But this time it’s not guys on the football field that he’s eluding. He’s running from me.
CHAPTER 16
Violet
I plop down on my couch and flip on the TV.
“This is footage from earlier today from the casino robbery right on The Strip,” the announcer says.
“What?”
I set down my plate and turn up the volume.
The scene looks like an absolute madhouse. It’s like that opening shootout from the old movie Heat starring Al Pacino and Robert De Niro.
Vegas really is dangerous. Wait. What about Chance?
I look down at my phone on the coffee table. I reach for it to call him only to remember that he has my number, not the other way around.
I consider calling my brother and asking for Chance’s number, but decide against it. There’s no point in letting him know we bumped into each other. How would I have bumped into him, but then needed his number? It doesn’t make sense.
I finish watching the lead story that deals with the scene Chance was called to. It had to be that one. It’s the biggest story. It was at the same time. And it looked like every police officer in Vegas was there.
I turn off the TV and pick up my plate. It’s not as hot as it was, but it’s still warm enough.
I begin shoveling the contents of dinner into my mouth, chewing slowly. It’s like I’m in a daze.
Both my brother and Chance are policemen. I know it’s a dangerous line of work, but my brother never talked shop when he was off duty so I never heard the full extent of the stressful and trying situations he may have found himself in. I’m thankful that he didn’t share difficult stories with me, but because my brother is such a strong guy emotionally and because he shielded me from what really goes on I guess I never fully processed just how dangerous it is so often for the men and women who wear the uniform. And he was never a policeman while he was living under my parents’ roof so I never saw the stresses of his work carry over into his personal life.
I think about what it would really be like to be with a police officer. Could I truly handle the stress? What about the not knowing if your loved one is ever coming home? And what if heaven forbid they don’t? Suddenly you’re a single parent, possibly without a job or the skills needed to support yourself and your family.
Reality is kicking me in the butt and it’s kicking hard.
I take the last bite of my meal and lean back against the cushion. I start to imagine all the women who must go through this on a daily basis. Military spouses, police officer’s spouses, even the spouses of those who have hazardous jobs like the men who work in the tar sands in the remote parts of Canada or the men from Australia who are working on the natural gas pipelines in the northwest region of the country.
I’m embarrassed at myself for not thinking about these things. It makes me feel like a little girl. I was just in college not long ago and most of the boys I was surrounded by were chugging beers and planning for careers working in the comfort of an office. I never connected with guys my own age and all this time it was because I thought I was more mature than they were. I know I am in a lot of ways, but maybe I’m not as mature as I thought…especially when it comes to the bigger picture.
I want Chance. He’s a real man but the more I think about it it takes a real woman to be by his side. The life he lives will cause his woman to lose sleep at night. It will load her up with stress, induce premature aging, and generally put her through the wringer of tough emotional moments…likely time and time again for years on end until he finally retires. These are all hazards of the occupation that affect those closest to him.
I’ve always wanted him blindly, not being able to see the forest for the trees. I see the forest now and I realize those trees are a bunch of occupational hazards that add up real quick to form something much bigger.
And that’s only the half of it.
He’s got a daughter. Who’s to say she doesn’t even want a new maternal figure in her life? Even if she does, who’s to say she’ll be accepting of the woman Chance chooses? It’s a whole other dynamic that’s added to the equation.
Whenever Chance is gone I’d be worried about his safety while at the same time being worried if Charlotte has really accepted me.
Now I feel sick to my stomach. This is terrible. I haven’t thought this through at all. I’m disgusted by my lack of maturity. Here I am holding myself in such high regards at times and now that I really think about it I’m not even as mature as the person I thought I was. I’m the definition of immaturity and ignorance.
And the worst part is that I’m just assuming I can catch the man of my dreams. He’s the man I’ve always wanted, but does he live a life that I can tolerate…let alone enjoy and feel the ability to be calm, accepted and ultimately happy?
I look around at my tiny apartment and consider how I thought it would be so wonderful to be in Chance’s house right now playing games with him and his daughter and enjoying life. How naive to all of this I truly was.
Am I really qualified to guide Charlotte through the process of growing up when it’s suddenly become apparent that I’ve got some growing up to do myself?
CHAPTER 17
Chance
“I’m really sorry, sis,” I say.
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re alright.”
“I’m fine. How’s Charlotte?”
“She’s already asleep. Tucked in and sawing logs.”
