by Tasha Fawkes
Rex and I are not going to survive this.
I feel sick just thinking that, but it’s true. I’ll end up resenting him if this takeover fails and even if everything did go according to plan, it’s still too much pressure to put on a new relationship.
The doorbell rings, making me jump. He can’t see me like this. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, composing myself, then I wipe the tears from my eyes and splash water on my face, jumping as it stings my skin. So much for doing my makeup. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I walk out of the bathroom and over to the door. Rex stands there when I swing it open. He smiles at me. I reach out and take his hands and pull him inside. I try to smile, but all it does is increase the look of concern in his eyes.
“I've missed you,” he says.
I nod, put my hands behind his head and tug him close enough to kiss him. I run my fingers through his short, soft hair. He kisses me back, then gently pulls away so he can study me. I smile sheepishly, my attempt to distract him not working. He frowns at me, his brow creasing.
“Are you okay?” he asks gently as he strokes my cheek. I sigh at the feel of his touch, then I force myself to smile, even though my heart is aching.
“I'm fine,” I say. “I'm just…” My voice trails off. I shake my head and laugh, because I feel like I’m about to burst into tears. I shake my head and smile at him, letting him know that I’m okay, even though I’m not. “I’m just feeling bittersweet I guess. Everything is just happening so fast and then I think I just had the realization that I'm about to lose you.”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“We’re not going to survive this merger,” I whisper.
“Of course we are.” He frowns. “What are you talking about, Shana? Where is this coming from?”
My heart thumps in my chest as I look into his eyes. I can't believe what I'm about to say. God, I can’t believe I’m even thinking it. I hold onto his hand so tightly, the tips of his fingers go bright red.
“Let's go,” I whisper, my heart hammering in my chest.
“Go where?” he says. “If you mean out for dinner, then there’s—”
I laugh and cut him off, not sure if he’s being serious or trying to be funny. Do I really look like I’m in the mood to go out for dinner?
“Not quite what I had in mind,” I say. I breathe out and flex my fingers, which are still entwined in his. He tightens his hold on my hand to stop the shaking. I look him in the eyes and all I see is confusion and concern. “I'm talking about us leaving here. Leaving all this behind.”
“You want to leave? Where would we go?” he asks, still frowning.
I’m less confident in my idea as the seconds pass.
“Anywhere,” I mumble, my face heating up. I wish I’d never said anything in the first place. “Somewhere nobody knows us? Where we can be together, where none of this matters…” I fight back tears and close my eyes. “I don't care about any of this, Rex. All I care about is you.”
He stares at me for the longest time, not saying anything. His silence slowly kills me, until he finally takes a deep breath and speaks.
“That’s not going to stop Harris Corporation from proceeding with the merger,” he says softly. “Just like it’s not going to stop everyone from knowing that you helped us.”
“But…” He shakes his head as my voice trails off.
“There’s no way around it,” he murmurs. I lower my head in defeat, so he tilts it back up and forces me to look at him. “We can and we will survive this, but we have to fight our way through it. Then we get to control the process. We get to control how this works, okay?”
I nod, feeling worse than before.
“Why is it so important for this stupid merger to happen anyway?” I mumble. “Your company is going to a lot of trouble to acquire a company that is slowly sinking.” He frowns at me, not saying anything. “Rex?” I say, frustrated he’s not answering me. “You don’t even know yourself the motivation behind this, do you?” I accuse.
“I know enough to know there is no backing down from this now,” he says.
I shake my head and turn around, stalking over to the couch. I need some space to think, because something isn’t adding up. I sit down, wrapping my arms over my chest, tensing when he walks over and kneels in front of me. His hands creep up my thighs as I try to resist the feelings stirring inside me. And just like that, he derails my train of thought and makes everything about him again. Yes…I’ve fallen hard.
“If you want to go away the moment this merger is done, if you still feel that way then, we’ll go. I will leave everything for you, Shana. I won't let us fall apart, okay?” he promises.
“You mean that?” I ask, my heart racing.
He nods and leans up, kissing me softly on the mouth.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I’m going to look after you, Shana. No matter what happens, you need to trust me, okay?”
I smile at him through my tears. He has no idea how much I needed to hear that. His lips touch mine again, as his fingers trail down my face, then my neck, until their undoing the buttons on my shirt. He takes my hands, gently laying me down on the couch, as he eases himself between my legs.
“I love you too,” I whisper, realizing I had said it back to him.
“Good,” he chuckles. “Because it would’ve been awkward if you didn’t.”
I reach behind my back to unclip my bra, threading it off my shoulders. He nods as I lower the cups, then let it fall down next to me. Next, I shuffle out of my skirt and roll my stockings down my thighs, all while he’s kissing me. He grunts as he unbuckles his pants, dropping them before resuming his position on top of me. I gasp at the feel of him pressing against me and rock myself forward. I’m winding myself up to no end, the feeling almost too much for me to handle. I reach down and wrap my fingers around his thick cock. He groans as I stroke him, my fists tightening as I move up and down his shaft. He stiffens even harder, pressing against my entrance, then he thrusts inside.
