Please Forgive Me

by Melissa Hill

‘Airlifted…? Why? How?’

  ‘We’re not sure of the full details yet, but witnesses reported seeing him leap off the bridge.’

  ‘What?’ Alex gasped, hearing Leonie’s sharp intake of breath alongside her. People jumped off the bridge all the time, it was one of the most popular spots in the whole country for…that kind of thing… but it couldn’t be… Seth wouldn’t…? Again, Alex remembered her last words to him, something about the divorce being inevitable and no more stunts for him to pull, but surely he didn’t think she meant anything like…? Oh no, hell no, he couldn’t be…couldn’t have…

  ‘He was taken downtown to Memorial and straight into surgery. I understand he’s pretty banged up, so you might want to get on down there.’

  Alex didn’t know what to make of this, and the relief she’d felt upon hearing Seth was in hospital and not in the morgue was immediately undermined by what he’d said afterwards. Did it mean he’d be OK, or was in trouble … what?

  Her fingers trembling, Alex quickly unlocked the garage and took out the Mustang. She made the trip to the hospital with Leonie in a complete daze, her mind fraught with the various possibilities. What had Seth been trying to do? What was he trying to prove? Alex’s emotions seemed to suddenly swing from terror to distress and finally to anger. What the hell had he been thinking?

  ‘There could be another explanation,’ Leonie was saying now from the passenger seat. ‘I don’t know Seth as well as you, but I do know but that’s not him. He wouldn’t do something like that, Alex.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she replied, her mouth set in a hard line. ‘I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know what’s going on with him. Since he came back he’s been so weird and completely unpredictable. Not in that way but ….oh my God, if something happens to him…’

  ‘Don’t think like that,’ Leonie reassured her. ‘We’ll be there soon and we’ll see what’s going on then. In the meantime, just try and stay calm and think happy thoughts.’

  Think happy thoughts! This conversation was so surreal it was almost funny, and despite herself, Alex forced a brief smile. Good old Leonie for always looking on the bright side of things; what would she do without her?

  But when they reached the hospital, she soon realised that she would have to do without her – temporarily at least – as Seth was in theatre and the medical staff would only allow family access to the waiting area.

  ‘That’s OK. I’ll wait here.’ Leonie insisted, and Alex didn’t have the energy to argue.

  ‘What’s going on?’ she asked the nurse who accompanied her down to theatre. ‘Will he be OK?’

  ‘It’s difficult to say at this time,’ the nurse said evasively and Alex felt frustrated, knowing it was a complete non-answer.

  She quickly took out her cell phone and dialled.

  ‘Sweetheart calm down, OK?’ Jon said when Alex explained what had happened. ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

  True to his word, Jon made it to down the hospital in record time and following a frank conversation with one of the nurses he managed to extract the true nature of Seth’s condition.

  ‘Honey, I’m not going to sugar-coat this for you,’ he told Alex gravely. ‘He’s critical, he has multiple broken bones and fractures, and possibly some injury of the spine.’

  ‘But what does that mean? Will he be OK or –’

  ‘All I can tell you is he’s got good people in there working on him. I know Richard Harrison, he’s one of the best.’

  ‘Oh God Jon – this is all my fault!’ Alex confessed. ‘He phoned me at work today and I was horrible to him …’ She still couldn’t believe that Seth would have reacted so badly to it, or maybe he’d just decided that her behaviour was the last straw and enough was enough. Maybe he’d finally realised that she really meant what she’d said and wasn’t coming back to him.

  Seth had after all, always been a man of extremes …

  ‘Don’t be crazy, of course it wasn’t your fault. Maybe it was an accident or something?’

  But Alex knew he was only trying to make her feel better. People generally didn’t fall off a two hundred and fifty feet bridge by accident. This couldn’t be just another one of Seth’s silly tricks to obstruct the divorce; anyone who went off that bridge did it for one reason and one reason alone.

  Oh, my God Seth what have you done?

