The Way Home

by Belle Calhoune

  “How is he? What are the doctors saying?” She scanned her son’s face, looking for clues about her husband’s condition. “He isn’t gone, is he?” Her face crumpled. Ryder reached out and placed both his hands on her shoulders.

  “No, he isn’t gone,” he said in a soothing tone. He leaned down and brushed a tender kiss across her forehead. “He’s still with us, fighting like he always does,” Ryder explained.

  Blue could hear the hitch in his brother’s voice, the same one he always had when emotions were running high. “Mom, you’re going to have to be strong.” He looked over at Blue, his eyes filled with hidden meaning. “We’re all going to have to be strong. Dad suffered a stroke.”

  Maggie cried out and she seemed to sway a little. Blue reached out and grabbed her by the arm, then steered her towards one of the chairs. “I need to see him. I need to talk to my husband and let him know I’m here,” Maggie said, tears trailing down her cheeks.

  “We all want to see him, Ryder,” Blue said. “That’s the best medicine for Dad. To have his family by his side, lifting him up, talking and joking with him. It’s what he would want. It’ll make him fight harder.”

  A tremor danced along Ryder’s jawline. “I’m afraid that’s not possible, at least in the sense you mean. They’ll allow a few of us in at a time to see him, but he’s not going to talk to us. He’s in a medically-induced coma. And the doctors can’t tell us when or if he’ll come out of it.”

  *

  More than anything else in the world, Blue hated to be the bearer of bad news. As soon as he entered the waiting room, his brothers surrounded him, peppering him with questions about their father’s condition. When he delivered the update, there wasn’t a dry eye among them. Nick excused himself and disappeared for a bit, returning with red eyes and a look of utter defeat on his face. Mac, who had trouble controlling his feelings, began angrily pacing back and forth. Brandon immediately asked to go see their father, while Wyatt started asking questions about his quality of life and the medical implications. Remy just got real quiet and turned inward. Blue couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so overwhelmed and helpless. He didn’t know how to answer most of their questions. All he knew was that the man he loved most in the world was fighting for his life somewhere in this hospital. And there were no guarantees about the outcome. It didn’t matter how much they all loved and needed him to make it through this. None of them was calling the shots.

  “Guys, I know you must have a lot of questions, so I’ve asked Dr. Crenshaw to come out in a few minutes to talk to the family.” Sarah’s soft, confident voice came out of nowhere. He hadn’t even been aware that she’d come into the waiting room. He felt a strong burst of gratitude towards her for being a source of information and support for his family. Although he’d like to think she was doing it for old time’s sake, he had no illusions about her current feelings towards him. She’d made that perfectly clear earlier.

  Now if he could just stop staring at her. Ever since he’d first lain eyes on Sarah this evening, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from gaping at her. A few times she’d busted him as his eyes greedily scanned over her, his gaze going from head to toe then back again. Four years had done nothing to diminish her radiant beauty. All natural, Sarah looked stunning without even a bit of makeup on or fancy clothes. Right now she took his breath away wearing plain blue scrubs and orthopedic nurse shoes. Her sandy colored hair framed a heart-shaped face. A beauty mark rested beside a pair of ruby red, full lips. Earlier he’d felt a wild urge to reach out and plant a tender kiss on Sarah’s lips. He grimaced at the thought of what might have happened if he’d followed through. No doubt Sarah would have punched him in the nose. Or worse! At the moment she was standing in the middle of his brothers, her voice full of reassurance as she discussed their father’s condition. He tamped down a rising sense of irritation. Although he knew none of his brothers would ever pursue her romantically, it peaked his jealousy to see her so at ease with all of them. Once upon a time she’d been like that with him—smiling, laughing, happy, and centered. In the blink of an eye, everything between them had changed.

