by Sarah Kuhn
Scott had kissed me goodbye moments earlier and headed to the pre-wedding groom’s waiting area to get his spell ready and help Nate and Bea prepare the trap situation. We were setting up multiple traps, just in case Scott couldn’t pull the puppy out of the dresses and we needed to contain a bunch of them. Bea had used her tech know-how to devise a remote control system that would open and close multiple traps all at once. (And Evie had texted me the night before letting me know Bea might have consulted with a certain Sam Fujikawa about getting the mechanism just right. Not that she would ever admit that.)
I straightened my spine and told myself to stop shivering. I was ready for the puppy, the Bridezilla posse, all of it. And I was sure Evie was, too. But where was Evie? I glanced at my watch. 9:02. She was never late. Maybe she had wedding day jitters? Or Bridezilla zombie horde jitters?
I danced around, going automatically into my kickboxing footwork warm-ups, trying to keep loose and limber. The rotunda and surrounding area were eerily silent. Normally, the rotunda had a majestic quality, its sculpted pillars and beautiful arches and impossibly high, domed ceiling giving it a stately air. The lagoon that surrounded it on three sides was clear and blue and usually populated by a smattering of ducks. But today the stillness of the air and the lack of people milling about made it seem more ominous than awe inducing. It was almost like the whole place was holding its breath, waiting for the shit to go down. I scanned the whole area. Danced around some more. Still no Evie.
After fifteen minutes of dance-hopping, shivering, waiting, and giving myself a rousing pep talk, I was ready to abandon my post and go look for my missing best friend, when Nate lumbered up, his expression stormy. He looked handsome in his dark suit and crisp white shirt, but his hair was sticking out in several different directions and his features were tight with tension.
“Evie’s missing,” he said without preamble. He ran a hand through his unruly hair, mussing it further.
“Missing?” My heart sank.
“She was supposed to check in with me and the rest of the team before coming out here to meet you. But she never showed up. Bea’s been texting her, and Lucy and Rose are canvassing the area around here and by HQ, but no one can find her.” His hands balled into fists, his knuckles going white.
I gnawed at my lower lip, ignoring the chill in the air that seemed to be intensifying with every second, and shoved my jitters to the side. “I thought you guys planned to leave HQ together.”
“We did,” Nate said. “But she decided at the last minute she didn’t want me to see her in her dress before we got to the venue. Even if she checked in with me before coming out here, I would still be . . .”
“You would still be seeing her for the first time in her dress at the location where you’re getting married.” The idea was so sentimental, so Evie.
“She said she would find someone else to leave HQ with so she wouldn’t be traveling here alone, but I guess by the time she was ready to leave, everyone else had already gone,” Nate continued. “And now we can’t find her.”
“Shit.” The dread worming its way through my stomach intensified. Evie missing under normal circumstances would be cause enough for worry, but Evie missing during a supernatural crisis involving a bunch of Bridezillas that wanted to claim her for their own? That was disastrous.
“What do we do?” Nate said, shoving a hand through his hair again.
I exhaled slowly, surveying the scene. That eerie quiet still blanketed the space, but the air suddenly seemed thick with tension, with a sense that whatever was about to happen had just gotten a whole hell of a lot worse.
“If the Bridezillas and the puppy have taken her, I don’t think they’ll hurt her,” I said slowly, trying to imbue my words with more conviction than I actually felt. I gave Nate’s arm a reassuring squeeze. “She’s their queen, their prize. Last night they were trying to attack anyone they saw as a threat to her. It’s me they see as their enemy.”
“So they might still show up to confront you?” Nate asked. “And bring Evie with them?”
“Yes.” I shoved aside the knot of dread coiled in my stomach and tried to replace it with that trademark Aveda Jupiter steel. “And you know what? I’m gonna give them some extra incentive.”
