Her mouth watered at the prospect of a fudge-sprinkle-dipped caramel swirl cone. Chelsea pulled into the gravel parking lot of the local ice-cream shop, Claire’s Cones, and she was so preoccupied choosing between a sugar and a waffle cone that she didn’t even notice the couple sharing a sundae at one of the store’s five small tables. She had already paid for her cone and turned around to look for a seat when a pang in her stomach made her lose her appetite completely. Todd sat directly in front of her, feeding a large spoonful of dripping ice cream to a thin girl with aggressively highlighted hair. The girl slurped it up suggestively, staring deep into Todd’s eyes.
I have to get out of here, Chelsea thought. She was about to head toward the door when Todd looked up and noticed her.
“Hey, Little M,” he said easily. He swirled his spoon in a pool of fudge sauce and smiled smugly. The girl he was with looked up, surprised to find her date talking to someone else.
“Gosh, what happened to your arm?” she asked.
“Wakeboarding accident,” Todd told her without taking his eyes off Chelsea’s face. “Unlike me, Chelsea doesn’t always put safety first.”
“Right.” Chelsea’s cheeks flared with embarrassment. “Well, I have to get going. Nice running into you.”
Just then, the opening chords of Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack” came tinkling from inside Todd’s date’s beige Coach bag.
“Oh, that’s Tina.” She scooped out a sleek pink Razr and flipped it open, pressing it to her ear. “No, I’m out with Todd. Yeah…” She giggled. “Again. Listen, let me take you outside.” She stood up and wiggled her fingers at Todd, who responded by blowing her a kiss. A wave of nausea rolled through Chelsea as the girl pushed open the door to the shop’s wooden porch and continued her chat where she couldn’t be heard. Todd returned his attention to Chelsea.
“What?” He had obviously noted her harsh glare, and he raised his voice a couple octaves as he mimicked her. “Nothing is going on between me and her. Really…”
“Screw you, Todd,” Chelsea spat back at him before storming out of the store. She realized she was shaking as she tossed her uneaten ice-cream cone in a nearby KEEP TAHOE CLEAN trash can, and as she peeled out of the parking lot, spraying gravel under the Jeep’s tires, the last thing she noticed was the sliver of toned, tan stomach peeking out from between Todd’s new girl’s tank top and skintight Luella jeans. Everything about her exuded sex…in fact, when Chelsea thought about it, everything about every girl Todd dated exuded sex.
As she turned into the long winding driveway that led from the main road to Glitterlake’s property, Chelsea wondered if all the sex-exuding, kittenish girls Todd dated actually had sex with him. Had he done it with that girl from the ice-cream store? With Vanessa? With any of the girls he had dated last year…or the year before? Maybe that was the reason all those girls seemed so much older and more sophisticated than her, even though some of them were her same age. Maybe that was the key. Maybe you couldn’t be truly sexy without experiencing sex first.
As the lake appeared in a glimmering sweep of blue below her, Chelsea had a revelation. Maybe sex was the missing thing in her relationship with Sebastian. Could doing it unblock all the love for him she was sure she had stashed somewhere deep inside? She knew that having sex was something you should do only with someone you loved, so if she was even thinking about it, she must love him, right? The more she thought about it, the more she thought that there was only one way to find out.
But where should she even start? She parked and got out of her car, wishing as she entered her house that she had someone to talk to. She had lost count of all the times she’d heard groups of girls whispering and giggling about sex in the halls at school, and for the first time she wished she had a close-knit group of girlfriends to whom she could go for advice.
She climbed the stairs and wished, as she passed Sara’s room, that she had been nicer to her half sister all summer. Sara would be the perfect person to talk to about something like this: She was older and wiser, and obviously had tons of experience with boys. Sara would know exactly what to do in her situation.
Chelsea realized that she had stopped in front of Sara’s open door and was looking directly into the empty room; specifically, she was looking at the diary sitting on Sara’s desk. The same trance that had overtaken her when she tried on Sara’s clothes slipped over her again, and Chelsea found herself entering her older sister’s room, picking up the diary, and letting it fall open to the first page.