  It’s important to acknowledge your mistakes, son. Take a good long look in the mirror and face yourself. Those were his father’s words to him on the day of his canceled wedding. When Blue finally showed up at St. Mary’s Church, Sarah had railed and screamed at him. Full of shame, he’d known he deserved every ounce of her fury and every bit of her scorn. After venting her feelings she’d fled the church with Lilah, vowing never to speak to him again. He’d been on his knees at the front of the church, tears streaming down his face as he begged the Lord for guidance. Other than his hardscrabble childhood, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so alone. So unworthy of being loved. His father had found him there, and instead of pulling him up from his knees, he’d knelt down beside him and joined him in prayer. He’d cried with him, prayed with him and lifted him up at a time when everything in his world was falling apart. And because of his father he’d been forced to realize that although he’d loved Sarah with every fiber of his being, he hadn’t been ready to commit himself to marriage. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have ended up in that predicament. Because of his father, he’d come to the realization that he wasn’t going to allow himself to be defined by the huge mistake he’d made on the day of his wedding.

  For the last four years he’d been forging a path in the world of journalism by traveling from one hot spot to another and reporting all the stories fit to print. A huge part of his journey had been the decision to seek closure with Sarah. And make amends for humiliating her and wounding her soul. As he snuck a peek at her, studying the graceful slope of her neck and the long, dark lashes that framed her eyes, he made a silent vow. Even though he had no earthly clue how he was going to accomplish it, he was determined to gain Sarah’s forgiveness before he left Breeze Point. Perhaps then he could truly move on with his life and forget about how much he missed being Sarah’s other half.

  *

  Sarah was finding it nearly impossible to ignore the unapologetic stares of her ex-fiancé. It was a little unnerving to be subjected to Blue’s bold gaze. As it was, she had her hands full with his band of brothers. Each one in his own way was endearing, but at the moment they were all filled with fear of losing their patriarch. They were throwing questions at her like curve balls. Not surprisingly, some were handling it better than others. As always, Blue was the caretaker. He was offering comfort and support to his siblings and stuffing down his own pain. It’s what he always did, she realized. It was one of the things that they’d fought about in the weeks and months leading up to their ill-fated wedding. As much as she’d always known he’d loved her, Blue had never been able to fully let her in. There was a part of himself that he’d always kept separate and apart from her. And in the end, it had been their downfall.

  When Dr. Sophie Crenshaw came out to address the family—Ryder and Maggie by her side—a hush fell over the family. Sophie was a tall, beautiful woman, with a no-nonsense attitude that hid a very caring nature. After introducing herself, Sophie began to explain Alec’s condition and prognosis in as simple terms as she could. She informed the family that he’d been placed in a coma in order to allow his body and his brain time to rest and recover. Sarah admired Sophie’s compassionate, yet realistic approach. She didn’t pull any punches about the severity of his medical condition, while at the same time laying out the best possible outcomes.

  “So, you’re saying it’s possible that he comes out of this coma and returns to life as normal?” Blue, with a hopeful expression on his face, posed the question to Sophie.

  “That’s the best case scenario, though I must tell you it’s very unlikely. Most stroke victims suffer some type of physical, emotional or cognitive side effects, sometimes all three.”

  “But he’s strong,” Mac added, a determined expression etched on his face. “He’s never missed a day of work in his life. He’ll fight his way back.”

&nbs
p; Sophie looked around at the family, her face softening as she said, “And that’s assuming he makes it through the next seventy-two hours. His condition is extremely critical.

  Sarah’s heart pinged at the crestfallen look on Blue’s face. She quickly looked away, knowing she was on the verge of melting. Seeing Blue look so wounded and defeated made her heart ache. She didn’t want to feel badly for him. She hated the way her insides were doing flip flops at the moment. He didn’t deserve her sympathy; not after what he’d done to her. Not after bailing on her and making her look like a gigantic fool in front of half the town. But there it was, pressing against her rib cage like a sharp knife, a reminder that she still had feelings for him. His hurts were her hurts, and neither time nor distance could change that fact.

  “Dr. Crenshaw thinks we should call Pastor Mike,” Maggie announced. There was a steely look in her eyes. “We should have him here at the hospital in case—.” Her voice broke and she began to weep.