He wraps an arm around my back and drives himself deeper inside me. I gasp, my body aching for him. I throw my head back as his tongue explores my neck, while he pumps his cock into me.
“Oh,” I groan.
I gasp as he fills me, my heart racing as he pushes further and faster inside me. I groan, my nails digging into his back as they drag along his skin. He winces and then looks deep into my eyes, like he’s getting off on the pain. He pushes harder into me, making my nails dig deeper into his skin as I groan. He grunts, kissing me roughly on the mouth.
“You feel fucking amazing,” he mutters.
My legs tense around him as his body jolts forward. He gasps, trembling as he releases. He rocks back and forth, kissing me as I come with him inside me. I whimper, my arms locking around his neck as I cling to him. He kisses my neck as I bury my face in his neck. With a dazed smile, I climb off him and lay down next to him on the couch.
His arms close around me, and I lay there, my eyes closed, just enjoying being so close to him.
“You okay now?” he asks me, still out of breath.
I nod and snuggle closer to him. My heart races as I try not to focus on the feel of his fingers as they stroke my back. I feel sick. Empty. Alone. I can’t stop thinking that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life by falling in love with him. The pit begins to form in my stomach again. I do my best to ignore it, but it’s stronger than I am.
I don’t want to think about anything else right now, other than this moment.
I open my eyes, blinking a few times to let them adjust to the darkness surrounding me. I feel around me, relieved when I realize that I’m still curled up on the couch. Rex’s arms are just as tightly wrapped around me as they were before I fell asleep. I glance up at him, almost relived that he’s not awake. I watch him for a moment and then carefully ease myself out of his embrace.
Getting to my feet, I’m not sure what to do with myself. It's early—barely four in the morning. I walk over to the kitchen
and make myself a coffee and then take it outside onto the balcony. Two minutes is all I last before I have to go back in to get a jacket, because I'm so cold. I sit down and smile. There's something so peaceful about sitting out here, staring up at the sky as the sun begins to break through the darkness.
The only bad thing is that it’s giving me way too much time to think. One word keeps coming back into my mind. Traitor. I sold out my father and the one thing he worked his whole life for.
God, my grandfather built this company, and I’m helping to destroy it.
I can tell myself all I like that without this takeover, the company will die anyway, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m selling out who I am. All people are going to see when they look at me is the woman who betrayed her father to get ahead. What I’ve been through to this point is irrelevant, because that's the legacy I've created for myself. I squeeze my eyes closed and hold my breath so he doesn’t hear me crying. I’m turning into everything I ever wanted to avoid. I’m turning into my father.
The thought makes my stomach churn. I glance down, wiping away the tears that are rolling down my cheeks. Why did I ever think I was capable of something like this? I’ve spent my life hiding from confrontation. I'm not strong enough for this. I lean my head against the brick wall behind me and close my eyes. At least I've got Rex. I smile and nod. He’s everything at the moment. I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing and that he has my best interests at heart, like he promised.
If I'm losing everything else, I can't lose him too.
Fifteen
Rex
It's dark when I get home later that night.
I spent most of the day with Shana, just the two of us. We didn’t do much other than enjoy each other’s company. It took a lot to convince her to call in sick, but I just wanted one day for us. One day where we could create some memories before I ripped us apart. I walk into the living room, hating the silence that fills my house, a reminder of how alone I am…or was, before I met Shana.
Shana.
I sit down, not bothering to turn on the light because I don't want to see. I don't want anything. Just her. She’s the only thing I stand to lose out of this merger, and the only thing I want. The way she looked at me when I promised to protect her...she’s relying on me. I’m the only thing she has if this thing sinks and the only thing she’s not going to want anything to do with. I told her to remember no matter what that I’ll help her, and God I hope she remembers that if—when—she finds out the truth. I just need her to remember that I will fix things if they fuck up.
Oh God, what am I doing?
She’s not going to remember that. When she finds out, that’s it.
I sit forward and hunch over, feeling like I’m going to be sick. I rub my head and force myself to my feet. Last night with Shana confirmed what I already knew. I'm in love with her, and I'm going to lose her. The worst part is that it’s my own damn fault.
But there is a way I can stop this. Tell her the truth.
No sooner than the thought enters my head, I counteract it with another one.
What the fuck am I thinking, even considering telling her the truth?
If I do that, I can be guaranteed that she will walk away from not only this deal, but me too. Then I really will lose everything. My promise to help her and leave with her after this will feel like nothing more than a slap in the face. I know deep down inside that I'm going to lose her, one way the other. She's going to find out, because the truth always comes out eventually. If she hears it from me, then there’s the slightest chance of forgiveness. But if I don't tell her, then I'll lose her for sure. My heart aches.
God, what the hell is wrong with me?
If I do that, then Matt and the board will have been right not to have faith in me, the requirements of the will not being met, and everything will be gone. Not just for me, but for my whole family. I snort. My family. Why do I even care what they think? What the fuck have they done for me, except make me feel worthless and stupid?
