“Well, if it isn’t my favorite nurse,” he teased, feeling the need to flirt a little with her. He’d been a good boy as of late, trying to stay away from the house when he knew Sarah was scheduled to be there. He hadn’t wanted to complicate things, didn’t want to mess up a good situation. It had been pure torture, but he’d done it. But, finally, here they were in the same place at the same time.
“I’m probably the only nurse you know,” Sarah teased, her lovely mouth curving upwards into a smile. When she smiled it transformed her face from beautiful to absolutely spectacular. It had been far too long since he’d been able to make her shine like the sun. She’d relaxed a bit with him as of late, he realized. Ever since they had lunch at her house they’d reach a sort of stalemate with one another. Although Sarah continued to shy away from any personal discussions with him, she didn’t treat him like the enemy. He no longer believed she would hate him forever.
His brothers were having a field day with the situation. They kept accusing him of mooning over Sarah. The truth was, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Dreaming of her. He wanted her back. In his life. In his heart. He wanted Sarah to give him another chance to get things right. But he was so far away from being able to be in a position to stake a claim on her. For starters, his profession as a journalist took him far away from the shores of Breeze Point. The logistics had always been a sticking point with them, so why would it be any different now? Simply put, he and Sarah were exes who were slowly but surely laying the groundwork for reestablishing a friendship. And for now he would just have to be satisfied with that, since it was way more than he’d dreamed of having with Sarah when he’d first returned to town.
“How is he today?”
In response to her question, Blue scrunched up his face and shook his head. He considered it only fair to let Sarah know what she was walking into.
“Not so good, huh?” she asked as she breezed through the hallway, a light floral scent trailing after her.
“That’s an understatement,” Blue muttered, raking his hand through his hair. For some reason he was wishing he’d switched up into something more appealing to the eyes. His faded blue jeans and gray t-shirt were fine for kicking around, but he wanted Sarah to see him in the best light possible. Matter of fact, he’d been thinking about chopping off a few inches of his hair. If his brothers could read his mind, they’d tease him unmercifully.
Sarah turned back towards him, her expression showing concern. “It’s to be expected, Blue. His whole world has changed. Imagine if you woke up tomorrow and you were confined to a hospital bed with limited speech and diminished strength. His tantrums are his only way to express himself at the moment.”
Blue sighed. “I know. And I get it. Really. I do. It’s just—.”
She took a step towards him, so close that he could see the tiny freckles on the bridge of her nose. “What is it?”
“I keep wondering if he’ll make it all the way back. Will he be able to walk like he used to? Pop is a big dancer. Will he able to twirl Mom around the dance floor? Will he be able to work at the bakery?” The questions had been whirling around in his head for days. Long, agonizing days when he barely got any sleep and stayed awake with these worries bouncing around his brain. How could so much have changed in the blink of an eye?
Sarah reached out and grabbed both of his hands and clasped them in her own. Looking up at him through dark tipped lashes, she studied him for a moment. “Blue, there are no guarantees about anything. Your father has a ways to go with his recovery. Instead of focusing on what might never be, you should focus on what’s already happening. With God’s grace he came out of the coma. Your Dad’s home from the hospital. And slowly but surely he’s making progress. Those are all blessings.”
Blessings. Why was he always looking at the glass as half empty? Sarah was right. Instead of worrying about the future, he needed to focus on the here and now. “You’re right, Sarah. I can worry about the future, but it won’t change anything. And there’s so much to be thankful for.” He softened his voice, made it more intimate. “I’m very thankful for you. For being here for Dad. For all of us.”
Sarah’s eyes began to blink and she slowly withdrew her hand from his. Clearing her throat, she took a step backwards. “I’m happy to be here,” she said with a smile, her lips trembling. “For your Dad’s recovery.” She ran her hands down her pant legs. “Speaking of which, I should go check in with him.”
