Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

  Was her friend right? she wondered now. Should they just stay out of this whole situation and give up trying to reunite the couple?

  After all, Leonie knew better than most that there were some situations that just couldn’t be fixed, and some actions that couldn’t be undone. And for the umpteenth time since it all happened, she wished she’d had the presence of mind to foresee what was coming down the line for her and Adam.

  Especially when things really began to crumble…

  Dublin – Nine months earlier

  It was a late Thursday evening and Leonie was home later than usual, having decided to do a spot of late-night shopping in town.

  Letting herself into the apartment, she was struck by how quiet things seemed. Although Adam was usually home from work well after her, she’d sent him a text earlier letting him know that she’d be a little bit later today, so he might need to start preparing dinner himself. But it seemed he hadn’t returned yet as the living room blinds were still down and Leonie figured she must have forgotten to open them before she left this morning.

  ‘Hi.’ The voice came so unexpectedly she almost jumped out of her skin.

  ‘Adam, yikes, you frightened the life of me!’ she said laughing, but almost immediately, realised that something wasn’t right. Adam was sitting rigid on the sofa and staring into the distance, the room practically in darkness.

  ‘Hey what’s wrong?’ she said, opening the blinds and flooding the room with early evening light. It was only then that she saw his face.

  ‘Adam?’ she asked again, worried now. He looked terrible, his expression was ashen and his bright blue eyes were devoid of their usual sparkle. My God, Leonie thought, stricken with terror, was he ill or something?

  ‘You didn’t hear?’ he replied, his tone flat and zombie-like.

  ‘Hear what?’ She stood rooted to the spot, afraid to move. ‘What’s going on Adam, you’re scaring me.’

  ‘It was all over the news this evening, I thought you’d have heard.’

  At this, Leonie felt a jolt of relief. Well, whatever the problem was, it couldn’t be health-related. ‘To be honest, work was a bit mad today, I had lunch at my desk and afterwards I went shopping, so -’

  ‘It’s Microtel,’ he interjected, and then she heard the catch in his voice. ‘They’re gone.’

  ‘What do you mean, ‘gone’?’ she frowned. ‘Gone where? Adam you’re not making any sense.’

  Adam’s tone was wooden and the words came slowly. ‘The company I’ve been with for the last seven years is going out of business. They called a meeting this morning to tell us that they’re going into liquidation.’ He turned to look at her, his face white. ‘It’s all over Lee. As of this morning, I’m officially unemployed.’

  ‘What?’ Leonie was flabbergasted. It was probably the last thing she’d expected. ‘But they can’t just do that, surely? What about a redundancy package, or least some more notice to give you time to find something else…’

  He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t work like that. They have no obligation to do anything for us now. It’s over and that’s all there is to it.’

  Leonie looked at him, trying to take in the implications of what he was saying. He’d worked at the Microtel plant for years and as far as they were both concerned, probably would for life. His current engineer’s position was a senior one and the pay was great. How had this happened?

  ‘I don’t get it...’

  ‘I didn’t either at first. But I’ve had all day to get used to it, and believe me, it’s happening. I’m out of a job.’

  She sat down beside him on the sofa and put her arms around him. ‘Love, I’m so sorry. I wished you’d phoned to let me know –’

  ‘I was in shock Lee, we all were. You should have seen everyone’s faces at the meeting this morning. We were stunned. Sales were up, so as far as we knew Microtel was solid. We never saw it coming.’

  ‘I can’t understand it,’ she said. ‘If sales were up then why…?’

  Adam ran a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t either. All I know is that for the first time in my life I have no job to go to. And it’s not a nice feeling.’

  ‘Oh Adam, don’t think like that, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Yes, this is an awful blow, a terrible blow, but we’ll get through it. You’ll find another job soon, I’m sure of it. You’re very well qualified, and have so much experience –’

  ‘Yeah, me and all the other engineers that were laid off this morning,’ he said bitterly.