It seemed liked the Bridezillas were big on keeping up with the internet even when they weren’t zombified, so I instructed Bea to send out a series of increasingly inflammatory tweets from the official Aveda Jupiter account, detailing my disenchantment with “my former best friend Evie Tanaka, who seems to have let all this bridal BS go to her increasingly swelled head.” And yes, I included plenty of photos of me in my white dress.
Then I stood in my original spot by the rotunda, flanked by Bea and Shruti. Waiting for the attack. We’d decided to have Bea try some of her reverse empathy on the mob, see if she could soothe them. Then Shruti and I would use our combined telekinesis/hair trap/ass-kicking powers to subdue the Bridezillas while Scott used his spell to pull the puppy out of the dresses and guide it into the traps, which Bea and Nate had set up around the rotunda. If the spell didn’t work—if the puppy was too bonded to the dresses—Scott, Shruti, and I would use our combined powers to rip the dresses off the brides and pull them into the traps. And Scott was still going to try to communicate with the puppy as best he could.
Rose and Lucy were acting as security, guiding early bird guests to a roped-off area to the side of the rotunda and keeping a watchful eye on them. Since Evie’s kidnapping had thrown off the timing of our plan, the hour of the actual wedding was fast approaching, and people had started to show up. All the usual Jupiter/Tanaka fans were on hand, and I’d seen Maisy and other local luminaries in the mix as well. I also thought I’d caught a glimpse of my parents arriving. We’d discussed evacuating everyone, but the crowd was just too unwieldy to do that safely, especially since we didn’t know where the Bridezillas would be approaching from. It would be way too easy for innocent wedding guests to get entangled with the horde. And anyway, their first goal, before they tried to attack anyone, would likely be to take me out. So I was hoping they’d basically ignore everyone else.
Everything was ready.
I was so ready.
But as the minutes continued to tick by, I couldn’t help but get restless. Where was the mob? What were they waiting for? And as I stared at my watch for the umpteen-millionth time, as the numbers switched from 11:58 to 11:59 . . . I got it.
They were going to arrive just in time for the wedding.
Sure enough, as the clock finally ticked over to noon on the dot, we heard it.
Snarling.
Groaning.
Growling.
Sounds wafting in from a distance.
Every muscle in my body tightened, every nerve in my being perked up. Shruti and Bea tensed up next to me, and I felt a pang. I wish Evie was here.
The snarling and growling intensified and then finally, they came into sight, a parade of rage forming on the other side of the lagoon. Carol, Gwen, Blonde, and Redhead marched shoulder to shoulder. They were outfitted in various vintage wedding dresses and their fascinators from the night at Curry On. They had attached veils to their fascinators, and the long trails of white gauze and netting whipped in the wind, making it appear as if they were marching under a beautiful, impressionistic cloud.
They waded into the lagoon, snarling all the way, splashing toward the rotunda. But where was Evie? I craned my neck, trying to get a glimpse of her. Then I froze. Because what came next was way more horrifying.
It started with the sound. The growling, the snarling, increased in volume, until it was as if a swarm of angry bees had descended on the rotunda. I resisted the urge to cover my ears.
The next wave of Bridezillas emerged, gathering on the grassy section, then wading into the lagoon.
And the next.
And the next.
There were ea
sily fifty . . . seventy-five . . . maybe a hundred of them. And they just kept coming. It wasn’t a squad. It wasn’t a posse. It was an actual Bridezilla army. And they were all headed for us.
The four Bridezillas from Evie’s bachelorette party had only been the beginning. In reality, every freaking engaged woman in the city was part of the horde. The puppy demon had gotten its hooks into tons of dresses.
“Lucy!” I bellowed. “Move the civilians as far away as you can!”
“Already on it,” Lucy called back.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lucy, Rose, and Rose’s team herding the crowd away from the rotunda.
“Get ready, girls,” I muttered to Bea and Shruti. “We got this. I know we do.”
