I pulled into the intersection and backed up, angling my car toward her apartment.
It was Jess.
As many times as I had told Cade I wanted nothing to do with her, being face to face with her tonight had brought back too many memories to ignore.
I could never get back together with her after she’d turned to my brother.
But after everything she’d been through tonight, I couldn’t turn my back on her, either.
When I reached her apartment complex, I pulled into the parking spot that I’d just vacated. I killed the ignition and sat quietly as I scanned the grounds, wondering what I should do.
It was late, and she was probably putting Joseph to bed. Maybe turning around had been a bad idea.
But she’d looked so tired.
I yawned and stretched my arms over my head.
Hell, I was here.
I got out of the car and walked back to her apartment. Staring at the door, my devil and angel argued with each other as I contemplated knocking.
For once, the angel won.
Making sure I was centered in front of the peephole, I waited patiently. After a couple of minutes, I heard the door unlock, and then it popped open. She peered at me through the slit in the door. “Did you forget something?”
“No.” I studied her face, and even though the lighting was dim, I could tell she was upset. My traitorous hand reached out and wiped away a tear. “You’ve been crying.”
“I think I deserve a good cry after the day I’ve had.”
“Yeah, I guess you do.”
“I’m really tired. Was there something I could do for you?” She opened the door a little wider and reached up and grabbed her ponytail, dividing it into two sections and pulling it in an attempt to tighten it. It was lopsided, and several strands of hair framed her face, having long since escaped the hairband.
I exhaled, having no script ready. I didn’t really know why the hell I was here.
“You just seem like you might need a little help. I thought since Cade and Seren aren’t available at the moment….”
“What?” she asked incredulously, pointing at me. “You’re volunteering your help?”
“It’s a long drive back to Creekview. Maybe I could crash on your couch, and we could talk about things in the morning.”
She angled her head downward, rubbing her forehead, before she finally met my eyes. “Of course you can crash on the couch. I’d still be in jail and Joseph would be God knows where if it weren’t for you.” She took a step back and opened the door wider. I stepped inside, and she closed the door behind us, locking the deadbolt. “Let me get you a blanket and a pillow. I’ll be right back.”
Once she left the room, I sat on the sad-looking couch, noting that it was just as uncomfortable as it looked.
A couple of minutes later, she returned with a faded comforter and a pillow. “It’s not very pretty, but it’s clean.”
“It’ll work.”
She turned and headed toward her bedroom. As she reached the entrance to the hall, she paused and wheeled around to face me. “Thank you for helping me today.”
I gave her a slight nod.
“You want me to turn the light out?” she asked, her fingers hovering at the switch.
I fluffed the pillow and planted it on one end of the couch. “Yeah, go ahead.”
The instant she flipped the light off, a nightlight flicked on, casting a soft yellowish hue in the room.
She watched me a moment in the hazy light as I kicked off my shoes and stretched out on the couch.
“Good night, Pax.”
“Good night.”
Chapter 4
Sit-ups
Jessica
Joseph’s restlessness during the night made it obvious that he still didn’t feel well. I gave him another dose of medicine in the wee hours of the early morning, and it did give him a short reprieve from his fever, allowing us both to rest for a couple of uninterrupted hours.
The first rays of the sun seeped around the curtain as I gently rocked him. He wanted to be held, and I was more than happy to oblige if it meant he would have a few moments of tranquility. I yawned and let my eyelids droop until they closed, the soothing movement of the rocker tempting us both to a plane somewhere just between being awake and asleep.
Just when slumber beckoned me and I began drifting to unconsciousness, he stirred, rubbing his face into my chest and tilting his head back until he emitted a frustrated cry.
I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to cry, too. And just when I thought I might, I forced myself to stand and head toward the kitchen to fix his bottle.
As soon as I opened the bedroom door, the smell of coffee permeated the air. Light spilled into the darkened living room, and instead of finding Pax on the couch, I saw the pillow with an indention where his head had lain and the comforter discarded in a crumpled heap.
Movement caught my eye, and I realized Pax was on the floor doing sit-ups, wearing nothing but his dress slacks. The light from the kitchen was just bright enough to make out his defined abs, and seeing his physical beauty was just one more reminder that Pax was older now. He’d always been athletic, but when we were teens, his body didn’t have the same definition that he now had. I swallowed hard, surprised just how much seeing him like this affected me.
He pulled into a seated position and paused, lowering his hands that had been touching each side of his head. “I made some coffee.”
The aroma promised caffeine wasn’t far away, and it actually breathed life into me as I inhaled it. Joseph squirmed in my arms, and Pax rose to his feet and grabbed his dress shirt, pulling it on and fastening the buttons. He walked into the kitchen, and I followed him. He poured two cups of coffee.
He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, making it stand on end. “I’d like to say I remember how you like your coffee, but when we were together, you never drank coffee.”
“Sugar and a little milk,” I said just loud enough to be heard over Joseph’s fussing.
He opened the fridge and grabbed the milk while I snatched the bottle I had already filled.
Pax poured a dab of milk in my coffee, added some sugar, and stirred it.