“That’s good.” I unbutton my uniform. It was so hectic today I had to get dressed in my personal vehicle on the way to the scene. Good thing I keep a spare uniform in my 4Runner at all times. “Did you miss any auditions because of me?”
“No. No auditions today. I’m okay financially for another couple of months though. I’ve still got some cash left from that three month run we did over at the Bellagio. Eighty-seven performances in ninety nights. I could actually use some time off to recover.”
“But that’s stage work and you’d rather do cinema.”
“What I’d rather do is see you with a woman in your life.”
I don’t say anything. This is normally the part where an argument can easily breakout, but not tonight. Not after what happened earlier.
“That’s not going to get a response this time?” Harmony says. “Don’t tell me you’re considering it.”
I still say nothing. I walk into the kitchen and begin pouring myself a glass of milk. Something’s different. I’d always pour myself a cup of coffee if I returned home this late, but tonight I didn’t. It wasn’t even a conscious decision. Is it because I’m still full of energy from the day, and I’m not talking about the scene at the hotel?
But that doesn’t make sense. I don’t drink coffee to have energy. It barely works on me anymore. It’s the taste I enjoy. But tonight my subconscious guided me to something else entirely. It’s like my routine was broken without even thinking about it. It’s not the first time today.
My normal routine of meeting one of my dad’s setups went as planned. I was almost late because I saw the girl from the police station, but when I finally did see her it wasn’t just the girl from the police station…it was Violet.
How could that be the same person? It really was her. I saw it with my own eyes.
“Chance!”
“Huh?” I say like a caveman.
“You pouring milk for the cat you don’t have?”
“What?”
Harmony’s eyebrows raise before her eyes track down to my cup and then the floor. I’m overflowing my cup and the floor is covered in about a quart of milk.
“Oh,” I say pulling the carton back quickly.
“Are you okay?” she asks. She grabs a roll of paper towels and works on the mess while I drop the carton in the sink.
“Yeah, must just be the casino thing today.” She thinks I’m referring to the robbery when in fact I’m talking about the girl who stole my attention…and maybe more.
How can I be having the
se thoughts? I still long for Carissa every day. I’m trying to keep myself together half the time, but once I saw Violet today I could only think of that beautiful young girl who used to tag along when we were kids.
I’m angry at myself for having these thoughts about Violet. Are they just thoughts, or are they something more? I purse my lips and shake my head. It’s not right, but I have to admit to myself that it happened. I can’t not acknowledge reality.
“Chance! Wow, you are really out of it. Do you have any more paper towels?”
“Yeah, in the 4Runner.”
“What are they doing out there?”
“I just picked some up on the go like I’ve been doing with everything I need lately. Just forgot to bring them in.”
“Don’t you have a regular grocery shopping day, or do you just get all that stuff at one time when you’re at the grocery store or department store?”
“I was never that good at the whole domestic planning thing. Carissa used to take care of all of that.”
Harmony doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. It’s not so much that I’m talking about Carissa this time, it’s the fact that I haven’t adjusted to life without her. It’s like I’m waiting on her to come back or something or at the very least not doing a good job of running a single parent household.
“Thank god you don’t have a pet,” Harmony says.
“You’re right, but I sure do want a German Shepherd one of these days.”
“A German Shepherd, huh?”
“Or maybe a Belgian Malinois.”
“Police and military service dogs.”
“Hey. They’re specifically chosen for a reason. They’re great teammates.”
“I think you need a different kind of…teammate.”
“I can get a nanny.”
“On your police salary? With mom’s money no question you can. You can get ten.”
“I can do it on my own.”
“Of course you can, superman. You’ve been trying that way for how long now? And now what do we have? Spilled milk. And no matter what the rule is this spilled milk is the kind that’s really, really hard not to cry over.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This is a disaster. You’re my brother and all and I love you, but you’ve got to open up and let people love you. And more importantly you’ve got to love and trust others. You’re trying to do everything yourself and it’s only hurting you.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, and it’s hard for me to watch.”
Harmony bursts out in tears and I walk over to her, hugging her with closed fists making sure not to get milk on her back.
“I bumped into Violet today,” I say.
“You what?” she says as she pulls her head from my chest. “You saw her? I thought you had a date.”
“I did. Violet works at the casino where that bar’s located. The bar’s just a floor up from the floor she works on.”