  Leonie was still waiting outside when Jon and Alex re-emerged a while later, Jon having convinced Alex that there was no point in her waiting around, especially as it looked as though Seth would be in surgery until the early hours.

  ‘You should go home and get some sleep,’ Alex urged her friend, when she’d updated her on what little they knew about his condition.

  ‘So should you,’ Jon pointed out when Leonie (reluctantly) left, but there was no way Alex was going anywhere while Seth’s life still hung in the balance. ‘There’s nothing you can do here.’

  ‘No, I’ve done more than enough already,’ she said grimly.

  ‘Alex come on – don’t do this to yourself.’

  ‘Jon, he could only have done something like this because of me – because of us!’ she cried distraught. ‘He’s been trying so hard to stop the divorce, which I always thought was just out of sheer pigheadedness. But what if it wasn’t? What if he really thought there was a chance that I’d change my mind?’

  ‘Alex -’

  ‘And if he dies, it’ll be all my fault for never taking him seriously enough, for never trusting him and always assuming he’s up to no good! That’s what happened you know,’ she said, not sure if she was saying it to Jon or herself. ‘With our marriage. I never believed a word he said.’

  ‘But with good reason, remember?’ Jon said gently. ‘Honey, from what you told me he wasn’t exactly a man you could trust.’

  ‘Don’t talk about him like he’s dead!’

  ‘I’m not, I’m just saying … look sweetheart, none of this is doing you or Seth any good. What you need to do is to go home and get a good nights’ sleep, and then tomorrow when Seth’s had time to recover after the surgery …’

  ‘But what if he doesn’t recover?’ Alex whispered. ‘What if the injuries are too bad? I know well what kind of damage a fall like that can do Jon; we covered this stuff at work one time.’ Nine times out of ten a fall from the bridge resulted in – if not immediate death – then certainly a very slow and painful one. The other one time generally caused bodily injuries and suffering beyond belief.

  So even if by some miracle Seth did manage to come through this, what kind of life could he look forward to anyway? He could be paralysed or forever incapacitated … and all because she’d never bothered to listen or take him seriously.

  ‘Look, let’s just wait and see, OK? I’ll ask the nurses to call us immediately when he gets out. Then I’ll phone Richard and find out how things look.’

  Alex couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if Jon had been the surgeon on call when Seth was brought in. She wasn’t sure how she’d feel if that had been the case. The man she now loved trying to save the life of the one she was still married to?

  It was a crazy and pointless thought, and Alex didn’t know why she’d even considered it. Jon would have worked as hard as the next guy to try and save Seth; she knew that without question. And she just hoped that whoever was working on him now would do everything possible to make him pull through.

  He had to pull through, didn’t he? For as long as she’d known him Seth had thrived on danger and thrills, hell the guy would face death every day of his life if he could! She smiled faintly, thinking again of him flopping around on the top of that bull at the rodeo. He was so happy… so spirited and dynamic; surely someone who practically gorged on living life to the full couldn’t be snuffed out just like that?

  Jon was still trying to convince her. ‘Alex please, let me take you home.’

  ‘No,’ she said, heading straight back down the hallway toward the operating theatre. ‘I’m not going anywhere.�
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  Chapter 31

  But two days later Seth was still unconscious.

  According to Jon, the doctors had done pretty much all they could during surgery, and while thankfully none of Seth’s vital organs had sustained major damage from the fall, until he regained consciousness they couldn’t be certain of the outlook.

  ‘For now, we just have to wait and see,’ the doctor said, and Leonie could only imagine how difficult such a thing was for Alex.

  That first night, she’d reluctantly called Seth’s family to break the bad news, and spent the whole weekend pacing the floors outside the ICU, hoping and praying that he’d pull through, and Leonie knew, still blaming herself for what happened.

  And she also knew that today’s planned meeting with Helena Abbott was the last thing her friend wanted to do, but wasn’t something they could postpone, not when the woman was travelling up from Santa Barbara to meet them.

  ‘I could just go by myself to meet her,’ Leonie suggested. ‘You really don’t need this now on top of everything that’s going on.’