My own mother hasn’t called me in weeks. Neither has Nate, for that matter. Matt is the only person I’ve had contact with since this nightmare began, and even he only talks to me when he has to. My family still thinks I’m a joke. Do Mom and Nate know the real motivations behind Grandfather’s demand? Of course they do. They’ve probably had a good laugh over poor, stupid Rex who thinks he’s actually making a difference. Well, fuck them and fuck me for giving a shit.
The old Rex wouldn't have given a flying fuck what people thought of him. Why do I care so much now? What’s changed to turn me into this sensitive sap who cares what others think? There has been only one difference in my life…Shana. A month ago this would've been the easiest decision in the world to make, but that was before I fell in love. I laugh and run my hands through my hair. God, I'm in love with her.
My phone rings and I snatch it up, glad for the distraction from my thoughts, until I see that it's Matt. I think about not answering, but in the end, I’m curious as to what he wants.
“What?” I snap, answering his call.
“Tomorrow, be at the office by nine. You will be presenting our proposal to a select group of Denton board members,” he informs me. No hello or I’m sorry for being a dick. Typical.
“Fine,” I mutter.
Matt pauses. “Are you okay?” he asks, like yesterday never even happened.
I shake my head and laugh. His arrogance amazes me sometimes.
“Like you care,” I snap.
“Jesus, Rex. Stop taking this so personally, will you?” he sighs.
I stiffen, because only Matt has the ability to make me feel like an oversensitive pregnant housewife.
“You want me to stop….”
I shake my head and laugh, as my voice trails off. I can't do this now. If I let him engage me, I’m going to snap. I take a deep breath and stare straight ahead, putting my mind on autopilot.
“Whatever,” I mutter. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I end the call and toss my phone on a chair, then I stalk across the room and grab the bottle of whiskey hiding in my top shelf. I pour some into a glass and knock it back, cringing as it burns my throat. Then I pour myself another. Slowly, the pain begins to dull until after a few more, I can't even taste them as they’re going down. I glance at the bottle and shrug. If you ask me, this thirty buck drop doesn't taste that much different to Matt's precious thousand dollar bottle. In fact, I'd go as far to say it's smoother.
I lift the glass to my lips and drink, my fingers tightening around the glass. A wave of anger hits me, taking me by surprise and then I hurl the glass, yelling so loudly that I make myself jump. I breathe in and out rapidly, shaking as a thousand emotions race through me. I thought I'd feel better after that, but I don't.
There’s only one thing that’s going to make me feel better, and she’s going to hate me.
The rest of the evening passes in a blur of me trying to forget what's happening by consuming more alcohol than my body can handle. In the end, I'm still just as upset and angry, only now I’m going to have the addition of a killer hangover in the morning.
Oh well. It's probably what I deserve.
By two in the morning, I can't even close my eyes without the pain shooting through my head. I can’t sleep it’s so severe. Instead, I toss and turn for most of the night. I try to shower, but that doesn’t work. I drink as much water as I can handle and that does nothing. Nothing seems to be helping, not even when I bring up most of the whiskey and nearly all of what I’ve eaten that day. I curl up on the floor of the bathroom, unable to move away from the toilet, until eventually, I fall asleep.
I walk into the Harris building and stalk over to the elevator. I’m feeling better than I was expecting, given the night I had, but I’m in no way ready to lead this presentation. I frown and stab the buttons, impatiently waiting for the doors to open. I’m already running late, which Matt will be thrilled about, I’m sure.
I s
igh and try to compose myself. I think back to the other day when I was here and laugh. How did I go from being that happy and content, thinking everything in my life was perfect, to this? I get that things change, but in the space of three days? Matt’s revelation wasn't that much of a shock, because I should've known that my grandfather didn’t care about me. Nothing is ever easy in this family. There is always some underlying meanings and secrets waiting to be uncovered.
If I’m hurt by what’s happening, then it's my own damn fault for forgetting that.
Matt stands by the door of the conference room, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He looks visibly relieved when he sees me stalking down the hallway. He walks toward me, meeting me halfway, his relief giving way to annoyance.
“Finally,” he mutters “I've been waiting for you.”
“Yeah, sorry. I had a killer headache,” I mutter.
“Well, I hope it's better,” he says.
He frowns at me as he looks me over, as if having to show concern for my health is an unwanted annoyance. I look at him because his tone holds no sympathy at all.
“Thanks,” I mutter.
“They're all in there, ready to go,” he says, trying to edge me closer to the door. I shake my head, because talk about pressure. Why is this so important if they’re expecting me to fuck up? Or maybe this is part of that. “Are you confident that you can do this?”
I glare at him, because even if I wasn't, after that comment, I’d be doing it anyway.
“I can handle it,” I snap, determined to show everyone I don’t care what they think.
“What's with the attitude, Rex?” he asks as he frowns at me.
“Are you kidding me?” I growl. I laugh. Did I dream our previous conversation or something?