Turning on her heel, she made her way back down the hall toward the sitting room. Sarah’s reaction to his tenderness spoke volumes. She wasn’t interested in engaging with him on an intimate level. For her, it was all business. Or at least she wanted it to be. He wasn’t blind...or deaf or dumb either. There was something simmering between them, something electric and wonderful. It sizzled and hummed whenever they were in the same orbit. It made him foster a small kernel of hope in his heart. And whether or not Sarah wanted to acknowledge it, there was a world of unresolved feelings between them. Try as he might, he just couldn’t let it go.
*
“Sawwah. Sweeth Sawwah.” Alec Donahue’s garbled voice resonated in the sitting room like the sweet sound of doves. Watching him try so hard to communicate, despite his limitations, was awe-inspiring. On a scale of one to ten, Sarah would rate Alec a ten with regard to his work ethic and determination. She’d never seen a patient try so hard to overcome his physical limitations. Even though she knew he was being irritable and grumpy with the family, he’d treated her the same way he’d always done. With dignity, kindness, and respect.
Alec reached for her hand and patted it, his emerald-green eyes radiating gratitude. She looked up to find Maggie standing in the doorway, a crushed expression on her face. As soon as she finished with Alec she went in search of Maggie, finding her sitting at the kitchen table swirling a spoon in her cup of tea. Sarah walked over and sat herself down at the table.
“Why didn’t you come in before?”
Maggie let out a sigh. “I don’t know. I suppose it was fear. Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. He seems so irritated with me lately.”
“It’s not you he’s annoyed with, believe it or not. It’s himself. He probably feels like his body betrayed him by becoming sick.”
“He doesn’t snap at you the way he does me and the boys.” Maggie’s face held a downcast expression. She was blinking back tears.
“Oh, Maggie,” Sarah said, “Please don’t take any of this personally. Alec is relating to me as a caregiver, where with you and the boys he can only view you as family members, no matter how much you care for and love him. Because he’s so familiar with you, unfortunately you’re going to be the ones getting the brunt of his frustration.”
Maggie swatted at tears as they slid down her cheeks. “Oh, I know I shouldn’t fret so much about it. It just hurts to see him so unhappy and frustrated. And whenever I try to comfort him he just swats me away.”
Impulsively, she reached out and hugged Maggie, patting her on the back as means of comfort. As she pulled away from the embrace she said, “Maggie, that’s a very common thing. He wants comfort, but his pride has been bruised by his inability to do so many of the things he’s always been fully capable of doing.”
Maggie frowned. “That sounds like Alec. Our whole lives together, he’s been the one doing the heavy lifting around the house. I can’t think of the last time I took out the garbage or tinkered around with the furnace. It’s quite a blow for him to be out of commission.”
“So do not fear, for I am with you.” Sarah cited her favorite bible verse, the one she always drew comfort from reading. In her life it held such great meaning. After the wedding that wasn’t, Sarah had recited this verse more times than she could count. Somehow, it had gotten her through the darkest, most painful chapter of her life. Instinctively, she knew it could help Maggie to weather this crisis.
Maggie reached out and caressed her cheek. “You’re a wonderful woman, Sarah. And forgive me if I’m bringing up
a painful topic, but I so would have loved for you to become my daughter-in-law. I was so looking forward to it. I just wanted you to know that in case I’ve never said it.”
Maggie’s words felt like a healing balm for Sarah’s soul. For so long now she’d felt awkward and nervous whenever she ran into the Donahue clan. Out of their loyalty to Blue, neither his parents nor his brothers had every really discussed with her the canceled wedding. Of course, on the wedding day they’d expressed their disappointment and sorrow, but ever since then they’d all worked overtime to avoid the topic. The thing was, in the process Sarah had lost the big, boisterous, loving family she’d come to be a part of. And it had hurt her terribly to feel so alone in the aftermath of her breakup with Blue. Losing Blue had felt like losing her other half. Losing the entire Donahue family had felt like a knife twisting in her soul.