“How is she?”
There’s no way I’m ready to give my sister an ounce of hope that I might have had some sort of feelings for a new woman. And I don’t want to think about this too much for my own good either.
“She’s good,” I say. I release my sister and walk back to the sink to rinse off my hands.
“She’s good? You haven’t seen her in years and that’s all you got out of seeing her?”
“Yeah, it was really quick. I just kind of bumped into her and next thing I know I was getting called to the scene. I had to run to my car. Then I had to call you to see if you could watch Charlotte. A whole bunch of stuff was all happening at once right then. It was pure mayhem.”
I stand at the sink rinsing off my hands which allows me to conveniently keep my back to my sister. She’s saying nothing. I can’t hear any movement so I know she must be watching me.
I rinse my hands again and then rinse off the carton. I can’t stall any longer. I turn around and I can tell my sister’s been waiting on me.
“So…how’d she look?”
“Kind of the same. Kind of different.”
Harmony lets loose one of those laugh exhale combinations where you don’t actually open your mouth. The kind that come from your throat and are part laugh and part the sound of amusement from realizing you’ve hit the nail on the head and the other person is holding back their true feelings.
“Yeah, you’re right. She definitely hasn’t filled out. And for sure there’s no way she’s developed curves. Certainly she doesn’t look more womanly now that she quit playing in the dirt with the boys. And there’s no question those eyes of hers don’t just radiate as much as the warmth of her personality. None of that I’m sure.”
I say nothing. I’m so busted it’s not even funny. Then I decide to try and flip this to divert the attention away from me. “Are you sure she’s the one who likes me? Sounds like you’re developing a crush on her yourself.”
“Don’t even go there. You saw her today. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Okay. Maybe she’s a little different.”
“Maybe? And just maybe a few other guys have noticed too.”
“What guys?” I ask. My response is a little too quick and a little too sharp.
“Ahhh. Don’t you wish you knew? It sure sounds like you want to.”
She’s got me again. The second the words left her lips I felt the protective instinct inside me kick in. I haven’t felt that for a woman in my personal life in a long time. Sure, I feel it all the time with Charlotte, but she’s a kid. This is a different kind of protective instinct. It’s the kind you only feel about a woman you’re truly…interested in.
“It’s no big deal.”
Harmony lets loose another one of those laugh exhale combinations. “That exactly what someone who thinks it is a big deal would say.”
CHAPTER 18
Violet
I hear my phone vibrating on the nightstand and reach for it.
You up?
I look at the number on my phone as I lie on my back, the screen illuminating my face.
I quickly roll over onto my stomach and highlight the number which copies it. I drop it into Facebook to see if it pulls up an account. Nothing.
I don’t like answering random messages from phone numbers I don’t have saved, but the chance that this just might be Chance is too great. No way I’m going to miss out on that opportunity.
Yes
Sorry about today. Things got hectic real quick.
It is him!
No prob. I saw it on the news. Is everything okay? My thoughts flip back to the idea that he could get injured or worse at any time.
Yeah. All good. How are you? I feel the pressure in my chest release.
Fine. You’re up late. Oh my gosh. This is starting to sound like an erotic late night phone chat.
Yeah. Just wanted to say sorry about today. And good to see you.
Thanks. Good to see you.
Your brother is coming into town for NYE. Thinking of putting together a get-together. I can invite you if you’re free.
Do I admit I don’t have plans yet when we’re already less than a week away? Who am I kidding?
Yeah. Sounds fun.
Thanks. Will be in touch. Night.
I type night into the phone and then hit the kiss emoji. I catch myself just in time hitting the delete key. Night.
I don’t want to come on too strong, especially now that I’ve thought things through a bit more clearly. Not to mention there’s still a lot more to consider.
CHAPTER 19
Chance
New Year’s Eve
The doorbell rings and Charlotte takes off like she’s shot out of a cannon. “Coming!” she yells as her little feet pitter-patter across the floor at lightening speeds.
She stops five feet short of the door preferring to slide the rest of the way across the smooth wood surface in her socks. If she had one of my white button down shirts and started singing she’d be th
e perfect partner for Tom Cruise’s character in Risky Business. And she’s just as energetic to boot.
My heartbeat picks up. I’m hoping it’s Violet this time. Just about everyone’s here and I’m getting edgy. I know she’s going to show up, or at least I’m pretty sure she will.
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