  Even though she hadn’t finished her sentence, everyone in the room knew what she’d been trying to say. Dr. Sophie Crenshaw’s words had made it clear—Alec Donahue might not make it through the night. Sarah watched as Blue wrapped his strong arms around his mother and cradled her in his protective embrace. Maggie slumped against him, allowing his strength to carry her weight. This was the Blue she’d fallen head over heels in love with almost at first glance. The strong, loving man who always put his family and his faith first. Seeing him acting as his family’s cornerstone caused a host of memories to rise to the surface. Donahue family picnics. Lazy days at Breezy beach. Their first kiss at the harbor on Fourth of July. The last memory made her smile. Just as the first fireworks had burst into brilliant color across Breeze Point Harbor, Blue had leaned down and placed the tenderest kiss on her lips. Rather than seeing stars, she’d seen her whole life in fast forward flash before her eyes. Courtship. Marriage. Babies with dirty blonde hair and cherub cheeks. She and Blue growing old together. Forever.

  Seeing Blue’s tender side was dredging up their bittersweet past, something she wanted nothing to do with. Not now or ever. She’d worked very hard to move past the pain and disillusionment of their shattered relationship. Having Blue back in Breeze Point Bay was already proving to be a complication she couldn’t afford. Even though she’d been working on the issue of forgiveness, the very sight of Blue brought up feelings of powerlessness and rage. Mixed in with that was a longing she couldn’t ignore.

  When Sophie excused herself, promising to update the family with any changes in Alec’s condition, Sarah glanced at her watch. Without even realizing it, she’d lingered too long in the waiting room. She needed to get back to the nurse’s station so she could cover for Judy, one of the other nurses, while she went on break. She’d gotten so wrapped up in the Donahue family crisis she’d practically forgotten her own work obligations. Almost against her will she looked over at Blue, and then chastised herself for doing so. What would it take to get this man out of her system once and for all? Hadn’t he done the worst thing possible that a man could do to a woman? He’d broken the sacred promise he’d made to her when they got engaged. And still she yearned for him. Would there ever come a day when the sight of him didn’t make her belly flutter with butterflies? The question lingered in her mind for a second. There was something inside of her, some niggling piece of information eluding her at the moment. It was gnawing at her like a persistent gnat. Suddenly, like a bolt from the blue it crashed over her. She still felt something powerful for Blue. He still had a tremendous hold on her.

  Oh no! No way! There was no way she still had feelings for her ex-fiancé. The butterflies were based on anxiety, not emotion. All this angst she was feeling could be tied to Blue’s sudden appearance in town and being forced to face him. Or the fact that his entire family was gathered at her hospital waiting and praying for Alec Donahue’s full and complete healing. She was praying, too. Praying for Alec to come out of the coma with little or no side effects. She was praying for all the Donahue boys and dear sweet Maggie. Having lost the love of her life, Sarah knew the agonizing pain that came along with deep and profound loss. She wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy, least of all someone she loved and respected as much as she did Maggie. Before she changed her mind, Sarah turned on her heel and abruptly left the Donahues.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” Blue’s voice called after her just as she was walking down the hall towards the nurse’s station. She turned around at the sound of his voice, fighting against a rising sense of irritation. Why had Blue followed her? Hadn’t she made things perfectly clear to him earlier? But this was Blue, after all. Caretaker. Ever the gentleman. Unless of course you were waiting for him at a church in a bridal gown.

  “Yes. Everything is fine. What do you mean?”

  Blue shrugged, his long sleeved dress shirt creasing with the effort. “It’s just that you left rather abruptly. I just—.” He let out a sigh. “I know you want me to back off. Message delivered loud and clear. I crossed the line earlier when I touched you. It won’t happen again.”

  It won’t happen again. Why did she feel a twinge of disappointment about Blue backing off? It’s what she wanted, wasn’t it? For him to steer clear of her.

  “Why do you look so nice?” She blurted out the question before she could stop herself. Although she’d tried her best not to notice, Blue looked as sharp as a tack. For a guy who liked to dress casually, his current outfit was a departure from the norm. He was wearing a pair of nice gray slacks and a blue dress shirt that brought out the hazel color in his eyes. Matter of fact, all the Donahue boys had been dressed to impress, even Mac, who she couldn’t remember ever wearing anything other than jeans and long sleeved Ts.