If Chelsea couldn’t talk to Sara directly, maybe she could at least learn something from her journal. At that moment, nothing could have convinced Chelsea that Sara’s diary didn’t hold the key to everything there was to know about boys and sex. But what she read surprised her.
June 12
Well, I finally managed to talk Mom into letting me stay with my real dad over the summer. Glitterlake Resort, here I come! It’ll be great getting to know that side of my family better and getting some nature time, but mostly I just need to get away. I feel like everyone here knows and is laughing at me, and I just can’t take it anymore. That, and every time I see him I feel like my heart is breaking all over again. How could I have been such a fool? I should have seen it all along.
June 18
My Goals for Summer:
Read up on bio and chem so I’m fully prepared for Honors Botany
Complete “Native Plants Guide” for Dad
Make pressed-flower kit for Chelsea
No boys!!!!
June 29
Simon called again and I hung up on him. I know he’s just going to say he feels guilty about the whole cheating thing and I know I’ll get sucked back in if I hear his voice again. Argh. Guys. All they think about is sex anyway. I told Leo about it, and he thinks I’m doing the right thing. I kind of wonder if Leo is into me, but I just don’t want to ruin my first real friendship with a guy.
A loud thud made Chelsea leap to her feet, shove Sara’s diary back into its spot on her desk, and race out of the room. She had already flopped down on her own bed, with the door shut safely behind her, when she realized it was just the wind knocking a low pine branch against a window. Still, she had read enough. Sara might have been a lot less secure and a lot more tortured than she came across, but one thing was clear to Chelsea.
If all guys thought about was sex, then she was definitely going to give Sebastian something to think about…and she was going to do it as soon as possible. Before she lost her nerve.
Chapter Eighteen
Chelsea checked her watch for the millionth time in the ten minutes she’d been down at the dock. It was just past midnight, and a red half-moon hung low in the sky.
She rubbed her legs, which were beginning to get goose bumps from the cold, and she wished she’d opted for a pair of jeans instead of the baby blue Miss Sixty faux-cashmere shrug and white Forever21 minidress she’d chosen during her covert mall run. A twig snapped loudly on the path to the dock, and Chelsea nearly jumped out of dress, cast, and skin simultaneously. The thin beam of a flashlight played over her feet, and Sebastian’s slight shape emerged from the shadowy woods. She sighed in relief, willing her heart to stop break-dancing in her chest.
“So what’s so important that it requires a secret midnight meeting at the dock?” Sebastian asked, kissing her lightly on the lips.
“Just wanted to spend some quality time with you,” Chelsea said mysteriously. “I have a special surprise planned.”
She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him toward her, feeling suddenly aggressive. She pressed her lips hard against his, kissing him more passionately than ever. When they broke apart, he finally looked at her outfit and smiled.
“Oh,” he said shyly.
“You like it?” she asked, tugging at the hem nervously.
“It’s very…short,” Sebastian said.
“I know.” Chelsea climbed into the boat. “That’s the point. Are you getting in?”
Sebastian stood on
the dock, looking at her with a cute but confused grin on his face. “Shouldn’t you tell me where you’re taking me first?”
“You’ll like it,” Chelsea said. “That’s all you need to know.”
“You’re sure acting different tonight.” Sebastian shrugged and joined her in the boat, smiling as he rubbed her knee.
Chelsea remembered slipping the small handwritten note telling him to meet her at the docks at midnight into his palm. She had felt reckless, daring, and sexy, like a bombshell spy in an old James Bond movie. When she’d looked up, she must have had a secret smile on her face because Todd gave her a look across the table and her smile had faltered and faded.
She wondered what Todd was thinking when he looked at her like that. These days, his unreadable looks were the only communication they had. They both sat at the staff table at meals and participated in the conversation, but they never directly addressed each other. Sometimes when she looked over at Todd, she thought she caught him quickly looking away, but she could never be sure.
