As he drove down Ocean Crest, and then turned on Sea Shore Avenue, the stunning views of Breezy Point Beach leaped out at him. He slowed his car down and savored the spectacular vista stretched out before him for miles and miles. Even though he’d traveled all over the world, there was no better landscape than right here in Breeze Point. No sunset or sunrise could compare to this stunning perfection.
On impulse, he pulled his car into the beach parking lot, heeding the call of his love for sky, sand and sea. Although Wyatt’s house was just a few minutes down the road he’d wanted to stop at this section of the beach since it was furthest away from the seaweed and jellyfish. After he stripped down to his white undershirt, rolled his pant legs up to his knees, then took off his socks and shoes, he wandered across the sandy beach down towards the water’s edge. At this time of the morning the beach was fairly deserted, other than a few people picking up seashells and walking their dogs.
It was kind of nice to be able to think without a lot of other voices drowning out his thoughts. Even though he loved his brothers more than words could ever express, the constant chaos was the one disadvantage to having so many siblings. Sometimes a man just needed wide open spaces and solitude so he could hear himself think. Any time he was going through stressful situations his neck muscles tightened up and got stiff. Ever since last night he’d been wracked with pain. He felt a little of the tension he was holding in his neck dissipate as he began to walk the long stretch of beach. He inhaled the briny air, realizing the great outdoors was the best medicine known to man.
A runner passed by him and he held up his hand in greeting. Although it might seem hokey to outsiders, one of the things he enjoyed most about coming home was the sense of community that ran so deep throughout Breeze Point. Being a journalist was his dream job, but it didn’t allow for setting down roots or becoming tied in to a community of people. A figure in the distance was walking towards him, a small sized dog leading the way. It made him chuckle to see the puppy cavorting in the water as the owner tried to keep her pet in line. There was something familiar about the woman—the tilt of her head and the way she carried herself. As her face came into clear focus he realized it was Sarah! He let out a soft groan. If she didn’t have her gaze trained on him he might have considered turning around and heading in the opposite direction. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was purposely seeking her out.
“Blue!” Surprise echoed in her inflection of his name.
“I thought you’d be at the hospital.” He quickly explained the rotation system he and his brothers had established for being at the hospital.
“That makes a lot of sense,” Sarah said. “I see a lot of families get worn out by being at the hospital twenty-four-seven. It’s important to replenish yourself during a family crisis.”
“Who’s this little fella?” He squatted down in the sand so he could nuzzle the puppy’s orange fur.
“This is Lancelot. He’s half Irish Setter, half Labrador.”
Blue raised an eyebrow. “Lancelot?”
Sarah placed her hand on her hip. “What’s wrong with the name Lancelot?”
“Nothing exactly. It’s just that...it’s kind of a girly name for a boy dog.”
Sarah let out a loud huff. “Girly? That is not a girly name. It’s a strong, heroic name. Lancelot was one of the Knights of the Round Table.”
He let loose with a hearty chuckle at the outraged expression on Sarah’s face. “Whatever you say. How does Max get along with Lancelot?” Just thinking about Sarah’s feisty bulldog made him want to smile. Max was a gentle soul in a bruiser’s body. He’d been a rescue pet Sarah had adopted from a kill shelter.
Sarah bit her lip and she seemed as if she were fighting back tears. She looked away from him, focusing her attention instead on Lancelot. “Max died, Blue,” she said in a soft voice. “He had something wrong with his intestines. A tumor. I had to put him to sleep.”
A huge well of sympathy flooded through him. Max had been her baby. Her little partner in crime. He knew how hard it must have been for her to deal with such a huge loss. Once again, it struck home how many things he’d missed out on over the last four years.
“Wow. I’m sorry to hear that. I know what he meant to you.”
“I can never replace Max, but Lancelot is a godsend.” She picked the dog up and nuzzled her face against his fur. “He’s small, but mighty. Very plucky.”