In truth, I didn’t quite know that. There were more Bridezillas than I’d imagined and if the puppy/human combo had been able to glom on to Evie and bring her into its bizarre symbiotic ménage a trois . . . well, I didn’t know exactly what we were up against. But Aveda Jupiter could not crumple just as a battle was about to begin. Aveda Jupiter had to set a good example for her fellow kickass superheroines.
“Bea, start projecting that happy, soothing feeling now,” I said. “Shruti, do you think you can separate your hair into different sections—like, different ropes? Restrain as many of these ladies as possible?”
“I can try,” she said, giving me a grim nod.
“Let’s get eyes on Evie ASAP. Maybe I can use my telekinesis to sweep her to safety before the battle gets going.”
I took a deep breath and warmed up my mental feathers. We could do this. We had to do this.
“Well, well, well,” Carol screeched, as the bridal mob finally reached the rotunda, “if it isn’t everyone’s least favorite diva, Aveda Jupiter. Trying to make Evie’s wedding all about you again!”
“Or possibly even trying to flat-out steal Evie’s wedding,” Gwen chimed in. “Look how she’s positioned herself right in front of the rotunda.”
“And wearing white,” Redhead gasped.
They were moving in on all sides, surrounding us. I stole a glance at Scott. His face was twisted in concentration as he prepared his spell. He gave me a little nod. I searched the crowd of Bridezillas, trying to find Evie.
Where was she? What had they done with her? I’d been so sure they would never hurt her, but what if I’d been wrong? What if—
“Now, now, calm down, everyone. Annie would never try to steal my wedding.”
The voice pierced the air, sharp and clear. The words were pure Evie—generous and kind—but the tone was arch, sarcastic, mocking. Like her voice had been run through a blender.
The Bridezilla mob parted in the middle to allow her through. Their queen, Evie Tanaka, striding toward us with her head held high. Everything about her was regal, stately, and overdone to the point of being artificial. Her wild, curly locks were piled on top of her head in an architectural updo, hairsprayed into submission. Her makeup was a thick layer of bright colors. And of course, she was wearing the dress—the missing third version of the Marcus Wong—that extreme mermaid shape and bright scarlet trail of flowers curving over her body.
“Evie?” Bea squeaked out.
Evie flashed Bea a look like she was a bug, barely worth an iota of attention, then turned back to me. Bea seemed to freeze in place, her eyes filling with tears.
“Bea,” I murmured. “Go help Nate with the traps.”
She fled, casting one final terrified look at her sister.
“Really, Aveda Jupiter,” Evie said, enunciating every word. “I know you’re sickeningly jealous of me, but this . . .” She gave my white dress a disdainful once-over. “This is too much.”
“You’re possessed,” I said, the words clunking out of my mouth like anvils. “The puppy’s got its hooks into you. You don’t know what you’re saying—”
“Oh, I do,” she cut in, her eyes flashing. “And I’m relishing every word. I wouldn’t call it possessed. I would call it liberated.”
My fists balled at my sides, clenching and unclenching. We hadn’t prepared for the possibility that the puppy and its Bridezilla posse would actually capture her. Now we had to improvise. One of the Bridezillas to my left snarled and I jumped. Better get to it before Queen Evie ordered them to attack.
“Go for it, Shruti,” I murmured under my breath. “But isolate Evie in her own separate hair trap, okay?”
“You got it,” she said, her tone grim.
Her hair shot outward: long, powerful tendrils unfurling and wrapping themselves around the Bridezillas in groups of five to ten at a time. They hissed and snarled, struggling against the iron grip of Shruti’s hair.
I concentrated hard, sending my mental feathers spinning outward to reinforce the restraints around each group of Bridezillas. I could feel them fighting me, pushing back, trying to get free. I could feel Evie fighting hardest of all.
“I can’t believe you, Annie Chang!” Evie shrieked, training her gaze on me. Her eyes were unnerving, intense yet strangely blank. She wriggled against her hair bonds, struggling to get free. I saw her trying to raise her hand, the hint of a flame forming.
“Shruti!” I gasped.