  Leonie bit her lip. So it mightn’t be that easy to find a position elsewhere that quickly, but at the moment there really was no point in Adam stressing about it. OK so the timing couldn’t be much worse, what with the mortgage on the new apartment and the expense of the wedding, but this was a just a set-back, a major set-back mind you, but just that nonetheless.

  ‘Please don’t let this get you down too much. Yes, it’s a big shock, but it shouldn’t be the end of the world either. We’ll be fine, I know we will.’ While her salary was nowhere near the level Adam’s had been, it would certainly tide them over for a couple of months at least. ‘We’ll just have to tighten our belts and cut down on a few things here and there until we get back on our feet, OK?’

  Adam shook his head. ‘I’m sorry Lee, this isn’t the way things should be.’ He put his head in his hands ‘God, I feel like such a loser.’

  ‘Hey, you stop that right now,’ she scolded him. ‘None of this is your fault, it’s just one of those things, and there’s certainly no point torturing yourself about it. What you need to do now is take a bit of breather, let it all sink in and then come back fighting.’

  ‘I know.’ Adam looked up, his expression so full of self-doubt and uncertainty that Leonie’s heart went out to him. For as long as she’d known him he’d been so confident and sure of himself, and it was now hugely troubling seeing him vulnerable and afraid.

  ‘What’s done is done and we can’t change it,’ she told him as they talked about it some more over dinner. ‘What we can do is control how we react to it.’

  ‘I’m sorry for being such a wuss about all this,’ he said. ‘It’s just I’ve never really had to worry about money, or where it’s coming from. I’ve had a job since I left college and was so sure things would just keep going as normal.’

  ‘Maybe you were complacent, I suppose we both were. But try and look at the positives here. We’ve still got one good salary coming in, enough to cover the mortgage and our living expenses, for a while at least.’ She set down her fork. ‘But perhaps it might be no harm to consider postponing the wedding, at least for -’

  ‘No way,’ Adam interjected firmly, his mouth set in a hard line. ‘I don’t want that. It’s six months away - I’ll have another job by then, surely? I’ll make bloody sure I do anyway. No, it would kill me to have to do that to you.’

  Leonie was heartened by his doggedness and determination, but at the same time they needed to be practical. ‘Well, as long as you know that I have no problem with it being delayed a little longer if needs be. The here and now is what matters.’

  ‘Thanks Lee,’ Adam said, reaching across the table for her hand, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

  Afterwards, they sifted through their most recent bank and credit card statements, trying to ascertain where they could make some cutbacks.

  ‘Well at least the car is sorted,’ Adam pointed out with some relief, having paid upfront for his Alpha Romeo two years before.

  Leonie picked up their joint bank statement. ‘I suppose I should cancel my Heat subscription and stop buying so many books…’ The rest of her sentence trailed off as she realised something. ‘Adam, what about Andrea’s maintenance payments, and Suzanne’s pocket money? We can hardly keep those up now, can we? Not when you’ve lost your job?’

  Adam blanched. ‘Oh God, I haven’t even thought about that,’ he said stricken once again. ‘What am I going to do?’

  ‘Well, you’ll have to discuss thi
s with Andrea, but the way I see it, she can’t possibly expect us to keep paying out the same kind of money for maintenance, and Suzanne’s pocket money is a luxury we can no longer afford.’

  Adam looked deeply ashamed and Leonie’s heart went out to him.

  ‘I guess we’ll all have to make some sacrifices, at least temporarily,’ she said trying to choose her words carefully. She hoped Adam agreed with her because there was no way – no way they could continue to support two households at the same level now.

  ‘I not really sure if we can stop her maintenance payments though,’ Adam pointed out. ‘What if she ends up taking me to court or something?’ He ran a hand through his hair, and Leonie could see that he was becoming more and more distraught by the minute.

  ‘Well I’m not suggesting we stop paying maintenance completely, but if you and I have to cut back because of this situation, then surely it’s only right that Andrea does too?’ she argued, trying to be reasonable.

  ‘I suppose. I just really don’t know what to do...’

