by Lin Zhe
As might be expected, when the doctor was walking back home with the bowl of bean curd he was in excellent spirits and along the way he hummed a hymn. Then he looked up and saw the gate wide open. Oh, Second Sister’s back. I’ll just get her to lead me through making bean curd potage.
“Has the heroic mother come home now?”
Suddenly a policeman and a man who had the look of a cadre popped up from the Eight Immortals table. They must have come looking for Second Sister.
“Director Guo has gone to the district meeting and hasn’t returned yet.”
The policeman’s face was taut and grim as he said, “Counterrevolutionary element Lin Bingkun, you are under arrest!”
For so many years now no one had ever addressed him by name, so the doctor felt the situation must be rather serious. He put the bowl down. “Comrades, aren’t you making a mistake? I’m classified urban-poor.”
“Cut the gab and let’s go!”
“Now?”
“Get moving!”
The doctor thought about his having once worn a Guomindang army uniform, but that history had already been explained countless times. That was his ineradicable stain. Once I go away, will I be able to return? Oh Second Sister, you have just enjoyed a few days of happiness and now troubles are back again.
“I’d like to leave my wife a note.”
The policeman and the cadre glanced at each other and neither said yes or no to this. The doctor found some paper and a pen and wrote: “Second Sister, the government has come here to invite me to go to make a report on some problem. You know I back the Communist Party. Don’t worry, and take care.”
My grandma returned and opened the door. The house was totally dark. She supposed that Ninth Brother had gone to the church to chat with Pastor Chen. She lit the lamp and first of all saw the bowl of bean curd on the table. She wondered whether Ninth Brother was perhaps waiting for her to make bean curd potage for the pastor’s dinner invitation. Next she saw that note. Immediately she realized that a catastrophe beyond all redemption had descended on her home. In that instant it was as if she had plunged from the end of a cloud into a deep abyss. This shock was too great. All the other calamities she had experienced, homeless wandering during the War of Resistance, hunger during the gold yuan certificate days, were nothing compared to this. She didn’t know how the government would deal with Ninth Brother, but she had already been given the death sentence. The note that Ninth Brother had left for her was the written verdict of that death sentence. A sharp pain and a chill spread from the depths of her heart throughout her whole body.
3.
HOW OFTEN SHALL I sleep like this every night, waking up every few minutes? And every time I awake I plunge into fog and mist. Has something bad really happened to Ninth Brother? Second Sister reached out and felt for the icy cold pillow. It was the pillow that he had used for seven or eight years now and the embroidered flowers on it had worn off. She held the pillow tightly to her nose to smell his scent. And then awareness would come to her once again. It’s true, something bad’s happened to Ninth Brother. Oh, Ninth Brother, where are you at this very moment?
Sometimes she would kneel in prayer but just couldn’t help feeling perplexed. Is there really a God? O God, if you really are everywhere, why do you still let Ninth Brother suffer such injustices? Could it be this husband and wife still haven’t suffered enough in this life?
Opening the gate in the morning was the hardest thing. In those days Old Town folk did not close their gates during the daytime. If someone’s gate was shut and windows fastened during the day, the neighborhood would think that something had happened to that family. Beyond the gate was a vast ocean of shame and disgrace. Everybody would look at her with contempt and rejection. So all along this revolutionary army dependent was secretly a member of a counterrevolutionary family! And people would sigh over how complicated the class struggle was. In all the misfortunes she experienced in her fifty years, losing property and relatives had never hurt her dignity, a thing more valuable than life itself. But this calamity swept her dignity through the dirt. She thought of long-lost Third Sister. Over the intervening decades she had finally come to understand how her father felt at that time, unable to bear up under the shame Third Sister brought the Guo family. Could I then go on living if I had to wear the hat of a counterrevolutionary family member? Second Sister thought of dying. If a bullet ended Ninth Brother’s life, she couldn’t live one single day longer.