“Sometimes God sends us the very thing we need at the very time we need it,” he said.
Hadn’t he felt that way about Sarah? She’d come into his life at a time when he’d been questioning whether he would ever find that special someone and fall in love. Within weeks of meeting her, he’d fallen hard for the sweet nursing student. From early on, he’d harbored the sneaking suspicion that one day she would be his wife. And she might have been, if things hadn’t gone so horribly off course. If he hadn’t made such a colossal blunder.
“So, how is Maggie doing today?” Sarah’s forehead had a little crinkle in the middle, a telltale sign she was worried about something.
“She’s hanging in there. It took all seven of us ganging up on her to convince her to go home and rest for a little bit. Mac took her home and promised to make sure she eats something.” He shrugged as a hopeless feeling settled over him. As terrified and helpless as he felt, he knew his mother felt a hundred times worse. Dad was her soul mate, her happily ever after. After forty years of togetherness and all the sacrifices they’d made to raise seven kids who didn’t have families of their own, they deserved to live out their golden years in peace and comfort. Tomorrow is never promised. He knew the truth in those words. Life was a precious gift. And although he believed in the power of prayer, he knew not all prayers were answered. That knowledge was causing him to worry. What would his family do if the bottom fell out of their world? He shook his head to rid himself of the morbid thought. It was too terrifying to ponder, even though he knew it was a possibility.
The hint of a smile played around Sarah’s mouth. “I’ve never seen sons dote on a mother the way you and your brothers do. Maggie is very blessed to have you.”
“Not half as blessed as we are,” Blue said. “If it hadn’t been for my parents’ faith and conviction, who knows where the Donahue boys would have ended up. Remy lost his parents in an accident. The rest of us didn’t have parents who were fit to raise children. We would have been stuck in the foster care system. Or worse.”
“And I suppose since you were all over the age of six, you might never have been adopted had it not been for Maggie and Alec.”
He nodded, flashing back to the bleak foster homes he’d been forced to live in before going to the Donahues. Most of the families had only wanted him for one reason; the monthly check they received for being his foster family. They hadn’t even been subtle about it. “True,” he acknowledged. “It’s much harder to leave the foster care system or get adopted if you’re over the age of five.”
“Have you ever thought about finding them? Your birth parents?”
“Why would I do that? I already have a family,” he snapped. The minute the question escaped her lips he’d found himself on the defensive.
Sarah frowned at him. “For closure. A lot of adoptees do it because they feel they can then truly close the door on the past.”
“What makes you think I don’t have closure?” All the edginess had gone out of his voice. He wasn’t mad at Sarah for asking the question. He just hadn’t been prepared for her question about his birth parents. His past wasn’t something he liked to open up about. It felt like digging at a wound that had already healed over. Sarah knew him better than almost anyone except his family. He knew her questions weren’t meant to bust his chops. More than likely they were rooted in genuine concern.
Sarah looked at him and her beautiful eyes seemed to see straight through him. She’d always had that keen ability. To see the things he kept hidden from others. “You’re not a little kid anymore. They can’t
hurt you.”
He felt his heart beating fast at the mere thought of coming face to face with his birth mother. Even though he was a grown man of twenty-nine, the very idea of it terrified him. He sucked in a deep breath as he tried to push back the dark thoughts. As a kid he’d developed a talent for stuffing down all the memories he no longer wanted to hold on to. He’d compartmentalized them. Doing so had served him well. But now, at the suggestion that he might deliberately seek out his painful past, the memories were starting to roll over him like the tide washing onto the shore.
“Just because something’s in the past it doesn’t mean it can’t hurt you, Sarah. You should know that more than anyone.” He saw the hurt flash in her eyes within seconds of his speaking. Without meaning to, he’d made reference to their own tangled past and their shared hurts.
With a quick nod, she acknowledged his statement. “You’re right. The past is dead and buried. There’s absolutely no need to resurrect it.” She tugged on Lancelot’s leash. “Enjoy your walk on the beach,” she said in a brisk tone.