  ‘Well I do,’ she said firmly. ‘Until you get sorted with something else, I’ll be the only one bringing in a salary, and our first priority needs to be ourselves as a couple.’

  Adam nodded. ‘I know. I’ll give her a call later to talk things through,” he said and Leonie was relieved he seemed to understand that there was no other choice.

  ‘You’ve got to be joking Adam!’ Even sitting two feet away from him on the sofa, Leonie could hear Andrea’s outraged squeals on the other end of the line.

  ‘There’s nothing I can do Andi, you must have heard about it on the news.’ Adam’s gaze met Leonie’s and he shook his head exasperated. ‘I know, and I’m sorry but it means we’ll all have to make some sacrifices – at least in the short term. It’s not ideal but what can you do? Yes, of course we’ll be able to contribute, just not at the same level and…what? Why?’

  Moving the receiver away from his ear, he frowned and offered the phone to Leonie. ‘She wants to talk to you.’

  Leonie raised an eyebrow. What did Andrea want with her? ‘Hello?’ she said into the mouthpiece with some hesitation.

  ‘This is totally unacceptable,’ the other woman began in her usual whiny voice. ‘It’s an outrage in fact.’

  Leonie was mildly surprised that Andrea seemed to be just as upset about the plant closure as they were. Perhaps she’d misjudged her after all. ‘I know, it’s shocking isn’t it but –’

  ‘Well I’m telling you now I don’t like it. I don’t like the way you’re trying to sideline Suzanne like this. I always expected it mind you, but - ’

  At this Leonie’s eyes widened. So much for her understanding! ‘Andrea, I have never once tried to sideline her, she’s always been welcome here. But Adam lost his job today! Do you hold me responsible for that too?’ At this, her fiancé’s head snapped up angrily.

  ‘I certainly think you’re prepared to use the situation to your advantage. It’s obvious you’ve always had a problem with us, and this is the perfect opportunity to stick our noses in it.’

  Shaking with anger, Leonie let Adam take the phone from her. How dare she? To think that the silly wagon had the gall to try blame her for this? Didn’t she realise that if it wasn’t for her salary she and her precious daughter would be getting nothing at all?

  ‘That was totally out of order, Andrea…’ Now Adam was back on the phone trying to appeal to his ex’s better nature.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said afterwards, sounding utterly deflated. ‘She’s being completely unreasonable.’ He put both hands up to his face. ‘I’m so sorry I caused all this Lee.’

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ Leonie tried again to reassure him, but she inwardly she was very

  worried indeed.

  If Adam was finding all of this hard to handle now, how on earth would they get through it when times really got tough?

  Chapter 23

  My darling Helena,

  I’m sorry but I just had to write to you again, as I badly need to reach out to someone now and you’re the only one who might be able to understand.

  It’s getting tough here now, and sometimes I feel very lonely and incredibly afraid. It helps to think that there’s someone out there, someone who understands me, although I guess you still haven’t come to terms with what I’ve done or the decisions I’ve made. My love, I haven’t come to terms with that either. And the worst part of it all is you were so right. This is a crazy place, a crazy situation and I really shouldn’t be here – nobody should be here.

  Just please try to understand that no matter where I am, or what I’m doing, I’m always thinking of you.

  Please Forgive Me.

  Nathan.

  Alex was on her way out for an early evening run, when she was waylaid by Seth, who was sitting on the bottom step outside the house.

  ‘Hello there, stranger.’

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked warily. She didn’t want to talk to him, still found it hard to even look at him after that cheap trick he’d pulled with the car.

  Doug had advised that if Seth was planning to kick up a stink it was probably best for them to come to some kind of agreement about it, but the car was her baby and Alex wasn’t going to give it up without a fight. So instead, she’d asked her lawyer to see if he could find some way round the shared asset situation, given that Seth had willingly bought it for her as a gift. Doug had told her he’d do what he could, but until this was sorted, Alex’s divorce plans had once again ground to a halt.

  He smiled as if reading her thoughts. ‘Don’t worry – it’s nothing to do with us. I just found something today that I thought might be of interest to you.’