Ninth Brother’s message was “You know I back the Communist Party.” Yes, long before Liberation he backed the Communist Party. But he did, after all, wear a Guomindang army uniform. According to government policy he could be considered as having engaged in the old-line counterrevolution. It didn’t matter whether it was the old-line one or the current one, once you wore the counterrevolutionary hat, that was that. Could our three children’s joining in the revolution cancel out Ninth Brother’s crime? Though she had always possessed surpassing intelligence, Second Sister realized that she was actually extremely stupid. She couldn’t figure it out at all. She just couldn’t understand it. And the more she tried, the more mixed up she got.
That picture of her sending off Baoqing to war was still on the wall. Second Sister had the red flower in her hand and her smile was more eye-catching than the big flower. Every one of her tiny wrinkles proclaimed her happiness to the world. Beside that picture was the “Happy Family Portrait” taken in 1937 at the Drum Tower photo studio, before Ninth Brother went to fight in the War of Resistance. Who would have expected that out of the family of five, she would be the only one left? She stared blankly at the picture and over and over asked herself, Ninth Brother, you scholar, too weak even to truss a chicken, why did you have to become a soldier? They always said a good man doesn’t become a soldier. How could you have abandoned a perfectly good family to do just that? How much misfortune has that uniform you wore brought to this family? We managed to survive hairbreadth escapes from death and thought we’d seen the end of it all. Who could have known that the real disaster lay hidden all along until it fell out of the heavens today? Can we survive it again?
The gate had to be opened, even if she dreaded seeing anyone. She forced herself to comb her hair and dress neatly, and she was more selective about what she wore than when Ninth Brother was at home. To disguise her haggard expression, she put on a little powder. Every day patients came looking for Dr. Lin and if it were just small ailments like headaches or slight fevers, Second Sister would wrap up a few “Somedon” pills for them. “Somedon” was a new medicine and Second Sister saw it as an all-purpose balm. No matter where the pain was, you just took two of these. This attachment lasted until she was over ninety years old. She couldn’t tell Baosheng from Baoqing, but she still remembered to call for “Somedon.” She told everyone who came looking for the doctor that “Dr. Lin had gone traveling.” People would say, “Oh, he’s gone to see his daughter” or, “Oh, he’s gone to see his son.” To all of these people she just gave a vague smile.
Harder even than opening her gate every day was attending meetings. She didn’t know if she was still qualified to attend meetings, and in order to avoid awkward situations, she sent a leave request to the leader of the West Gate neighborhood. Above the residents’ committee was the neighborhood committee, and above that was the district committee. The bookstore “boss” who had earlier brought Baosheng into the Revolution was now the deputy district head. That same day, this deputy district head went to the neighborhood committee to check on its work. When he asked about “Revolutionary Mother” Second Sister Guo, the neighborhood leader gave a full accounting of her circumstances. The deputy district head then said, “I believe she can make a clean break from her husband. Her son is in Korea defending China and at any time might give his life for our motherland. We can’t see her as an enemy.” The neighborhood leader then asked whether or not to let her continue with her committee tasks. The deputy district head expressed no opinion on this matter. All o
f this occurred at the height of the political movement and even someone as highly placed as he had to be extra cautious. The neighborhood leader had even less dared lay a finger on such a sensitive case. They revoked the positions of two other committee cadres and shelved the matter of Second Sister. Therefore, around West Gate there was no news about Dr. Lin and everyone believed that he was off traveling somewhere.
Second Sister mustered up all her courage and opened the gate. Shuiguan jingled his bell as he flew by on his pedicab. “I guess Dr. Lin’ll be coming back soon? If he sends a cable with the date of the boat, I’ll go fetch him. He didn’t ask me to take him when he left. That’s not the way friends should be!”
“If there’s news, I’ll be sure to let you know! But before, when Dr. Lin went traveling, he never cabled when he would be coming home.”
“Dr. Lin’s kind of funny that way. Now with him gone, if you need anything, just call me!”
Then Shuiguan rode off, jingling away. As she watched him go, Second Sister thought, “Shuiguan, if you knew that Dr. Lin was a counterrevolutionary, would you still be this good to him?” She really thought of asking him directly.
Everyone would inquire about Dr. Lin. Second Sister knew that every word she said was a lie, but there was no way around it for her. The longer it went on, the more frightened she grew. You can’t wrap fire in paper. At any time the paper could get poked through, and how would you fix something like that?