  Alex shook her head. ‘Doesn’t matter; I can’t do anything now but sit on my hands and wait for his folks to get here. Hell, if nothing else, it might help take my mind off this goddamned situation for a little while.’

  ‘As long as you’re sure.’

  But knowing her friend, Leonie could appreciate why Alex would need a distraction. She was a woman of action – someone who always needed to be in control – and all this waiting around for news was driving her crazy.

  Alex had agreed to meet Helena at Union Square three, suggesting the outdoor café/bar located at the edge of the plaza, but because the cable cars heading down there were busier than expected, they ended up being a little late.

  ‘Keep an eye out for a woman wearing a light pink jacket and a purple neck scarf,’ Alex told Leonie, as they hurried up the steps towards the plaza. When setting up the meeting, Helena had given these details as a means of identifying her while Alex in turn had told her to look for a tall brunette and smaller redhead carrying a wooden storage box.

  Leonie scanned the packed tables outside the café bar. It was a beautiful afternoon and the place was thronged with people. ‘I don’t see anyone sitting alone here,’ she said to Alex.

  ‘Maybe she had to share a table; it’s very busy here just now.’

  ‘I still can’t see anyone fitting the description.’ Leonie was at a loss.

  ‘Well, if she’s here, I’m sure she’ll find us. Take the box out of the shopping bag so she can see it.’

  Leonie did so, and they wandered up and down the plaza in front of the café, hoping that some woman would come forward and identify herself as the person they were meeting. To their dismay, no one did.

  ‘Maybe she had second thoughts, or got cold feet?’ Leonie suggested, her disappointment almost palpable.

  ‘It’s possible, I guess. Or it could be that she just couldn’t get a table and is waiting somewhere else.’ Alex looked further along the plaza to where throngs of people were gathered along the steps, but there was still no sign of any women fitting the description Helena had given. Alex shrugged, not particularly concerned one way or another. ‘She could just be running late.’

  ‘I suppose.’

  But another ten minutes passed by and there was still no sign.

  Leonie gave a long frustrated sigh. To think that they’d come so close to getting answers, only for Helena to not to turn up! But why wouldn’t she have come? If she was interested enough to call the TV station and subsequently agree to meet with Alex then why change her mind? Unless something had happened in the meantime…

  ‘Excuse me?’ said a voice from behind them. Both girls whirled around, but Leonie was disappointed to see a much older woman smiling sweetly at them. Probably just a tourist looking for directions or something.

  ‘Hi there,’ replied Alex in a kindly voice.

  ‘I’m so sorry to disturb you,’ the woman went on and it was only then that Leonie realised her heart pounding, that the same woman was wearing a pink coat and purple headscarf… ‘but you wouldn’t happen to be Alex, would you?’

  ‘Yes, are you –? ‘

  Oh. My. God. Leonie could only look on in amazement as the women, who had to be sixty if she was a day, extended a hand and introduced herself. ‘I’m Helena. It’s very nice to meet you.’

  To her credit, Alex didn’t bat an eyelid. ‘You’re the lady I spoke with on the phone?’

  ‘Yes, I was sitting over there, and I wasn’t sure if it was you, but when I saw the two of you with the box I thought I’d better come over and introduce myself.’

  Leonie couldn’t say anything she was so disappointed. Why didn’t Alex think to ask the woman what age she was beforehand? This had been a complete waste of time! On any other day it might have been funny but she’d been so looking forward to finding out once and for all, what or who they’d been searching for all these months.

  Surely this woman, God love her, wasn’t the Helena they were looking for?

  Alex was doing her best to rescue the situation. ‘I’m sorry,’ she began, casting a surreptitious but meaningful glance at Leonie, ‘but I’m afraid there’s been a mistake.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ the woman said uncertainly.

