He blew out a breath. “Jess, you know I’m not prepared to say….”
“I know,” I said, quickly cutting him off. I didn’t want to hear him say the words out loud. Rising to a sitting position, I cupped his cheek in my hand. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen, and I knew that his physical appearance was probably enhanced even more by the strong emotions that filled my heart every time I looked at him. I’d been drawn to him since I’d first lain eyes on him, and my feelings had intensified in a very short amount of time. Paxton was the love of my life. Up until now, anyway, and it was difficult for me to imagine feeling this way about anyone else.
But my circumstances had changed, and I was no longer a lovesick teenager. I was a mother now, and Mrs. Mayfield had been right. I would do what was right for my son.
“It’s okay, Paxton. You’ll always be my first love, but sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t. I think it’s too hard for all of us while we’re living under the same roof. The lines between friends and something more keep getting blurred, and my biggest fear is that Joseph will somehow get caught in the middle of whatever it is we’re doing. I’m a mother now. I have to do what’s best for him.”
He smoothed my hair from my face, his thumb tracing a line along my cheek. “I know.” He kissed me, his lips soft and gentle. Pulling away, he rested his forehead against mine. “I know.”
It was a kiss that defined our status—a goodbye kiss of sorts. We were friends, nothing more.
Paxton
I strode toward my parents’ room. My relationship with Jess had been complicated enough without my mother trying to control it with her lunacy. Knocking a little harder than necessary on the door, I took a step back and waited for them to open it.
My dad opened the door and waved me in. “We’re going to grab a bite to eat. You want to go? We asked Evan, but he was snacking on grapefruit. Said he wasn’t going to eat until after tonight’s event.” He shook his head. “I have to say he’s really been dedicated. Not sure I could have been disciplined enough to eat nothing but healthy foods.”
“No, thanks. Where’s Mom?”
“Right here, dear.” Fiddling with her earring, she popped her head out of the bathroom.
“Why the hell would you say all that shit to Jessica?”
My dad raised his eyebrows and his mouth parted slightly. I wasn’t surprised to see that he had no idea about my mother’s antics.
“She’s not good for you, Paxton.”
“It’s no concern of yours.”
She gasped. “What happens to my boys will always be my concern.”
“No, it won’t. I’m not twelve, and I don’t need you butting your nose in my business.”
My dad spoke up, “What did you do, Cheryl?”
Before my mother answered, I filled my father in on my mother’s conversation with Jessica.
“Honey, they’re grown men. They’re perfectly capable of handling their own affairs.”
My mother rolled her eyes as she smoothed the skirt of her sleek black dress. “Jessica’s like a leech, trying her damnedest to attach herself to one of our sons,” my mother told my father.
“I’m going to say this one more time,” I warned my mother. “And I’m going to say it the nicest way I know how. I appreciate your concern, but you have to let me decide who I date. You cannot, under any circumstances, have anymore conversations with the women in my life like the one you had today with Jessica. If you can’t keep the conversation focused on friendly small talk, then don’t say anything at all.”
She took a deep breath and looked at me. “It needed to be said.”
“No, it didn’t,” I assured her, quickly approaching my wit’s end. “And anything that does need to be said will be said by me, not you.”
I shifted my feet. “And why did you call her a stripper?”
“Because she is.”
“No, she’s not.”
“She doesn’t work at a strip bar?” my mother asked, looking at me pointedly.
“She’s not a stripper. Where are you getting your information?”
“Rachel said she saw Jessica walk out of a strip club and make a phone call. She said she was half-naked.”
“Rachel?” Why would Rachel be at a gentleman’s club?
“Yes, Rachel.” My mother pointed at me, her eyes wide. “Now that’s the girl you should be dating. She has a college education. She’s smart and a whole lot prettier than Jessica.”
“Cheryl.” My dad’s voice held a warning, but my mother’s eyes only flicked to him for an instant before they were focused back on me.
“You remember how you were so happy to inform Jessica that I didn’t want children?” I stared at my mother until she answered my question.
“Yes.”
I narrowed my eyes at my mother. “You do know that Rachel wants children?”
“At least with Rachel, they’ll be your children. Not some ready-made family. Believe me, it’s not easy raising someone else’s child. I should know.”
My mother was referring to the fact that Cade was born because of my father’s extramarital affair. Growing up, Cade had always gotten the brunt of my mother’s frustration.
My dad walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
“Way to go, Mom. Why don’t you stop trying to pick fights with everybody? Let the past be the past. Let me handle my own business. If you could do those two things, it would make life a lot easier for you. Today is Evan’s day. He still has the show tonight, so why don’t we all just focus on supporting him?”
She slowly nodded. “Fine.”
“Then I’ll see you at the show tonight.”
I left before she could say anything else.
So Rachel was the culprit. It answered one question but created several more. I wanted to wait a bit before discussing it with Jess. I wanted her to have a chance to calm down, and I wanted to digest it before I brought it up to her.
Right now, I thought it would be best if I spent some time with my younger brother.
After meeting up with Evan in his room, we snacked on fruit since he was sticking to a strict diet. He popped a slice of grapefruit in his mouth. “I cannot wait to pig out after this competition is over.”