The postman brought the newspaper and a letter from Baoqing. Second Sister looked calmly at her son’s letter and then spread the newspaper out on the dining table. She placed a magnifying glass on top of it and painstakingly searched for Ninth Brother’s name. As long as his name doesn’t appear in a newspaper, it means he is still alive. So up to today he is still alive and maybe even has been pardoned by the government. This was Second Sister’s last hope.
Far off in Korea, Baoqing somehow sensed that things had happened at home, for the last letter had been written by his mother. He didn’t ask about anything happening to his daddy but filled the letter paper with concern toward his mother. He said that she and he had gone through so many difficulties and dangers. “Ma, you took us through every step of the way. I don’t believe that anything could bring you down. Everything can become things of the past.”
Tears streamed down her face as she held up Baoqing’s letter. Just at that moment, Elder Sister arrived. She didn’t ask her younger sister why she was so brokenhearted. Probably she’s thinking of her son. Well, she herself was the one with the hard lot in life and she sat down and chattered endlessly on about her own troubles.
Elder Sister’s only son had been insane for several years now and her oldest daughter who had recently been admitted to university suffered another breakdown and was persuaded by the school to return home. Elder Sister thought all this was retribution for all the many evil things the Zhang family had done. “I am their mother. I never did anything wrong, so why should I be the one to be punished like this? Back then Daddy preferred you and gave you away to Ninth Brother and married me off to the Zhangs.”
Second Sister grew so irritated she couldn’t stand it anymore. “Elder Sister, I’m not in the mood to hear you go on and on about ancient disputes.”
Momentarily stunned, Elder Sister said in an injured tone of voice, “Now that you’re in the Revolution you’ve become an official and earned a lot of glory. I’m not worthy of being your older sister now.”
“Aiya! Elder Sister, can’t you see how upset I am right now? Elder Sister cast a glance at the newspaper framed on the wall. “Who told you to be so heartless in sending Baoqing to Korea? I hear that a man’s lifeblood can freeze inside him there. Would it have been worth it, trading a son’s life for a newspaper picture?”
“Don’t talk nonsense!”
“All right then. And what about Ninth Brother? I’ve been having fierce headaches lately. Please ask him to come over and treat me.”
“Ninth Brother’s away. He’s off traveling.”
“He’s gone to Shanghai, am I right?”
“Mmh.”
Elder Sister had just stood up. Immediately she sat right back down again. “Now this is really something. Ai, so many years have passed and he still hasn’t forgotten Shanghai. You’re very generous, still letting him go to Shanghai. But what would you do if he didn’t come back?”
Second Sister was clear about where Elder Sister’s crazy mind was headed, and just looked at her, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. “I have something I need to do. You stay here and read the newspaper.”
“Are you going to a meeting?”
“Mmh.”
Elder Sister clucked her tongue and shook her head. “And you still have the heart to go to meetings.”
Second Sister walked up to the church fence. She wanted to go in and tell Pastor and Mrs. Chen about what had happened at home and to ask them to pray for Ninth Brother. She hesitated for a moment, and then walked on. The pastor and his wife weren’t feeling very much at ease either. Enchun had married Huang Shuyi and troubles had been never ending over the past three years. Huang Shuyi was going everywhere in pursuit of her appeal, and several times en route to Beijing by train or ship, had been escorted back home by public security personnel. How could their Enchun have married such a restless and dissatisfied girl? He had risked his life for the Revolution, but now, after Liberation, why had he become so mute?
Second Sister passed by Little West Lake and without realizing it had walked right up to the neighborhood office. This startled her and she quickened her pace. Elder Sister said Ninth Brother had gone to Shanghai. Actually this wasn’t a bad pretext. Second Sister decided that evening she would write the three children and tell them that their daddy had gone to Shanghai. If Ninth Brother really had gone to Shanghai then it was all right, even if a woman was waiting for him there.
