it’s because it helps sometimes to get things off my chest. And as you know, I’ve always been able to talk to you about things I could never share with anyone else and it’s a hard habit to break. There are things happening here that I wish I could share with you too, but I won’t. Some things you just don’t need to know.

  Besides, time just seems to pass by so slowly these days. In this place, sometimes it’s like time almost seems to stand still. Well it does for me anyway, I guess it might be a little bit different for you.

  So how is everything? As I say, I hope you’re OK and I especially hope that husband of yours is treating you well. I know I said at the beginning that you deserved someone better, someone who would give you the world and for a while, I thought I might have been that person.

  I guess I was wrong about that too.

  Please Forgive Me.

  Nathan.

  Leonie raced down to Alex’s place, excitedly waving the letter over her head. ‘You’re not going to believe this!’ she said when the other girl opened the door.