“Could you hand me a pot?” I asked, pointing to the cabinet that he was blocking.
He opened the door, grabbed a pot, and handed it to me. With Joseph balanced on one hip, I filled the pot with water and heated it. I opened the cabinet and took out a bowl.
“So what’s your plan?” he asked.
“I’m going to feed Joseph and check his fever. If it’s not better, then I’m going to take him to the doctor.” I tested the water in the pot to see if it had warmed enough, and then, I poured it in the bowl and set the bottle in it.
“I meant what’s your plan about your eviction notice.”
I breathed in and exhaled. “Right now, I just want to worry about getting Joseph well.”
Pax moved our cups of coffee to the table, and he sat down while I waited for Joseph’s bottle to warm. “I understand that he’s your top priority,” Pax said, “but if you don’t handle this eviction notice now, then the two of you are going to be on the street. You do understand that, right?”
“I’m not an idiot,” I snapped, struggling to hold on to Joseph as he squirmed and screamed. Frustrated, I checked his bottle. The chilled formula had warmed to room temperature, and as soon as I held the nipple at Joseph’s mouth, he latched on and quieted.
Despite my outburst, Pax sat quietly, sipping his coffee.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m just under a lot of stress at the moment.”
“Does Cade know?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Cade’s helped me too much already. Once he married Seren, I refused his help, even though he and Seren both offer it often. After the whole incident at your parents’ house, I didn’t want to cause them any more trouble.
“I thought I would be fine because I could start back to work. It turns out I’m stuck b
etween a rock and a hard place. I can’t take him to daycare when he’s sick, but it seems like he’s always catching something from daycare. I don’t have anyone to watch him, so I have to stay home from work. And even though my bosses are really understanding, I don’t have any sick pay. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid.” I stirred my coffee and took a sip, feeling the warm liquid flow through my body. “I miss my mom,” I whispered, fighting the urge to let emotion take me over. I wanted to be strong for Joseph, but I was exhausted. I rubbed his tiny hands as they clutched the bottle. I’d wanted to be such a good mother for him, and I couldn’t even keep a roof over our heads. I felt like a total failure.
“I’m sorry about your mom, Jess. If she were here right now, she’d tell you when the flood waters come, you have to keep your chin up.”
A slow, sad smile crept across my face. “Because I’m not a fish, and I can’t breathe underwater.”
Pax nodded, remembering the words my mother told me time and time again when I became overwhelmed with school or life in general. “Unless you’ve mutated and grown a couple of gills since we were together,” he said.
“Afraid not. You’ve seen the eviction notice. If I don’t start swimming to shore, I’m going to drown.”
His hand lay close to mine, and when he scooted it closer, allowing his fingertips to brush against my pinkie, I was shocked, and I had no doubt the look on my face indicated as much.
“It’s okay if you need someone to throw you a lifesaver every now and then,” he said, his deep voice surprisingly soft, gentle even.
The air rushed from my lungs, and I struggled to breathe it back in again. The last time I had seen Paxton Mayfield was a few months back. Even though in that one encounter I realized I had never stopped loving him, I could see the hatred spewing from his eyes. Unable to withstand his look of disdain, I’d turned and fled before he had a chance to say anything, before his words could slice through the thin layer of armor I’d built around my heart.
The fact that Pax had agreed to help me had given me the first rays of hope I’d seen since our horrible breakup. The fact that he would offer me words of encouragement now, during one of my loneliest and bleakest times, overwhelmed me with emotion, my insides turning to mush while I struggled to maintain my composure in front of him. I didn’t trust my voice to speak, so I just locked eyes with him and gave him the slightest of nods.
He slid his hand away from me and cupped his coffee mug. “Maybe you could talk to the landlord. He might work with you until you get caught up.”
“Tried that. It’s a management company, and they told me if they made an exception for me, they’d have to make one for half their tenants and they’d be out of business. It sucks, but they have a point.”
“And I assume you don’t have any money to get everything caught up?”
I stared at him. “If I had any money, I wouldn’t have tried to steal a bottle of medicine last night.”
“That’s what you were stealing? Medicine?”
I breathed in again, shame burning through my body as I swallowed a good dose of humiliation.
“I didn’t want to steal it,” I defended myself. “But Joseph needed it, and I didn’t have any money. I was going to go back after I made some tips at work and pay for it.”
“Damn, Jessica, are you serious? And the merchant had you arrested, anyway?”
“Well, it was illegal,” I reasoned on behalf of the merchant. “I knew better, but I was desperate.”
“Do you do this often?”
I lowered my face until my forehead hit my outstretched palm. “No, it was my first time.”
“Well, you’re obviously not very good at it,” he informed me.
I glared at him. “I would assure you that I’d get a few pointers from some of the pros next time, maybe look up a how-to video online or something, but there’s not going to be a next time, so I don’t have to worry about whether I was good at it or not.”