Up ahead were the commercial college and the Teachers’ Training College. Dimly in her mind she saw Baohua and Baoqing, each wearing their school uniforms, walking over toward her. How good it had been in those days. Second Sister sighed deeply. Perhaps Elder Sister wasn’t wrong in saying I shouldn’t have sent Baoqing to join the army. Baoqing isn’t headstrong like Baohua. If I hadn’t agreed to this he wouldn’t have gone. She felt deep regret over this, like a knife stabbing into her breast.
Just then a man pushing a bicycle came toward her. Second Sister quickly wiped away her tears and stepped to one side, but the bicycle kept coming in her direction. She looked up and saw a familiar face. They say that when a hard-luck type tries to drink water it sticks between his teeth. What you fear is what you’ll end up seeing. And if you are afraid of meeting someone you know, there’s no way you’ll ever avoid that person. Furthermore, this was no ordinary familiar person—it was Deputy District Head Bai, “Big Brother” Bai who had owned the bookshop.
“Aunt! It’s been a long time.”
“Oh, District Head Bai, greetings!”
“Don’t call me ‘District Head.’ I’m Baosheng’s friend, you know. He’s gone away to work, but we’re always in contact.”
Maybe he doesn’t know about Ninth Brother yet, otherwise he wouldn’t be this polite to me.
“Oh. Please keep helping him. Well, you’re busy, so I won’t bother you.”
Raising her hand in farewell, she turned around and walked away.
“Aunt!” Deputy District Head Bai called after her. “I know about Uncle’s matter. I will definitely look into this. You must believe that our party would not treat a good person unjustly.”
A good person? Did the district head say that Ninth Brother is a good person? Does that mean he doesn’t see him as a counterrevolutionary?
O God! O Lord! This is surely someone you have sent to comfort me. You know I am weak. You know I can no longer hold myself up. Stretch forth your hand and support me and don’t let me fall.
Second Sister ran into the thicket beside her and knelt down with her eyes raised to heaven. “O Lo
rd, I love you!”
She wept the whole way home and wept again at the Eight Immortals table right in front of Elder Sister. Elder Sister kept handing her hot towels and never stopped sighing. “You think you know a person, but you really don’t. I expected Ninth Brother would have forgotten Shanghai by now. Does he think about that child there? You’re to blame for sending the child away.”
In the midst of her sobbing, Second Sister began to titter and giggle.
Elder Sister thought, “Our Second Sister is done for!” Dropping a towel that had just been used she embraced Second Sister. “Oh, my wretched, unlucky sister!”
4.
MANY, MANY YEARS later, the secrets of the “Eliminate Counterrevolutionaries” period were no longer secret. My grandmother could take an audience’s perspective and relate from every possible angle the details of the play. Of course the tickets to this particular play were far too expensive. They almost “caused her spirit to depart on the execution ground,” and they deprived my mother and two uncles of their bright career prospects. To dispel the fog enveloping the Lin family, my two uncles worked like Sherlock Holmes for over ten years searching everywhere for “spider threads and horse hoofmarks.” But after endless complications and setbacks they were still unable to detect the chief culprit in all this.
Grandma wept tears of gratitude as she thanked heaven and earth for the deputy district head’s calling my grandfather a good man. Still, she didn’t dare entertain any extravagant hopes that this chance meeting could bring Ninth Brother back from the dead.
The deputy district head had heard Dr. Lin was suspected of being a special agent, but he let this go in one ear and out the other without paying it any mind. At noon on this day, he had taken some spare time to go home to see his mother, with whom he never had the chance to share a meal, being so busy with the current movement. However, after running into Aunt Lin on the way, he didn’t go home but pedaled to the district government building and went right into the “Eliminate Counterrevolutionaries” office. There he took out Dr. Lin’s file. The doctor had already been reported to the city government as an entry on the list of those to be shot. His crimes were his having been a Guomindang army officer and now a hidden special agent. In his file was a letter anonymously signed by “The Revolutionary Masses” that stated, “Previously Dr. Lin secretly slipped back to Old Town from the army with a special commission from the secret police organ in Chongqing. In Old Town he developed an underground anticommunist organization and, like a spider’s web, this organization has already spread to every corner of Old Town. On the surface he runs a medical clinic and treats patients, but in reality this is where he draws people into his organization. He has even managed to get his children inside the Communist Party.”