I bit into an apple. “Just pretend like you’re eating a piece of chocolate cake.”
“Yeah, because they taste exactly the same.”
I chuckled. “Tell you what, when it’s all over with, I’ll buy you a whole cake.”
“Deal,” he agreed.
“Your poses looked really good today. Whether you win or lose, I just want you to know that you’ve done a really good job.”
He bumped fists with me. “Thanks, bro. I feel pretty good about it so far. I think the show tonight will be a lot more fun and a little less stressful.”
“Definitely. It’d be pretty sweet if you won, and I heard some positive news about my articles.”
“How did the pitch go? Did the editor’s response even hint at whether he was interested?”
I shrugged. “Not really, but we did have a good conversation, so I’m hopeful.” I took another bite of apple and swallowed it. “What’s the worst thing that can happen? He’s not interested, and I’m no worse off than I was already, right?”
“Right.”
As we finished eating, we discussed the prejudging event, and then our conversation turned toward the night show. “If you look half as good at the night show as you did at the prejudging competition, the ladies will be flinging their panties at you.”
He grinned. “Not a bad perk. And if I don’t win, a pretty lady wouldn’t be a bad consolation prize.”
I laughed. “No, it wouldn’t. And speaking of pretty ladies, I should probably go check on Jess.”
“I’ll see you tonight, then. I think I’m going to head down to the lobby and find some of the other competitors. Mom and Dad should be getting back soon, too.”
I headed out the door. “All righ
t. See you tonight.”
I stopped by the bar and picked up a couple of club sandwiches and drinks before I headed to my room. Jess had just finished feeding Joseph. “I brought you some lunch.”
“That’s sweet, but I’m not really hungry.”
I set her sandwich down beside her. “Come on, Jess. You need to eat. We’ll get out and take a walk before the night show starts.” I handed her a drink.
She took a sip. “I don’t think I should go to the show.”
I scoffed. “Don’t let her win. This is for Evan, not my mother.”
“That’s true, I guess.” She opened the sandwich and took a small bite.
Pleased, I unwrapped my sandwich and bit off a mouthful. Damn, I was starving, and I felt sorry for Evan who’d been eating light.
“So I know why my mother thinks you’re a stripper.”
Jess looked at me in surprise and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “You’ve already talked to her?”
“Yep.”
“So what did she say?”
“Apparently, Rachel saw you coming out of the club one night to make a phone call. She noticed the way you were dressed, made her own assumptions, and was all too happy to relay every last detail to my mother.”
She groaned. “Cross your heart?”
I held up my hand as if I were pledging an oath. “If I’m lying, I’ll personally hand you a needle to stick in my eye. Or better yet, you can stick it in my mother’s eye.”
“I’d prefer Rachel’s.”
“That works, too.”
Her pretty face scrunched into a frown. “Why would she be there?”
“I don’t know, but she’s next on my list.”
“It’s like she’s made it her personal mission to harass me,” Jessica said. “Maybe she’s hoping to get me fired from that job, too.”
“I have to admit, I think Cade was right when he told me she was crazy.”
Jessica’s eyebrows shot up. “You think?”
“I’m sorry. From Rachel’s point of view, the timing of when you showed up at my apartment is a little suspicious. I’ll talk to her.”
“I’m starting to think maybe I need a restraining order.”
“I wouldn’t talk you out of it.”
Her gaze lowered to the floor, and I kneeled in front of her, framing her face with my hands as I gauged her level of distress.
“I don’t need any more trouble,” she whispered.
“I know. I’ll talk to her.” Despite the fact that we had just declared once again that we would be friends, I had the urge to kiss her.
I leaned in toward her, but she braced a hand against my chest to stop me.
“Please don’t,” she whispered. “If you come any closer, I’m terrified that I won’t be able to stop myself, and if the two of us aren’t what’s best for Joseph, then I need to put an end to it.”
Reluctantly, I honored her wishes. I stood and held my hand out to her. “Come on, we’ll take Baby J for a walk.”
Exploring the sidewalks of Atlanta turned out to be just what we needed. We could forget everything else for a little while and concentrate on easy conversation and the simple enjoyment of the afternoon as we stopped for an ice cream cone.
Joseph had us both laughing at the faces he made as he licked the soft serve ice cream, and by the time we returned to the hotel, we were all in a better mood.
We got ready and met Evan downstairs before the night show. Jess hugged his neck and wished him luck as he went to find Mom and Dad, so he could chat with them a moment before he headed backstage.
We sat with my parents during the show, but I intentionally worked it out where my mother and Jessica would be on opposite ends of the seating.
My mother videoed the competition, while my dad and I discussed Evan’s performance. I could tell they were both proud of him, and in that instant, the drama from earlier was momentarily forgotten. When the posing finished, they started announcing the winners.
Jessica squealed beside me, her eyes focused on the contestants on stage. She crossed her fingers. “Come on, Evan,” she whispered. They called out the winners of fifth place first, followed by fourth.
After a round of applause, the announcer began speaking again. “Third place goes to Evan Mayfield.”