Before he knew it she was walking away, her steps bogged down by the sand and the dog. He wanted to call out after her, to ask her to stay and talk for a few moments longer. To apologize for the words he’d so casually tossed out, ones that had wounded her. But he didn’t dare. Because the topic of the past was like a stick of dynamite. For most of his adult life he’d worked extremely hard to move as far away as possible from the hardscrabble childhood of a boy named Blue Kendrick.
And even though a tiny part of him believed there was some merit in Sarah’s suggestion, he was miles and miles away from being courageous enough to tell her he’d already traveled down that dark and twisted road. He’d already sought out his father, and it had all blown up like a keg of dynamite in his face. In one reckless moment he’d looked backwards into his troubled past, only to lose his future in the process.
“Never give up, son. Faith will get you through just about anything.” Alec Donahue
Chapter Four
As Sarah navigated her Jeep around the winding scenic road, she took a moment to enjoy the feel of the sea air blowing through her hair. Even though this route was the long way to work, she cherished every moment of the drive. She inhaled deeply, the pungent smell of the ocean serving as an adrenaline rush as she pushed past the posted speed limit. She eased up on the gas pedal, knowing she was trying to outrun her thoughts. As if they could be chased away that easily! Ever since last night her thoughts had been consumed by Blue. And seeing him this morning had done nothing to ease the ache inside her. The sight of the waves crashing against the rocks soothed her a little, serving as a reminder that there were things way more important than the romantic problems of mere mortals. The sea was eternal. Its rhythms were timeless. The sea would remain long after she left this world. The tide would keep on crashing against the shore.
Once upon a time she’d believed in forever. With Blue. She’d believed in their love and the promise of their shared future. And now, after seeing him again, she had to face up to the cold, hard truth. She was so not over him. Not even a little bit. How had she ever been so naïve as to think he was a thing of the past? How could she not have realized he still had such a hold on her emotions?
Out of sight, out of mind. Since Blue had been MIA from Breeze Point for such an extended period of time, she’d been spared the discomfort of seeing him face to face. It had made it easier to believe she was over him. She hadn’t been forced to look into those warm hazel eyes or watch him pursue another woman romantically. Just the thought of Blue being with another woman sent ripples of unease trickling through her. Even though she knew he was no longer hers, the idea of him belonging to someone else gutted her.
The moment she walked into the hospital her thoughts shifted to Alec Donahue. Late last night she’d called the hospital and checked in on Alec’s condition with the head nurse in charge. Although his condition hadn’t improved, it hadn’t worsened either. That was something to be thankful about. It meant they could all hold on to hope.
“Did you get a look at all those gorgeous Donahues?” Sarah couldn’t help but smile at Jessie’s enthusiasm. The young nursing assistant was harmless, even though she did have a tendency to gossip and seemed a bit man crazy. Sarah had to admit, she’d never seen her in such a frenzy. The Donahue men sure seemed to have a mind-blowing effect on women. Personally, there had only ever been one Donahue man who made her heart leap out of her chest.
“Yes, I saw them last night.” Since Jessie had only moved to Breeze Point last year she had no idea of the history between Sarah and Blue. Which was just as well, Sarah concluded. She didn’t feel like working beside Jessie and being inundated with questions about her ex-fiancé.
“They are amazing,” Jessie gushed. “I’m not sure which one is my favorite. Wyatt is so good looking. And Brandon is such a gentleman. He held the door open for me this morning. And Blue...what can I say about him? Talk about husband material. Tall. Handsome. Simply perfect.” She let out an exaggerated sigh as she walked away with her head in the clouds.
Perfect. From the outside looking in all the Donahues seemed perfect, but what Jessie didn’t know was that each man carried inside of him the scars from the past. And each one had his own, layered story. Blue, as wonderful as he’d always been, still hadn’t fully come to terms with the things he’d witnessed as a child and the mental abuse his parents had inflicted on him. For years she’d prayed he would find a way to make peace with his past. Truly, she believed it was the only way he could forge a healthy future.