He grinned, revealing a flash of straight white teeth. It was totally unexpected and caught me off-guard. He had scowled at me for so long that the transformation pinned me immobile. I could do nothing but soak in his appearance, his dark, disheveled hair, his angular jawline shadowed by a day’s hair growth, which contrasted sharply against the brilliance of his teeth. Despite the fact that his dress clothes were crumpled from a night’s sleep, some strange part of me thought that he had never looked more handsome than he did in this single moment of time.
“Relax,” he said, his voice sounding almost playful. “I was just kidding.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a civil conversation with Pax, let alone the last time he had joked. If it wasn’t for the fact that my actions could have a negative impact on Joseph, I could almost think it was worth being arrested just to sit here with Pax, to see him actually smile at me.
It had been so incredibly long.
I studied his face, noting how much more manly he seemed now than he did when we’d dated. We were so young then, fresh out of high school and ready to take on the world.
“I never thought my life would turn out like this,” I said, the melancholy of all the things that had gone wrong weighing heavily on my shoulders. “I’ve done things that I never thought I would do.”
“Everybody has regrets, Jess. They’re just one ingredient in the recipe of life. It takes everything, the regrets, the victories, the failures, the successes, and a whole lot of in-between to make us who we are.”
“I’m not even sure I like who I am.” I didn’t know why those words slipped from my mouth. Maybe I was too exhausted to think rationally. I had certainly done some things I wasn’t proud of, but when I looked at Joseph, who was now falling asleep in my arms, his lips relaxing in sleep and releasing the nipple, I knew that if I could be proud of any one thing in my life, it was my baby.
Pax frowned, and I had a sneaking suspicion the frown was directed at me. Had he already returned to the old Pax? “What?”
He glanced up at me. “Nothing.”
“What?” I asked again. “Why are you frowning at me?”
He shook his head. “We can’t go back and change the past.”
“And you would want to?”
He stood abruptly. “I’ll rent a truck,” Paxton said, the tone of his voice hardening. “We’ll pack your things, and you can stay with me until you figure out what you’re going to do. Cade and Seren should be back soon. I’m sure they’ll help you.”
“I can’t do that.” I pulled the bottle from Joseph’s lips and set it on the table. “Let me lay him down,” I said softly, not wanting to wake him. Pax said nothing, so I turned and took Joseph to my bedroom, laying him on the bed and creating a soft barrier to hold him in place. I laid my hand across his forehead, noting that he seemed much cooler.
I rejoined Pax in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, his face away from me. I watched him quietly a moment, his broad shoulders stretching against the fabric of his dress shirt, smoothing some of the wrinkles. “Like I said, I can’t do that.”
He turned and looked at me, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the counter. “Why not?”
“I don’t want to interfere with Cade and Seren’s marriage. There’s no room for a third wheel in their relationship.”
“There’s no room for a third wheel in any relationship,” he snapped.
I knew he was referring to our relationship from long ago. I almost reminded him that he was the one who had ended it, but there was no point in rehashing it. Instead, I used his comment to my advantage. “Then you understand why I can’t exploit Cade and Seren’s kindness.”
I took a sip of coffee, and he strode back to the table and sat down. “You can’t stay here. The marshals will come and force you to leave.”
“And you care, why?”
His brows shot down into angry slashes. “Things between us can never be what they once were, but I’m not totally heartless. I can’t go home knowing yo
u and your baby will be out on the street in a week’s time.”
“I can go to a shelter.”
“Yeah, you could.” His chest rose as he took a deep breath, studying me like he was ready to throttle me. “Is that really what you want?”
It wasn’t, but I didn’t tell him that.
“And if you have to do jail time when you go to court for shoplifting?” he asked. “Who’s going to watch Joseph then?”
Good grief. I hadn’t even considered that. He had a point, and I couldn’t come up with a good answer. “Are you saying that if I come home with you, you’ll watch him if I go to jail?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m saying if you go home with me and you need another emergency babysitter, you have more options in Creekview than you do here.”
I didn’t have many choices. He knew it, and I knew it. Returning to Creekview was the best thing I could do for Joseph’s sake.
“What will I do with my furniture?” I asked.
“My apartment’s small. We’ll have to put it in a storage unit.”
“I can’t afford that. Honestly, none of my furniture is worth much, anyway. A college student moved in across the hall. I’ve only talked to him a couple of times, so I don’t know him very well, but he did tell me he moved here from Wisconsin with virtually nothing. He might want whatever I can’t take with me.
“If you’re serious about letting me stay with you, then I’ll go talk to him.”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t serious.”
“Okay, then. I’ll be right back.”
I walked across the hall and knocked on the student’s front door. It was still early on a Saturday morning. If he was anything like I was when I was in college, he would still be sound asleep.
To my surprise, he opened the door fairly quickly.
“Hey, neighbor.” He grinned, revealing teeth that weren’t terribly crooked but hadn’t been straightened by braces, either. His long hair was pulled into a messy man-bun, and I thought it was a toss-up on which of us looked the most unkempt.
“Did I wake you?”
His grin widened. “You can’t wake someone who hasn’t been to sleep yet.”
Betrayed (Whiskey Nights #4) Page 4