  “Tonight was my parents’ anniversary party. That’s why all of us are back in town.”

  Blue looked down at the floor, but not before she saw the tears pooling in his eyes. “Forty years,” he whispered, his voice raspy with emotion. He turned away as tears slid down his face. Self-consciously, he batted them away with the back of his hand, his body turned away from her. A flood of emotions raced through her, along with a wild urge to console him. Purely on instinct, she reached out and tugged at his sleeve, pulling him toward her so she could see his face.

  “Blue,” she said, her voice sounding husky to her own ears. “I’m so sorry. No matter what’s happened between us, your family means the world to me.” Their eyes met, and for a single, breathtaking moment she saw something in his warm hazel eyes that stunned her. And frightened her. Just as quickly it was gone, replaced by a look of grief and sorrow so powerful it made her shudder.

  “I’m sorry, too, Sarah. For everything. I didn’t stick around long enough to say that convincingly four years ago, but I am deeply, profoundly sorry. And whether you believe it or not, I lost the very best part of myself when I lost you.” Without saying another word, Blue ambled away, his long legs carrying him away from her in a few easy strides.

  Blue walking away from her was just as well, because the sentiments he’d voiced had robbed her of the ability to speak. She blinked away the moisture gathering in her eyes and coughed to clear the lump from her throat. When she’d woken up this morning and greeted the dawning of a new day, she’d been unaware of all the twists and turns that would be coming her way. The last few hours had been jam packed with enough drama to last a lifetime. For so long she’d held her emotions at bay, so afraid of being vulnerable again. But today had changed all that. She was suddenly wide open. Something told her that later this evening Blue’s tender words would play over and over again in her head as she fought to fall into an elusive slumber.

  “When everything seems darkest and the road to glory seems long, don’t ever forget you’re a Donahue. You’re Donahue strong.” Maggie Donahue

  Chapter Three

  By the time the sun crawled over the horizon, the Donahue brothers were laid out all over the waiting room in various states of slumber. Blue’s sleep had been fitful and he’d
arisen some time ago and slipped out for a coffee run. The whole time he was gone he’d been praying that he didn’t miss any updates from the doctors. When he arrived back at the hospital with hot coffee, donuts and muffins, he’d been hailed as a conquering hero. Over breakfast, all seven brothers had come up with a rotation schedule so at least two of them would be at the hospital at all times. There would be a twenty-four hour, round the clock presence at the hospital. That way, in the event something happened in the middle of the night, a family member would be present to articulate the family’s wishes to the medical team. And it would allow the other brothers to rest up, shower, eat and take care of personal errands while they weren’t on call. And they agreed that there would always be someone ready and able to take Mom to the hospital whenever she felt the need to be there, help her with errands and make sure she didn’t forget to eat and take care of herself.

  Because Ryder, Mac, and Nick still lived in Breeze Point it made their work situations a little easier to manage. Nick was able to delegate his responsibilities at the restaurant to his assistant manager while Ryder had been able to arrange for a two week paid leave of absence from work. Mac’s situation was a little trickier since he owned his own carpentry shop in town. Wood Works had only been open a year and Mac was still struggling to make a success of it. Having to close up shop just might permanently put him out of business. Since Wyatt was on a medical leave from the Red Sox, he’d already planned on staying at his beach house in Breeze Point until he was ready to go back to playing baseball. Ever since he hit town, Blue had been crashing at Wyatt’s beach house. With so many of his brothers staying at their childhood home, Blue hadn’t seen the sense in crowding it even more by his presence.

  His own work situation was a little stickier. As a journalist he needed to be where the big stories were happening. He’d taken two weeks of vacation in order to come back home and spend some time with his parents, but he was expected in Rome at the end of the month to do a story on the Vatican. Somehow he had to figure out how to juggle his family responsibilities with his work obligations. For what seemed like the hundredth time since last night, he prayed for complete healing for his father. At the moment the family was in limbo, not knowing whether or not the situation would improve with time. It was amazing how quickly life could turn on a dime.