Chelsea dragged her thoughts away from Todd by leaning over and giving Sebastian a kiss on the cheek. Then she started the boat and eased them out onto the still, dark waters of Lake Tahoe.
“Are you going to keep me in the dark all night?” Sebastian goaded her as they crossed the lake.
“All will be revealed soon enough,” she replied cryptically.
“The island?” Sebastian asked as she docked. “Funny…nobody mentioned there was a party here. It must be super secret.” His tone was light and jokey as he took her hand, but she was almost positive she could feel his pulse racing beneath his skin. What was Sebastian so scared of? He’d been to the island late at night for parties before, and he had certainly been alone with girls before. Maybe she was just imagining it? When she turned to look at him at the entrance to the Shag Shack, the smile on his face was as easy and good-natured as ever.
“Surprise!” she said, reaching up to switch on the Coleman lantern that dangled from a hook on the ceiling. The lantern gave off a low, steady glow and caused shadows to dance in the small wooden room as it swung back and forth. As their eyes adjusted to the light, Chelsea noticed that the lantern illuminated a little red cooler, an ancient cabinet that Chelsea knew contained a box of Trojans, some spare batteries for the lantern, and a long-abandoned box of Oreos. And in one corner was the infamous mattress, covered in a faded North Face sleeping bag.
“Wow,” Sebastian said in a low voice, shaking his head and smiling with one side of his mouth. “Chelsea, you are a piece of work. You know that?”
“Um…thanks,” she said, not quite knowing how to take that. “You want a beer?”
“Sure,” Sebastian said, continuing to look around. Chelsea crouched by the cooler and removed a bottle for each of them. They sat side by side on the mattress, sipping slowly with their legs out in front of them. Chelsea’s skin still speckled with goose bumps from the chilly night air.
“So…,” Sebastian began. But he didn’t seem to know where to take that thought.
“I wanted us to have somewhere that we could be alone together,” Chelsea said, feeling like she needed to explain. It had seemed like such a good idea as she’d formulated it in her head over the past few days. She’d imagined exactly how the night would unfurl, Sebastian’s delight and surprise. She thought about the way that their bodies would move in the shadows of the lantern, in the small wooden shack that had seen other couples like them on so many other nights like this. She had thought that in the Shag Shack they would be far enough away from the resort not to have to worry about being caught and they could really let go and just be together. Finally that nagging voice in the back of her head would disappear and it would just feel right.
She hadn’t counted on the awkwardness. Or the cold.
“You’re shaking,” Sebastian pointed out.
“It’s chilly.” She wondered if she sounded sexy at all or just inexperienced and dumb.
“Come on.” Sebastian’s voice was protective. “Let’s get under the blanket. I don’t want you to freeze.”
Chelsea gratefully set her still-nearly-full beer on the floor and crawled under the sleeping bag, kicking off her flip-flops as she got in. Sebastian followed and wrapped his body around hers, cradling her head against his chest and pulling one of her legs between his. She huddled against him, listening to the rustling of noises outside the cabin, the steady rhythm of his breath on her cheek and the regular, comforting beat of his heart.
He kissed the top of her head, and then, when she raised her face to look up at him, he kissed her lips. Chelsea kissed him back, tentatively at first…and then more forcefully. She felt herself drifting far away from the tawdry mustiness of the Shag Shack, the pain and inconvenience of her broken arm, and the confusion that had been poking at her heart all summer. Sebastian’s skin was soft and smooth under his shirt, and his hands exploring her body were strong and sure.
“Are you sure?” Sebastian asked before taking off her shrug and easing her dress off over her head, and she nodded, wanting him, unable to speak. There was a moment of awkwardness when the dress snagged on her cast and they both had to fumble to get it off, but then Sebastian started to laugh and she laughed with him and then their mouths came together again, fiercely covering the laughter and nerves.