Now, looking at Maggie and hearing her wonderful words was causing raw emotions to rise to the surface. Mist gathered in her own eyes and she willed herself not to give in to a full on cry.
“Is everything okay here?” Blue’s voice cut through the tender moment. He was standing in the doorway, his hands jammed into his front pockets, eyes wide with a look of alarm. He was shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. His gaze swung back and forth from her to Maggie then back again.
Maggie waved him in to the kitchen. When he reached her side she pulled at his t-shirt until his face was on level with her own. Playfully, she placed a kiss on his cheek, making a loud smacking sound in the process. “Everything is fine,” she assured him. She winked at him. “We’re sure lucky to have Sarah on our team.”
Heat suffused her cheeks at Blue’s sudden scrutiny. He was staring at her, his gaze unwavering. There was something so honest and pure about his regard. It was making her uncomfortable. It was as if he was boring a hole straight through her in the process. There was no way in the world she wanted Blue to see all the way down to her heart and soul. No, there were too many things she was already hiding from him. Too many secrets about the way she felt about him. Too many emotions that were best left buried in the past. Blue raised an eyebrow at her, as if he had the ability to read her jumbled thoughts, as if he knew the emotions she was struggling with.
Maggie’s face held a pleased expression as she looked back and forth at the two of them. She began bustling around the kitchen, humming a little tune. Blue looked at his mother and let out a low chuckle. “Did I miss something?” Sarah whispered. “All of a sudden she’s so upbeat.”
“Can’t you tell? It’s because of you. She’s real happy to have you back in the fold.” Blue grinned at her, sending her senses into overdrive. Her stomach felt fluttery and her hands started to sweat. Sarah was happy about being back in the fold of the Donahue family, more than she would ever admit. There was a measure of sadness she felt as well because she knew the situation was merely temporary. A few months from now this would all be nothing more than a memory. Blue would be halfway around the world writing stories about places that only existed in her dreams.
There was no way to put into words what it felt like to be part of the hustle and bustle of the Donahue family. How could she describe how it made her feel when Remy handed her a charcoal sketch he’d made of her? And how sweet it was when Mac brought her a single sunflower from a florist shop? Or when Nick told her she was the closest thing to a sister he’d ever had in his life?
No! she warned herself. She’d better not get used to being back in the Donahue’s bustling, cozy home. Because when it ended this time it was going to be twice as painful as losing them the first time.
*
Blue didn’t know what he’d said or done to make Sarah sad, but he was kicking himself for whatever it was he’d done to change her mood so drastically. For starters, he hated seeing Sarah downcast. Or worried. Or anything other than her positive, chipper self. At the moment he very much needed her to be in a good place, since he was gearing up to ask her out on a date.
Not a romantic date, he reminded himself. A friends-who-liked-and-respected-each-other date. Blue scratched his chin, befuddled by his own logic. Was it possible to be just friends with someone you’d almost married? Someone who’d been the love of your life?
He headed into the kitchen, drawing up short when he saw Mac and Remy sitting at the kitchen table playing Uno. They had a cherry pie sitting in the middle of them and they were devouring it with the help of two forks. Mac was swigging milk straight from the carton. “Where’s Sarah?”
“She left, bro,” Mac said with a mouthful of pie garbling his words.
“Left? She left? When?” He could hear the panic laced in his voice.
“A few minutes ago,” Remy said with a shrug.
With a groan he took off, racing towards the front door like a rocket. The moment he opened the door he spotted Sarah sitting in her Jeep, her head bopping side to side to the music he could hear blasting from her vehicle. Within seconds he was standing next to the driver’s side, watching in bemusement as Sarah rocked out to her favorite pop group, oblivious to his presence.
He reached out and softly rapped his knuckles on the window, earning him a surprised squeak from Sarah. After reaching to turn down the volume on the radio, she rolled down her window, a sheepish expression etched on her face. “Hey, sorry about that. What’s up?”