Even though he didn’t win the overall event, I let out a shrill whistle as my brother walked up to accept his third place trophy. For his first event, I was pretty damned pleased that he took home third.
Even though the judges hadn’t deemed him the winner, the women screamed loudly for him as he held up his trophy.
If nothing else went right this weekend, I was at least glad it had been a success for Evan.
Chapter 14
Cardiovascular
Paxton
As I sipped on a beer at the next Mayfield meeting, I contemplated just how much closer I had become with my brothers now that we had dedicated time to just the three of us. All week long, I would file back little tidbits I could discuss with them on Thursday evenings, and we had discussed Jessica’s ideas for the gym. Both of my brothers thought they were worth pursuing.
More and more, I found myself relying on their advice and not just about business.
“I know it was my rule not to talk about women, but I’m wondering if we can throw that rule out, at least for the evening. Hell, maybe even for good now that Cade is married. If you get divorced, we can always reinstate it.”
Cade shook his head vehemently.
“You don’t want to set the rule aside?” I asked.
He rolled his beer bottle between his palms. “No, I mean I’m not getting divorced. Seren is it for me.”
“So neither of you have any objections to eliminating the no-talking-about-women rule?”
“I have no reason to object,” Evan said.
“I’m good with it, too,” Cade agreed, “as long as we save plenty of time to discuss the SEC and hunting.”
I set my bottle down on the coaster and rubbed my palms together. “All right then. What do y’all think about Jess?”
Cade leaned forward and glanced past me to Evan. “I don’t know what you think, Evan,” he said, as he turned his gaze on me, “but Pax, you’re ugly as hell and selfish as sin.” His lips curved into a grin. “I think you’re damn lucky that the girl has the hots for you, and you should capitalize on it ASAP before she changes her mind.”
The ugly as hell part didn’t faze me a bit. All three of us looked like we had been cloned from our father, so I couldn’t possibly be any uglier than Cade. The selfish part—well, I knew I was selfish, and that one was like driving a stake through my heart. I rubbed my close-cropped beard, thinking if I wasn’t a selfish person, I wouldn’t even be discussing Jess with them. Things would be a hell of a lot easier.
Cade lightly punched me in the arm. “Man, I was just kidding.”
“I know, and I’ve always confessed to my selfish side. Hell, it’s the reason I never wanted kids.”
“Are you rethinking that?” Cade asked.
I took a sip of beer. “You remember when you came to talk to me a few months ago and you had your own concerns about being a father?”
“Of course I do.”
“I think maybe I understand how you felt then.”
“Okay, being a dad hasn’t even crossed my mind yet,” Evan said. “So this one will be for the two of you to hash out. But as far as Jessica goes, I like her.”
Cade slid his cap off his head and turned it around backward. “It’s kind of like you told me. It’s one of those things that you have to answer for yourself, but if it helps, I think once you work your way through the confusion, there’s a moment of clarity where you know what the answer is.”
I closed my eyes. “Shit. I wish that moment would hurry up and come. I’m driving myself insane.”
“You can’t see yourself with her? Long-term, I mean?” Cade asked.
“Hell, I don’t know.” The truth was that I couldn’t discuss all of
my concerns with Cade. Even now, I pictured her in his arms on occasion. I knew it was a long time ago, and I knew they both claimed things weren’t as serious as I originally thought. But that didn’t stop my insecurities from gnawing at my gut.
“We’ve settled on friendship, but being friends with a girl who gives you a hard-on at every turn sucks big time.” I groaned. “Probably not the best choice of words, but you get what I mean.”
“I’ve got news for you, brother.” Cade tapped the counter in front of him. “You will never be happy just being friends with Jessica. You’re eat up with that girl. Always have been. You either need to give her everything you’ve got or you need to let her go. There’s no in-between for you.”
I didn’t have to analyze his words to know that he was right. I loved her. I’d always loved her, even when I had told myself the opposite. The question for me was whether I could assuage my insecurities and whether I could ever be selfless enough to put the needs of a child ahead of my own.
I wanted her. But what about Joseph? Could I ever be what was best for him?
“You’re thinking too much,” Evan said. “Just go for it.”
He made it sound simple, but as far as I knew, no woman had ever gotten her hands on his heart. I was going to memorize his words and replay them for him when he met the one woman who drove him completely insane, yet commanded his every thought.
“Yeah,” Cade agreed. “What Evan said.”
We sat in silence a few moments, each of us taking long pulls of our beer.
“Now that your problem is settled,” Cade said, “I’ve got one of my own.”
I motioned toward our younger brother. “Well, we have Evan here to give us sound, meaningful advice. So let’s hear it.”
A sheepish grin crossed Evan’s face as he turned his attention to the beer bottle in front of him.
“You know Seren and I are trying to have a baby.”
I nodded. Seren made no secret of the fact that she wanted to be a mother.
Cade took a deep breath. “We just found out that she’s not pregnant again.”
“Y’all haven’t been married that long.” I counted on my fingers. “It’s been less than six months, right?”
Betrayed (Whiskey Nights #4) Page 18