  ‘It’s my fault. I should have thought to ask if you were … I mean, I couldn’t tell from your voice that … ‘

  ‘Yes?’ she prompted, clearly not having a clue that anything was amiss. She didn’t strike Leonie as one of those weirdos that Alex had been warning against, but you could never tell with these things, could you? If anything this Helena just seemed like a nice old dear who’d come along out of curiosity, or maybe in her day she had indeed gone out with a man called Nathan, hence the mix-up. Still, she was surprised at Alex for not checking her out further on Friday and possibly because of this, was now trying her utmost not to insult the woman.

  ‘Ma’am, I appreciate you coming all the way here to meet with us, but I’m afraid you’re not the person we’re looking for,’ she said gently.

  ‘I don’t understand?’ Now she looked mightily frazzled and Leonie’s heart went out to her. ‘You seemed pretty certain the other day on the phone, so what’s changed? I’m Helena Abbott, or at least I was once.’ She smiled at Leonie. ‘It only feels like yesterday, but time passes so quickly these days.’

  Leonie returned the smile automatically.

  ‘So are those my letters?’ she said, indicating at the box. ‘Poor old Nathan Reed, I really can’t imagine why he’s writing to me, all that was such a long time ago, we were only kids really…’ she said wistfully.

  Such a long time ago? Leonie looked at her stunned. Was there a chance they had gotten it all wrong, that they’d just assumed…

  ‘Helena,’ Alex began, and by her tone Leonie knew she was thinking along the very same lines. ‘When was the last time you heard from Nathan?’

  ‘Well, let me see…’ she said looking thoughtful. ‘I would think it was round about the time of the Be-In.’

  Leonie was clueless. ‘Be-In?’

  ‘You mean the Human Be-In, the famous anti-war protest in Golden Gate Park?’ Alex supplied.

  ‘Yes,’ Helena confirmed, while Leonie tried to pick her jaw up off the ground. ‘ So thinking back, it would have to be…. I’d say sixty-seven.’

  ‘Nineteen sixty-seven?’ she asked, flabbergasted.

  ‘Yes,’ sixty-odd-year old Helena Abbott confirmed innocently. ‘Why do you ask?’

  The three women found a table nearby where they could discuss things further over coffee – much to Leonie’s relief, as she didn’t think her legs would be able to hold her up for much longer.

  To think that they’d assumed all along that Nathan and Helena were younger and that the relationship had been a recent one. Then again, why wouldn’t they have assumed it when Nathan’s letters gave that impression?

  ‘This is all very strange,’ Helena said, staring at the box
of letters Leonie was still holding in her lap. She still didn’t want to part with them until she and Alex were absolutely sure they had the right woman.

  ‘I’m sure it is,’ Alex said, taking the lead. ‘Helena, as I explained to you over the phone, we needed to open all the letters to see if we could find information about either one of you.’

  ‘What do they say? I can’t understand why Nathan Reed would be writing to me after all these years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very pleased but... what do they say?’ she asked again.

  Leonie looked at Alex, willing her to ask more questions. She couldn’t contemplate just handing the letters over and not finding out the history and background behind them. She was in too deep for that.

  ‘You mentioned his surname was Reed?’ Alex said. ‘It’s just he never included this information in the letters. The thing is, he didn’t include any contact details in them at all which was one of the reasons we made the appeal.’

  ‘One of the reasons?’

  ‘Yes.’ She indicated the box. ‘Helena, these letters are yours and I’m sure you’d like to go through them in your own time. Clearly some of them are very personal and again, I’m sorry that we invaded your privacy by reading them. But we felt it was necessary to help find either one of you guys because,’ she paused slightly. ‘Well, you’ll see yourself from the letters but…’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘We’ll get to that,’ Alex said quickly, and Leonie sensed that she didn’t want to upset the woman by rushing straight in with any unfounded suspicions. ‘But first, I get the impression that the two of you haven’t been in touch for some time?’

  ‘No, I haven’t heard from him since…well since before he went away really.’

  Went away? Leonie repeated silently. Was it possible that Helena knew that Nathan was in jail? If so, he must have done something pretty terrible to be in there for so long! What kind of people were they dealing with here?

  Alex kept talking. ‘And do you have any idea where he is now, and why he might be writing to you?’