He shifted from one foot to the other as nerves took over. He felt like a teenager asking out his first crush. “I was wondering if you wanted to meet up later.”
Sarah quirked her mouth. “Meet up?”
He shrugged, trying to make things super casual. “Yeah, we could go grab a bite, then check out a movie. I need to get out. I’m going a little stir crazy. I love my brothers, but sitting up under them is a bit much.”
“So it wouldn’t be a date?” Sarah asked, her voice sounding tentative.
Blue let out a low chuckle. “No, not a date. More like two friends catching up on old times.”
Sarah bit her lip. “Well then, okay. It sounds great. Just give me some time to go home, take a shower and fix myself up.”
“No fixing needed,” he said, his eyes roaming across the beautiful landscape of her face. “You’re lovely as you are.”
A moment of silence ensued as Sarah appeared to absorb the compliment. “Why don’t we meet at the Lobster Pot since it’s right near the movie theater?” she suggested, tossing out the name of one of their favorite restaurants.
“Sounds good. I can check on some movie times. How about six o’clock?”
Sarah simply nodded her head, a smile emerging. He was thankful she hadn’t suggested Nick’s restaurant, since he would never live it down if his brothers found out he went out to dinner with Sarah. At least the Lobster Pot would provide them a measure of privacy. With a wave, he turned on his heel and began walking back towards the house. Suddenly, he stopped walking, pivoted around and made his way back to the driver’s window. Sarah turned towards him, her window still rolled down.
“You know what? I need to be straight with you. It would be a date. An honest to goodness, old fashioned date. I’d pick you up at your place, pay for dinner and the movie, and then I’d drive you home and give you a kiss goodnight.”
Sarah’s eyes went wide. “So, if you want to change your mind, now’s the time to do so. Because it wouldn’t be a friends-only date, Sarah. For me anyway, it would be so much more.”
“Blue,” Sarah whispered, her face registering shock. And a hint of dismay. Maybe he should have kept his big mouth shut and pretended he wanted nothing more than friendship with Sarah. But what good would that have done? If nothing else the past had shown him that honesty was more powerful than a lie could ever be. If he’d been honest with Sarah about his reasons for being late for their wedding, things might have worked out much differently. He couldn’t change the past, but he could build towards the future by making better choices.
“Sarah, please let me take you out tonight.”
Sarah hadn’t taken her ey
es off him for a second. She shook her head, and then let out a sigh. “Yes, Blue. I’ll go out with you. On a date.”
Blue let out a whoop of joy, then raised his fist in the air. A feeling of triumph surged through him. He knew he was acting a bit over the top, but he was tired of reining his feelings in. For so long he’d been holding things back, afraid to feel too much or invest in anything that might blow up in his face. Now, for the first time in a long time, he felt as if things were looking up. And even though he knew the odds were against it, even though he was certain that he and Sarah had a long way back to being what they used to be, he had hope. Hope for the future. Hope for Pops and his family. And now, more than ever, he was finally daring to dream the big dream. About winning Sarah back. About putting his heart back together, piece by piece.
“Sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith, even if it scares you to death.” Sarah Dalton
Chapter Nine
How could my heart betray me so badly? Sarah sat on her closest floor, suffering the closest thing to a panic attack she’d ever experienced in her life. Somehow, even though she’d been dead set against it, she’d allowed Blue to sweet talk her into taking her out on a date. An honest to goodness date.
With Blue. Her heart was beating a mile a minute in her chest. Her palms were slick with moisture. She couldn’t do this! Why had she agreed to this madness in the first place?
Dear Lord, please tell me what to do. For so long now I’ve been angry with Blue for disappointing me, for breaking my heart. But now that he’s back in Breeze Point, all I want to do is be with him. When I’m around him I forget all about how badly things ended. All I can think about is how wonderful it is to have him back home where he belongs.
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