“Sarah.” Blue’s voice startled her. She swung her gaze up to greet him. Only it wasn’t Blue’s eyes she was looking into. Instead of brilliant hazel eyes, it was Ryder’s sky blue eyes she was staring into. Disappointment flooded through her like a rushing river. She tried to mask it, not wanting Ryder to suspect she had his brother on her mind.
“Do you have a few minutes?” he asked. Strain was evident in his face. Tight lines were etched in the corners of his mouth. He was so tightly wound he seemed as if he might snap.
“Of course. Is everything okay?”
Ryder had a blank expression on his face. He didn’t seem to know how to answer her question. He let out a deeply held sigh. “Dr. Crenshaw wants to update the family on Dad’s condition. I was wondering if you could come and sit with us in the conference room. Blue would never ask you, but Mom...she feels comfortable around you. Because you’re a nurse here on staff, your presence makes everything seem not as intimidating as it really is. And we don’t know whether this news is going to be good or—.” His voice trailed off, no doubt swallowed up by fear and an unwillingness to give voice to his deepest fears.
“Of course I will, Ryder.” She reached out and touched his shoulder. “How are you dealing with all this? I know being here must feel surreal after spending so much time here with Lena.”
Beautiful, sweet Lena. She’d waged a heroic, two-year battle against melanoma. In the end, she’d passed away two weeks shy of her twenty-seventh birthday, leaving Ryder a widower at the young age of twenty-seven. In all her life she’d never seen anything more tragic. Nor had she ever witnessed a more touching love story than that of Ryder and Lena. They’d been blessed with such a tender love story, yet it had all been snatched away from them.
Ryder wiped a hand across his face. “It does bring back a lot of memories. If I could have absorbed all of Lena’s pain and gone through it myself, I would have.” He shuddered. “I just never expected to be back here so soon. This all came out of the blue. Dad’s never been sick a day in his life.”
“That might work in his favor, Ry. He’s strong. And healthy. He’s going to need all of his strength to work his way back from this.” Ryder seemed to be studying her, his wide, almond-shaped eyes filled with questions.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’m just wondering is it hard for you to see Blue again after all this time? I can’t imagine it’s
easy.”
She looked down and began twirling her fingers as they began the short walk to the conference room. If anyone else had asked this question she might have been annoyed or offended, but she couldn’t feel anything but affection for Ryder. His wife, Lena, had been one of her best friends, and even though she’d passed away four and a half years ago, there were times when she still reached for her cell phone to call her. There were still moments she wished they could drive down to the beach and hunt for sea glass together. It was because of Ryder that she’d been introduced to Blue all those years ago. And even though things hadn’t worked out the way she’d imagined between the two of them, she didn’t regret loving him. Not for a single instant.
“It’s strange. I always imagined what it would be like to see him again. How I’d feel. What I would say to him. Truth is, the first thing I felt was a sense of belonging.” Tears pricked at her eyes and she blinked them away. She didn’t want Ryder to get the wrong idea. She didn’t want him to think she was pining away for his brother. That ship had sailed the day he bailed on their wedding. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “What a silly thing for me to say. We haven’t belonged to each other for a long time.”
“If you want my opinion, I think there’s a lot of unfinished business between the two of you. I’d give almost anything to have a second chance with Lena.” Ryder’s expression was thoughtful as he doled out his opinion.
A second chance? She shook her head, hesitant to go down that road with Ryder. This wasn’t about her failed relationship with Blue. It was about supporting the Donahue family through this crisis. And even though she was still struggling with anger towards him, she couldn’t deny the fact that she wanted to wrap her arms around Blue and give him comfort. But as conflicted as she felt, she wasn’t about to admit that to his brother.
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