Neither of them spoke when Chelsea reached into the small cabinet next to the mattress and handed Sebastian a condom. His eyes asked a question and hers answered and then they were both under the blanket again and she was so nervous and excited she could barely breathe. His body was between her legs, and she was half-delirious and half-shaking, thinking this was really it: She was really going to do it. She felt him pushing against her and raised her hips to meet him, and suddenly it started to feel really good—like nothing she had ever felt before. Chelsea heard a strange sound escape her lips. Her hands flailed and she heard a loud crack. She felt the dull thud in her bad arm as her cast connected with something in the air.
And then Sebastian was all the way over on the other side of the mattress. It happened so quickly that she didn’t even know how he had gotten there.
“What happened?” Chelsea asked, feeling dizzy and confused. Had they just…done it?
“You just smacked me in the head with your cast,” Sebastian said. “Hard.”
“Oh, man.” It went beyond embarrassment—it seemed like every cell in her body was trying to hide behind the others. She was totally mortified. “Sebastian, I am so sorry. Are you okay? Let me see.”
He gingerly removed his hand, and she winced as she saw the bump on his head, already red and swelling to the size of a golf ball. “Does it hurt?”
“Yeah,” Sebastian admitted. “Although…” A smile started to creep across his face.
“Although what?” Chelsea nearly screamed. “Are you okay? Do you have a concussion? How many fingers am I holding up?”
Sebastian’s smile turned to giggles as he pushed Chelsea’s hand to the side. “You have to admit, that was pretty funny, Chels.”
“Oh, God. That was so not funny!” Chelsea insisted, hiding her face in her hands. “That was so embarrassing!” But as she thought about it, she couldn’t help starting to giggle, too.
Sebastian cracked up again. “It gives new meaning to ‘Not tonight, dear…I have a headache.’”
Chelsea snorted, collapsing on the mattress in a fit of laughter.
“Oh, man…” Sebastian fell on top of her. “How am I going to explain this? What if your dad asks what happened to my forehead?”
“Tennis accident?” Chelsea suggested.
“We’ll be dubbed the most accident-prone couple ever,” Sebastian mused.
“Probably because we are,” Chelsea said. “Or at least I am. Jeez.”
“It’s all right.” He kissed her sweetly. “You’re wonderful.”
“Here,” Chelsea said, scooping ice from the cooler and wrapping it in one of his socks. “Put this on your forehead until we get hom
e.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure.” Chelsea cuddled up next to him under the covers, wondering what had just happened. She felt tired all of a sudden.
After a while of just lying there together, Chelsea started shivering.
“You’re cold,” Sebastian murmured, stroking her good arm. “Let’s get you home.”
Silently they got up, put on their clothes, and slipped back into the boat. The moon was now down toward the edge of the horizon as they pushed back out onto the lake.
Chapter Nineteen
Slow down!” Chelsea screamed, hanging on to the towrope for dear life with her one good hand while waving her cast frantically in the air. The plastic bag she’d wrapped around it to keep her cast dry caught in the breeze and crackled. She struggled to retain her balance, sighing to herself as the boat slowed. “Please maintain speed!” she shouted to Sebastian, although she wasn’t sure he could hear her over the roaring wind.
Chelsea leaned too far to one side to compensate for the extra weight of the cast. I’ll just try for a simple 360, she thought. I won’t even try any inverts—that would be nearly impossible with this thing on my arm.
She had just started to edge in when the boat surged forward with a newfound burst of speed, almost sending her hurtling into the foamy white water of the wake.
“Hey!” she yelled. This was her third practice session with Sebastian: the third time Nina had given her a suspicious smirk when she cut the lesson short and Sebastian met her by the dock, and the third time she had to deal with the fact that Sebastian still couldn’t get the hang of driving the boat. Varying the speed wasn’t just annoying—it was dangerous. She knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it made practicing nearly impossible. Not that it would have been a breeze even with Nina or Todd—the weight of her cast made it difficult to balance, and the fact that her arm ached underneath didn’t exactly help matters.
Waking Up to Boys Page 11