  ‘Like what? And why not just use the phone?’

  ‘I didn’t think you’d pick up if you knew it was me,’ he said, making a pretty good point. ‘It’s about that guy you and Leonie are looking for – Nathan.’

  Coincidentally, Leonie had only that day shown her another one of his letters, but this – like the others – revealed little about where the guy was or what he was writing about, and she knew Leonie was becoming frustrated at the lack of progress.

  ‘Well, I was just on my way out,’ Alex indicated her running attire of shorts and trainers, ‘but I’m sure Leonie would…’

  ‘I checked. She’s not in, and it’s no problem – I could do with the exercise,’ he said, falling into step alongside her. ‘Fancy heading down by the Presidio?’

  The popular city park bordering the Pacific was where they’d usually jogged back when they were together, and exactly where Alex had been heading. A huge playground of running trails, it was one of her favourite places for a run in the Bay area.

  ‘OK,’ she agreed, naturally suspicious of his motives, but at the same time interested to hear what he had to say. ‘So what did you find out?’

  ‘Well you know I’m back working at the dive shop,’ he said, jogging alongside her and Alex nodded. ‘Well, I was down there yesterday looking through some of our PADI paperwork from last year, and I came across the name Nathan Abbott. I only noticed it because I heard you guys mention it recently, otherwise it wouldn’t have meant anything.’ When she didn’t react, he went on. ‘Assuming it’s the same guy, it means he must have gone out on a dive with the company at some stage.’

  ‘When was this?’ she asked between breaths. ‘I mean, what date was the paperwork?’

  ‘Mid-march sometime last year. I thought it might help.’

  ‘Good lead and I’ll check it out, but chances are it might not be our guy,’ Alex said, explaining how they’d since learned that while Abbott was Helena’s surname, they couldn’t be sure if was Nathan’s.

  ‘Was she listed too by any chance?’

  ‘Helena Abbott?’ Seth frowned. ‘Not that I noticed. I could check though.’ He seemed uncommonly eager to please, she realised. Maybe he’d since realised that the thing with the Mustang was a cheap shot.

  ‘Thanks for that, it gives us some
thing else to go on anyway. Leonie will be pleased.’

  ‘What gives with her and those letters anyway?’ Seth asked. ‘She seems kind of fixated by them.’

  ‘She is, and I can’t say I understand why. It’s just a bunch of letters after all. But I think she’s a bit of a romantic at heart.’

  Seth smiled. ‘Whereas you, on the other hand, are a cynic.’

  Alex kept running, the beginnings of a grin on her face. ‘I guess I am.’

  ‘You don’t think this guy deserves another chance?’

  ‘Well I don’t know what he’s done, so how can I decide if he deserves another chance or not?’

  ‘But it sounds like he really loves this girl though, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Well maybe he should have thought of that before he did something stupid.’ She looked sideways at him. ‘Just checking we’re still talking about Nathan here, right?’

  Seth was all innocence. ‘Of course.’

  Stepping up the pace, they continued jogging in silence for a while as they made their way towards the park entrance via Lombard Street. It was a beautiful evening and the park was busy with families, dog-walkers and lots of tourists. As if by rote, Alex and Seth cut across Lincoln Boulevard and headed straight for the northern end of Crissy Field to the coastal trail, which offered sweeping vistas of the Pacific Ocean and the Marin Headlands.

  ‘You know, I really missed this,’ Seth said after a while, as up ahead the Golden Gate bridge loomed. ‘In Miami, most of the time it was too damn hot to run any great distance.’

  ‘I can imagine.’ Alex wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about what he did or didn’t get up to in Miami, seeing as he hadn’t bothered sharing any information about it up to now. ‘Although I would have thought the whole laidback Caribbean lifestyle suited you perfectly.’

  ‘It did for a while I guess. Still, I always knew I’d be back – this is practically home, after all.’ Then, slowing his pace considerably, he grinned. ‘But whatever about being out of practice, I think I’m also a little out of shape! Breather?’