“On it,” she said, curling her hair tightly around Evie’s fists, encasing them so she couldn’t get the fire going.
Evie glowered at me. “I’ve kissed your ass for years, but you can’t even let me have one freaking day that’s about me.”
“It’s still about you,” I insisted, not sure why I was trying to placate a possessed version of my best friend. I couldn’t help but think the real her was in there somewhere, that this was the unfiltered version of how she really felt, deep down inside. “I tried to give you everything—”
“Ha!” She spat out a harsh sounding laugh. “You’ve never given me anything. You just take. You’ve taken everything from me since we were kids and then the moment I tried to take a little bit of it back, you couldn’t stand it. You really can’t take not being the star.”
“That’s not true.” And despite my efforts to keep my voice level and my focus on helping Shruti hold the Bridezilla army in place, I felt my cheeks get hot, heard my words shake, felt my telekinetic hold wobble. “I want you to have everything good in life, I want us to be true co-heroines, I’ve told you that, and any recent weirdness is me trying to figure things out. Trying to figure myself out.”
“Seriously, Aveda,” shrieked Carol. She was struggling hard against Shruti’s hair bonds, her face pink with exertion. “Just shut up and let Evie talk for once! She’s the one we want to hear. She’s our classic bride, the one who’s going to take us back to the old ways—”
The other Bridezillas echoed her, chanting “the old ways, the old ways,” a cacophony of creepy, too-loud voices echoing off the walls of the rotunda. Evie didn’t join, just looked around at them regally, like . . . well. Like a queen. Surveying her subjects. As they chanted, their struggles against Shruti’s hair bonds and my telekinetic hold seemed to surge, grow more frantic. They were fighting us off in earnest now. I tightened the grip of my mental feathers. Sweat beaded my brow and pain danced around my temples. I’d never tried to maintain a hold for this long, on this many things. And I was betting Shruti wasn’t accustomed to holding an entire freaking bridal army in place with her hair. I cast a sidelong glance at her and saw that she was also starting to sweat.
“Scott . . .” I called out.
“I know,” he said, his voice strained. “I’m working on it, just give me a minute.”
“We got this,” I murmured to Shruti. “Just a little longer.”
“Ohhhhh, I’m sorry,” the possessed Evie shrieked, letting loose with a cackle. “Is the great Aveda Jupiter actually not perfect at something? Despite spending a million hours in the gym and another million doing her hair? Despite working her whole life toward one pathetic goal, only to see her mousy best frie
nd come in and take everything from her just like that?” Her eyes glittered as a malicious smile spread across her face. “Of course, I already took the most important thing, didn’t I? Way back on prom night. I don’t know why you were so surprised. Of course Scott chose me over some ice queen bossy-ass bitch whose own parents can barely stand her—”
“I know that’s not you,” I said, through gritted teeth. “I know it’s the puppy controlling you.” It was getting hard to do anything—even speak—beyond concentrating on maintaining my hold. It was taking every bit of energy I had, draining all my resources, turning me into a sweaty, aching mess, a mass of cells and nerves and blood that was barely human anymore.
“Or maybe it’s more me,” she taunted. “Maybe it’s the me that was always meant to be, the me that’s been dying to come out for years, the me that was always too good to be your best friend.”
Her eyes flashed as I winced. She knew she’d gotten to me. I blinked hard against the tears that were, despite my best efforts, gathering in my eyes and focused on holding the Bridezillas in place. But possessed Evie was relentless and I felt my hold wobbling further.
Shit. Fuck. I couldn’t maintain this much longer.
“You were right, Annie, I don’t need you. I never did. Nobody does. All your whining about not knowing who you are: Aveda Jupiter, Annie Chang . . . who cares? Nobody can stand either one of them. Nobody needs either one of them. I’m the one who took down Shasta, I’m the one everyone loves, and I’m the only reason anyone tolerates you in the first place—”
“Annie!” Scott yelled. “The spell . . . it isn’t working!”
